DISCLAIMER: I don't own Death Note, etc.
SUMMARY: Funny things can happen when one writes names in the Death Note while eating potato chips…
WARNING: Spoilers for episode 8 in the anime series (although I suppose this could also be compatible with the manga or the live-action movie; I just tend to think about the anime the most when it comes to Death Note).
"Death by Potato Chips,"
By Quillian
Dedicated with thanks to sparkley-tangerine for beta-reading this.
Light Yagami was a brilliant young man and he knew it. That was why he had to find a way to continue killing criminals as Kira even as L had his own room bugged.
So he had this brilliant idea: Hide a miniature TV in a bag of potato chips, and subtly write down names on paper from the Death Note while doing homework.
And so, while Light did the homework which he still had to do, despite being his status as the future god of a new world, he continued to write down the names of evil people on paper from the Death Note.
For hours, the double-task of doing homework and executing criminals continued. Like clockwork, Light would eat potato chips, do homework, and execute criminals – thanks to that miniature TV hidden in the bag of potato chips.
He just kept writing down the causes of death at the appointed times…
…Heart attack.
…Heart attack.
…Heart attack.
Off to the side, Ryuk was suffering from withdrawal symptoms of not eating apples. Oh well, it would have to be so for now. But if only Ryuk didn't have to make such noises as he was suffering from it…
In fact, during one particularly pained howl from the shinigami himself, Light nearly choked on one of the chips. Fortunately, he brief gagging sensation went away after a few moments as he uneasily swallowed it.
However, then he remembered all the cameras neatly hidden all over his room, and Light realized that he still had a show to put on for his observers. Well, he might as well say something…
"Oh good, I didn't get that question wrong after all," he muttered, seemingly only to himself.
Ignoring Ryuk's brief cackle at that comment, he continued doing his joint labor of studying for school and executing criminals.
…Heart attack.
…Heart attack.
…Chokes to death on potato chips.
…Heart attack.
Light was just about to write down "heart attack" as a cause of death yet again when he realized what he had written just before. Now a prisoner would choke to death on potato chips?
Ignore it, he thought to himself, pretend it never happened, and you know nothing about it either way.
And so Light's work continued until it was late enough for him to leave it there for the time being and finally go to bed.
Meanwhile, that same evening, at L's de facto base of operations…
"L!" Watari exclaimed, briskly walking up to the top detective. "I don't think you're going to believe this!"
"What is it?" L said, not drawing his eyes away from the screens where he watched Light continue his studies.
"One of the minor felons, the one who stole from his workplace… he just choked to death on potato chips!"
Now that certainly got L's attention. Within a moment, he was no longer in his hunched position on the seat, and now he had hopped off the seat and turned to face Watari.
"He choked to death on potato chips?" he incredulously repeated. "How could he have possibly had potato chips in his cell to begin with?"
"According to the prison guard who found him, there were some potato chips under the cot in the prisoner's cell…"
Soichiro Yagami scowled. "If I've told those janitors once, I've told them a thousand times," he growled, "no munching on snacks as they clean the prison cells! I hope someone gets fired for this!"
In the meantime, L had resumed his usual sitting position in the armchair, in that pose reminiscent of a gargoyle atop a church. "Potato chips," he muttered to himself, "I never did like those things anyway…"
Sometime after that, when Light found out about how that one particular criminal actually choked to death on potato chips, he got a brief chuckle out of it.
A/N: So, how was that, a random combination of Light's mishap and some prison janitor's sloppiness? Funny?
Either way, thanks for reading this silly little idea which I just had to get out of my head!
–Quillian
(First posted: January 30, 2008)