Look at Me
A Code Geass Fanfiction by Schia Reed
Disclaimer : Sunrise... (I'm tired of writing disclaimer TT)
Warning : Shounen-ai...Run away, you homophobic!
Summary : The English version for the Indonesian Look at Me. Rollo, Lelouch, and Suzaku are reflecting their feelings about their triangular relationship.
--
Lelouch Lamperogue
The only name which always repeated in my mind. Not only his name. His face, his body, even his voice...
"Your happiness is with me, Rollo"
His words are very deep for me. I cannot forget them. I don't know why, but they really calm me, who never knew the words LOVE.
What the hell is Love?Happiness?Family?
People seems to like those words. But for me? They are nothing. Just empty. Meaningless. But him, even though he knows about me and my mission, he still receives me warmly. He's the first person. The first person who gives me happiness. And the only one who teaches about Family, Hope, and Future. He's the only one who is willing to do it for me.
For his sake, I can forget about my mission. All my missions are unimportant now. As long as he is with me. I only want to be by his side and help him. He is the only one for me. Everything.
But, it's only for me. Not for him.
I know it. I know that those violet eyes are never for me. He does look at me. But he looks through me. He sees me as another person. Not me, Rollo Lamperogue.
"Nunnally..."
That name. That girl's name. He said those name with his soft small lips. He sounds very sad...his voice is full with longing...I only able to see him who's sleeping on the bed. I don't know what happened between him and that girl in their meeting. Whatever happened, the only thing I know that he is very sad. He used to look peaceful in his sleeps. But not now...
'Please, look at me, nii-san!Didn't you say that we are family? Didn't you say we are brothers, even though it's a lie?Why don't you really accept it?The one who's beside you is me, Rollo! Not even Nunnally, nor others!'
Well yeah, we are not real siblings. It's all lie. But didn't he say that those days we went through were true?
Yes, I know it. In his heart, Nunnally is still his number one sister. However hard I tried, or how much I'm jealous with her, it won't change Nunnally's position in his heart. I will always be a stranger who tries to be his brother. That locket...The one you gave me in my 'birthday'...You'll give it to Nunnally instead if you can, right?
'Then, Lelouch, if I can't be your real brother, can I have another special place in your heart? The same place where you steal it from me...'
I don't know when did it start? Maybe since our meeting in the school basement? My heart beat fast each time I see him. I start to see him more than a brother...
But, still I can't. I know. I know instantly from his eyesight that there's already someone in his heart. A specieal irreplacable someone.
"Suzaku..."
Another name slipped from his lips. Suzaku Kururugi. The Knight of Seven, one of his archrival. His eyes and his voice were very sad and hurt each time he said his name. But when they met again, I can see love from each of them, even it was only for a split second. I've been building a tower of hope for Lelouch's love. But it fell down instantly when I see how much he loves that brunette.
I can't replace Suzaku. Again, I lost for twice...
Now I know, after a deep instropection, that I won't be able to get a special place in his heart. Maybe I don't have a right?
'Then, if you answer me with a 'yes', I'll receive it. I won't try any harder to enter your frozen heart. But, if you allow me, I only want one thing.'
'Allow me to be by yourside forever. And to love you...'
--
Rollo
Maybe I pity that young boy a little. He never knew what's family and love. He never get parental love. Maybe because of that, he never knew what is happiness, or hope. He knows nobody who's willing to give those to him. He's often smiling. But only his lips. Not his eyes, not even his heart.
I am angry at him. Does he think that he can replace Nunnally? Stupid. Very stupid. Nunnally is the only one. My only siblings. But I can't simply hate him. I can see into his heart that he's actually only a child who is longing for love and affection. I can't just throw him away.
"Don't say weird things. Aren't we brothers?"
All the promises and sweet words I gave him are lie. Only because I want to keep living. Yes, I'll use him as my pawn to find Nunnally. I'll use him.
But, I don't know why, slowly I feel that those fake words started to have a meaning in my heart. Is it possible for me to gain affection towards that boy?
