Despite all of the hardships he had faced growing up, Christmas was always Kenny's favorite holiday. His family had been the poorest in town. Everyone knew that. Thankfully for him and his siblings, the people of South Park had stepped it up every year and donated food, decorations, and some new clothes so that they could have a happy holiday. Plus Santa knew Kenny was a good kid at heart, even if he didn't always do the right thing, so he usually hooked up the McCormick kids with some new toys, too. No matter how shitty a year it had been for Kenny, the week leading up to Christmas was a good one.
The same feeling came back to him as he walked through the South Park Mall with his friends.
He hadn't returned to his hometown since he had moved away to college back in August. He had busted his ass the last two years of high school and just barely made it into UCLA. The weather in California was much more enjoyable than that of Colorado. Kenny loved the fact that it wasn't cold enough to freeze his balls off, and that he didn't have to wear a parka that made it hard for people to understand him.
Kenny hadn't even been planning on coming back for Christmas. He didn't care to see his parents, and he'd rather pay for Karen to come visit him while she was on school vacation. Still, Stan blowing up his phone with whiny texts about how "It'll be like old times!" and "It won't be Christmas without a Christmas adventure, and you have to be there, dude!" had eventually lured him back to the small mountain town.
It had been worth it, though. It felt good to walk alongside Stan, Kyle, and yeah, even Cartman. He'd missed them more than he wanted to admit. They hadn't changed much since starting college, and distance did not seem to make the heart grow any fonder. Kyle and Cartman were still at each other's throats, and Stan was still trying to play the mediator and failing pretty hard. So much for that psychology class he'd taken in the fall.
Kenny fell back into old habits, tuning out the noise of his friends, and focusing in on the sights and smells of Christmas. The scent of the pine wreaths. The brightly colored lights. The sound of young children singing carols. Yet Kenny didn't see any group of kids singing. It appeared that everything he was sensing was coming from one place up ahead. Santa's Village.
"Dude, is that for real?" Stan asked. "They really have someone working that area tonight?"
"Whoever decided that is a shit businessman," added Cartman. "Who the fuck would bring their kid here on Christmas Eve for a picture with Santa?"
Kyle clenched his jaw, reluctantly wanting to agree with him. "The fatass has a point. Wouldn't a little kid be concerned that Santa was here and not getting the sleigh ready?"
"Hey. Hey Kenny." Cartman tugged on Kenny's parka. "I dare you to go sit on the guy's lap."
Never one to turn down a dare, Kenny pulled down the hood of his parka and smiled. "Sure thing."
"And if you tell him you want a butt plug for Christmas, I'll give you twenty bucks!"
"Deal!" Kenny grinned as he shook Eric's hand. "After all these years, you still haven't learned that I have zero shame."
"Kenny, you know you don't have to do this," Kyle pleaded.
"Shush, Kyle! I wanna see this, too!" Stan playfully nudged Kyle while gesturing for Kenny to go on ahead. "We'll stay out here and enjoy the show through the windows."
"You guys seriously haven't changed at all since we graduated," Kenny chuckled, shaking his head.
"Neither have you, Kenny. You just proved that right now. You were a whore when we were younger and you're still a whore now." Cartman seemed proud of his statement.
Kenny rolled his eyes and left it alone. He knew that he really had changed over the past few months. Actually, he changed a lot throughout the last few years of high school, too. He'd started to take his education seriously once he'd finally realized that it was the only way out of South Park—and that it was actually possibly for him to make it out. He'd grown up with a steady diet of "you're gonna end up just like your deadbeat father" from his mom, and "you're a worthless piece of shit" from his dad, so he hadn't been raised to think highly of himself. He did do some disgusting things for money when he was younger, but it was born from being poor and wanting to feel special in some way. Tonight's stupid stunt was born from a place of boredom...and loving to show up Cartman in any way possible.
"Alright, fuckers. I'm going in," said Kenny. He pulled off his jacket and tossed it at Stan, who looked like a groupie who was about to faint.
