Ha-ha, this is what happens when I get bored, hopefully at least one of these stories will bring a whimsical little smile to your lips. ;)
Uther slumped in his chair at the far end of the hall, he hated banquets, they were so long and boring and half the time he didn't even know the people he was throwing them for, this banquet was one of those halves.
King Resargius, what a ridiculous name, did everyone he knew have to have such damn ridiculous names? I mean, honestly? Resargius? Sounded like a nasty cold.
The King arrived with his young son, a leafy looking boy, leaves, Uther mused, a slight smile on his lips that the guests clearly thought was aimed at them, let it never be said King Uther couldn't hold his drink.
He observed the foreign King and his leaf from across the room, turning and casually whispering into an attentive Morgana's ear, 'Leaves Morgana.' he turned away, leaving Morgana to nod wisely as if he had said something of great importance.
Next came Arthur, late as ever, he slunk through the shadows with an ever watchful Merlin at his heel, paused, the pair waited for a few moments, studying the occupants of the hall, then turned, nodded at each other and legged it across the room, keeping low so as to remain 'unseen', Arthur jerked into his seat, still half running, he paused in an awkward crouch before lowering himself to his seat, Merlin immediately taking on the appearance of a calm servant who had been stood in the same place for a good fifteen minutes.
Uther decided not to ask what they had been doing, he'd given up with trying to get the truth from them.
As everyone mulled around, conversing about the weather and other, previous conversations they had had with other, previous people Uther let the boredom of his people wash over him.
Suddenly there was a loud C-RACK from the opposite end of the hall, 'Oh.. ChristyMoses!' came the irritable voice of the foreign king.
Uther leaned forward inquisitively, 'It'll still work.' hushed the leaf, looking at the snapped walking stick in the kings hands.
'It better!' Dadsy snapped back, he turned to Uther, 'Your majesty,' everyone fell silent, forming a semi-circle behind him, 'What a pleasure to be here, to be welcomed with such ease into your fine county.'
'Kingdom.' Uther corrected.
'Ooh Jesus-fish.' said the queer guest, 'Always get it wrong.' He fiddled with his snapped walking stick, 'Anyway, it really shows what trusting people you are. Trusting and gullible.'
His attempt at a booming, sinister laugh was destroyed by the movement of many reverberating rolls of fat on his neck, forcing a strange gagging sound from him, he lowered his head, panting and motioning for leafy to dab his face with a pale handkerchief, he regained a little of his composure, holding the snapped stick out before him, his face swelled in concentration, or perhaps it had always been that fat?
'Explueso.' He murmured, awaiting the expected explosion, nothing... nothing..'Oh, whistle-wolves!' he snapped, looking heatedly at the crowd around him, frustration welled within him and it became clear he was looking for some alternative to blowing the castle up, a thought struck him so hard, Merlin almost heard the thud of it meeting his dull little brain, 'THIS - WILL - DO!' he shouted in haste, punching various members of the crown court.
Uther sighed, rolling his eyes, 'Oh please.' he flicked his hands at his guards, having the assassins carted off, 'If you must attack me then at least do it right.'