The Squip had had a long journey. Hey, as fast as human body systems were the Squip knew they could have been faster with a few, upgrades. His client? Host? Work-in-progress? Was completely, and hopelessly pinning over a girl that was way out of his reach.

[Target Female: Inaccessible]

His client, as the Squip had come to call him, cursed and writhed in pain as the Squip slowly began to materialize in front of him.

[Calibration in Progress. Please excuse some mild discomfort.]

[Calibration complete. Access procedure initiated.]

[Discomfort level may increase]

[Accessing: Neural memory. Accessing: Muscle Memory. Access procedure: complete. Jeremy Heere…] As the Squip retained information he winced more and more with every memory that flew towards him, specifically the more recent ones. [Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor….Your S.Q.U.I.P.]

"You look like Keanu Reeves." Not exactly the reaction he was hoping for. He recovered quickly, searching for the information he said, smoothly:

[My default mode. You can also set me for SEAN CONNERY Jack Nicholson or Sexy Anime Female] His voice went high at the end.

"Keanu's fine. Can everyone see you?" The Squip had to ignore the painful urge to roll his eyes. [I exist only in your mind. All they see is you, having an animated conversation, with yourself. So don't do that. Just...think at me. Like..] Squip struggled to find the words. [Like your telepathic.]

Cool! Like in X-Men!?

The Squip sighed internally, using Squip approved vernacular he spoke [I can see this is going to be difficult. You want to be more chill]

You mean cool.

[I do not!] He snapped, [You see,human social activity is governed by rules and I have the processing capacity to understand those rules. And pass them on to you. Now, take your hands out of your pockets. Arch your back and..] He used all of his search engines before continuing. [puff out your chest, add some swagger to your gate, otherwise you'll look like a masturbator. Don't slouch, fix your posture, then we'll deal with the rest]

Jeremy cut in. But I am a masturbator- [We'll fix that. Also, your nerdiness is ugly] Nerd? I thought I was more, I don't know geek? [Your stammerings a problem too.] Wh-wh-what? [You have no charm at all, your tics and fidgets are unrelenting. You need a new vibe.] The Squip got an alert telling him that Jeremy was going to put his hands back into his pockets. He then decided to test Jeremy. [Buh.] Not the smoothest or chillest thing he could have said, but it worked. Wha? [Buh.] Wha? [No.] Aah. [Stop!] Sheesh, this kid had problems, time to cut to the chase.

[Everything about you is just terrible] He spat. [Everything about you makes me want to die] Jesus christ…[Now don't freak out or doubt me, I, and only I know what's best for you. If I assist you, you will..] The Squip paused. [BE MORE CHILL.] As Jeremy started to slouch, the Squip looked through his programing to find a way to enforce his new rules he saw something call spinal stimulation, a way to interfere with pain signals,perfect.

"Owww!" Did you just shock me!? [Spinal stimulation,] he explained, [You were slouching. Now go buy a new shirt.] What's wrong with my shirt? [Remember what I said? Don't doubt me, it's my job to color your aesthetic and make you seem less pitiful, now GO PICK OUT A SHIRT!] Jeremy did as he asked and entered the store. Squip surveyed the store his expansive brain looked into the possible futures, Brooke. Eminem. Dead. Relationship. Halloween. Chloe. [Pick that one.] It has a picture of...Eminem. [If your so astute, what do you need me for?] I-just, do people still listen to Eminem anymore. [Irrelevant. My quantum structure enables me to envision possible futures. I envision a future in which you wear an Eminem T-shirt and things turn out well.] But, what if someone quizzes me about his music? Squip was getting tired of this.[My database is infinite and instantaneous, Jeremy] How are you with math homework? [I'm a supercomputer, Jeremy. I'm made of math.] With a wave of his hand the Squip created some people in the mall to talk some sense into Jeremy. [All the people at the mall think your a slob]

"Such a slob." One lady said.

"He sucks." A man agreed. Time for the next move. [Everything about you makes me wanna die! You suck, Jeremy!]

"Slob."

"Terrible."

"Loser."

[Everyone thinks you a nuisances, and boy can I see why. Now you try to pick out a shirt.] Jeremy walked over to the first shirt he saw and picked it up. The Squip fisabley slapped a hand onto his forehead (his own head not Jeremys!) [Thats a girl's shirt. Put it back.] As Jeremy went to put the shirt back, the Squip saw him bump into two famillar girls. "Sorry!"

The Squip shocked Jeremy, who had gone back to slouching right after apologizing. "Owwww"

Searching Jeremys memory, it informed him that the shorter blond girl was Brooke Lohst and that the taller of the two, the brunette, was Chloe Valentine.

"...Jerry?" Chloe said.