A/N – Have been in a weird mood lately, not exactly bad and felt like writing this. I don't think it's my best work, but it was in me and now it's out.
"We should have seen it coming." No one was really sure who said it, or even if anyone said it, because the thought was pounding so strongly through each of their minds. They should have seen it coming. They all waited in the appropriately named 'waiting room' for any news at all…Stiles was stable, Stiles was awake and asking for them, Stiles had slipped away and was gone forever…
Scott just looked…broken…Allison sat next to him, pale and shocked. She tried to place her hand over his, and he flinched away from her. She understood why, though it still felt like a knife in her heart. He was blaming himself for being with her when he should have been with him.
Jackson, a boy out of touch with his own feelings and almost completely incapable of having feelings for others since his parents sat him down and gave him 'the talk', was squirming in his seat as almost forgotten feelings of guilt and compassion stumbled their way through the maze of his soul. He strongly suspected it was his fault…and although he never liked Stilinski, never thought of him as a friend…he felt that there would be a dreadful price to pay for what happened.
Lydia was a mess. Her make-up was streaked to clown-like proportions. Her straggled hair hung over her face as she wept with great broken sobs. Guilt tore at her for her own part in this. Stiles was the only person who had ever seen inside her, who had ever just accepted her for who she was and didn't want her to change. Since getting out of the hospital after Peter's attack, she had rejected his presence because of that penetrating insight. She was terrified he would look too closely and see something awful. People called her a bitch because she wanted them to, because it was safe to be a bitch. Stiles saw past that, and worshipped what he saw…so Lydia pushed him away before he saw anything else…rejected him before he could reject her…it just had to be that way. She could risk his anger, but his disgust would kill her.
Each one of them had gotten used to Stiles being this indestructible doormat that they could walk all over, abuse at leisure, use him when needed and ignore him afterward. Without intending to, he had become the Pack's omega…a single, unattached (and therefore helpless) runt that others could use to build up their own self-confidence.
Melissa McCall led Derek in, and went to check on Stiles. Her eyes were red and socketed from weeping; she looked as if she had lost her own son, which in a way she had. Derek was clutching the plaid button-down shirt Stiles wore over his t-shirt the day before. He seemed to be wringing it in his hands as if trying to squeeze Essence of Stiles onto the floor.
Derek looked around at the group.
"What the fuck happened?" he growled.
Scott sighed. As the only other werewolf present, he was most likely to survive answering Derek's question.
"Last night at around 1 am, Stiles went home and overdosed on his father's pain pills, then his father found him and had a heart attack. They're both in critical condition."
Derek collapsed bonelessly in one of the ugly molded plastic chairs that sadistic people fill waiting rooms with.
"This is all my fault." The Alpha covered his face with his hands.
All of them looked at him, and then each other.
"Derek, this is because of me ignoring him, it's my fault…" began Scott.
"No, Scott…it's my fault for taking you away from him…that's how it must have looked anyway…" Allison said as fresh tears started burning an acid trail down her cheeks.
"I'm the one that was a cold bitch to him. I'm the one that ripped out his heart and stepped on it at that Formal and used him like a scratching post afterward." Lydia growled through broken sobs.
"I never passed up a chance to put him down, make him feel like shit." Jackson admitted.
"He saved my life. Several times. And I paid him back by constantly threatening him, terrorizing him…and just yesterday, rejecting him." Derek said in a low voice.
"Rejecting him?" asked Scott.
"He wanted the bite. Said he was tired of feeling helpless, that all he wanted to do was save his friends from the things that were out there, and he was afraid he would fail because he was only human. He asked for it to be able to protect everyone."
"What did you say?" asked Lydia.
"I don't want to talk about it. What about the rest of you? You all saw him yesterday…did he say or do anything…did any of you say or do anything that makes sense of all of this?" Derek's eyes bored into them, demanding the truth. Talking took on the feel of Confession, with Derek as their priest.
"I'll go first." Lydia assumed no one would argue with her, and she was right. "I ran into him at the mall…"
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"Lydia! Hey, Lydia!" Stiles called over to her, stuffing a piece of paper in his pocket.
Lydia continued to examine the scarves on the racks, pretending she didn't hear. She took the extra seconds to shore up her defenses, and fix her mask firmly in place. Not that it did any good with this one…
"Biles? Viles?" she feigned struggling to remember his name.
