So... What does life add up to...? You wake up with regrets, you feel like there's just no point in living this lame so called life. You just want this pain stop and carry on with life like none of this happened, how can any human forget what you had to witness if they were in your shoes? You got too close but you thought there was no such thing as getting too close when you're in love. It's like a drug. You think there's no such thing as no hope when you're in love. You think there's nothing to stop you, nothing that can take away what you love the most. Think to yourself how could you be so stupid? They told you, you were coming back for me; they say all these things that you thought were going to the truth. They break your heart… Over and over again and all they do is watch the tears fall down your face. They drown your hopes and dreams and all they do is walk away from you. You say to yourself again, what did I do to deserve you? What did I ever do to you? You wanted him so much you waited for them. You stayed up all night and when morning came it was still the same. This hollowness inside of you and hurt and pain they brought to you and at what cost? You wanted this so much. You fought for their love and you got it but if you knew how it would end like this would have never have fallen with them? Didn't do anything but love them, you cared for them and you and treasured them and it was all for cried when they left you and you stared into the shadows. They looked you in the eye and they told you that they love you and you believe them. You believe them and fell for it every time. You were their puppet in their stupid game and they won, they won big time. They watch you slip into the darkness, they watch you fail every time and they did nothing about it but watch you fall deeper and deeper into the pit.
And you wonder why I never believe in love. It's poison. Nothing good ever comes out of it John. I waited for him but he never came. You can't expect me to go through that again, you can't put me through that. I love you so very much, John... but I cannot lose you, there's just too much to risk. I need you to understand that. It's a shame what people can take away from you. I need you to remember me, remember that I have always loved you. I can't lose you because you mean the world to me and that would mean losing everything.