More Than Gold

by Chridhe Flur

As a considerable amount of other Dollanganger saga fans felt that Cathy and Chris' first time together was wrong because of all the tender feelings building up to it, so did I. So I re-wrote it. It's the first chapter in this multi-short story compilation of Chris and Cathy's life together when they discovered that love is worth more than any amount of money can buy.

1. Chapter 1

My Christopher Doll was the only one who ever truly loved me, and I now believe that he's the only man I ever loved with my entire, true self either.

Julian didn't love me; he loved the idea of me, the idea of my innocence and fairytale-princess elegance as a dancer.

Bart didn't love me, not the same way he loved my mother. For Bart, I tried hard to be everything my mother wasn't to lure him in and get revenge on her. It wasn't me, necessarily, that Bart loved, but the possibility of his seed creating a child in me...which it did.

Those were silly things I did, when I was young and wild to be free from the attic. Oh, to be the cock-eyed ever-sure optimist that Chris was, full of hope and love and a bright future. If I had been, I wouldn't have stretched myself so thin, given so much, or have taken so long to notice what was in front of me all along.

Love doesn't happen when you want it to. Momma had been absolutely right about that, and while at first we had all been shocked to discover our father had been her half-uncle, we were soon to discover that love disregards boundaries of any kind, and that love is never a sin, as the Grandmother tried to instil in us.

The day I gave Christopher a haircut and he chased me with the shears, teasingly saying he would cut my hair as well, something changed between us. Chris had treated a cut on my abdomen resulting from the two of us tripping and the shears piercing my side, and he had kissed my bare nipple while comforting me.

For a while I'd known I loved him, and he me, more than any two siblings 'should' feel love for one another; an altogether different kind of love.

But the strong emotions manifested themselves differently that night in the hungry, yearning look in Chris' eyes as he kissed me and comforted me, and stroked my breast.

I felt an unusual warmth begin in the pit of my stomach as he kissed me, and felt it travel down to the private place between my legs, at the juncture of my thighs.

'Chris,' I breathed to him.

'Shh,' he soothed, and after a moment or two we arose and went down to Cory and Carrie, to ready them for bed and to sleep ourselves.

That night I slept fitfully, restlessly. I had fallen asleep gazing across the three feet between the boys' bed and ours, my eyes locked with Chris' glimmering gaze. We didn't speak, and when my eyelids began to flutter with fatigue, I let them fall.

Sometime in the night I felt strong hands on my shoulders.

'Cathy, wake up.' It was Chris' voice, furtive and careful in the dark of night, not wanting to disturb our young siblings-despite the fact that they lived now in a separate world, and slept too soundly: it would take much more to wake them than the sound of a voice.

'What is it, Chris?' I groaned, rolling stiffly onto my back and rubbing my eyes.

'Come up to the attic with me.'

'Why?'

'You'll see-just come.'

'All right, all right,' I mumbled grumpily to myself, and stopped by the bathroom for a moment to drink from the tap before taking Chris' offered hand and ascending the stairs to the attic.

The night air was chilly, even though it was August, and the first thing Chris did was to open the window when we got up the stairs. He leant out it, gazing intently, and then pointed.

'There it is! The Leo Constellation. Do you see it, Cathy?'

'No.' I leant out the window beside him, trying hard to see what he did. 'Where?'

'Maybe you need glasses,' Chris joked, which I did not appreciate. 'See by that particularly bright star there? Move to the left, and down a little ways, and you can just see it...'

Chris put his arm around me as he spoke, using the other to gesture at the night sky. I cuddled into him gratefully, chilled by the night air, listening carefully. Eventually I noticed the group of stars.

'I think I see it!' I pointed. Chris' enthusiasm, this time, was catching, and I gazed excitedly as the shape of the lion came into vague focus.

'That's right!' Chris squeezed his one arm around me happily, and kissed me briefly full on the lips in joy. 'We should study the stars more closely.'

I agreed, and we stood there together for a while longer gazing out in silence.

I was the one who suggested we lie down for a few moments on that stained, smelly mattress. Chris agreed readily, and we settled in, facing each other even despite the fact that being able to see anything was vague.

For a minute or two we were quiet. Then I said, 'Chris, do you think love is really evil?'

