"HYAH!" Finn sliced away a bright pink fern with his sword and looked back at Jake. "You comin' buddy?"
Jake puffed, "Yeah,but I don't know how long I can keep this up. I had a whole sammich before we went on this 'scouting expedition' and I'm feelin' yarftastic!"
Finn rolled his eyes at his lazy companion and wiped his sweat covered forehead. He walked on ahead, then threw out his arm to stop Jake. He hit Jake in the stomach. Jake fell over. He doubled up on the ground and coughed up a slice of Meatman. Finn's eyes widened as he gazed upon the sparkling pool of water that danced in front of them. Jake crawled over."Whoooooa," Jake said. "Man, I know I gotta wait half an hour after I eat but I'm goin' swimming!"
"Wait for me, bro!" Finn yelled. Jake jumped in and came up in slow motion, whippining his ears also in slow-mo. "Hey you radical dog, make room for mmmmmeeeee!" Finn screamed in after Jake as he jumped in. "Hey man, let's climb up there so we can ride the waterfall!" Finn said.
"What waterfall?" Jake looked up. The waterfall sprayed him in the face. "Oh, that waterfall." Finn laughed as his bud stretched him half way up the cliff. Jake stopped. "Hey man, I think you need to check this out."
"'Sup?" Finn asked, walking forward on Jake's head and squinting behind the waterfall. "Oh man! There's totally a cave in there! Let's see if there's anything I can fight!" Finn hopped off Jake's head and ran into the dark. Jake followed him, immediately walking into a wall.
"Hey dude, get out your flashlight."
As Finn started to dig in his backpack, there was a clanking noise and part of the wall fell forward onto Jake. It wasn't a wall at all: it was a drawbridge made of toast. A fish in a tuxedo came out. He was holding the hand of a small after dinner mint wearing a pink bow on her head. Finn got out his flashlight and shone it on them, trying not to get the light in their eyes. The little mint girl ran off squealing.
"Wait!" Finn called after her. "We're not gonna hurt you!"
"What's that now?" the fish said loudly, looking to the right of Finn. Finn waved his arms frantically, trying to get the attention of the fish butler, who seemed to be blind.
"Uuhhhh sir, I'm over here."
"You won't get my undergarments you thieving hooligans!" shouted the delirious fish.
Jake's head stretched out from under the drawbridge. "We're not here for your underwear, dude." The fish guy looked around wildly.
"Enough! Fish Butler, leave my guests alone," shouted a voice. The fish backed away slowly to reveal a tall figure behind him. A woman came out onto the drawbridge, into Finn's flashlight light. She was abnormally tall and was made out of food. Her head was a giant meatball with olive eyes, a carrot nose, orange wedge mouth, apple slice ears and spaghetti hair. She was wearing a lettuce leaf dress, a cheese apron with bacon straps, and a pork chop on a string around her eggplant neck. Her arms and legs were French bread. Her hands were sausage patties with sausage links for fingers. "Who are you?" the food woman demanded. Finn pulled his friend out from under the bridge, then walked forward.
"I'm Finn the human, this is Jake the dog. Who are you?"
"I am Food Princess, and this is my castle!" the woman yelled, throwing her arms out. Then she laughed. "Sorry about the theatrics. I don't get very many guests here."
"It's cool," Finn said.
"You wouldn't happen to be adventurers or heroes, would you?" she asked rocking back and forth on her patty boots.
Finn and Jake nodded. "Yeah, why? You need one?"
"Weeeellllll," she paused, "You see, I need someone to find my lost daughter." She motioned them into her castle, leading them down a long hallway that seemed to be made out of different kinds of food, all smushed together. "It all started when I married my husband. As you can see, I'm made out of food. I didn't know that he only married me so that he could eat me! I found out after we had been together for five years. At that point, we had had our first and only child, Sundae Princess. One day my husband got so overwhelmed about me and my daughter being food that he tried to eat us whole! We escaped and ran into the woods, but my daughter slipped and fell. I kept running. That was eleven years ago. I haven't seen Sundae Princess since that day. I can only hope she's still alive for you to find."
Finn bowed his head and put his hand over his heart. "Food Princess, I will gladly find your long lost daughter for you."
