Title: The Close Kind of Encounters
Author: Karan Seraph
Genre: Humor, Sci-fi
Rating: Teen
World: Transformers Animated, Alternate Universe, post End Game
Summary: A new group of Transformers has come to Earth; their need for secrecy from humans and resident Autobots requires extensive use of alt-modes and holomatter avatars, but their inexperience with Earth culture leads to some humorous misadventures.
Characters: Ensemble, beginning with Barricade and Red Alert.
Warnings: Fiction is not real. Future chapters will make extensive use of 'human transformers' by means of holomatter technology. This is pretty much 'crack'.
Red Alert walked into recreation chamber sigma, which had recently become their star ship's center for Earth studies, since the Lycoris parked at the Lagrange point on the side of Luna opposite Earth. They had relays on the surface of Luna and in its orbit transmitting captured feeds from Earth, via the Nemesis wreck, hacked Earth satellites and cyber-engineered space debris, to allow the crew sufficient access to human broadcasts, data and communications networks, in order to learn of their vehicles, languages, and customs, enough to develop their disguises for upcoming missions.
Standing orders were that every member of their team, whether they expected assignment to Earth or not, have functioning facsimile circuitry equipped to project a holomatter avatar; comprehend and speak at least one widely-used human language; and acquire a scan of an Earth vehicle, creature, or device of comparable mass and function, in order to convert their alt-mode. Those were the minimum requirements. Those anticipating or desiring posts on Earth were to submit human names and plausible back story, for the appearance of their vehicle and avatar, to the Intelligence Officer for approval.
Red Alert had accomplished these tasks. She had converted her alt-mode, edited her avatar to conform to human physical parameters, learned one language and started learning another, and submitted her information to Slipstream. She'd been permitted one trip to Earth, but the humans had treated her so strangely, Red Alert had been forced to conclude she was doing something wrong. She needed some help.
Red Alert looked about the chamber. Various members of the team were about their study, some interacting in holomatter form, others watching captured broadcasts, and others still with the still look of using an internal data link. Skywarp's distinctive avatar was explaining the rules to some Decepticon cycle-models fresh out of stasis. Barricade was seated at a bench and apparently talking to himself; probably practicing language skills.
Red Alert had determined Barricade was the most likely to assist her. The problem was he did not like her very much. Her being an Autobot probably had a lot to do with that.
Barricade saw Red Alert approach. He kept one lens of his dual optics focused on her and continued practicing English. He'd passed all the other criteria for assignment to Earth, but he was having trouble speaking any of their languages. "Step off of the vehicle. Registration and license."
"Excuse me." As she spoke, Barricade scanned the room with three of his four optic lenses. No one else was nearby. Red Alert was actually speaking to...him.
"What do you want?" he asked, in Decepticon. He could not think what the Autobot could possibly have to discuss.
She answered in Decepticon; obviously she had some ability with language. "Your tattoos look a bit different. English. And...what is this language?" She pointed to the quarter panel just above his wrist-wheel, with that medi-tool.
Barricade drew his hand in toward his chassis, then turned his head; three lenses on Red Alert and one on the nearby monitor displaying a crime drama. "A medi-bot should know: the marks stay, but the nanites rearrange to accommodate alien writing. And, that's a dead language, like Old Cybertronian, called 'Latin', a bit of pomp and tradition that makes men feel part of a proper fraternal organization."
"You converted to Earth type alt-mode?" This should have been obvious from fact his security markings were now in English...and Latin.
"All Decepticons look alike to you, I suppose?"
"Not all." She smiled. It was common knowledge she was bonded to one; she wasn't going to confuse him with Barricade. "You have functioning facsimile circuitry?"
"Sort of. Why?"
"I need your help."
For several millicycles, Barricade just stared, then he laughed. Not in a hundred stellar cycles would he have expected Red Alert to believe he would help her with anything, much less ask.
"I can make it worth your while." This had to be a joke, he thought. Maybe Ramjet was messing with him.
"Can you?" Barricade asked. He dropped his left hand and extended his blade wheel; did not expose the blades, just extended the tire and claws from his arm. He lifted his arm and retracted the blade wheel; it clicked solidly back into place.
To her credit, Red Alert gave no outward sign of fear, but then they both knew she had friends in his chain-of-command. The Autobot was off limits. "I understand you need help with English," she said, in English, but with a regional accent he found frustrating.
Barricade could comprehend a little better than he could speak the language; a little. He had extensive vocabulary and syntax databases installed, but getting the correct string of words for a particular situation from database to processor to vocalizer was a bit glitchy. He was better with math. "And if I did?" Barricade asked, still using Decepticon.
"I am cleared to go to Earth, and I am already fluent in English."
Barricade dropped and lifted his blade wheel again. He said nothing, just waited for the Autobot to make her point.
"You are cleared to pilot the drop ship, but not to interact with Humans without being fluent in at least one language...unless you have another teammate to do the talking."
But, he wasn't exactly the only one capable of piloting the drop ship. "Tell me your real reason," he said.
Red Alert quickly sucked air through the intake at her throat and then slowly exhaled through rounded lip plates. Barricade had seen her do this before, from a short distance. It was the tell that the icy demeanor she presented was giving way to her rumored high strung nature. "It's a place for grounders," she said; he noticed the pace of her words was quicker now, "and you have skills in hunting: observing, seeking weaknesses, getting information."
Barricade did not know much about Red Alert. The official cover story was that she was an Autobot spy, that being bonded to Ramjet was just her cover, but that the other Seekers knew she was a spy, and were keeping her with them in order to feed false information to the Autobot Science Council. Of one thing Barricade was certain: when your commanding officers told you something was the 'official cover story', the truth was anything but. If he helped the Autobot now, he might learn something he could use later. "All right," he said, "I'm in. I get us planet side and help you observe the humans; you allow me opportunity to hear the language spoken by natives and help me with my language skills."
Author's End Note: If any readers also read my fics Starscream Memory or String Theory, they will notice some similarities between this alternate universe and those. This fic is not intended as a direct sequel to either of those fics; it merely has a similar (but not necessarily identical) history.