He didn't answer right away, but his silence didn't make me nervous-I knew he was thoughtful. Finally, he answered.

'No, Cathy. Love is never evil, not in any case. If you want me to argue it against the Grandmother, well, love comes from God. Man gets his capacity to love from God, which means there can't be anything wrong about it.'

I processed this for a little while.

'That makes sense. I didn't think that loving was wrong either.'

Then Chris said, in a very strange voice, 'I love you, Cathy...and sometimes I wonder if that IS wrong.'

'Nonsense!' I bristled at the idea. 'Chris, you're not being fair to yourself or to me. We aren't exceptions to the rule of love being right or wrong!'

'But, Cathy...' he drew in a deep breath before the words spilt out of of him. 'But, Cathy, I want to make love to you. Very strongly, sometimes.'

This didn't come as a surprise to me. I had seen it often enough in his eyes, and needed it often enough myself, to understand how that felt.

We were quiet for a time, and then I reached out and brushed Chris' cheek tenderly. 'Love isn't wrong,' I reminded him, clinging desperately to the idea. I leaned in to kiss his mouth and said it again. 'Love isn't wrong, Christopher Doll.'

This was no brief sibling kiss. This was a longer kiss, meaning something else which left me shivery.

Chris began to stroke my shoulders and arms, murmuring to himself, 'Love isn't wrong,' as he kissed me again and again. We were trying both to convince ourselves and each other of this truth.

His hands drifted down to my breasts, cupping and stroking gently, making me shiver and tingle all over; surrounded by sensation.

'Cathy, you're not a completely grown woman yet,' he murmured, 'but your breasts are so lovely and soft. I can't resist them.'

Chris' comment made me very happy, for I was often uncertain about my femininity...my desirability. Now he had assuaged my worst fears...I was attractive after all!

We kissed and touched and explored. My hands undid his pyjama top and brushed over the muscles on his chest, his shoulders. Chris' hands sifted through my hair and pulled my mouth to his, opening it against his own. We learnt the pleasures of tongue kissing.

Then he was reaching down to shimmy my nightie up, and I was letting him do it, helping him do it. It felt so natural to let him it was unreal. When it was off he tossed it away from the mattress and took my breasts in his hands again, his breath quickening at feeling my bare skin.

If I bathed before sleeping, I didn't wear any panties to bed under my nightie, and that was the case that night.

Chris noticed this state of affairs as he helped me pull my nightdress off, his fingers brushing against the curls between my legs.

'Cathy, you're not wearing any panties,' he said in a strange voice, stating the obvious.

'No.' My gaze lowered and I tried to explain. 'When I'm clean, I don't wear them to bed. It feels nice...not to.'

Chris was looking at me intensely, and I felt suddenly shy under his gaze. Then, when he kissed me again, I felt better immediately and snuggled up into his arms.

'Chris, I feel I'm at a disadvantage,' I teased. 'I'm wearing nothing, but you've still got your bottoms.'

He flushed slightly. 'Cathy...'

'What? Shouldn't I look at you as you look at me? We've seen each other before, many times. There's nothing to be ashamed of.'

'We can't go back from this if we do it.'

I looked Chris full in the face. 'I know, Christopher Doll. I don't want to go back. We've found a happiness here, and it's worth more than gold or any stupid money or inheritance. I'm not worried about it, not any longer.'

Chris made an anguished sound deep in his throat and then he kissed me passionately, trailing kisses down my neck, to my breasts.

'You're mine, Cathy,' he murmured. 'You'll always be mine...no matter where you go, what you do, or who you're with.'

I shivered at his words and the feel of his lips upon my skin. One of his hands dipped between my legs and stroked me there; I gasped and my head fell back.

'Say it, Cathy,' he said with quiet intensity. 'Say you're mine.'

'You know I am,' I gasped as his fingers made me tingle, and I meant it, too. 'You know I'm yours. I'll always be yours.'

This time I kissed him, and pushed his hands away from my private places so I could help him with his pyjama bottoms.

When they were off, I clicked my tongue at him and teased, 'Oh, Christopher, what are we going to do with you?' For he was wearing nothing beneath his pyjamas either!

'Love me,' he said teasingly in answer.

We lay side by side again, our touches slowing.