Food Princess smilled and hugged Finn and then Jake. "But surely you must be tired from your travels, you are my guests so you will be treated like royalty!" She clapped her hands twice. A green peppermint ran up to them. "Pepprmint Maid, take my guests to the royal guest room so they can dry off." The peppermint bowed and escorted them to brightly lit rooms with yellow wall paper. The room had two king size beds, a bathroom with a mirror the size of the pond they had been swimming in, a T.V., full size fridge, a sofa, two coffee tables and a great view of the castle garden. Everything was made out of immediately started sucking on the coffee table. "Finn, you gotta try this!"
Finn hadn't even taken a step before the green peppermint maid said "Master Finn, master Jake, there are towels in the cabinet. I hope you sleep well and there will be a breakfast feast in your honor in the morning." Then she closed the door silently and briskly walked down the hallway.
"How's the table?" Finn asked Jake.
"Tastes like watermelon," Jake mumbled. "Taste the curtains, I think they're cotton candy." Finn walked over and licked a hot pink curtain. It did taste like cotton candy. For the next few hours, they checked out the bathroom, bounced on the beds, watched the only channel on T.V., Food Network, and right before they went to bed, they told each other ghost stories.
The next morning, Peppermint Maid found Finn passed out in one bed and Jake asleep in the other, hugging a candy cane lamp with the lampshade over his head. She grabbed the curtains and pulled them open, flooding the room with light. Jake groaned in his sleep. Finn gurgled and then sat up with his eyes squinted. "Good morning master Finn, master Jake. I hope you slept well. Get dressed and I will escort you to the main hall where we will have breakfast feast," said Peppermint Maid.
"No, Meatman! I didn't mean to!" Jake yelled.
"I'll get him up," Finn told Peppermind Maid. She nodded. Finn poked Jake, then shook him. Jake woke up and yelled, "I didn't mean to fart in church Mom! I couldn't hold it in!"
Finn slapped Jake across the face a few times. "Jake, bro! Wake up!"
"I'm up, I'm up!"Finn got dressed and brushed his golden hair. Jake walked into the bathroom and brushed his floppy ears."So you think Food Princess is for reals?" Finn asked, pulling on his hat.
"Why wouldn't she be? She's made out of food," Jake said. Finn shrugged and followed Jake and Peppermint Maid to the dining hall. Peppermint Maid opened the Kit Kat doors and flung out her arms. In front of them was a massive table filled with all different kinds of food Finn had never seen before. Jake's lower jaw literally hit the floor. "Finn, I think we died and went to food heaven!" Finn laughed and punched him. Jake rubbed his arm as he and Finn sat down at the table. Peppermint Maid ran to the other side of the room (which was hard because her legs were only six inches long) and opened another door. This time Food Princess walked out in a sweeping dress that had wrapped saltwater taffy printed on the bottom. Finn stood back up and bowed so low to Food Princess that his forehead touched the table. "Good morning, your edibleness." Food Princess giggled. Jake paused and did the same, only it was faster so it looked like he just slammed his head into the table. Food Princess waved them to sit down. Peppermint Maid clinked her glass with her fork for attention.
"Good morning, everyone!" Peppermint Maid called down the table. Finn, Jake, Food Princess, and the other food servants listened to her. "Today we have two special guests in the castle: Jake the dog and Finn the human!" All the servants and Food Princess clapped. Jake blushed. "Now, let us feast untill we can not feast anymore!"
Finn reached out for a plate of purple pancake-looking things, but Jake put his arm across him. "Manners, Finn. Wait until it gets passed to you."
"Oh, right. Sorry."
First Finn was passed a plate of what looked like green bacon, then yellow French toast. He carefully took one thing off each plate. "So, Food Princess, your edibleness, what does your daughter look like?"
"She's an ice cream cone," Food Princess explained. "She is about five feet tall, not counting her cone. She has one strawberry scoop, one vanilla, and one chocolate scoop on top. She also floats."
"That shouldn't be hard to find," Jake said, delicately shoving food into his mouth.
"Yeah, it's not like we have to search all of Ooo." Finn took a bite of toast.
"Well, no one has seen her in eleven years. I have hired countless heroes and knights to find her, but they all came back empty handed. The only places I haven't checked are Lumpy Space and the Underworld."
Finn took off his backpack. "I know the Lumpy Space Princess! I can call her if you want."
