"Please," she begged, batting her eyes at the boy standing across from her, arms crossed over his leather jacket, and shaking his head emphatically at the suggestion that they get on the rickety blue Ferris wheel spinning in the middle of the Frostival currently going on in the Degrassi parking lot. Her lip slowly poked out into a pout as stood her ground, staring him down until he gave her what she wanted. After a minute of intense eye lockdown, Eli shook his head, grumbling, and muttered out that Clare would owe him an infinite number of brownie points (and actual brownies, because he was hungry) for this huge "best friend favor" he was about to do for her. They had been skating on these favors for a few weeks now, and as a result, Clare had waited in line with him to get the latest video game, he had sat through the latest Fortnight film, and Clare had relinquished her control of the stereo in his room for an afternoon so that he could listen to Dead Hand's latest album of Greatest Hits. When Adam had heard about these "best friend favors", he had given Eli a Look and coughed into his elbow something that sounded a lot like "WHIPPED" before getting clapped on the back of the head by Eli and told off on account of two people who were "justfriends, and that's all, Machismo," not being able to be called whipped.
Regardless, Clare squealed at Eli's reluctant agreement to get on the Ferris wheel with her, and dragged him, eye rolls and all, to the ticket counter, where they faced a quick squabble over who would pay for the tickets before Eli tickled her with one hand to distract her while he handed over the money for the ride. Clare skipped on to the entrance and plopped down in a seat excitedly while Eli stared at the ride skeptically, unsure that it was reliable in the least bit. Still, he was doing a "best friend favor" for the blue eyed girl waiting on him in the seat of the wheel, and he climbed in beside her, still unsure of how they had reached this point again. Somehow, since Ms. Dawes was the advanced grade 12 English teacher as well, they had become writing partners again, and had been forced to come to a sort of compromise with each other at the beginning of the year. This compromise had included a few banned words (namely "relationship", "dating", "Imogen" ,"Jake" ,and "Love Roulette") and an agreement that they would only talk about the class, and meet outside of it only when absolutely necessary. The arrangement had worked well until two of the banned words became unavoidable, and Clare desperately needed a friend. Eli didn't want to get involved at first, but one of her papers (a letter, ironically. Dawes sure did get a kick out of repeating certain projects, and writing a letter to someone was one of them) had meant that he had to talk to her about what had happened, and that particular conversation opened up the floodgates as Eli saw exactly how broken Clare had become since spring of her grade 10 year. Knowing how difficult it was to deal with those sorts of things on one's own, Eli had offered a tentative friendship to her, which she gladly accepted. Since the paper, they had worked at slowly rebuilding their once-strong friendship, and even though there were several holes in it that they had deliberately left untouched for fear of things crumbling under their feet again, they had fallen into a pattern not unfamiliar to them. This had felt easy and comfortable to them, and much to Adam's chagrin, they had begun a rapport eerily similar to that of the previous year. The idea was taboo, however, so the two never discussed it.
The Ferris wheel began to move, and Clare grabbed onto Eli's arm as they slowly ascended the air, bringing him barely closer as she prattled on about the sparkling lights and people she saw. She was clearly excited by all of it, and as he watched her eyes dance with excitement over it and felt her slowly lean into his shoulder and rest her chin on it, he began to think that maybe this wasn't a half bad idea of hers. As she looked into his eyes and grinned sheepishly from his shoulder, he smirked back and opened his mouth to make a comment on how perhaps she was right before a screech came from below and their seat came to an abrupt halt, swinging back and forth slightly at the very top of the wheel. A voice called out from below that the ride was broken, and that everyone would need to sit tight as they called in a mechanic to fix the ride. The formerly sweet moment between two friends quickly came to an end as Clare felt Eli stiffen under her neck. She pulled away slowly and smiled nervously as she dared to look into his eyes, which were just brimming with anger. "I'm… sorry?" she squeaked out as he glared at her, arms crossed yet again over his jacket.
Of course this would happen, Eli thought with contempt as he glared at the curls that had dragged him on this godforsaken ride in the first place. His slight fear of heights was exacerbated at the top of the rickety wheel, and now Clare was apologizing. "You're sorry?" he seethed, turning to look at her slightly, careful to not make any sudden movements that might tip the small box they were sitting in. "That's rich, Clare. Really rich. You haven't been sorry for anything since you left me in the hospital in April," he snapped, the close proximity of the two making him all the more nervous. Up here, in a small box she had dragged him in, he was dangerously close to losing it all over again, and he looked up at the sky, breathing in and out slowly in the way his therapist had taught him to quell the panic attacks on a day to day basis. A few deep breaths later, he looked down to see Clare in tears next to him, turned away slightly, her body on the defensive. "Clare… God, Clare, look at me, please. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
"Yes, you should have, Eli. You had every right to," she sniffled out. She turned to look at him as she felt the pressure of his hand on her back, trying to rub soothing circles as an apology. "You're right. I've been selfish, and rude, and I've taken, and taken, and taken without any real apology to you. I've let you fall back into old habits without any regard to what it might do to you."