"Yes! Just like old times! This is so awesome!" Stan cheered.
"Oh my god, dude," Kyle sighed, thumb and index finger firmly pinching the bridge of his nose.
Kenny ran a hand through his hair as he approached the entrance to Santa's Village. When he approached the entrance, he paused to look around. Wasn't there supposed to be some elf to let him in? Kenny was beginning to think that the music, lights, and seasonal scents were just for show. It made sense. Allow the assholes who waited to buy gifts till the last minute to still have that warm nostalgic Christmas feeling.
"Ho ho ho! Come on in, my child!"
A warm, hearty baritone called out from inside the makeshift "Santa's Workshop" further inside. Kenny strained to look inside the open door, but from where he was standing, he couldn't get a good view. It was just too dark. Who would the mystery man be? He could clearly see Kenny, but not the other way around. Kenny smirked to himself. He was actually a little excited by the fact that he wouldn't know what the guy looked like until he was sitting on his lap.
Kenny gave his friends a quick wink and headed inside.
"Here I come, Santa baby!"
Clyde groaned from his large "Santa throne". It was bad enough that he had agreed to work on Christmas Eve. Now some asshole teenager was coming in here to troll him while singing his most hated Christmas song. Who would actually want to whore themselves out to Santa for free swag? That was fucking stupid.
He took a deep breath and put on his jolliest face. Even if some punk was going to come in here, he was going to kill them with kindness. Plus, worst case scenario, he could probably rough him around a bit and scare him straight, so to speak. He had only made it onto the Colorado State football team's practice squad this year, but he'd still bulked up with the intense workout regimen they had everyone on. That had to be good for something.
Clyde held his breath when in walked Kenny McCormick. He hadn't seen him since graduation, but Californian college life had clearly been good to him. His skin was sun-kissed and his hair was a light golden blond. Of all the people to walk in, Clyde hadn't been expecting his secret high school crush.
None of it had made sense. He didn't hang out with Kenny much in high school. Clyde had been obsessed with sports to the point of blocking almost everything else out, whereas Kenny had been a burnout type until he suddenly became one of the nerds. Clyde only knew that he had become a nerd because he started hanging out with Craig a lot, and Craig was a giant nerd. The more time Craig spent with Kenny, the more Clyde interacted with him. It was never anything major. No parties or hangouts. Just brief moments in passing where they'd share a polite 'hey' and sometimes a 'what's up?'
Yet over time, Clyde began to notice that he felt butterflies in his stomach during those moments with Kenny. The way Kenny smiled at him because he was a friend of Craig's. 'If you're Craig's friend, then you must be a good dude', Kenny once said to him. The oddly alluring look in Kenny's eyes, which Clyde thought might mean that Kenny liked him too, but Craig put an end to that theory. He'd say, 'it's just his eyes, dude'. Still, Clyde couldn't deny that he felt something for Kenny, but his reputation as a lady's man, and the fact that he didn't really know Kenny that well, stopped him from ever trying to act upon those feelings.
Now he was face-to-face with him once more, and those old feelings came rushing back with a vengeance. It was hard to stay professional.
He opened his arms, warm and welcoming, and laughed as Santa once more. "Ho ho ho! What a big boy you are!"
Kenny bit the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from laughing. Did this guy seriously just say that?
Now that he was able to get a good look at the guy, he appeared to be young. Probably about the same age as Kenny. It wasn't really a good look for a mall Santa, who most kids and parents would expect to at least be late in their forties. Definitely not eighteen, though.
Kenny smiled. He had been prepared to basically give a lap dance to some old guy, but this might be more fun. Maybe if he played his cards right, he'd have someone to keep him warm in bed on Christmas morning.
"I sure am a big boy, Santa. If you catch my drift." He winked as he took a seat on Santa's lap. He nuzzled his face against the stranger's chest and looked up at him with big doe eyes. "But I need a Daddy. Won't you be my Daddy, Santa?"
