Title: The Only Gift
Author: Kentra Shinataku
Anime: Gundam Wing
Pairings: 5+2, 2+3+2
Archive: http://www.deathandpassion.vze.com
Category: Angst
Warning: angst, ficlet
Disclaimer: i don't own anything. get over it.
**********
Christmas Eve, again. It was the same as it had always been since the war had ended. The holiday would never be like it was when he was a child. His direct family hadn't been particularly religious, and they had picked qualities of many of the faiths drifting around the vast variety in the colonies to celebrate, Christmas being one of them. It wasn't to honor the birth of Christ, just a friendly gesture of kindness and happiness.
Wufei had never really thought that was the right thing to do, but he still loved the holiday. There were get-togethers and joy all around, even during the worst times, and when things got a bit too chaotic for him, he could easily slip away with a good book and nobody would notice he was missing amongst the company.
He just wasn't used to spending Christmas alone, even ten years later. He knew he needed to get on with things; he had lived through the battles and had been rewarded with the peaceful life he now lived. He wasn't exactly taking advantage of that gift. His eyes had always lingered on another gift, one that had drifted beyond the grasp of his fingertips.
The savory scent of gong bao ji ding {1} drizzled lightly throughout the air as it cooled, just like his mother used to make on Christmas Day. It had been sitting for quite a while and he had absolutely no intention of eating it.
People just weren't _meant_ to be alone on Christmas, he decided. For so long, all he had wanted was to be left alone. And then... then he had grown up, and he realized that being alone was the worst punishment that he could have bestowed upon himself, even if he did deserve it after all he had done. Now, especially during this season, he dreaded the silence that waited for him, lurking in his poorly furnished apartment when the day's work was done. He often took as long as possible getting home, just because he didn't want to be greeted with the nothingness that had come of his ineffectual life. He hated the loneliness that had consumed him.
He didn't want to believe that he had wasted ten Christmases longing for the one gift that was out of reach. The only gift he wanted was Duo.
Flames bit at his fingertips while he watched the match being devoured in the gathering of involved oranges and reds. He had forgotten he was lighting a Christmas candle until the flame had trickled onto his skin.
He and Duo had been very close. Duo had even called him his best friend, time and time again. Years later, Wufei realized disgracefully that his own snappish mannerisms had prevented something, anything, more that may have come from their openly friendly relationship.
December 20th of the second year since the fighting, Duo's smiling face had appeared on the screen of his vidphone, inviting him to a New Years Eve celebration... in the home that he shared with Trowa. Wufei had gracefully declined, knowing that seeing them happy together would tear him up inside. Duo had called every year for the same reason. Except this year. Perhaps he could take a hint. Perhaps he thought Wufei didn't care. Perhaps he thought that he had offended Wufei in some way.
Whatever he thought, his wildest dreams couldn't have conjured the love Wufei held for him.
**********
1. a Chinese course, diced chicken with peanuts. Never had it, but I was looking for something that may have been what Wufei's family could have eaten. *shrugs*.
Author: Kentra Shinataku
Anime: Gundam Wing
Pairings: 5+2, 2+3+2
Archive: http://www.deathandpassion.vze.com
Category: Angst
Warning: angst, ficlet
Disclaimer: i don't own anything. get over it.
**********
Christmas Eve, again. It was the same as it had always been since the war had ended. The holiday would never be like it was when he was a child. His direct family hadn't been particularly religious, and they had picked qualities of many of the faiths drifting around the vast variety in the colonies to celebrate, Christmas being one of them. It wasn't to honor the birth of Christ, just a friendly gesture of kindness and happiness.
Wufei had never really thought that was the right thing to do, but he still loved the holiday. There were get-togethers and joy all around, even during the worst times, and when things got a bit too chaotic for him, he could easily slip away with a good book and nobody would notice he was missing amongst the company.
He just wasn't used to spending Christmas alone, even ten years later. He knew he needed to get on with things; he had lived through the battles and had been rewarded with the peaceful life he now lived. He wasn't exactly taking advantage of that gift. His eyes had always lingered on another gift, one that had drifted beyond the grasp of his fingertips.
The savory scent of gong bao ji ding {1} drizzled lightly throughout the air as it cooled, just like his mother used to make on Christmas Day. It had been sitting for quite a while and he had absolutely no intention of eating it.
People just weren't _meant_ to be alone on Christmas, he decided. For so long, all he had wanted was to be left alone. And then... then he had grown up, and he realized that being alone was the worst punishment that he could have bestowed upon himself, even if he did deserve it after all he had done. Now, especially during this season, he dreaded the silence that waited for him, lurking in his poorly furnished apartment when the day's work was done. He often took as long as possible getting home, just because he didn't want to be greeted with the nothingness that had come of his ineffectual life. He hated the loneliness that had consumed him.
He didn't want to believe that he had wasted ten Christmases longing for the one gift that was out of reach. The only gift he wanted was Duo.
Flames bit at his fingertips while he watched the match being devoured in the gathering of involved oranges and reds. He had forgotten he was lighting a Christmas candle until the flame had trickled onto his skin.
He and Duo had been very close. Duo had even called him his best friend, time and time again. Years later, Wufei realized disgracefully that his own snappish mannerisms had prevented something, anything, more that may have come from their openly friendly relationship.
December 20th of the second year since the fighting, Duo's smiling face had appeared on the screen of his vidphone, inviting him to a New Years Eve celebration... in the home that he shared with Trowa. Wufei had gracefully declined, knowing that seeing them happy together would tear him up inside. Duo had called every year for the same reason. Except this year. Perhaps he could take a hint. Perhaps he thought Wufei didn't care. Perhaps he thought that he had offended Wufei in some way.
Whatever he thought, his wildest dreams couldn't have conjured the love Wufei held for him.
**********
1. a Chinese course, diced chicken with peanuts. Never had it, but I was looking for something that may have been what Wufei's family could have eaten. *shrugs*.