"Stiles." He grinned at her, knowing this was her game, though if she had looked closer she might have noticed the grin was a little forced.
"Um, listen, I know that you're usually pretty busy on weekends…"
Lydia growled. He knew perfectly well she had broken up with Jackson. Was this his way of throwing a sarcastic jab at her? She turned to face him, but failed to find any trace of sarcasm in the puppy-dog face he was giving her. It occurred to her that he was starting off this way just to give her an out in case she wanted to say 'no' to whatever he was about to ask, an out that wouldn't reflect badly on either of them.
He ran out of words as he gazed into her eyes. She stiffened, again panicking at the thought of seeing disappointment or disgust in his face when he looked at her. She turned back to the scarves. This started him up again.
"…and, well I'm having a party and I wanted to invite you first of all, since I know you'd be insulted if you weren't right at the top of the invite list…"
Lydia was still dealing with the aftermath of the attack, the freaky visions of Peter Hale and most importantly the loss of her status as the school's reigning queen. Being seen at a Stiles party could be just the thing to cement her place right below the creepy lunch lady in the school's popularity ranking system.
Then again, from what others told her…Stiles had pretty much saved her life and never left the hospital until she recovered.
She warred with herself in her own mind for roughly two seconds before coming to a decision. She would refuse…but not because of the popularity thing. Saying yes would only open the door to them becoming closer. If they became closer, he would gain even more access to the inner Lydia. If that happened…he would find out she was nothing special…nothing at all. She would die before letting that happen, especially with this one.
"And what are we celebrating, Stiles? Has Scott finally proposed to you?" Lydia hissed inwardly…she meant it to sound more like a joke, and less like an insult…but it was hard to remember how to sheathe claws when they were out all the time.
He flinched then, and when she glanced at him, she saw him look away from her as if he couldn't bear the sight any longer.
"Why do you have to be like that all the time? Can't you just once…"
It was a good thing Stiles wasn't a werewolf. If he were, he might have heard Lydia's heart racing as if she were running a marathon. She crossed a line…he was going to call her out, tell her he was wrong about her, that she was nothing, despicable…it made her angry. If he knew her so well, why couldn't he understand she was only trying to protect herself?
"…look, it's my birthday and I thought you would want to…"
"Celebrate a mistake?" she finished for him. Lydia froze, unable to believe what had just come out of her mouth.
She waited for it. She had gone way too far. He would finally rage at her and call her a heartless bitch. It would be real and true, and she would deserve it. When nothing happened, she steeled herself for what she would see and slowly turned around.
"Oh my God, Stiles, I am so sorry…"
He was gone.
{}{}{}{}
Now they were all looking at her with disgust. Thing was, it didn't bother her. She didn't give a rat's ass what they thought of her. It couldn't be any worse than what she thought of herself. Derek glared at her a few moments longer than the rest, but eventually they all turned away.
"I-" Scott began. Derek cut him off.
"What about you, Jackson?"
The blond boy shook his head. He only realized after Lydia told her story why today was different than any other day; why Stiles had not shrugged off Jackson's taunts and even thrown a few back at him like he always did.
"I saw him at Lacrosse practice. He was sitting on the bench, watching us play. He was in full uniform, even though he was off the team. The other guys were laughing at him, except for Danny because he wasn't there and...he's not like that. I went over to him and asked him…"
{}{}{}{}
"What the fuck are you doing here, Stilinksi?" Jackson asked him.
"It's 'Stilinski', not 'Stilinksi'." Stiles growled. He was holding a folded piece of paper in his hands and turning it over and over while he stared at the ground. "Hey Jackson…listen, I know things have been weird lately, and we haven't exactly been close, but I wanted to ask you…"
"No, I don't think you're attractive." Jackson laughed. "Danny told me all about that. And for the record, that's coming from a straight guy!"
"Duh, of course you wouldn't." Stiles said, looking only slightly crestfallen. "Danny never answered my question-"
"Danny said he wouldn't suck your dick if he were drowning and there was oxygen in your balls." Jackson lied.
