This story is set New Years Eve 2003-2004. It's something I have had in my head for a million years. The songs in this fic are "FULL OF GRACE" by Sarah Maclachlan, and "BABY CAN I HOLD YOU" by Tracy Chapman. Both songs I believe fit the story and characters very well. I was tempted to have Mac sing "I SHALL BELIEVE by Sheryl Crow. If you don't know that song, I suggest you look it up. It's tremendous. If you think it fits better with the story. Play it on your computer while Mac is singing. Believe me, it's effective that way.

This is unbetaed and unedited. All mistakes are my own.

Disclaimer. I don't own JAG and if I did, I would quit writing about infidelity. It dishonors the characters.

Honest Feedback is always appreciated.

Talent Night
Rated Adult (For some lovin' going on)
By TR

Harm sat in a darkened corner of McMurphy's, deep in thought, nursing a bottle of mineral water. For some reason beer just didn't seem all that appealing anymore. Occasionally he'd put the bottle down and give a courteous, if distracted, round of applause for whomever of his co-workers was performing on the small stage. He sighed and looked around. Despite the festive surroundings, and familiarity of the company, Harm felt strangely disconnected somehow. He should be having fun, this was exactly what he'd wanted when he had come back into the JAG fold. To sit and laugh with the people he considered family. He had spent the last 8 New Years Eve's in this place, watching the most talented of the group show their stuff on stage in the "Annual New Years Eve JAG talent night". Harm had looked forward to this date every year, every year except this one.

Three performances into the show, he realized why the joy had been taken out of it, he had turned automatically to the chair next to him, seeking a presence who had always been there, especially on this night, but she wasn't there. She wasn't there, and suddenly none of it mattered anymore. Inwardly he wondered how he would get through it when his time came to perform. By silent agreement, the group had always slated Harm as the last performer, the one who would ring in the New Year. He had prepared a particularly festive performance. A blues number that was one of Mac's favorites. Now he wasn't sure if he could pull it off.

He found himself scanning the crowd, seeking out a woman who had never been anything but beautiful to him. He found her standing at the bar, talking with Jennifer Coates. She was nodding her head and looking down at the floor, as Coates laid a hand on her arm, giving her what appeared to be words of encouragement. Harm fought the urge to go to her, find out what was weighing on her mind, and make it better. It was a practice that came as naturally to him as breathing. If Mac was in distress, it was his job to rescue her. No matter the distance between them, he could never seem to shake his sense of belonging and responsibility when it came to her.

He sighed and took another pull from the bottle, and quietly wondered why she had been standoffish with him all day long. He had tried to engage her in conversation numerous times throughout the day, but was met with one-word answers. By lunch hour he had given up. He didn't get the impression that she was angry with him, or even hurt, she was just…distressed. He hoped at some point she could work out whatever it was in her own head, if she wasn't willing to talk to him about it.

Harm sat up straighter, and applauded as the latest performance came to an end. He glanced back at Mac and saw her close her eyes, and take a deep breath, before making her way to the stage. Harm raised his eyebrows, it was hit and miss as to whether Mac would perform in the show each year, this year though, for some reason, he hadn't expected her to. Obviously he had been wrong. He watched as she took her place on stage. She sat on the stool and waited as Harriet pulled up a chair next to her and began to tune her guitar. When Harriet was prepared, she nodded to Mac, who in turn searched the crowd. When her eyes fell on Harm, they stayed there. For a moment she looked like she might burst into tears, but then pursed her lips and swallowed them down. Harm, for his part, stayed rooted to his chair, and didn't bother to fight the pull of her eyes. She broke contact long enough to briefly glance at Harriet. Harriet nodded and began to play a slow tune. Harm found it impossible to look away as Mac's gaze locked with his once more, and she began to sing in a slow, clear alto.

The winter here's cold and bitter
And it's chilled us to the bone
We haven't seen the sun for weeks
Too long, too far from home

I feel just like I'm sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I'm pulled down by the undertow
Never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness, I feel like letting go

Mac paused and swallowed a lump in her throat, before she continued in a soulful, heartfelt voice.

If all of your strength and all of your courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I can love you much better than this.
Full of Grace
Full of Grace
My love.

Harriet picked out a small solo, and Mac waited, holding Harm's eyes all the while. Willing him to hear her. To understand. A steady stream of tears rolled down her cheeks. Her eyes were pleading when she began to sing again.

So it's better this way, I said
Having seen this place before
Where everything we say and do
Hurts us all the more

It's just that we stayed too long
In the same old sickly skin

I'm pulled down by the undertow
Never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness, I feel like letting go

If all of your strength and all of your courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I can love you much better than this.
Full of Grace
Full of Grace
My love.

Harriet's playing ceased and Mac sang the last line, in a thick tearful voice.

I know I can love you much better than this.
Full of Grace
My love.

Mac's shaky voice whispered the last note, and the song was over. Everyone sat silently staring. Their eyes volleying between Harm and Mac, who, for their part, hadn't moved an inch or broken their gaze. Mac's heart pounded at a punishing rate, and then plummeted as Harm suddenly broke eye contact, rose from his seat and strode out of the room.