Well hey ho!!!! This is My first Janet fan fic and this is Stephanie plum!!! She (Janet) is one of my favourite authors!!! And I hope you enjoy my story!!! F.Y.I im a ranger girl J

I don't own the Stephanie plum series…..unless SOMEONE will give it to me…;)

Men are like monkeys, feed them, and they are happy. A happy monkey will do anything .

Im Stephanie Plum, and I currently have two happy monkeys in my life at the moment. Joe Morelli, is my on off boyfriend- currently off. And Ranger, my protector and mentor.

And when things get worse- I have a third monkey- Diesel, but he's off somewhere chasing his cousin down.

I live in a small apartment, and my only room mate is my hamster Rex. I live in New Jersey, so that makes me able to eat- a lot. I work as an apprehension agent, for my cousin Vinne. Vinnie had special relationships with ducks and men with boobs.

And right now I was at the bakery's counter trying to choose a donut.

"okay ill have that jam one." I pointed to a sugar coated one.

"Nuh-uh you white people got no sense. Il take the double chocolate one and the cream filled one." that's my friend Lula. She's a former ho' and she still looks the part. She's plus size, and wears clothes that are too small for her. She fits them like a condom. Right now she was wearing a bright purple spandex dress that stops short just before her ass cheeks. She wore her pink six inch heels, and her hair was currently bleach blonde. Little kids ran when they saw Lula.

"Your having two!"

"Yeah well after getting shot at I need some donut therapy" we just tried to bust Danni Levoso- but it didn't work and we got chased off by a shot gun and an angry sleepy man.

"I hate guns."

"That's only because you don't got one." she pulled her glock out of her purse.

"Put that back we're in a public place!"

"Okay, don't get your panties in a bunch." we paid the donut lady and left. We got into Lula's firebird and five traffic lights and three donuts later, we were at my apartment.

"Thanks ill see you tomorrow."

"Yeah im busting that white boys ass!"

"he's Mexican."

"Don't be racist." she drove away and I resisted the urge to sigh.

I took the stairs as a penance to my donut. I do this a lot. I unlocked my doors- not that it made a difference. Everybody broke in. I opened my door and walked in. my apartment had a small foyer, an ugly kitchen with a fridge empty of everything but hamster food and peanut butter, a living room and my bedroom that is en suite. And it does get blown up easily. I walked over to Rex's aquarium and tapped on it. He poked his head out of his soup can and looked at me. Once realising I had no food for him he went back into his can.

"Smart hamster." I said to myself.

My cell phone rang in my pocket.

"Hello."

"Your grandma is driving your father crazy."

"Hi mom."

"Please she was trying to call spirits with candles and she set the curtain on fire. And then started chanting and wont stop! Your fathers looking at the baseball bats now!"

"ill be over in ten minutes."

"Thank you, ill make you some pineapple upside down cake." I disconnected and left my apartment locking up. My grandma mazur lived with my parents in my childhood house in the Burg. She moved there when my grandpa mazur ate his way out of his sixties. When she moved in my mom had to lock away my dad's power tools- for good reason. They hated each other, and every morning they fought over the bathroom place. I looked for my car in the parking lot. I just got a rusty and battered ford escort. One of my back windows is covered in duck tape because a hobo broke in and decided to make it a home.

I walked around the lot and didn't find it. I definitely drove it here. I took out my cell phone and called Ranger.

"Babe."

"Hi can you tell me where my car is- I… misplaced it." I could hear a smile.

"Hold on." I waited no more then thirty seconds before he was back.

"Its in down town Trenton. Did you leave it there?"

"Nope."

"Ill check it out. Im sending tank to give you a car in the mean time." he disconnected. Ranger had tracking devices on all my cars as well as his.

This always happens to my cars. They get blown up or stolen. I waited in the apartment foyer for tank.

I saw two black- rangers cars are always black- car stroll into the lot and I went out. Tank got out of the car. Tank was a mountain of muscle, he was rangers right hand man.

"here." he handed me the keys. I thanked him and we parted ways. I got in the jeep loving the new car smell, and the leather seats. I started the car and rolled out of my parking lot.

Well that's all for now because I want to know if you like what im doing!!! Yes someone is aiming for Stephanie…but who?? And why??

The review button stole your grandma, so press it!!!! J

thank you!!!

xoxox