Danny had actually confided in Jackson that Stiles was pretty cute, and that it was too bad he wasn't gay because Danny would have asked him out long ago. Jackson was horrified by this news, and had nightmare visions of double dates with Danny and Stiles smooching in the back seat. He wanted to see Danny happy, but having Stiles around meant having Scott around, and Scott just annoyed the shit out of Jackson. If Stiles were a little bit bi, that quip about Danny ought to squash any chances of having to share his best friend with Scott's best friend. Jackson liked Stiles a little bit; he kind of admired that Stiles never stopped trying out for Lacrosse even though he never got to play. Determination to improve was a driving force in Jackson's life, and he respected that in others. In fact, Jackson was a lot like Stiles…only Jackson had looks and talent. In another world, they could have been friends. But Scott just rubbed him the wrong way. That meant Stiles needed to be pushed away too.
Stiles weathered the news about Danny silently for a few seconds. He tried to speak, but only some high-pitched strangled sound came out. Then he took a deep breath and tried again.
"Look, today is kind of a special day for me and I'd really like to be able to say that I scored a Lacrosse goal before it's over. I know I'm not officially on the team, but I figure it counts even if it's just during practice. One goal, and I'm out of your perfect hair. How about it?"
Jackson considered. "Sure thing…I'll just let the other guys know."
Jackson blew his Captain's whistle, and jogged to the center of the field while the rest of the team crowded around.
"What's the deal, Jackson? Why's Stilinski hanging around?" asked Lockwood, who was acting as goalie while Danny was home studying.
"He wants to score a Lacrosse goal. Let's give him a hard time at first, then let him score so he feels good about it."
"Why?" asked Lockwood unbelievably. He had joined in on Jackson's torment of both McCall and Stilinski numerous times.
"Why not? Don't be a douche, man. Let's go."
The other boys shrugged.
Jackson motioned Stiles out onto the field. He came running, and they only laughed for a few minutes when he tripped and fell flat on his face. Well, maybe more than a few minutes.
He got up again, and looked so grimly determined that Jackson decided he would be friends with Stilinski, Scott McCall be damned. After Stiles scored the goal, Jackson would tell him the truth about Danny too. Maybe he would even invite him to go for pizza later. Danny would be there, and who knew where things might lead?
Jackson's team took him at his word. Stiles did not score any goal on the numerous occasions he got the ball, and they viciously repelled his every attempt to gain ground. He surprised them a few times. He was faster than they gave him credit for, and he almost broke through the ranks twice. Jackson called Matthews over, who had successfully blocked Stiles (barely) both times, the last time only by tackling the smaller teen to the ground. Jackson was more and more impressed with Stiles the more he watched. He vowed nothing would stop Stiles getting onto the field at their next game.
"All right, give it to him this time." Jackson told him.
Stiles scooped up the ball and raced for the goal. Lockwood looked over at Jackson, and Jackson gave the goalie a sharp nod. Stilinski would remember this until the day he died.
Then Matthews came out of nowhere and crashed into Stiles with sickening force.
"What the fuck?" Jackson called out. Jackson raced over to the fallen Stiles. He grabbed Matthews on the way.
"What the hell, man? What was that all about?" Jackson shoved Matthews hard.
"You said to 'give it to him'!" Matthews responded, shoving Jackson back.
"I MEANT LET HIM SCORE THE FUCKING GOAL, YOU RETARD!" Jackson shouted back. He bit his tongue, not wanting Stiles to think Jackson pitied him, because he knew that Stiles really had some talent. He was so furious with Matthews for blowing this, and had no idea how to fix it. After beating Matthews bloody, Jackson turned around to look at Stiles. Where the boy lay, there was only the Lacrosse helmet. Five feet away from that were the shoulder pads. Pieces of the uniform formed a trail all the way to the bleachers, behind which Stiles had parked his now missing jeep. Laying in the middle of the parking spot was the Lacrosse stick. It was snapped cleanly in two.
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"I really meant for it to be good for him, I never…" Jackson trailed off. The idea of Stiles getting stomped on by both himself AND Lydia in the same day made him a little sick. Looking around at Scott and Allison and Derek, he wondered if they had done something to him as well. Jackson didn't quite have the balls to challenge Derek, so he settled on Scott and his squeeze.
"What about you two? Anything to share?"
"Yeah, but it wasn't just one big thing like with you guys…it was just a hundred little things. Me breaking plans with him, spending all my time with Allison…putting him in danger with all this werewolf business…"
Derek's eyes flashed crimson at him.
