Authors Note - This is my first Rizzoli and Isles fanfiction so be nice, Reviews are gold to me constructive critiscim is a wonderful thing, Completly unbetaed and I hate grammar so yea
TW - THIS FAN FICTION DEALS WITH CUTTING (SELF HARM) AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
Disclairmer: I own nothing - TNT, Janet Tamaro and Tess Gerritsen do and I never plan on getting any money from anything I writ, I just do it for fun but lets get on with the story!
Maura's POV
Maura wasn't quite sure when this habit had started, maybe it was in high school or maybe it was when she had begun boarding school. She knew she had been doing this for a long time, those brief moments of respite when the blade cut into her skin the blood flowing smoothly out of the cut on her thigh, she hadn't cut herself for a long time, not since she had become friends with Jane. Oh god Jane what would she think if she saw me like this, sobbing curled up in a ball, watching blood flow out of my body, but then I remember that she wouldn't care not anymore not since I had chosen to protect my mob boss of a father. I pushed her away in anger and now I know she could never come back, not since I relapsed back to cutting. Somehow I finally manage to cover my cuts up and crawl into bed as I continue to cry until I finally fall asleep exhausted.
The Next Day I had just walked into my office, I was a bit late coming in today as it had taken me longer than normal to do make up, apparently crying yourself to sleep means it takes 10 times longer to do your makeup in the morning. I feel Jane walk up behind me, for some reason I stiffen up ready to lash my tail at her, It was a natural reflex to push at someone away when you are hurting, "Your back" Jane states hesitantly yet, for some reason the first thing at of my mouth was '"did you ever return my book soothing paint choices for the home?" I haven't turned around yet but I can feel Jane's confusion in the air, but she shoots back ''Yea a long time ago''. I suddenly don't want to be in the conversation but I can't leave it without feeling weak "So your back,'' she tries again, but I still can't answer her ''thats odd cos I can't find it'', I can feel Jane's confusion and slight anger at not being able to get a straight answer from me. There is a long pause before Jane speaks again ' Did you ever return my guns of the world digest?' I let anger slip into my voice ' I always return things I borrow', I straighten up but still don't turn around ''Are you sure?" I hear a rise in Jane's voice indicating that it is meant as an innocent question, I give up on being civil even though fighting with Jane is horrible at least it is keeping her attention on me "Of course I'm sure, I always return things I borrow, may be you lost it, you do lose things". I let out a sigh as I notice my chair, "has Dr Pike been sitting in my chair?" I exclaim, Jane also gives up on being civil and lets out her bitchy side, I hate this side of her especially knowing I brought it on "Could be, why is it broken? Do you want me to find out if he's been sleeping in your bed,?" Sarcasm bites every word, Pike walks in having heard his name "Were you looking for me?" Pike asks, god that man annoys me. I start to reply but Jane beats me to it "What about your food, Dr Pike have you been eating Maura porridge?" I completely give up now "Glad to know you think you are so funny" "well it would be better to be funny than be poindexter the know it all!" Me and Jane insult each other back and forward "well I would rather be poindexter the know it all than the hoi polloi" Its a low blow insulting Jane in greek,"good one Maura" Jane sneers. I feel somewhat triumph that Jane doesn't know what it means, "You don't even know what it means" Pike interrupts again, I had completely forgotten he was there, "It means common, literal translation 'The great unwashed', "Classy hide your insults in Latin".
I can tell I have really annoyed Jane now but I can't help myself, "Its greek" I say condescendingly. If there is one thing Jane hates it when people are condescending to her "Oh the geek who knows greek, Do you know how ridiculous you sound?, You know people laugh at you behind your back," "really well they call you a bitch behind yours" I hear Pike talking but I am so focused on, well, not crying that I don't pay any attention Jane pauses, "Well at least when my Father gets pissed off her doesn't stab someone with an ice pick," That touched a nerve and I nearly burst into tears, I never want to see him again let alone call him my father it's all, I can do to muster a comeback. "At least my father didn't move to Florida to sleep with some floozy he meet at a pizza parlor", "Maura" Jane says warningly but I can't help myself, "Or was it a massage parlor?" "Oh look at you going all trailer trash Snooki", " I watched that show once" I yell back "once, it was for…" I don't get interrupted my the Lieutenant "break it up ladies, whats going on".
I can't help myself and look at Jane before running out of the room, I manage to get to the bathrooms before I sink to the ground and search inside my handbag for the razor blade that I keep in there for when I need to cut at work, this seemed to be a pretty good time, I mean I had ripped down Jane, so why shouldn't I rip my own skin down, I cut a deep cut in my arm deeper than I have ever cut before and I watch the blood pool out of my arm as my right hand subconsciously moved around in the blood, slowly the world goes dark around me and I feel content.