Castle Walls

Everyone thinks that I have it all, but it's so empty,

Living behind these castle walls

If I should tumble, if I should fall,

Would anyone hear me screaming

Behind these castle walls?

There's no one here at all,

Behind these castle walls.

Pain racks ever inch of your body.

You hear their voices in your mind, saying, "This is crazy, Shaun." But not one of them even told you not to do it. They didn't try to convince you. They just let you go. Knowing you might hurt yourself, knowing you might die.

Not caring.

You glance up at the blackened night, knowing no one will find you here.

Somehow, you feel you're okay with it.

So you just sit there, pain tingeing every nerve. Your head is too foggy to tell you how bad the fall was.

You wonder why you came here, but you know why. You just won't admit it.

You had something to prove to them.

Or maybe yourself.

You wanted to prove that you're worth something. That you matter to them. That you're something other than news headlines.

When they find you here, they'll appreciate you.

When they realize they almost lost you.

Of course, you didn't mean to hurt yourself. But they assumed it, and they didn't stop you. They honestly hate you that much.

They won't hate you when they realize how far they pushed you.

Coming up to the mountain at night is dangerous.

Doing any tricks in the dark is dangerous.

And you told them what you were going to do. As the awareness of your body fades, you let yourself remember.

"Shaun, man, this is over between us." Kevin looked away, didn't even let himself face you, "I can't be friends with you anymore." You lifted your head from your lap and looked at him, your mouth hanging open. Finally, you spoke.

"Excuse me?" Kevin just shook his head.

"Ever since my accident, every time I see you, it's like. . . Taunting me. You stood in between me and my dreams. It was always you. And now I'll never get that." Kevin's been depressed lately. You thought it was just the stress talking.

You speak again, saying, "Kev, come on. You're my best friend… Since we were twelve, right? It can't just be-"

"Over?" Kevin gave a dark chuckle, "Well, it looks like it is." You glance toward Mason, your teeth on your lip.

"Me, too, man. It's just too much drama. I'm sorry." So you stand up. You can't believe what you're hearing. They're done with you. Walking out on you, giving up on you.

"Where are you going?" Mason asked. And you just smiled bitterly.

"I'm going to go practice my run for the freaking Olympics."

"Shaun," Mason called as you walk out, "It's midnight." You rolled your eyes.

"The pipe's open." And so you drove your car down to this place, and you did just what you said would do.

But the double McTwist was too much for you. You couldn't see where you were going. So down you went.

You try to remember what you know about dying.

You try not to have regrets.

And then you're gone.