"You're lying. What happened yesterday?"
"Well, today is his birthday, but yesterday is the day that sticks out even more in his mind. Yesterday…was the anniversary of his mother's death."
This news hit them all like a sledgehammer in the gut.
"Stiles always goes to the cemetery at midnight to visit his Mom and tell her what's been going on with him, if he accomplished anything special. I always go with him since she was like my mother too. Last night, I was at Allison's since her parents were away…I meant to meet him like I always did, but…"
Allison blushed.
"You were busy." Derek said in a cutting voice.
Scott's eyes filled with tears.
"Yeah. I got a few texts, a few messages…I finally shut the phone off…this was a once in a lifetime chance for me and Allison to spend some real quality time together…but then…"
"Let's hear it. Let's hear the big excuse."
"Well, after…I just…fell asleep." Scott finished lamely.
"You mean you both fell asleep?" Derek clarified.
Allison shook her head. "No. I stayed awake. I let Scott sleep because I didn't want him to go. I had no idea about any of this stuff with Stiles, it was just like any other night to me. I was awake."
Derek rolled eyes that were becoming suspiciously wet. Scott thought Derek would try to trounce him, but the Alpha just looked miserable.
"Stiles came to see you too. What exactly did you two say to each other?" Scott asked.
Derek was silent. He continued to wring the shirt, which the others were just noticing was torn. Something crinkled in the shirt pocket. The Alpha unbuttoned the pocket and took out Stiles' cell phone and a small folded piece of paper. The phone was off and the battery was dead. Lydia had the same brand and pulled a charger out of her purse and plugged it into the wall. Derek handed her the phone, and she plugged it in. She was about to turn it on when she heard Derek gasp.
The Alpha had unfolded the paper. It was a checklist, written in blue marker. Each item was crossed out, and the word 'FAIL' was written next to it in black marker. It read:
'Stiles' List of Fantastic Accomplishments, 18th year.'
Successfully invite Lydia Martin to your birthday party!
Score a Lacrosse goal with Jackson!
Repair friendship with Scott!
Really get to know Allison!
Become a bad-guy eating kickass werewolf instead of a useless klutz!
TELL DEREK.
Lose virginity. Or at least get kissed.
A eighth item was drawn in the same black marker that had written 'FAIL'.
It read simply "End It." Next to it was written the word 'Success!'
They each took the list and read it silently before passing it to the next person.
"Spill it, Derek."
Derek sighed.
"He came to my hideout around 11 pm. He looked bad, I guess from the beating he got on the Lacrosse field. I took one look at him, and got furious…I…hate to see him hurt. He is always hurting himself for me….for us."
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"Stiles. To what do I owe this dubious pleasure?" Derek said from the darkness of the train car. Stiles jumped just as he was sticking the paper in his pocket.
"You know, you don't have to be all 'super-predator', I know you can hear me coming from a mile away. Ever thought of welcoming me into your brightly lit and not-at-all-creepy dwelling and asking me how I'm doing? Well, first you have to live in a non-creepy dwelling, and this place is actually about twelve steps further towards Creep-ville from the old house-"
"Stop talking." Derek commanded.
"And maybe, instead of threats, a nice cup of hot chocolate? I wouldn't say no to a soda, or maybe even a Brusskie…"
"Stiles!" Derek roared at him.
Stiles shut up.
Derek noticed the black eye and the way he was cradling his arm.
"What the hell happened to you?" If some monster were responsible, Derek would rip it apart with his bare hands.
"Guys were a little too rough on the Lacrosse field. I don't want to talk about it." Stiles' voice was different when he said this. It was a tone he had never heard from the teen before. It seemed…resigned.
"Did Jackson do this to you?" Derek asked. If so, the blond would get all the bites he ever wanted from the Alpha. And then some.
"No. I said I don't want to talk about it." Now there was an edge to his voice. The same kind of edge Derek used all the time.
"You might want to consider leaving the sports to Scott. You have-"
"No talent whatsoever? Yeah, got that memo, thanks." More edge.
Derek was going to say 'You have too much going for you to waste your time with Lacrosse. Let knuckleheads like Scott and Jackson hit each other with sticks.' He looked at Stiles a long time.
"Why are you here, Stiles?"
