These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. Our six year mission: to royally piss off the people of Spain. And, uh, seek out new life and civilizations. Yeah, that's it. Also, the Enterprise is now a submarine and Dr. McCoy's dick is shut in one of the doors.
*Cue theme music*
"Hailing frequencies open, sir."
Captain Kirk nodded once at Uhura and spoke at the viewscreen. "Captain Esposito? This is Captain Kirk of the Starsh-uh, Submarine Enterprise."
"¿Sí?"
"Captain Esposito...is your refrigerator running?"
"¿Uh...sí?"
"Then by God, you'd better go catch it!" Kirk slashed his hand horizontally in the air. Uhura cut the feed from the bewildered other captain. Chekhov started sniggering.
Kirk stood. "Good work, people. Uhura, could you patch in sickbay? I want to hear how our patient is doing."
"Done, sir."
"Bones! Status report. How's the patient?"
"HE'D BE A LOT BETTER IF YOU FUCKERS WOULD LET ME OUT OF THIS DAMN DOOR!"
"Now now, Bones-"
"I MEAN IT! I CAN BARELY REACH THE COT LIKE THIS!"
"Look-"
"HOW FUCKING DIFFICULT IS IT TO SEND SOMEONE DOWN HERE WITH A KEY-"
Kirk leaned over Uhura's shoulder and ended the call. "Okay, folks. If anyone needs me, I'll be in my quarters. Spock, you have the bridge."
"Yes, sir."