Clyde looked down at Kenny. Jesus fucking Christ. This was like a living wet dream, but of course it had to happen while he was at work. Sure it was his final day—no one needs a mall Santa after Christmas has passed—but the last thing Clyde wanted was to be known as a pervert in his hometown. He had to do whatever he could to prevent himself from getting hard at work while a paying customer was sitting on his lap. Think about baseball. Baseball. Big, round balls. Long, thick, hard bats.
Fuck! This was not working, and Kenny had been staring up at him for a while. How was he supposed to respond to this? They didn't cover this in the Santa training program. He wanted to say 'yes, now be a good boy and bend over for Daddy', but that would make this the last time he set foot in South Park. He was never particularly quick-witted, so he made due with what he could.
"Of course, my good boy! I'm Father Christmas and my children are all of the good people of the world."
Kenny visibly frowned. He thought he was getting somewhere with the Daddy line, but nothing.
"Now tell me, have you been naughty or nice this year?" Santa Clyde continued.
A fire rekindled in Kenny's eyes. This was the perfect save, and this Santa idiot walked right into it.
Kenny shifted his position, throwing one leg over Santa's lap so that he was now straddling him. He wrapped his arms around his neck, tilted his head down, and looked up at Santa through his eyelashes. He spoke with a low, sultry voice.
"Oh, I've been very naughty."
He paused and cocked his head to the side.
"Are you gonna punish me, Santa Daddy? Are you going to lie me down over your knee and spank me like the naughty boy I am? Spank me hard with your big, strong hands until I'm crying and begging for your big package?"
Clyde tried to shift in his seat, but it was mighty hard with Kenny straddling his lap. Speaking of things that were mighty hard, Clyde was dealing with a dick crisis in his costume. The big red pants were basically like sweats, so there was no way that he could hide the fact that he was turned on by Kenny's antics.
Kenny kept trying to get Clyde to look him in the eyes, but Clyde continued to look at everything but him. Clyde knew that if he locked eyes with Kenny, it'd be time to stick a fork in him. He'd be done. The last thing he wanted to do at work was cream his pants, let alone while his secret high school crush was practically grinding on his lap.
Kenny was getting a bit frustrated with this young Santa. He kept trying to look into his eyes, in the hope that he'd be able to recognize him. This guy was most likely someone from his graduating class. He supposed it could've been some older teen who happened to move to South Park after graduating high school, but that'd mean that this guy was the most uncool person in history.
Kenny wanted to figure out who it was before he considered asking this guy back to his place. He was very close to making that proposition, as this guy's thighs felt really nice, and Kenny could feel that he was hiding something fierce in those red pants. Thin, cheap velveteen was not the proper fabric to hide an erection. Kenny liked it, though. Every time this guy squirmed under him, his dick rubbed against Kenny's thigh, and it was starting to turn him on, too.
It felt like it was on the tip of his tongue, but he just couldn't peg who this guy was. Kenny decided to press further.
He took Santa's hands in his own and guided them down to his ass. He lifted his hips slightly so that he could make sure each hand had a proper grip.
"Do you like my tight ass? It's all yours, Santa Daddy."
Clyde softly groaned. He knew he was putty in Kenny's hands, but he still couldn't figure out why Kenny was doing this in the first place. Clyde hadn't told a soul about this job, and so far, Kenny hadn't shown any sign of recognizing him. Did he just enjoy going to malls and seducing strangers dressed up Santa during the holidays? Maybe. That would be a pretty fucking weird fetish, though.
Clyde decided to just let go and enjoy this moment while it lasted. He'd probably be embarrassed by the end of it, but in his horny state of mind, it was worth it for the years of jerking material this would give him. He decided to go all in.
Swallowing hard, he said, "Tell me what you want for Christmas, naughty boy."
Kenny smirked. This was perfect. Either this Santa was a bigger idiot that he'd previously thought, or he'd finally decided to give in to Kenny. He leaned forward and placed his lips near the other man's ear.
"I want a butt plug, Santa Daddy," he cooed.