"That would be delightful Finn, but for right now, let's finish breakfast."
*LATER IN THE STUDY*
"O.K. Finn, I think you could call Lumpy Space Princess now." Finn nodded. Jake stretched his arm out, grabbed Finn's phone and handed it to him. Finn went to his contact list and dialed LSP. He tapped his fingers as it rang.
"Hello? What do you want?" asked a slightly annoyed voice.
"LSP? Is that you?" Finn asked.
"Yeah. What do you lumping want, I'm lumping busy!"
"Oh, I was just wondering if you had seen a five foot tall ice cream cone, goes by the name of 'Sundae Princess?'" There was a pause.
"MOM! Get the lumps out of our room, I'm on the phone!"
Finn blinked."Our?"
"Finn, I really gotta go. I'llcallyoulaterokthanksbye!"
"Wait, LSP, no!" Finn waved his hand like Lumpy Space Princess could see him. "And she hung up." Jake sighed.
"Well I gues the only other place to look is the Underworld. Do we know anyone who might take us there?"
"I could call Marceline." Finn held his phone up.
"That might work."
"Who's Marceline?" asked Food Princess.
"Marceline the Vampire Queen?"
Food Princess shook her head. "Never heard of her. If she's around your age then she was a little girl when I stopped leaving my castle to explore Ooo."
Finn shook his head. "No, actualy she's almost two thousand years old. Her birthday's in five days. She eats the color red."
"That's very interesting, but how is she going to help me find my daughter?" Food Princess asked.
"She can take us on a tour of the underworld. That's one of the only places you didn't look, right?"
Food Princess nodded, then got up. "Finn, I have something for you." She turned around, pulled out a gloriously pollished and detailed sword and presented it to him. "Finn the human, I trust the sacred sword of 'The Great Heroes Before Time' will be safe in your hands. Please take it as a token of my gratitude."
Finn took the sword gently."Wow Food Princess, you didn't have to do this." Food Princess blushed and turned around again. This time she gave Jake a bronze glove, two sizes too big. Jake gasped and put his hands on either side of his face."Is that... The big bronze knuckles of the legendary Billy?" Jake asked in awe.
She nodded slowly."Now boys, I'm trusting you with legendary equipment. If you break it or damage it in ANY WAY, I will have to confiscate your weapons and bannish you from my kingdom,"
(dramatic pause)
"FOREVERERERERERERER!"
Finn looked at the sword. Jake held the glove in two fingers like it was something gross."So what does this stuff do anyway?" Jake asked. "Well, the sword has mystic powers that tells you when danger is coming, and the glove smashes stuff, but if you say a magic spell, it turns into your enemy's greatest fear. DUNDUNDUUUUUNNNNNNN!" Food Princess yelled.
Jake raised the hand that wasn't holding the glove. "Um, Food Princess, can I have a sword too?"
"No."
"Aw."
Finn started tapping his chin. "Hey Food Princess, where did you get all of this Billy stuff?" Food Princess looked around and then led them into a small dark room.
"This was my husband," Food Princess said, pulling a velvet rope. Curtains fell off the wall to reveal...A picture of BILLY! Finn and Jake gasped simultaneously, then looked at each other, then Food Princess.
"Food Princess, how come you didn't tell us this?" Finn asked.
"Because no one can know," Food Princess said. "I like my privacy. Now if you'll excuse me- FISH BUTLER!" The unstable fish sauntered in and bowed.
"Yesssssss-s-s-s-s-s-s-s?" Fish Butler wriggled his tongue as he spoke.
"Fix the curtains," Food Princess commanded. "I have to see Finn and Jake to the door." Fish Butler nodded to the vase on Food Princess's left. Food Princess waved Finn and Jake out of the dimly lit room and into the foyer. Finn and Jake reached the toast drawbridge and turned around. "Before you go," Food Princess whispered, "I want to give you this picture of my daughter and her favorite toy." She handed Finn a tiny painting of Sundae Princess playing with a rag doll dressed like an ice cream man. Finn inclined his head.
"Don't worry, Food Princess. We'll find her." They waved as the walked out of the damp cave, and out the entrance. When they reached the ground, they looked at each other simultaneously. "Well, I guess we should start in the Underworld," said Jake.