"Two reasons. Derek, I've been looking back on my life…and I'm not happy. I feel like everyone depends on me…and I've gotten pretty lucky with actually helping people, but…I'm no good to anyone like this. No one takes me seriously, and with good reason. I don't know how I'm not dead from everything that's come at us. Scott's a werewolf, Allison's a Hunter, Lydia is a genius with immunity powers, and Jackson's just good at everything. I'm worse than useless as a human."
"Stiles, are you asking me for the bite?" Derek asked. Part of him was thrilled, ecstatic even. Derek had wanted Stiles in his Pack since the 'cut off my arm, Stiles' incident. He was the bravest, strongest most determined human being Derek had ever met. Stiles was also very easy on the eyes, though Derek would never admit that. Stiles was a minor, after all…until tomorrow. But no matter how deeply buried, the fascination had only grown over time, until it was now full-blown attraction. Stiles was only human however, and being around Derek could only put him in danger. But if Stiles were a werewolf…
He shook his head. It would be incredibly selfish of Derek to have Stiles throw away his chance at a normal life and get pursued by crazy Hunters and monsters, just so Derek could be happy. If Derek had any indication that Stiles had similar feelings about him, why that would be a whole different story altogether.
"Yes, I'm asking for the bite. Your Uncle Peter offered it to me, you know."
This revelation rocked Derek to his core. "He did? What did you say?"
"I said no, that I didn't want it." Stiles said simply. 'Not from HIM, anyway.' Stiles thought.
Derek's heart sank in his chest. Stiles didn't really want it…didn't really want to be with Derek. "Then why are you asking for it?"
"I told you, to be able to protect my friends. And-"
Derek cut him off. "That's a noble reason, Stiles, but I'm afraid I have to say no."
Stiles looked stricken. "Why?"
"Stiles, look around you. Where are these friends you are trying to protect? Scott and Allison only care about themselves. Jackson and Lydia have their heads up their asses. If you ask me, you don't have any friends!" Derek said it harshly, furious at the truth of it. His thoughts were as crimson as an Alpha Glare. 'No friends that appreciate you, like I do. None that are worth you throwing your human life away over. Well, I'm going to have a Pack meeting to end all Pack meetings tomorrow. This bunch is going to learn not to take Stiles for granted, if I have to nail their pelts to the wall to do it. Stiles may be human, but he is going to get the respect due him as the only selfless member of this entire Pack.'
Stiles stepped back a few paces, and Derek had to resist the urge to lunge after him. He looked shocked, and was blinking rapidly. A strange thread began to wind its way through his scent, like a sour note in an otherwise beautiful music score.
"Stiles? What was the other thing you came here for?"
"Huh?" Stiles asked.
"When you came in, you said it was for two reasons. What was the other one?"
Stiles shuddered for a moment…then became still. He looked like he had come to a long put off decision. He gave Derek the fakest smile the Alpha had ever seen on a human being.
"Nothing. I'm bothering you. I bother everybody. I'm going to stop bothering everybody now. Sorry to bother you." Stiles walked away stiffly, almost like a mannequin. The strange scent got even stronger…almost like an attack scent, but different. Derek never smelled anything like it. Suddenly, he became very, very worried.
It was Derek, who had not been able to get that strange scent and Stiles' odd behavior out of his mind for two whole hours, that discovered the Stilinskis and called for an ambulance. He had come to the house around 1 am and found the window to Stiles' room locked. That was odd. That window was never locked…closed sometimes, but never locked. Derek listened for Stiles' heartbeat, and realized with a surge of terror that it was sluggish…and slowing.
Derek broke the window, and heard Sheriff Stilinski shout in surprise. Derek retreated to the top of the roof and listened to the man stumble sleepily into Stiles' room and switch on the light. There was an agonized scream and then the sound of a body hitting the floor. Derek cursed. In a moment, he was in the room. The Sheriff lay on the floor, unconscious. Stiles was lying on his bed, eyes open with an empty pill bottle in his one hand and an empty bottle of Jack in the other. The eyes were glazed, and foam was coming from the corner of his mouth. Numb and panicked, Derek grabbed the phone on Stiles' desk and dialed 911. At first, he growled into the phone, having shifted to where human speech was impossible. Using every ounce of his willpower, he reined the wolf in and managed to growl something that may have sounded like 'Ambulance!' to the confused operator, who (realizing it was the Sheriff's address) sent medical assistance immediately. Derek left before they got there, taking Stiles' shirt with him that still reeked of that strange odor. He knew what the scent was, now. It was the scent of suicide.