Clyde suddenly burst out into laughter. He didn't want to, but he couldn't help it. He'd been expecting Kenny to say something like "I want you", "I want your dick", or "I want you to fuck me hard" based on everything that had happened so far. He hadn't expected him to ask for a butt plug. All of this was just so absurd that he had to laugh.
Kenny knew that laugh. He'd recognize it anywhere. It was the laugh that brightened up his day whenever he heard it. It certainly wasn't the reason that Kenny started hanging out with Craig—to get closer to this laugh—but it was definitely one of the perks.
"Clyde?" Kenny asked.
Clyde nervously cleared his throat. "Hey, Kenny."
"Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you stop me?" Kenny paused and looked down between his legs. Down at Clyde's lap. "And why do you have a boner from this? I thought you were straight?"
Clyde suddenly couldn't look Kenny in the eyes. "I, uh...well...for a long time, I thought the same thing. But, ah, back in high school, I had a huge crush on you."
"Wait, what?"
"Yeah...I spent many hours questioning my sexuality because of you."
Clyde laughed. It made the skin around his eyes crinkle slightly when he did, making him look a lot more like Santa than he had before. It made Kenny feel warm in his chest.
"Never really figured out what label felt right," Clyde continued, "but...I do know that I like what I like, and I'm happy with that. And obviously I still like you."
Kenny caught Clyde's gaze. Clyde's cherub cheeks quickly turned a rosy red before he looked away. Maybe it was just because he was all nervous from confessing, but Clyde looked really cute. Kenny was surprised that he had never taken notice of it before. Honestly, he never really paid much attention to Clyde until he'd started studying with Craig. It was hard not to notice Clyde at that point—the two were almost inseparable back then. Still, Kenny had been so focused on getting his grades up so that he would have a chance to turn his life around that he never really took the time to really look at Clyde. But he could hear him talking—always talking—and laughing. His laughter was infectious, and that's why it stuck with him all this time.
Clyde suddenly seemed to realize where his hands were and where he was, and he dropped his hands from Kenny's ass. Kenny felt oddly naked without Clyde's warm hands gently touching him. He had to get them on his body again.
Kenny grabbed Clyde's hands and put them on his hips, holding them in place until Clyde got the hint. Kenny watched as Clyde licked his bottom lip. His eyes slowly panned up Kenny's body. Their eyes met and Clyde was two seconds from pulling Kenny close and kissing him hard.
"Attention South Park Mall customers! We will be closing in ten minutes! Have a lovely night and a merry Christmas Eve!"
In a knee-jerk response, Clyde pulled his hands away from Kenny and pushed him off his lap and onto the floor. Kenny looked up at him, confused and a little hurt.
"Ho ho ho!" Clyde was back to the Santa voice. "I 'm supposed to be closing up my workshop for the night, but Santa got a little distracted! Thank you for visiting, my dear boy, and merry Christmas!"
Clyde jumped out of his chair, ran out into the main set, and toward the black curtains behind it.
Kenny sighed. He stood up and dusted himself off. Well, this fucking sucked. Sure he'd been rejected before, but it'd never stung this bad. He'd thought it was such a sure thing. He'd thought he had been reading Clyde right. Shit, he and Clyde had basically been dry humping each other only a moment ago. What happened to change his mind?
Kenny stuffed his hands into his pocket and took a deep breath. He slowly exited the workshop, expecting to see his friends laughing their asses off at his misery—but no one was there. Kenny briefly walked around the set, just in case those assholes were hiding from him. Still nothing.
Another announcement came over the intercom for the five minute warning before close. Kenny shrugged to himself and figured they had left after the first warning. He figured they'd be waiting for him outside, ready for Cartman to rub his failure in his face and try to get twenty dollars out of him. If that fatass thought that Kenny was actually going to hand over his money, he had another thing coming.
Once Kenny was outside, he decided that he would hand over the twenty if it meant that Cartman, Stan, and Kyle hadn't left without him. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and swiped it open. There was a text from Stan.