'Let's really enjoy this,' Chris murmured to me. 'First only happens once. Besides, I don't want to hurt you-your cut or when I'm inside you...even though some small pain is almost inevitable with initial penetration.'

There he went, speaking like a doctor again! Oh, I was proud of him!

We kissed slowly. Chris wanted to kiss me everywhere, even down there-something I was rather shocked about at first, but quickly came to love. His kisses turned to tongue strokes, and I began to tremble and cried out with pleasure, my fingers knotting into his blond hair.

I do swear that if I hadn't pulled him up to me again, Chris would have stayed there between my legs all night, pushing me over precipice after precipice tirelessly, loving so much giving me such intense pleasure. It seemed to matter more to him than his own-it was always to be that way.

But I did end up pulling him up. We kissed more, and his hands caressed my breasts, circling my nipples. Chris bent his head to suck at one like a baby does, and oh! The sensation!

My reaction caused him to suckle for a long time, as he had taken a long time between my legs.

When I pulled his head up this time, I whispered, 'Do you want me to kiss you everywhere, too?'

Truth be told, I was still rather terrified of the idea. I wanted to, but I was scared.

'No, Cathy,' he said, seeing my hesitation. 'Only if you want to, when you're completely ready. That doesn't have to be tonight.'

I sighed with relief. I knew I'd come to have confidence to bring him pleasure, but tonight was not my night for that.

'You can have me, Chris,' I whispered to him. I felt the warmth of his male part against my stomach, swollen and velvety soft. 'I want you to.'

Chris kissed me softly. 'I don't know if you're ready...'

'I am!' I insisted.

'I mean your body.' His hand delved between my thighs again, stroking me slightly, a concentrating expression replacing the dubious one on my brother's face.

Reluctantly he pulled his hand away, murmuring almost to himself, 'She can't be more ready.'

'I'm ready,' I repeated, and he looked at me.

'Yes, I think you are.'

Then Chris was kissing me, his arms around me, and rolling ever so gently on top of me, kneeing my legs apart carefully.

I was about to become a woman. There wasn't any time anymore for beating around the bush with silly words, euphemisms, and feelings of embarrassment for our sexual parts. I'd read a lot. I knew what people called them.

So when I felt Chris against me, I thought to myself, 'That's his cock against my pussy. It's so hot against my skin and it feels good.'

Chris was trembling, kissing me again, asking in a shaky voice, 'Are you sure you want to do this, Cathy?'

'Yes,' I said firmly. 'You said it yourself-I belong to you. So go on, take me.' And I brought his face down to my own and kissed him soundly on the mouth.

Chris spread my pussy apart with his fingers and positioned himself at my entrance, beginning to press forward.

Good gracious, he was big! I could feel myself stretching around his cock, getting absolutely stuffed with it, and he wasn't even halfway inside me yet.

'You okay?' Chris asked me through gritted teeth. I suddenly realized he must be holding himself back something awful.

'I'm fine, Chris. Relax.' I rubbed his tense shoulders. 'Come into me further.'

Chris moaned at my words and sank into me quickly after that.

He moaned again when he was inside me all the way. 'My God, Cathy. You feel wonderful inside.'

I felt stretched and slightly pained, but good as well.

'I'm going to have to get used to the feeling of you inside me,' I told my brother, 'but I believe that I will love this.'

This made Chris grin. He pressed a teasing peck on my lips and drew back his hips an inch or two, and then pushed back inside me.

There was pain, oh, there was pain! It was intense but only lasted for a few seconds, and then slowly melted away. I tried not to show it on my face, because Chris was obviously feeling the opposite-intense pleasure-and I didn't want him to stop himself from feeling it.

It was no use trying to hide anything from him, though. He knew me too well, and stopped moving within me.

'Cathy? Are you hurting?'

'It was only for a second,' I said apologetically. 'It went away. Just please go on.'

Chris looked doubtful, so I moved my hands to his hips and encouraged their movement, arching my hips up to swallow more of him inside me again.

The pleasure which washed over me as I moved against him was surprising and exciting. A flush of good feeling travelled up me, and from my mouth fell a wanton moan.

My brother was looking down at me in surprise. 'You feel good, Cathy?'

I nodded vigorously and excitedly tried to move his hips, wanting to feel him move in me again. 'It feels so good! Please, Chris-please move in me again!'