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The phone beeped. It was fully charged. Lydia unplugged it and turned it on. She looked blankly at the 3x3 dot matrix that appeared.
"Anyone happen to know the code?" Lydia asked.
They all shook their heads. Derek glared at Scott. "Stiles knows you use 'Allison' for your user name and passcode, but you don't know his freaking finger-sweep code for his phone?"
Lydia randomly tried some alphabet letters. Z was a bust. So was N. H worked. Lydia gave Derek a knowing look.
"I think you rejected him twice, Derek." she said evenly.
Derek was silent.
Stiles had about 18 calls out to Scott. The incoming call log was empty. They looked at the text messages, also out to Scott. None had any replies.
Scott, u know what tonite is. Plz meet me there, some stuff we need to tlk about.
Scott, really bad day 2day. Lyd was rude, and am tired of it.
Scott, u and Al maybe want to get pizza?
Scott?
Got my ass kicked at Lacrosse. Wish u were there. JW is a jerk.
Listen, I know u wit Allison. Fine. But don't you forget tonite!
U going to forget, ain't ya?
Scott, going to Derek's. Gonna ask him to bite me. Only u could save me!
Or not.
Nevermind. Bout everything. See ya around.
Tell my Dad I'm sorry.
I'll tell Mom when I see her.
Here w/Mom and Jack. Everything hurts. Hurts to breathe. Dad has stuff for pain.
18 years of shit is too much…no more.
Bye
Scott was bawling. Lydia and Allison were getting there. Jackson heaved and ran into the nearby restroom to throw up.
Derek was now completely numb with shock in a way he last felt when he realized almost all his family were dead. This just could not be real. Not in any sane world.
There was a video saved to the phone's memory. Derek pressed 'Play' and at the sound of Stiles' voice, the Pack gathered around again to watch it, their faces red and wrecked with tears.
The video was wobbly at first as Stiles propped the phone up. His voice was slurred when he spoke, and coupled with wild gesticulations of his hands.
"Hey guys. At my Mom's grave, by myself for the first time since…when you find this, I'll be gone…maybe you'll notice. I stillllllllll think Scott might save me…but maybe not. I'm not Allison, and she has the only 'Get Out of Death Free' card. Just some last thoughts for you all. Lydia…I really really want to say something MEAN to you. I really do. I think I know what to say that would make you go ALL! TO! PIECES! BUT! It would be a lie. BUT YOU'D BELIEVE IT! But it would be a lie. So I won't say anything. You're beautiful. I loved you. Bitch. No, that's a lie. I still love you, only as a friend. Bitch. You're my friend-bitch. Bitch-friend. Whatever. Allison, you're not a bitch. Well, you are for taking Scott away from me, but you didn't do that to hurt me. You're just greedy. Scott-greedy. Scott-greedy not-bitch. That's what you are. I love you too. As a friend. I don't really know you, but I love you because you love Scott. I love Scott. More than a friend. As a best friend. Shitty best friend. Shitty-werewolf best-friend with Scott-greedy not-bitch. Please take care of my ex-bitch-friend Lydia. Please tell her she's beautiful. She needs that. Don't tell her she's smart. She doesn't like that. I'm gonna stop saying bitch now. It's rude!"
Stiles breathed in and out a few times, wiping away tears and sniffling furiously.
"Scott. Don't stop saving people. It's the one thing you're good at. Well, except for me. You sucked there. But try to be there for everybody else. You know. Real people. Not like me. I wish you'd told me Scott. I wish you'd told me that you just needed me until someone else came along. I wish you hadn't been my friend if that's all I was…a place holder until Allison came along. I love you like my brother. But I hate you too. You made me think I was real. Like, Pinocchio real. I mean, not wooden. But I AM wooden, so shame on you for fooling me. You gave me what I needed and took it away. Please don't do that to Allison when the next person comes along. Allison will crossbow your ass. With wolfsbane. Derek will have to cut off your ass. I don't know if werewolf asses grow back. I'd look it up tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure I'll be dead. Shitty-werewolf no-ass best-friend.
