Bad Things, Good People

By: ioanhoratio

A/N just a little one-shot to "Criminal Justice." Oh and just to warn you the "f" word shows up twice.

He stood under the rush of hot water, desperate to find some relief from the pain. He knew it was a good 20 or 30 minutes before the pain pills would kick in, and he just wasn't sure how he was going to deal with it until then. He leaned his head forward and rested it against the cool of the tile wall, allowing the hot water to hit directly on his upper back and roll down his body.

'If only the pain would let up a little,' he thought.

He had hoped he would get some relief after the session with the acupuncturist, and for a moment that was true, but as soon as he realized his wallet, badge, and dog tags had been stolen, the newly relaxed muscles seized and tightened again; a reminder that nothing in his life was going to come easily.

Danny was pissed. He fisted and un-fisted his hands in an effort to keep from punching the wall...again. He was so angry. Hadn't he done his part by working through the pain, to focus on his family--his wife, his daughter--to get out of that wheelchair? He needed to provide for his family and he had worked harder than he ever thought possible to be able to achieve that and here he was hunched over, fighting tears of pain.

Danny Messer did not cry often. There were very few occasions in his past that had brought him to tears; some happy, some sad, but it wasn't an emotional response Danny was very comfortable with. Even when his hand had been broken by an Irish Mobster, he had gritted his teeth and bore the pain with masculinity. After he was shot, he had been hooked up to some pretty awesome drugs in the hospital and when he came home the doctors made sure he had prescriptions for what Lindsay called "the good stuff." She had set the timer on her phone so she could dutifully hand him the pills and a glass of water before his pain medication would run out. She would even wake him up in the middle of the night to give him the medicine. He had spent about 3 weeks pretty well drugged most of the time, but it kept the pain at such a minimum he could function as a person; a person in a wheelchair.

But that hadn't been good enough--not for him and not for his family. So he began the long, arduous process of walking. He became exposed to levels of pain he never thought he could bear. Sometimes he could revel in the pain, use it to his advantage. He would tell himself that if he were feeling pain it meant he was feeling something. That was more than he could claim as he sat in the wheelchair, numb. Sometimes the pain would deter him, he knew he could never give up but sometimes he let it keep him from trying harder. Hawkes had given him a new way to look at the pain, as "payment for each precious thing" and that was exactly what Danny had needed to hear. It became his mantra and soon he had conquered over what stood between him and, well...standing.

This pain, however, seemed stronger than any he had faced. Danny reached down and turned the hot water knob even higher. He wanted his skin to burn just as his anger did. Here he was months later and he felt like he was back at the beginning. The part that really ticked him off was that he didn't hurt his back playing racquetball or basketball. In fact, he hadn't been privy to those games since the shooting. He hadn't hurt his back acting stupid or goofing around. No, he had hurt his back chasing a suspect. He was just trying to do his job, to keep the city and its people safe from a lunatic killer. As thanks for that, he wound up here; standing in his shower while his wife put their daughter to bed. His pain had become so excruciating Lindsay kept asking if she needed to take him to the hospital. He didn't want that. What he wanted was to be able to help with Lucy, help with dinner, help with bath time, bedtime, be a functioning husband and father, instead of the badge less cop he was. He had told her he didn't want to drag his family out into the cold. She immediately made to argue but he cut her off by explaining that he was going to take two pills of "the good stuff" and a hot shower. If the pain wasn't better after that, he would go to the hospital. He knew she worried. He knew because he worried too. They had both had their fair share of sleepless nights and tightly knotted stomachs. He hated that.

"Fuck," he breathed out as his back spasmed once again, sending waves of pain through his body.

Now to add insult to injury Lindsay was going to spend the night on the phone with banks and credit card companies because his fucking wallet got stolen by some punk. Then, in the morning, he gets to go to Mac and tell him his badge is gone. Danny knew Mac wasn't going to make a big deal out of it since it wasn't Danny's fault but that didn't matter. Right now someone had his badge. A badge he had worked hard to earn and stay true to, and some idiot mook had it, doing who knows what with it.

"When are we going to get a break?" Danny whispered, frustrated. He wasn't sure who he was talking to; God, the universe, karma?

He just felt like such a…

failure.

With the water rushing so close to his ears he almost missed the rustling of the shower curtain, but he turned his head enough to confirm his suspicions. He watched his naked wife cautiously step under the spray of water, gradually becoming accustomed to the heat against her skin. She said nothing as the hot water stabbed her, turning her pink. Soon enough she was against his body, carefully wrapping her arms around him as she rested her face on his back.

Danny didn't move. He couldn't.

Sensing his pain, she pulled her hands away from him. Danny felt a rush of cool air as she moved her body off of his, but it only lasted a moment. He felt her tiny hands on his back and slowly she began massaging.

Danny couldn't help the hiss of pain that escaped from his lips. She hesitated slightly but soon resumed her attack on his muscles. She worked the area of his lower back in the circular motion the Physical Therapist had shown her. The P.T. has also told her that she couldn't be too gentle or she would only be causing Danny more pain and not really helping him. Danny knew it was hard for her to work on his back and he tried to keep from vocalizing his pain.

He again leaned forward and rested his head on the tiles, closing his eyes. He bit down on his bottom lip as Lindsay made contact with a particularly tender spot and fought to keep his body from wincing away from her. He was so lost in his focus that he was startled by the hot breath on his ear as Lindsay whispered, "It's o.k. Danny. I know it hurts. Just let it out babe. Just like when I was having contractions, you told me to yell as loud as I wanted. Well so can you…just not loud enough to wake Lucy."

Danny smirked at her joke then allowed his face to grimace as the pain returned.

Lindsay continued to massage his back and soon Danny could feel some of the tension and pain ebb away. Again Lindsay leaned forward to speak in his ear but this time with more force, "I'm really proud of you, you know."

Danny gave a derisive snort before asking, "Oh really, what for?"

"For being honest with me today," Lindsay explained, "I know you don't want me to worry but I appreciate you listening to what I said a few months ago about telling me everything and choosing to respect my wishes."

"Well I guess that's somethin' I'm doin' right," Danny said casually over his shoulder but Lindsay heard the self-recrimination in his voice.

She went quiet again as she focused her attention on his muscles. He felt her fingers pause for a moment then gently caress the scar from the bullet entering his body at high velocity, the puckered skin that would forever testify of how close he came to losing his life.

"Danny, I don't know what is going on in your head, but I know you'll talk to me about it when you're ready. Until then just remember," she slowly turned him to face her, his body now shielding her from the cascade of water, her wet hair dripping causing water to roll down her face like tear drops, but her expression of determination clear as she said, "I've got your back."

Danny pulled her back under the spray of water as he wrapped his arms tightly around her body and he realized he wasn't hunched over any more.

The end.

Thanks for reading!!!

I typed this a little quickly so I apologize—it is probably loaded with errors!