Stan: Sorry dude. We left once it looked like you were about to fuck the mall Santa. You proved you're still the most hardcore of us all, dude.
Stan: Oh, and Cartman says to tell you the bet is off cause you're a Santa fucker. Again…sorry.
Kenny shook his head. Great. The fucking cherry on top of the shit sundae that this Christmas Eve turned out to be. So much for that nostalgic feeling.
Kenny sat down on the pavement and began to scroll through his phone. He hoped that there would be at least one friend from high school who was around town tonight and willing to pick him up.
His hopes were worth jack shit.
Everyone was with their families and not willing to leave, or too drunk and too willing to go out driving. Kenny wasn't so much concerned for his own safety, but that of his friends. It looked like it was going to be a walking home night. Kenny laughed to himself. For all of the things that had changed about him, right now, he felt like he was in high school again. Here he was, forgotten by his friends, without a car, and about to walk home alone in the snow. He supposed some things always stayed the same.
The sound of the mall entrance opening and slamming shut shook him out of his head. Kenny turned to look behind him.
"Oh...hey…" Clyde said awkwardly. "I didn't think you were going to wait for me. I'm so sorry about earlier, I should have stopped you and told you it was me, I shouldn't have taken advantage of you because of a stupid crush, please don't beat me up or call the police!"
Kenny's mouth hung open as he tried to interject into Clyde's panicked rambling. "Dude, stop! It's okay, really! I'm the one who should be apologizing. I only went in there because of one of Cartman's stupid bets, and all he'd bet me was to sit on Santa's lap and ask for a butt plug. The creepy attempt at seduction was all my idea."
"Cartman was there?"
"Yeah. Stan and Kyle, too. But they left. Ditched me here once they'd decided that I was trying to fuck Santa."
Kenny noticed Clyde's face begin to flush.
"I really hate to do this to you, but would you be willing to give me a ride?"
"Yeah, of course! What kind of Santa would I be if I left one of my children stranded at the mall on Christmas Eve?"
They laughed together, dispersing some of the uncomfortable tension that had formed around them. Clyde led Kenny to his car.
"So how the hell did you end up working as a fucking mall Santa?" Kenny asked.
"My dad still works at the shoe store in the mall, and he'd heard that the original guy just never showed up. I'd been back from school for maybe, like, two days, and he asked if I'd want it. I figured it was the perfect thing for winter break. Make some money, work with kids, and maybe flirt with some hot moms if I got the chance. Two out of three wasn't bad. Who would've guessed that the one uniform that turned women off was Santa Claus."
Kenny laughed. "I don't know what their problem is. You looked cute."
"Thanks...I think." Clyde paused to get into the car. "Are you just trying to make me feel better? …or do you actually think that?"
"I never thought about it tonight, but yeah. Trust me, you weren't the only hard one back there," Kenny replied, closing the car door.
It felt warm in the car while they snapped their seatbelts on. A silence fell between them as Clyde started the engine and pulled out onto the road.
Clyde swallowed thickly. "Really?" he asked.
"Yeah. No lie, I had been considering trying to get this mystery mall Santa to come home with me. Especially once he started playing hard to get."
Clyde glanced over at Kenny, who shot him a wink.
"Forget the butt plug, I already have two. I want something else for Christmas. You know...if Santa Daddy will let me change my mind."
Clyde pulled into the driveway and put his car in park. He looked at Kenny and leaned in a little closer.
"What do you want for Christmas, Kenny?"
Kenny smiled before leaning forward, closing the gap between them. His lips pressed softly against Clyde's. Clyde opened up his mouth, inviting Kenny in. He tasted like peppermint candy canes.
Kenny broke the kiss, pulling away just enough to speak.
"I want you to come in and spend the night with me."
Clyde smiled. "I can make that Christmas wish happen. Just one more question."
"Yeah?" Kenny answered, breathless.
"Do I still get to spank you until you beg for my big package?"
They both laughed and Kenny pulled Clyde in for another kiss.