Stiles did a slow turn-about, almost stumbling into another tombstone.
"Jackson! I know you're there! Jackson Whittemore, you adopted co-captain Scott-wannabe. Why would you want to be like Scott? He has no ass! Or will have no ass, as soon as Allison crossbows it and Derek cuts it off. He has future ass-lessness. Don't be like that. You are 100% ass, so with no ass there will be no Jackson! You were adopted. Boo, hoo. No one cares except you. At least you were honest, not like Lying-Scott future-no-ass, shitty-werewolf best-friend. You let me know I was fake. You were straight with me. Like truthful straight not 'I like girls' straight. You're both kinds of straight…maybe. Adopted co-captain Scott-wannabe double-straight maybe 100% ass Jackson. That's who you are. Don't tell anyone else the truth. They couldn't take it. I couldn't take it. Just be who you are. The world needs to look at you and go 'Wow, I wish I were Jackson.' Just don't tell them what a mess you are, you know, on the inside. And get over that whole adoption crap! You could have it worse! You could be a fake person like me!"
Stiles lay down on the grass of his mother's grave. He crossed his arms over his chest.
"I was fake-alive, but I think I'm gonna be real-dead. For reals. But I feel like I'm forgetting something. Oh yes. Derek."
Stiles slowly turned his head to look at the camera.
"I love you too. Not as a friend. Scott and Peter…they made me scared of werewolves, Derek. You too…but you made me love them too. Peter wanted to bite me. I said no because he was…NUTS…nutty scary meany bitey Alpha. I could never be like that. Then you were Alpha. You saved me once or twice. You hit me A LOT! AND said lots of threats! Savey hitty threateny sexy…oops, there it is. That slipped out. Derek…I have lusted after your body since you did a strip tease for Danny in my room. Ha! I told you! And you can't rip out my throat because when you find this I'll be dead. Well, you could still do it, but I won't feel it. I wanted you to bite me so I could be with you and you could show me the good things about being a werewolf instead of the bad things. The good werewolf things like you had with your family, with your sister…not your uncle. I wanted to share them with you. I wanted my first kiss with you. My first…well I'm not drunk enough NEARLY to go into all the things I wanted to do with you. I dream about you. What being with you would be like. We would get a real apartment though, none of this 'lair' shit. Derek, I was going to tell you I loved you, but you told me I had no friends…I had nobody. You were right. I thought you were my friend. I thought you were…but how could anybody that hits me and threatens me ever love me? Why do I see that as love? Wasn't one Lydia enough? Is that why I got over her and fell in love with you, because you hate me so much more than she does? Why does everybody hate me? Why do I hate myself so much?"
The next three minutes were just Stiles crying and shuddering.
"I was wrong about everything. I'm tired of being wrong. Oh God am I tired. Mom…I love you. I know you love me back. I need you so much and I can't wait anymore. If one more person hurts me I'll go crazy. Dad…I am so sorry to do this to you. Please don't hurt yourself or blame anybody…this was all me, my fault. I'm not good enough. If I lived, I'd disappoint you. That would make me go crazy too."
Stiles stood up, dried his tears and became remarkably calm. He even smiled, and it looked genuine…beatific almost.
"I'm done now. This is Stiles Stilinski. Signing out." The video ended.
Derek wanted to crush the phone in his hand.
Melissa McCall came into the room. She was crying openly now.
Derek leapt to his feet.
"What happened?" he demanded.
"The Sheriff. He's…he's gone." Melissa sobbed out.
The group looked around at each other with lost expressions.
"And Stiles?" Derek's voice broke.
"Coma. Possible brain damage, but it's too early to tell."
Melissa left them.
"I need to give him the bite. I should have done it when he asked." Derek moaned.
"Derek, if he wakes up and finds out his father's dead…it will kill him. He'll kill himself. Again." Lydia told him gently.
Derek knew she was right. He also knew he didn't care, that he would guard Stiles night and day until he was over it, if he ever got over it, if Derek could just get the chance to tell Stiles how he felt. But was that just more selfishness? Derek didn't know anymore, was terrified to trust his own judgment. It had betrayed him time and time again.
"What should I do? All of you, please…tell me what I should do?" he begged.
A/N – Not really sure how to end this. What do you guys think?