Rage.
Uncontrolled, unmitigated wrath, like magma stewing beneath the rim of an active volcano, causing him to shudder like the earthquakes preceding a long-awaited eruption.
He was a kettle, and sooner or later, the water within him would boil, and he would scream that he'd had enough.
But this storm had been too long brewing inside him. Never before had Lelouch Lamperouge felt, this betrayed.
The one who he thought to be one of his most trusted friend, Rai, has stolen the heart of his innocent little sister, Nunnally Lamperouge.
Force was Lelouch's weapon of choice for dealing with this scum, but when lies are the natural language, force is useless: against this opponent, he needed to use facts.
Anything that would make Rai leave Nunnally alone.
He was going to make him pay. He was going to hurt him back. He had no idea who he was messing with.
"Rai."
The young man with silver hair and blue eyes turned around and saw Lelouch standing there. He was cold and bitter today, but as always Rai was calm despise all the hostility Lelouch could have.
"Lelouch...Is there something you need to discuss with me?"
He was going to do it. He was going to yell at him, make him disappear from Nunnally's life once and for good.
Making him stop to make his sister hope for nothing.
It was HIS role as a brother to make HIS sister happy...How?...How could an outsider, who knew nothing, could make the difference?
However...
Lelouch said nothing.
Rai was a bit surprise that he said nothing.
But by instinct Rai knew that what Lelouch has to say was very important, so he would wait, all the time his friend would need to tell him what was going on.
Lelouch's eyes, who were once full of anger and bitter, were now empty.
A total void of emotion. And all he could do was whispering :
"Why..."
(He could remember himself spying on Nunnally and Rai.
Both of them were folding Origami. He remember that sometime when Rai was explaining how to do another Origami, he would take Nunnally's hands to show how it could be done.
She would always blush and give him a shy smile.
In the pleasure of those innocent smile and touch, there was an undeniable temptation.)
"...?" Rai was confused.
"Why...Nunnally...of all people?"
("Onii-Sama?"
Nunnally was nervous, and was hoping that her brother would respond. Much to her excitement, he answered.
"What is it Nunnally?" Lelouch asked.
"May I ask you a question?"
"Of course."
She bowed her head, pressing her lips together while she scraped her tongue against her teeth.
"What…What is love?")
"...She is the Eleventh Princess of the Holy Britannian Empire..." continue Lelouch while breathing slowly.
"...She is blind and crippled..."
"How...How people look at her..."
Lelouch's breathing became louder at each statement.
(He was caught off-guard, and he stared at his young sister for a moment or so.
In real time it took only a few minutes but for Nunnally, it felt like eternity.
Finally, Lelouch answered.
"Why do you ask?"
"Well…I..." She began, with a blush on her cheeks.)
"...You know all this,...Right?...Then...Why?"
"..." No response from Rai.
"C-Could it be...that...You..." Lelouch's vision became blurry because of his sudden anger, even thought he spoke as calmly as he could.
"Do you pity her?" His lips trembled as he asked the question.
The truth.
It hurt.
His chest hurt.
So badly.
It was as if Lelouch was blind like his sister.
Nobody said anything.
Just silence.
Plain silence.
Each moment spent in this dead silence made Lelouch became even more angry. Why wouldn't he answer? Was it true after all ? That Bastard ! How dare he?
Lelouch has stop to look down and decided to confront Rai's face. When he look at him...Nothing...No anger, no sadness, no laughing, nothing.
Rai's face was nonchalant. Like nothing happen, like they were just talking about the weather and it made Lelouch angrier and more desperate.
Answer me.
...
Rai realized once again...
That it was fading away.
The memory.
Not the feeling.
Answer me damn it !
...
The loneliness and the sorrow that tear him apart.
He can forget the memory.
But not the feeling.
Whenever it came from his unknown past or now.
Answer me...Please...
...
("Rai-San?" asked Nunnally.
She seemed to be a bit unsure about what she was going to ask him.
"Yes Nunnally?"
"I-If it is alright with you...We could go outside for a walk...the two of us..."
He surprised himself.
"Of course."
He was smiling...A real gentle smile.
He was happy.
But not only because it made her happy that he agree to go with her outside.
It was more because she wanted to be with him.)
Rai look in Lelouch's eyes with a distant look and said:
"Such...Cruel and selfish feeling..."
"...?" Hints of emotion darted over Lelouch's hauntingly beautiful face.
"I wonder if this could be called 'Pitying'..."
Rai stop for a moment and continue.
"Because I want to recover my memories, I want to be around people like Nunnally to stop the loneliness and the sorrow that tear me apart."
"That is all...Sophistry." replied Rai with a sad smile.
"What...are you trying to say?" was all Lelouch could asked.
Rai's smile was still sad but now was a little bit more gentle.
I am such a liar.
"By hiding my true feelings, I am deceiving others...including her."
I am such a coward.
"I am only saying it,..."
This time Rai's smile was as bright as the sun.
"Because I don't want anything or anyone to take Nunnally away from me."
I am so selfish.
Lelouch's eyes became wide.
"Because...Nunnally is my most important person and I love her more than my own former or new life."
...
Rai laughed softly.
"I am sorry Lelouch...For you to have such selfish and coward friend..."
"But...This is how I really feel. And I cannot stop it."
"I...See." replied Lelouch
It's a crime.
"If you don't have anything else to ask me, then I have to go to the Student Council Room."
Because I gave up too easily.
"See you later, Lelouch." Said Rai while leaving.
I receive punishment because I am too attached.
Abandoning everything everywhere.
To lose someone so important...
For someone like you.
I don't mind anymore.
But...
He couldn't stop the tears. Whatever it was tears of happiness or sadness.
It hurt and hurt again...
He doesn't know.