When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne
A Shiv and Ebon story by The Vampire Brooke
Shiv and Ebon were arguing again. They were just sitting in bed when Ebon brought up the topic of Shiv getting an artificial male baby transplant; a procedure that made it so that gay couples could have children. It was very expensive and very painful…and very, very dangerous. Only one man had ever survived the night of giving birth…and the baby still died. Eventually Ebon gave up arguing and stormed out of their bedroom.
Shiv wanted him to come back, to tell him that he wanted to give Ebon a baby….he was just scared.
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd… need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie… is made up on your side
Ebon hadn't come back that night. And Shiv started to get worried. Ebon usually came back within a few hours of storming off. Should he call the bar where Ebon usually went when they fought? The hospital? Adam's house? Shiv didn't know what to do! So his worry got the best of him…and with all his anger and fear and anxiety….he threw himself onto their bed and cried.
When you walk away… I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
He slowed his sobs and eventually drifted into an exhausted nap. And dreamed of the night before….the argument, the unspoken fear, Ebon's leaving; Shiv's crying…….it was all apart of a mini-nightmare. And Shiv awoke to feel tears on his face.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
Ebon still hadn't come back yet. Shiv called around and eventually worked up the courage to try the cell phone that Ebon never carried. A happy tune that Shiv had installed on Ebon's phone came from the desk drawer…..and Shiv broke down into sobs. He listened to Ebon's voice tell him to leave a message or fuck off. And Shiv cried harder. It was near noon now. If Ebon were here, he'd be making lunch and Shiv would be annoying the hell out of him by giving him random hugs and teasing him and kissing his cheek. Then they would go watch TV together.
When you're gone
The words I need to hear… to always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you
Shiv ran downstairs and flipped on the TV in the hopes of seeing Ebon getting chased by the cops or something….at least it would mean Ebon was ok. The news was talking about some kind of car accident with a semi truck on 4th Avenue…..that's the on the way to Jack's Bar, where Ebon usually went. The reported went on to say that 5 were estimated dead and 4 more injured. Shiv felt his heart speed up and panic set in. One of the cars looked like Ebon's.
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do… reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you… I love the things that you do
What if Ebon was hurt…or worse…dead? He wouldn't come home and take Shiv up to their bed and trail kisses down his chest and Shiv wouldn't get to hold him close and moan his name and …..The pain in his chest reached a maximum. Shiv fell down to the floor and wrapped his arms around his torso in the desperate hope that doing so would keep him pulled together. It didn't. He let out a pained wail that only a dedicated lover could, a wail that meant he lost the most important thing in his life. The pain was unbearable. He thought of Ebon walking away the night before, when he stormed out of the bedroom.
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
Shiv should have called him back, demanded that he stay with Shiv. Of course, Ebon would have bristled at being ordered to do anything, but he would have stayed to remind Shiv just who was boss. And it would have eventually turned real kinky. And Ebon would still be here with Shiv.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
Shiv should have agreed to give Ebon a baby. Because now Shiv needed something of Ebon to hold and a baby would have been part Ebon, part Shiv. And if Shiv and the baby had survived the birth, Ebon would be here, playing with the baby and denying that hearing the child giggle made him happy. But it would have. It would have made Ebon the happiest man on earth to have his baby and his lover in the same room.
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear… to always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you
The baby would have looked just like Ebon. But with Shiv's eyes and smile. Ebon would have liked rocking the baby to sleep or driving the kid to school or teaching him or her to ride a bike. If it was a boy… Ebon would be the proudest father on earth. If it was a girl… Ebon would be wrapped around her finger. For a man who hated being under anyone's control and who claimed he would never be….he could be a real softy when he didn't realize it.
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
And that's why Shiv loved him. Because of when he opened up to Shiv and kissed his forehead or held his hand or cuddled when they were done having sex. Shiv wanted to give him a baby…now. He could go down to the hospital and see what he needed to create a baby. He could find Ebon's DNA on his toothbrush or hairbrush or something. He would give Ebon a baby and maybe then Ebon would come home.
And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
Shiv pulled on his jacket, laced up his shoes and threw open the door….to find Ebon standing on the porch, smoking. At Ebon's glance back at him, Shiv burst into tears and threw his arms around Ebon's waist and bawled into his chest. Ebon dropped his cigarette and stroked Shiv's hair with one hand and ran his other hand up and down Shiv's back. Ebon was gently rocking Shiv back and forth while making comforting sounds until Shiv calmed down enough to pull Ebon into the house and press his lips to his.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
They fucked right there on the floor and when they lay cooling beside each other, Ebon gave him an expecting look. So, Shiv told him everything. About his worry when Ebon didn't come back, his fear of not being a good parent to a baby, the news on the TV, and Shiv's decision to give Ebon a baby. Ebon listened to it all silently until Shiv finished and then he pulled Shiv to his chest and planted a firm, hungry kiss to Shiv's mouth. They both got dressed and went to the hospital to get the procedure done. In 9 months, Ebon and Shiv would be the proud parents of a new baby.
And when you're gone
All the words I need to hear …will always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you
Shiv and the new baby both made it through the operation ok. The baby was a newborn boy who they named Malachi from the Bible, which meant God's gift in Hebrew. It was basically the same meaning as Ebon's name, but his was Ivan, which meant God's gift in Russian….I know… weird. Turns out, Shiv was just being paranoid that night and Ebon did come back, he was just too drunk to make it up the stairs, so he crashed on the couch, then went outside for a smoke.
The End of My Magical SadFest