Hey! So this is a different take on the past relationship that Cuddy and House had. We always assume that House messed up the relationship, but what if it was Cuddy?

Huddy. 3

Rating: T for drama, angst, pain, alcohol

Read and Review! And enjoy...:P

Disclaimer: I don't own House M.D. or (If There's) No Hope For Us by Arab Strap

If our words were once sweethearts
Now they're ugly, violent thugs.
How did our language come to this?
We speak in grunts and sighs and shrugs
And we never used to let just one spare moment
Go to waste but now you're hardly ever here
And when you are
You're bored and chaste

It used to be fun, happy and romantic. The girl I was required to tutor always had something hidden up her sleeve that could make me laugh. I started to look forward to the tutoring sessions every Thursday. She knew about my reputation – evil, player, egotistical – but she didn't really care. She knew that I was good at what I did. Of course we slept together, multiple times. Why wouldn't we? It was convenient. Somehow I started logging her as mine. She wasn't, I had little to no claim on her, but in my mind she was mine. Things grew awkward fast, I still regret that you know….

You used to tell me that those rumors were just that, rumors. You didn't believe I was inherently evil, you were so innocent. You would believe anything if I wanted you to. Remember when I said you weren't as pretty as I orginally thought you were? I said that after…after I visited my family. I love my mother, don't get me wrong, but my father was nothing more then a jerk. I mentioned you, said you were pretty and intelligent. I think my mother picked up what I was trying to say, my father's response was to tell me that you were worth more then I ever would be.

You wonder where I get my persuasive behavior from, I got it from my father. He could make you believe a mouse was a man. He convinced me, through hate and dark, that you wouldn't want anything to do with me if you really knew me. That you were better then me and that you simply felt pity for me. I couldn't stand that. I hated him but he was never wrong…well he was, but I agreed with him this time. I tried to drive you away, make you so miserable that you wouldn't ever want anything to do with me. I didn't want to hurt you.

You fell for the façade, you believed me. Somehow though, you were still mine. Mine to protect, have and mine exclusively. I'm not sorry about what happened to Cody. He had that coming, he almost hit you. You hated me for getting him kicked from the school but…maybe I knew more then you did. I couldn't express it though. I'm still like that aren't I? You're mine and I can't seem to let anyone else have you. I'm not sorry about it now…you are mine for as much as I'm yours.

Stacey always hated you. She found a picture of us at college football games and she said I looked so happy. Happier than I ever had been with her. When I got a job at Princeton Plainsboro she applied just so she could keep an eye on you.

I know where you're going every Friday night. You're dating different people, people you met on the internet, people you met at donations. Anyone. You want a family so bad, but you keep comparing everyone to me. Funny how I'm crippled, egotistical, cruel, workaholic and have a severe issue with human connection and yet no one seems to compete. All just more evidence that you're mine.

Maybe in college we never talked about our relationship but we knew. We knew that we were exclusive. When you went out with that man…Russell or Quincy…I can't remember, I was furious. Right or wrong… you never admitted it, denied if furiously. I saw you kiss him, I never told you that. I let you believe that I might just possibly believe you. I should have been honest with you but I believed that that was all I deserved. I didn't deserve you…

And so I worked even harder to drive you away.

I don't know if you're ever going to read this…I don't really care if you do…that a lie. Maybe I should just stop…it's only a letter afterall, it's not going to change everything about us. You're still my employer and I'm still your employee, that will never change. I'm sorry about kissing you…not about the kiss but about bringing all this up again. We had finally reached a point where we were getting along…forgetting the past.

-House

And all the secrets that I keep
You know I keep because I care
But now there's no hope left for us so,
Darling, let's just leave it there.

The note was folded up and stuffed in a small corner of the drawer. It took Cuddy a week to find it, she had been on a mission for a pen or pencil…she forgot when she found the handwritten note, folded with her name scribbled along the front. Suddenly his behavior around her, then and all together made more sense.

She cried herself to sleep that night, guilt wrecking havoc on her nerves. She cradled little Rachel to her chest and told the infant every little bit of their story, the girl was going to forget it anyway.

On the second night Cuddy was sitting with little Rachel, watching recorded episodes of General Hospital when she grabbed the phone and dialed a too familiar number. It rang three times before he answered the phone. The whole thing was so spur of the moment.

"Hello?" The voice was fairly kind.

"Wilson, can I ask you for a huge favor."

Of course he agreed and soon he was standing at her door, ready to take over the care of little Rachel for the night. Cuddy barely said thank you and good bye as she raced out the door. She had a mission tonight…

She was unlocking House's door, it was after all twenty three minutes passed midnight. She saw him asleep on the couch, there was an empty bottle of scotch and a photo of her. The TV was till on playing some infomercial.

Stepping quietly towards the drunk, passed out doctor, the place was surprisingly messy, but it was clean. She kneeled infront of him, gently brushing her fingers against his face.

"I sorry…I'm so sorry…" She whispered, tears rolling down her face.

A Friday morning found the two curled up, her head on his chest, his arm around her. They were awkwardly postioned on the sofa but neither noticed. His shirt was tear stained and her make up was smeared under her eyes.

They were back were they started, the first night when she needed his comfort, a night twenty odd years ago.

Review please! They totally make my day :)