Who cares about you, bud?
If it was any other day it would probably have slipped his mind but today just made him sad. Today, the words seemed to echo around his head like a boomerang. Whatever he thought of, his mind always returned to that simple phrase.
Who cares about you?
He thought it would be easy to answer when in reality, it was really hard.
'Dad' he thought at first. His dad loved him, right? But why would he? He was his fag son. He had a new family now. A beautiful new wife and a new perfect, straight, football playing son. Kurt was just a reminder of his late wife, of bad memories. Why would he care about him? Without him he had a complete, perfect family. They barely recognized him as family anyway. Always going to family dinners together, movie nights, weekend vacations, doing anything to forget about that fag at home. So, his dad was off the list.
'Carole?' He thought next. No, sure she liked him and all, but she would always pick Finn. She talked to him rarely, only to say 'hello' or 'dinners ready'. That crosses her off the list.
Everyone in Mckinley hated him except glee club.
'Mercedes' he thought. She talked to him maybe once every two weeks. She suddenly was spending more time with Quinn or Sam than her 'Best Friend,' even before his transfer. So, nope.
'Tina?' Nope, he barely knew the girl.
'Finn.' He was obligated to do that because of the whole brother thing. Quinn or Rachel or whatever girl he was dating would always come first though and he wasn't very happy with his transfer. So, Nope.
'Sam' Probably hated him for even hanging out with him and lowering his rep. Nope
'Artie' Again barely knew the guy. Nope
'Mike' Same as Artie and Tina.
'Puck' He literally threw him into trash. Big, fat nope.
'Rachel' She was the one making him question this so obviously HELL NO.
'Blaine'
I was really lucky to be chased out of high school by a bully who threatened to kill me. - And why did he do that? - Because he didn't like who I was. Sort of exactly what you're saying to me right now.
No. He didn't care. He hated him.
He had no one. No one cared. No one wanted to care.
It was the weekend and his dad had taken Carole to Cincinnati for a late honeymoon for the past two weeks and Finn was at some Warbler and ND jam session, that he stayed home for, so he was home alone.
He knew what he had to do.
He grabbed a stack of paper and started writing.
First, to his dad. He was apologizing. Apologizing for being a fag. Apologizing for being a disappointment. Apologizing for ruining his new, perfect family. He told him that he shouldn't blame himself for this. That he just wanted to go home to his mom. To the people that loved him. That he didn't want them to lie and say they cared anymore. That they had no reason to care. His tears stained the paper ever so slightly before he moved to the next one.
Next, to Carole. Telling him to take care of his dad. Telling her what Finn had done. Telling her he was right. Thanking her for trying to be like a mother to him, but he was going back to his real mother. Telling her his last wish. For his father to be happy know. He hasn't been happy in years.
Then, Finn. He said he was sorry for creeping him out. That he was leaving him alone forever now. That he was happy that Finn could do what he couldn't do. To make his dad proud. He told him why he had a crush on him.
He slipped all three of them in a little envelope he titled 'Family,' and placed it on his desk before moving on to more letters.
He wrote to the New Directions as a whole, next. He said that he wished he could've known Tina, Mike, and Artie better. He said that he was sorry for creeping the boys out. Told Mercedes he was sorry for ignoring her and that he was sorry for leaving. Told them everything. The truth about the 'Defying Gravity' incident. He told them exactly what he thought. Told them that he thought no one cared about him. He told them the aftermaths of Rachel's party. What Rachel had said. That Rachel was right. He told them the truth of why he had to leave. Told them why he didn't believe in god.
He wrote a note to the McKinley's Unholy Trinity (Quinny, Britt-Britt, and Satan/'Tana), next. They had a tight friendship, tighter than him and Mercedes, though it was not nearly as displayed. He had known them all since four, even before his mother died. Even before he moved to Lima. He said that he was sorry for what he was doing. He said that he was lying when he said no one cared about him. He knew that they cared about him, but how could live if he didn't care about himself anymore? They were the reason he even lasted as long as he did. He wasn't mad at them for not protecting him. All they did was keep their promise. He felt horrible that he was breaking his promise. He just missed them to much.
He put both of those in a small envelope titled 'McKinley,' before moving on to the last two letters, Blaine and the Warblers. He knew the Warblers all hated him since Blaine was mad at him, but they had to know why he said what he said.
He told the Warblers he was so thankful that they tried to include him, even when he was from a rival club, so close to sectionals. That he would never fit in there. And just sorry. It was just short and simple.
Lastly, Blaine. He knew this was going to be the hardest. He said sorry. Sorry for what he said. Sorry for not being supportive. Sorry for whatever he did to be so unlikeable. Sorry for being like Karofsky. He told he'll leave him alone for now on. He said he wasn't biphobic. He told him why he said it. After Valentines Day, he thought his reasoning was quite obvious. He told him that no matter what he wanted him to be happy. He said that this was not his fault, he had thought about it a lot lately. That it was time.
He snagged a bottle of sleeping pills, a bottle of painkillers (mixing them together into one bottle), and his trusted razorblade, stuffing everything in a small knapsack. He grabbed three bouquets of flowers from the basement; one of roses, one of vanilla orchids, and one of lavender.
Then he drove.
He drove the path that was ingrained in his mind. The path he visited way to often. The path to the people he knew cared.
The second he arrived he sprinted out of the car and slid down in front of three gravestones, glad that no one was in the graveyard at the moment.
He got on his knees and placed the bouquet of vanilla orchids in front of the one farthest to the left. The words were worn and dirty, but the gravestone stated:
Elizabeth Claire Marie-Hummel
August 23, 1974 - March 21, 2001
Beloved friend, wife, and mother
All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise
He sniffed silently, wiping the the tears falling down his face, before moving on to the next one. There he placed the bouquet of lavenders in front of the newer looking one that stated:
Kaleo 'Kal' Clayton Hummel
June 11, 1991 - March 29, 2008
Best friend, brother, and son
Our time is short, this is our fate, I'm yours
He murmured a soft "I'm sorry" before moving on to the last stone. There he placed the roses. The headstone stated:
Melody 'Mel' Karolina Pierce
December 9, 1993 - March 29, 2008
Loving friend, lover, and daughter
You touched my world and I'll never be the same; You touched my heart now everything has changed
"I can join you soon, Mel." he whispered before going back to the middle of the three.
"I miss you all so much." he whispered, tears going down his face, "I know I'm weak but I can't handle it anymore. I'm taking the easy way out. I know it's not the right way, but I have too. I'm so sorry I'm breaking my promise."
He went silent for a moment, before wiping away his tears. "Why couldn't it have been me," he sobbed. "I wish it was me. You can make dad happy." he said, directing his words to Elizabeth's and Kaleo's. "And you had such a great future ahead of you." he said, this time directing his words to Melody. "Instead of the disappointment that is me," he said, words self-loathing and just sad. "I'm sorry," he said before letting the the mix of sleeping pills and painkillers slip down his throat. He hacked into his wrists before succumbing to the darkness. "I'm sorry" he whispered one more time before completely blacking out.