heartbeats
As he watched them leave, one by one, he felt his heart wildly , it was a widely conceived notion that he was devoid of emotions; now, more so than ever before; sometimes even he could not control his emotions. Not that anyone could notice anything. The most significant heartbeats in his life was now long gone and he found himself wondering yet again if things would have gone so bad if she was here. Did she need to find her pieces or did he?
Growing up in an orphanage and later, while surviving the streets Scott Summers was used to seeing people as just names and not faces. His experience in life had taught him how to read people and he was not used to being baffled by anyone. But Xavier's new ward (and probably his favorite because he has seen the Professor's face light up with pride whenever Jean managed to learn something new) constantly baffled him. She did not fit into any known category and Scott can't predict her actions. So he was quite surprised that somehow she was her new best friend, inspite of being completely opposite and he has started to see faces he has held her hand(because he had to not because he wanted to)he could feel her life vibrating with his own. One day when they had exhausted themselves while fighting Cobalt Man; Jean had fallen asleep on his shoulders and he wished he could feel her heartbeats and see if it actually beat like everyone else's or something uniquely hers like everything else about her.
He got to find it out a few years later one late night or early morning. He was still dazed, elated and a thousand other things that he couldn't quite name; but Jean Grey was asleep in his arms with her hair all mussed and looking even more beautiful than he had ever imagined. He still couldn't believe that she could love someone like him but her rhythmic heartbeats close to his own was tangible proof that she was truly here; with him in his bed. Her heartbeats weren't anything different but warm just like everything about Jean and the Alaskan boy in him craved the heat.
It was years after the first time they have slept together; many years have passed in which he had been convinced that he would not hear her heartbeats again. He had tried to make do with Madelyne's ,he had lied to himself again and again and almost believed that he loved her for herself but sometime when a song played on the radio late at night or the moonlight filtered to their cold bedroom in Anchorage and he craved warmth he would pretend it was Jean's rhythmic heartbeat he could hear on this silent ,today with Jean actually back at his arms and his son sleeping peacefully at the nursery Scott Summers felt content after a very long time and this time Jean's heartbeats were a confirmation of her life and his own.
Lying on a down mattress with the tropical moonlight filtering and illuminating the beautiful red headed woman on it, Scott Summers felt like the luckiest man on earth. Finally after life, death and everything in between he was married to Jean Grey. High School sweethearts; since when does that work out? Though not at all a romantic, he for once in his life believed that maybe there was a happily ever after and he was living it. It was the first day (night) of their honeymoon and Jean was so tired with the long flight that she had fallen asleep while waiting for him. It didn't matter though, they can carry on tomorrow and he while listening to her heartbeat which finally fused with his own completely wanted to check out if utopia has changed its meaning sine the last time he had consulted a dictionary because that's where he seemed to be now.
He was lying on one of those med lab cots in the mansion undergrounds tossing and turning in his sleep. The mansion was a ruin once again and Jean was…gone. Yet he didn't feel any pain, he couldn't feel anything. His mind went back to the last six months or so; after Jean and Nathan rescued him from Apocalypse. Apocalypse had lived inside his brain and twisted it. He has shown him darkness, has shown him the future. He had not been able to touch her and open unto her since then; doubting himself, their love and everything in between. He had wanted to keep her away from his darkness and instead pushed her away from himself and jeopardized the one constant thing in his life. He had dishonored the vows he had taken but why couldn't she confront her like always? Why couldn't she call him out, tell him he was wrong? Or he could have stayed instead of running away? He was angry; at himself, at her, at Apocalypse. He wasn't going to run away this time. He didn't want to be reminded of her anymore. Not her heartbeats, her hair, her nature, wanted out, he didn't want to be the coward again, the coward who couldn't tell his own wife what's wrong, the coward who couldn't get himself to touché her once, listen to her heartbeats so afraid to taint her to be reminded of their love.