This time, he did, and I was unable to keep back another moan at the wonderful sensation of his cock sliding inside me.

Encouraged, Chris continued to move, and leant down to cover my next moan with his mouth. My arms wrapped firmly around his back and I writhed against him. The slow pace he was taking was torturous! It felt lovely, but it wasn't enough-I wanted it faster!

'Faster,' I murmured against his lips, and this time I was catching HIS moan against my mouth.

Chris didn't question me this time. His pace sped up and I found myself gasping. Every time he pressed into me very deeply I felt a huge zing of pleasure and my pussy muscles clamped down-spasmed, really-around his cock.

Taking advantage of my flexibility as a dancer, I drew my legs up, pulling them closer to my chest at the sides of his body, inviting him into me deeper.

Chris pulled away from my mouth and contorted himself in order to reach my breast as he continued moving within me. He pulled my nipple into his mouth and thrust into me deeply. I cried out and spasmed around him, and felt myself fall, wonderfully fall...

When I became fully conscious again Chris was rubbing against me slowly. 'I can't hold back much longer, Cathy, I can't,' he panted desperately.

I stroked his face. 'Don't, Christopher Doll. Don't hold back.'

He gasped at my words, kissed me hard, and then set up a very quick and vigorous pace. I held him to me as he moved, felt him gasp and pant into my neck, and then he made a low, deep sound in his throat and jerked into me frantically, twice, three times. 'Cathy!' He cried weakly, and then fell limp against me.

'Chris?' I was worried. 'Are you-okay?'

Chris nodded wordlessly. I noticed he was supporting his body so he wouldn't crush me, and decided if he was able to do that, then he was well enough.

Suddenly Chris rolled onto his back, taking me with him so I was lying on his stomach. I shrieked, not expecting the movement, and Chris laughed.

'Shh. Be still, my lady Cath-er-ine,' he teased me, stroking my hair and back, and bringing his face up to kiss me.

We lay together. It took me a moment, but I realized that something was leaking out of me, something slippery. I frowned and told Chris.

He flushed a little bit, but said, 'That's my seed, Cathy. In science they call it sperm. If it meets with part of you, an egg, then we could make a baby.' He bit his lip and waited rather nervously for my reaction.

At first the idea of a child we created frightened me...then, I remembered our intense love for each other, and relaxed. We already knew how to take care of babies; Cory and Carrie were practically our own at this point. That would be no issue. The Grandmother already considered us abominations, evil, awful. It would make no difference how she thought of us now if Chris and I had a baby.

So I smiled at my brother. 'That might be nice.'

Chris kissed me, relieved, and we settled in cozily for a while before dressing ourselves and heading back down to the twins.

When we eventually got out of the attic for good I was so relieved to be free that I forgot about Chris for a while, and that I needed him, and what we shared. Now that there was another world to have I denied him what we created together and so enjoyed, denying myself and him that joy. I pretended it had never happened, pushed him away.

I will forever regret doing all those things. The mistakes I made in the world were terrible ones, and I know they would have been avoided if I'd just accepted again, and stayed with Chris. I know I would have been happy, very much so. But I thought that there were things I would miss out on and went to do them.

I had two babies; one by Julian, and one by my mother's second husband, Bart. Neither of those men were around for the right reasons, and neither was a very considerate lover, like Chris was.

At the end of the day, even after marrying our caretaker, Paul, because I felt I owed that happiness to him, I found Chris again. He had always been waiting for me, knowing that the pull between us was undeniable, and the need for each other was life-giving.

Many times I have cried and told him how sorry I was for pushing him away and denying the blatantly obvious. He always soothed me, and kissed me, and told me it was all right. He became a father to my sons, to our sons now, and I couldn't imagine anyone doing a better job.

Giving birth to my second child had left me permanently damaged and unable to conceive again, and even if it hadn't, Chris had convinced me to get an operation that would prevent any further conception.

These days, I wish I could have borne a child for Chris, one that was just him and just me. I'm no longer concerned that a baby we made would be damaged. I know now they would be the perfect child, created by the strong love between us. Beautiful, blond, sweet, lovely. I know Chris thinks about it too, sometimes, but we didn't speak of it often, and never speak of it anymore.