Title: Heartbreak

Continuity: G1 Cartoon

Characters: Constructicons

Rating: PG

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Crack. Improper use of love potion.

Word Count: +400

Summary: Alternate versions of the Constructicons reflect on a plan that went terribly wrong.

Incision sneered over a sickly-sweet smelling beaker and inquired sharply, "Where did you find this utter rubbish, Anodyne?"

"Go maintenance the tentacle-traps, will you?" Anodyne snarled back, snatching the beaker out of Anodyne's grasping range. "This is an old formula." He paused and rubbed his helmet. "From before the launch of the Ark."

"And what, exactly, does this putrid potion do?" Incision asked and held his nose, not that it did much of anything, except make it easier for him to look down upon Anodyne.

"It's the chemical formula for heartbreak," Anodyne replied. "Very tricky to synthesize. My predecessor hit upon it by accident. I believe that he was trying to create the opposite effect."

"Believe nothing!" Incision scoffed, "He was."

The chemist glared and muttered, "Like you'd know anything about what he was like."

"Whose fragile emotional state do you intend to break?" Incision inquired, "This is, of course, assuming that you made this with a purpose and not merely to waste time. I am charitable, at times."

"Mine," Anodyne said fiercely, and his optics flashed. "Shut up, Incision."

"I have not yet said anything," Incision observed dryly.

"You were going to!" Anodyne said accusingly. "I fall in love too easily. It's... distracting. I don't have time for it. I will just break my capacity to love until it doesn't happen again."

"A pragmatic use for a potion originally intended for tawdry purposes?" Incision mocked. "I am shocked, Anodyne. But unmoved."

"You're half wrong there, and that's more wrong than you'll ever admit to," Anodyne said more quietly, almost pleading. "He didn't mean the love potion that way..."

In another time, and another place, Hook had berated Mixmaster over a chemical cocktail. He snapped, "A love potion? You simply cannot be serious."

Mixmaster leaned back against the make-shift counter, hands flat on its surface. He argued, "But I am! He leaking hates us now, and that's all he ever feels. Just listen to him rant, when he tries any sentences bigger than two words!"

"So if he loves us instead, he'll quit with trying to knock us off?" Long Haul said, testing the reasoning. "Sounds all right, if kind of stupid and mushy."

"Stupid is right. How do you expect to get it into him? Retract your face-shield, open wide, and say, 'Aahhh'?" Bonecrusher heckled.

"Stupid is your speciality," Mixmaster shot back. "Get one of those big, armour-piercing explosive two-stage missiles and load it up in the rear."

Bonecrusher rubbed his chin and admitted, "Yeah, that would work, but... why not just use poison?"

Five half-horrified, half-wincing Constructicons greeted the demolitionist.

The End

Author's Note: This fic is from a crack-universe wherein Unicron nabbed the Constructicons and reformatted them. Incision is Hook, and Anodyne is Mixmaster. There was a very poignant line in one episode wherein Scrapper said that he wished that the robo-smasher had finished the reprogramming job on Omega Supreme and made him into a Decepticon, which I always found interesting, because it implied that the Constructicons would rather have Omega Supreme back at their sides as a friend instead of dead as an enemy. Bonecrusher here is just being a bit more destructive than everyone else. This is an old fanfic of mine, written 2006-12-05, and mostly just tossed up here to collect my fanfics in one place.