I wanted to finish Raoul's Experiment but Dana Bahn invaded my head. Feel free to wait for the last chapter of Raoul's Experiment if chronological order is important to you.
Mes pensées s'envolent vers les Français en ces jours sombre. J'ai hesité à afficher ce chapitre qui s'approche trop de la realité. Puis j'ai réflechi; si l'on cesse d'être creatif à cause de la peur, la terreur a vaincu. Ai No Kusabi est une histoire tragique, mais pour moi c'est avant tout un récit d'amour et d'espoir. #prayforparis
WARNING. You have seen the original. This story is not book canon. It blends into the original anime.
HEAVILY TRIGGERING for major character death and suicide. Suicide is not romantic. If you ever feel suicide is your best option, seek help immediately.
...
It surprised Katze how, in the end, everything happened so fast.
After months and months of feeling the fragile balance of their quiet happiness teetering, it all came smashing down in a matter of days.
In a way, it was a relief. Katze's stomach had been constantly knotted forever.
Anticipation of something about to go wrong was a low hum, vibrating annoyingly somewhere behind his eardrums.
Every rumor of Jupiter being unhappy with Iason sparked a cold sweat. Every smoldering look Riki sent him might be the last. Every precise invitation on his com-unit and every time the bracelet buzzed to life had Katze peering into the shadows, wondering if it was a trap.
It was exhausting as fuck.
Enjoying every sacred encounter with gut-chilling clarity, Katze was all too aware of how fragile their blissful situation was. Katze had seen too much to be innocently happy; having finally made peace with Iason and himself, Katze couldn't get over the feeling that it was too good to be true.
He couldn't decide if it was paranoia or realism that itched just under his skin. Katze's life became a series of brilliant golden moments, strung on a thin string of hyper-vigilance.
...
Despite having expected it, the swiftness of the final fall still took Katze's breath away.
It seemed that one moment he was chugging along, getting ready for a quiet evening. The next minute, he was receiving the report that had lurked in his nightmares; Riki had disappeared.
Kidnapped.
The looming sense of inevitability that had been grinding away at the shadows of Katze's mind exploded with a roar of foreboding.
Shit!
Katze's hand trembled as he forced himself to pick up his com-unit and alert Iason personally.
This was it!
It was the end.
...
Actually, it was only the beginning of the end, Katze soon realized.
The next days flashed by in stark over-exposed hyper-realism. Katze witnessed the unravelling of everything he held dear. It was a strange thing; watching your life ending and knowing that this was it, yet at the same time being absolutely incapable of stopping the trainwreck.
For Katze, listless nostalgia alternated with futile explosions of effort to change the inalterable. It was hopeless, yet he couldn't stop trying; couldn't stop hoping.
Once, when he was a gangly over-zealous kid in Guardian, Katze had tripped and overturned a bucket of paint. The horror he'd felt back then was multiplied ten-fold now. Destiny slid slimy and cold through his fingers, the black pool spreading, spreading; all their efforts only smeared it into a bigger mess of smudged grey fingerprints.
The tracer in Riki's pet ring unbelievably wouldn't work.
Katze set to work, tirelessly pulling strings in his vast web; trying to source out clues to the kidnapping. Doing his best to help his Master.
Iason.
Iason took Riki's abduction bad. He took it even worse than Katze had anticipated.
Katze had first held hope that Iason would be able to remain logical, to move past Riki's absence and find a neat solution.
And yes, the Blondie held his emotions in check with ruthless efficiency.
Made himself untouchable, deflecting Katze's shy attempts to console him.
Iason's control was impeccable. It was his undoing.
It only served to contain the blackness inside of him.
Katze watched helplessly as Iason grew soooo brittle; walled himself in ice and froze his gorgeous features into forced stillness. Every minute that he suffered, Iason thickened his armor; plugged every leak and kept it all in.
Iason was drowning on the inside, without a sound.
It made him reckless.
Iason did not care about consequences to himself- he never had. His sole motivation became finding Riki and somehow, impossibly, keeping him safe.
Iason weighed the option of going to Jupiter for help.
Jupiter's ressources were far greater than even Katze's. Iason knew this. He also knew that the AI would no longer be able to ignore how changed her favorite Blondie was. Perhaps, he thought, hoped, dreamed, Jupiter might appreciate the novelty of his discoveries.
Feelings.
Hurt.
Worry. So much worry now.
This was not like Riki running away. Or like Iason giving him the illusion of being back in the slums.
There was an unknown factor, a dangerous hateful purpose, that was tearing Iason apart.
Iason couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't anything while his precious Pet was taken. Everything paled in comparison to the thought of Riki lying somewhere cold, hurt and... not dead.
Iason did not allow himself to process that possibility. Riki was not dead.
The helplessness was killing Iason.
Waiting was intolerable.
Iason needed to do something, anything, to help Riki.
He made the decision to go to Jupiter.
...
It was a gamble - one that Iason lost.
