You paired me with WHO?

(A/N: Obviously, I do not own OHSHC, that brilliant manga belongs to Bisco Hatori. At any rate, if I did own it by some miracle, Tamaki/Haruhi would NOT happen)

Hello. This is Haruhi Fujioka. I was requested to do this interview by the sheer volume of fangirls. Of course, you fangirls only have one thing on your minds. ROMANCE. Which brings me to the interview. I only am doing this to clear up some… confusion that people may have. Browsing through the vast range of pairings there are, I just HAD to say something!

Tamaki:

I don't care if this IS canon. I hate him. I hate him. I. HATE. HIM. He drives me in-FREAKIN-sane! Who calls the girl he's in love with his DAUGHTER? Not to mention, he sexually assaults me EVERYDAY. How thick can he be? Every time he hugs me, I choke and tell him to let go. He doesn't listen. How would I, one of the calm hosts bear to deal with him? And, before you pull the whole "Opposites attract" thing out, opposites just as often rip each other to shreds after they are attracted. But, I don't recall reading any of THAT. How could I love that idiot? The only reason I ended up with that loser is because of the cruel, cruel hold the mangaka has over me...Just the thought…. Ugh. I think I need a breath.

Hikaru:

He's just too immature. And if you think about it, he's the same as Tamaki. Remember the time he insulted my old friend and left me in the rain? Yeah, just because I forgive does NOT mean I forget. F***ing idiot.

Kaoru:

Better than Hikaru by a mile, but still no. Why would I want to date a guy if his brother was in love with me? No. AND, I would also like to mention, Me and Hikaru AND Kaoru? You people have sick, sick minds. I accidentally fell on one of those, and to this day, whenever I see their twincest act I gag.

Hunny:

What kind of drugs are you people on? He looks like a 7 year old. I would feel like a pedophile with him.

Mori:

Just no.

Nekozawa:

How on God's green Earth did anyone make this pairing? I have seen this lunatic no more than 5 times. No, no, no, no, no and NO. And he seems to have a puppet fetish. Also, he would probably sacrifice my soul to a cat.

Kasanoda:

Ok, let me clarify this a LEETLE bit. He is in the friendzone. Nice guy and all, but he freaks me out a bit. Now that I think about it, I might be oblivious to people's feelings towards me, but I am not THAT obtuse. What IS it with all these bozos falling for me? Did I accidentally slip some love drug into their tea? I don't get it! But, back to Kasanoda. He's in the friendzone. And he ain't coming out.

Kyoya:

HJDGHXJHFXDFCFXDJCUGHVKFYGCJHGUFGCJHGJKGJHEFXCKJVGJCKKJV:KJVLJHUCGFXHGGUOHCGGHLHUIDTSFXCJLFTDFXFGFIHGFKUXJ. Episode 8. What kind of guy considers it a good idea to teach someone a lesson by threatening to assault them? Even if he does look great shirtless, it is still WRONG. Not to mention he continually added to my debt, went all 'Shadow King' (ok, that was slightly cute) annnnd is possibly the sketchiest guy I have ever met. In fact, I think that he was born into the wrong family. He should be a Yakuza! Anyway, he's still my favorite out of all of those crazies. Actually, I could kinda see it...

And with that, I hope some of you weirdos will get a hint and stop writing this crap. But now that I think about it, Mori is pretty cute..