Whenever I'm alone, he's the one who accompany me. Whenever I'm sad, he's the one who comfort me. He's the one beside me. Not Nunnally.
"I'll be with you forever nii-san"
Is that true? Everyone I like always disappeared from me. Mother, Nunnally, Shirley, Euphimia, Suzaku. Won't he be like them? But his eyes...They seem very serious. For a moment, I felt something in my heart.
But, no! I have to stop it! I only need Nunnally as a siblings. I don't need Rollo. I've got to stop this feeling. I've got to stop opening my hearts to him more than I have. If not...Maybe he'll steal that special place in my heart.
The place which is only belonged to Suzaku.
Suzaku Kururgi.
It's really painful for me to remember him. Why? Why do we always cross each other's path? Why did he sell me to my own father? Why he chose Euphie over me, even though he said he loves me? I have a lot of 'why?' for him...
His eyes used to be clear and honest. Especially when he said he loves me. Those kind eyes have melted my frozen heart. But now, those eyes were very cold. No longer kind.
After the Black Rebellion, I though that I've forgot him. But, when he suddenly reappeared in front of me, with a innocent face, that feeling comes again.But now, it is accompanied with hatred...
He is the one who took Nunnally away from me. My only sister. My only one, instead of he himself.
"Rollo, your way of holding knife is wrong. Let me teach you."
I could see his expression when he saw me holding Rollo's hand. Was that jealousy? Or maybe hatred for me, who killed Euphimia with my own hands? I secretly hope that it was jealousy.
Come back Suzaku, please, come back to me. Leave Euphie. She's dead. Give me your smiles, hugs, and warm kisses. Just like how it used to be. I really miss you, Suzaku.
'I only love you, Suzaku. Only you.'
--
Lelouch Lamperogue
Your beauty never changes. You are still beautiful as ever. Even if I haven't met you for 1 year. Maybe that's why you look more beautiful for me. Your face is still the face I fall in love with, but in the same time I hate.
"I won't kill you, Lelouch"
Yeah, I can't kill him. I just can't. Even if he has killed Euphie, my dearest friend and the one who I want to protect. My love for him is too big. That's why I brought him to the emperor, instead of killing him.
Maybe forget everything will be better for him. He'll be happier without those painful memories of Marianne, Nunnally, and Zero. He'll be happier if he become a normal person. Even though my heart will be broken because he'll forget our memories for 1 year, I'm fine. Because this is the best for him.
Does he ever know, that I'm being tormented for this whole year? I'm hurt every time I think about him smiling and laughing without me. I'm tormented because I'm afraid he'll leave me for someone else. Especially after I see the growing affection between him and Rollo.
"Rollo, your way of holding knife is wrong. Let me teach you."
I was very jealous when I saw him and Rollo in the kitchen. Lelouch's hand was holding Rollo's. Did he do it on purpose? Did he do it to make me hurt?
I guess not. His memories shouldn't have returned. He should think about Rollo as his brother.
I really wanted to barged in and snapped Rollo's hand. I really wanted to claim that his white hands are only mine. Either his body, and his love.
If you ask me, I really don't want Lelouch to get back his memories. I don't want to fight him twice. Moreover, kill him.
But Lelouch, I do hope you to get your memories back. I want you to answer me. Why did you kill Euphie? Even though Euphie killed those Japanesse, there must be something wrong with it. There are too many questions I want to ask. But, the most question is, can our relationship be back like how it was?
'Lelouch, I miss you. I really want you to touch you, hug you, kiss you. But I don't know if I can. Those past memories always hunt me...'
Fin
A/N : I got the idea after watching Code Geass R2 ep 5 and 7. I think it'll be interesting if they have a triangular relationship. And after all, I want to torture Suzaku, who left Lelouch, his uke (hehehe...). I have the Indonesian version for this one, so if you are Indonesian (or understand Indonesian), please check it out.
Review please! I love you all...