Jupiter did not care about a mongrel, even if the First One held the delusion of being enamoured with it. She refused to mobilize ressources to find it. Iason was washed in sub-atomic waves of her disappointment in him; artificial disapproval and what was as close to anger as Jupiter could come. The intimate communication was so strong it should have brought him to his knees.
It didn't.
Iason did not care about his position, or Syndicate, or rules, or his Mistress. At the moment, Iason only cared about Riki.
Riki, whose absence was excrutiating.
Iason would find him, with or without Jupiter's help. No other option was satisfactory.
Iason thickened the skin of ice around himself.
He was unbreakable.
He would find Riki.
Raoul's sad eyes almost managed to melt through the coccoon Iason had drawn around himself. Almost.
...
When the phone call came, short and unhelpful, Iason did not hesitate one second.
He was a doomed man; his name was tarnished.
He did not care.
There was hope that he might still save Riki.
Iason left alone, without informing anyone.
A vengeful angel, going down in the flames of his forbidden love.
...
Katze was not expecting Raoul to be in his office when he returned from what had seemed a promising lead but was actually useless drunk gossip.
"Raoul." Katze stopped just inside the door, steeling himself. It couldn't be good news, if Raoul was here. He wasn't even supposed to know of the secret place...
Raoul's pretty face was grim.
"Iason went to Jupiter." The Blondie told Katze.
Fuck.
Katze stilled. Reigned in the urge to punch something. The filmy sense of doom that had been haunting him knitted itself viciously through his bones. The low note of anxiety crescendo'd to a howling melody.
Iason was compromised.
There was no going back. Even if Riki was found...
Raoul watched the mongrel absorb the information and rapidly piece together the implications. He had been right about Katze, had been right to come warn him. The mongrel was ressourceful. Perhaps he might still help Iason?
Katze did not waste precious time with useless questions such as how Raoul knew.
"What now?" He asked, in a dull voice .
"Jupiter has set a re-calibration time for Iason." Raoul confirmed his worst fears.
Katze inhaled.
"Tonight." Raoul added.
Katze did not exhale. He held the breath until his head spun. The voice of despair was now an ear-piercing screech that just would not stop silently resonating in his skull.
Time.
Tonight was too soon!
They needed more time.
Katze was dangerously close to panic, thinking Iason would be erased. Erased without seeing Riki one last time. Katze had let him down. He hadn't found Riki.
He had no doubt Iason would not protest Jupiter's order, stupidly proud. Like Riki. Iason would not flee. He would walk to the neuro-modulator with his head held high and no regrets, unlike the snotty pleading criminals who were normally forced in.
Raoul could not guess exactly what was happening behind Katze's shuttered expression. But he knew enough, having just lived through it himself, to realize he needed to snap him out of it. Raoul stepped much too close to the thin human and slid gloved fingers into Katze's hair. Hard.
Fisted his fingers in auburn and forced Katze's head back to look at him.
"I have resigned." The Blondie said calmly.
"You... what?"
Raoul repeated himself.
"I promised Iason that I would not tamper with his personality. I meant it. I have resigned from my post as First Physician and Head of Medecine as soon as the request to re-calibrate Iason was made."
Fuck. Katze was speechless. The ringing note obliterating his thoughts echoed to a halt.
"Jupiter must wait until Council tomorrow to elect someone new to the position. Only then will the recalibrations proceed." Raoul continued.
Raoul's fathomless green eyes searched Katze's amber ones.
"Find Riki." He urged. "You have a day. Find Riki... for Iason."
"What about you?" Katze's voice was small. An image of Raoul's comfortable office flashed in Katze's mind. Raoul loved his work. He had no pairing partner, no Pets. Raoul lived for his work.
And he'd given it all up for Iason. This was a blow Katze had not foreseen. He had known for a long time that Iason and Riki, even himself, were doomed. He'd gotten used to it.
Raoul though, Raoul was Blondie. He was untouchable. He... was Iason's friend. Of course, Raoul was involved. Fuck, why had Katze never thought...
He hurt for the tall man.
Raoul shrugged, rogue hair sliding over his face.
"Jupiter is not happy. I am the second Blondie to betray her in a day. Friendship is not programmed into us, anymore than loyalty or love. Now she must recalculate if all her Elite are compromised."
"Perhaps she will spare me." Katze read in Raoul's eyes that he did not really think she would. For some reason, Raoul was trying to appease Katze.
Raoul would be just as impeccably proud as Iason, when he went to be recalibrated. Fuck fuck FUCK!
There wasn't a thing Katze could do to change fucking anything!
Raoul's thick eyebrows twisted. Raoul and Katze shared a heady glance, spiked with understanding of shared pain.
"Find Riki for Iason." Raoul said, his hand clenching hard enough to bruise on Katze's upper arm.
"Find him. Time is running out."
...
Katze was idly staring at his screens a few hours later. Where are you? he screamed silently.
Come on Riki, where are you? Can't you hear the clock ticking? Where...
The emergency beacon in the watch Katze had given Riki activated.
YES!
Katze raced out of his office.
Maybe, just maybe, there was still time.
...
The fanfiction word limit strikes again! Deep breath. Please carry on.