Eli scoffed at her words. "You really think this is all about you, don't you? All of this, you think is about you. You are selfish, Clare. And completely self-absorbed. I take care of myself before you. You really think I'd risk everything I've worked for just to cater to your needs? God, Clare. You're messed."
The words hit Clare like a slap in the face. "I am not self-absorbed! You make it out to be like I'm some horrible bad guy for reacting to my parents getting a divorce, Eli! I was having a hard time, and I made mistakes. A lot of them. But you're calling me out on what I did during stress at 15 years old. What did you expect me to do? Deal with everything in a cool, calm, and rational manner? You… You crashed your damn hearse, Eli!"
"Oh, don't even go there, Clare! I was sick, really sick, and you know that, so in NO way can you use that against me. You had no excuse for being so self absorbed that you almost had sex with you stepbrother, and ignoring your best friend, and generally burning every last bridge you had in an attempt to make him stick around. No excuse. You know, I don't even know why I was nice enough to try to be friends with you again in the first place, because it's obviously gotten us nowhere," Eli spat, his frustrations with Clare that he'd tiptoed around for so long coming to a head. "You're just going to run back to Jake at the first sign of trouble with me, so why should I even put forth the effort in the first place?"
Clare was speechless. Was she about to run back to Jake? Of course not. That ship had sailed, caked with mud and battle wounds from the messy breakup they had. She knew that, and she'd moved on, accepted her mistakes, and had a long internal chat with herself in which she realized many things. One of which was being challenged as they fought. "You really think I'm about to run away again? Look again, Eli. We're on top of a Ferris wheel, stuck, and I don't have a choice on where I go. And after all this time, after all we've done to repair what we have, do you really think I'm going to let it all slip through my fingers again? I did that once, and I lived with my regrets till they haunted my thoughts every minute of the day. I've been holding out hope that maybe we could be okay again, with our newfound friendship, and you know what, Eli? There's still that spark between us that's a little too much for friendship. It hasn't burned out with us, and it's not going to, ever. I've got faith in that, more than I ever had in me & Jake, but it's you and your doubts that have kept me from doing anything about it. And you know what? We're stuck, right here, right now. We're stuck on this messy cycle of friendship where we have to be careful with every word we say, and we're stuck in the same place we were before the Romeo and Juliet project. There's something between us, Eli, and you know it. It's always been there. It's always going to be there. And now, I'm giving you a choice. You can run from it again. But this time, I won't chase you to find out why you don't like me. Or you can give this a shot, us another chance at being together. I'm laying it all out, here, Eli. The cards are on the table, and you have to choose your fate from them." Clare took a deep breath and closed her eyes before gripping the metal bar in front of her and staring straight ahead, knowing she'd be unable to look at Eli if he chose to walk away from them. She listened to his heavy breathing next to her as she watched the sky slowly let the first few snowflakes of the night fall and felt a shift in the box as he pulled her back from the bar and took her face in his hands.
"You silly, idiotic, stupid girl," he growled, staring into her eyes with a ferocity she had never seen before. His grip on her face tightened slightly, and she trembled slightly, unaware of what his next actions might be. A thumb lightly brushed over her cheekbone, making her draw in a jagged breath and close her eyes slightly. That motion screamed opportunity to Eli, and he seized it, bringing his lips to hers in an almost bruising kiss. Eight months of fights, of not talking, of frustrations, of anger and resentment, of healing and friendship went into one kiss, sucking, biting, licking, stroking, dissipation of tension between the two teens finally ending as they succumbed to the base need they always fought around each other. Chests heaving, they finally pulled away for a brief moment before Eli placed a soft kiss on her lips, completely the opposite of the one they just shared.
"Why would I walk away, Clare? Why would I walk away when you're telling me that you want this just as much as I do?" His eyes softened slightly as his thumb continued to rub over her cheek, brushing away the flakes that had come to rest on her skin. Clare leaned into his touch, savoring the feel of how it felt entirely right, like nothing she'd ever known. She turned her face slightly to kiss his palm before removing it and lacing her fingers with his. Squeezing his hand, she looked into his eyes and took a deep breath. "I still love you, Eli. I never stopped, even when I wanted to. I love you."
Eli barely had time to breathe out the sentiment in return before his lips were on hers again. Their promise rang out in their kiss. They knew it wouldn't be easy to be together, but this time, they were both willing to fight for it. They had finally become unstuck. As they kissed, below them, the mechanic finally twisted the right combination of knobs, and the Ferris wheel too moved on in its continuous circle. The two lovers kept their embrace, having finally come full circle and refusing to ever let go of each other ever again.
The sun shines at night; we're in love and it feels so right.