I've had a writer's block for the longest time, and this idea has been stirring in my mind until I finally couldn't take it anymore and decided to just write. It's 1 in the morning and I'm barely awake, but there was no way I was going to sleep with this one-shot unfinished. By the way, I just rate all my stories T. I'm too lazy to do the math and figure it out, plus my stories are never rated mature. So it will always be Teen with me! This is probably lighter than teen, but it might curse and I'm tired!
Disclaimer- I do not own Degrassi.
Dislacimer 2- I do not own Weezer or "Island in the Sun". This song may be one of the best songs ever created. I listen to it everday because I honestly don't feel complete unless I do. It's amazing.
Clare can see Eli is upset.
His calloused fingers pull at the roots of his hair with enough force to rip the dark strands out. His eyes, which recently grew a shimmer of light and a twinkle of hope, sink down to the pits of despair. They are dark and disturbed, tired and helpless, as though someone took a needle and sucked all the life out of them. And then there are his footsteps. Punch after punch after punch. His feet punch into the faded carpet like it's the person who drove the car that night.
Clare can't stand to experience this side of Eli. She's witnessed him before: the day she made the dreadful mistake of cleaning his locker out, the night a jagged, innocent looking pocket-knife was only inches away from locking him in eternal darkness, and other moments when a certain object had cut through his heart. But it's never last this long. It's never stuck to his skin like glue or played a never ending melody in his head that he doesn't want to listen to. And watching Eli fall to pieces like this…it kills her.
"Do you want to take a break?" Clare offers, tensely sitting cross-legged on his bed that seems heavier than it had been a few weeks ago.
Eli continues pacing across the room, and with each step an awful scent of bitterness peels off his skin. "No. All we do is take breaks, Clare. I'm not going to get anywhere if I never actually do anything!"
His harsh tone causes Clare to flinch, although she tries to hide her fear for his sake. "You can't overwhelm yourself, Eli. Dr. Kohan told you to take small steps, day by day."
"Dr. Kohan doesn't know what the hell she's talking about."
Clare sighs unconsciously. Eli's constant mood swings have been taking a toll on her, as well. She finds herself looking up at the ceiling instead of falling asleep at night, begging God, or whoever is listening, to inject one more ounce of happiness into Eli's shattered heart. And the more she begs, it seems, the worse he gets. Now all she can do is lie awake wondering if Eli is hurting or not.
"Okay…should we continue packing boxes then?" She picks up a box that is already filled to the top, but manages to push aside an old textbook and make enough room for a CD case. "You can put something else in here if you want."
Glaring eyes, too menacing and angry to be Eli's, become the only thing Clare could focus on. Hesitantly, she looks up to meet his furious stare, feeling her hope collide and join forces with the junk piled underneath her feet.
For a moment Eli feels something soft rising up to touch the inside of his skin, stretching outwards, as if it's trying to escape. Looking at Clare, and her agonized, exhausted eyes, her cautious stance- it's enough to crumble down a small brick built upon his wall of anger. Because he knows, that somewhere hidden in this phase of fury, is the Eli that would rather break his collarbone than cause Clare pain.
"I don't want to throw another piece of crap into that stupid box. I don't want to look at this mess anymore, and I don't want to take the time to clean it up."
"Then what do you want to do?" Clare's tone is firmer than she expects it to be, and it's enough to stop Eli in his tracks.
He turns to face her. The anger in his eyes is gone now, underneath layers a gentle coat of agony. "I want to be normal."
"Oh, Eli." Clare stands up, walking towards him and attempting to wrap him in her arms. To her disappointment, and frustration, her pushes her away. When she lifts his chin up to meet her eyes, he refuses to look at her.
Clare feels a fist slam into her gut, good and hard. She steps back and looks around the room, at the paperback books and football helmets and broken alarm clocks and worn out pillows and chipped toy cars, all pieces of Eli's past he can't find the will to let go of. And suddenly, as though the hundreds of objects whispere it in her ear, she realizes that Eli doesn't need a heartfelt talk or a push in the right direction or a single dose of anxiety pills to get him through the day. What he needs is an escape.
Eli watches Clare with curiosity as she strides away from him and towards his bed. She leafs through her purse until she finds what she's looking for: her ipod.
His forehead creases in confusion. "What are you doing?"
Clare ignores his question. "Where are your speakers?"
Eli points robotically towards a pile of junk he knows better than the palm of his hand. Clare follows his finger with an eager smile glued to her face. She has to fumble through a few empty shoeboxes and torn stuffed animals before she finally reaches the speakers.
Plugging her ipod into the speakers, she glances at Eli and giggles at the palpable bewilderment on his face.
Just as Eli is about to ask her what the hell is going on, a guitar strumming the tune of summer envelopes the room in its melody. An echo of male voices glides in sync with the chords, singing "Hip, hip."
Clare begins swaying her hips back and forth, her arms reaching up above her head and moving as though they are apart of the waves in the ocean. She stays like that for a few moments, just enjoying the beat of the song and the tune of "hip, hip," her eyes glowing with pure bliss.
When you're on a holiday
You can't find the words to say
All the things that come to you
And I wanna feel it too
Clare sings along with the lyrics, her voice more gentle and comforting than any singer's could ever be.
On an island in the sun
We'll be playing and having fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can't control my brain
She closes her eyes and starts twirling around in circles, smiling and giggling just like a little girl. Her hands link together in the air, stretching upwards, reaching towards the great blue sky.
Eli can't do anything but stand as still as possible and watch her with pure awe. Because in this moment, Clare looks too beautiful to be human, too soft to be touched, and Eli's afraid that if he moves, he'll lose this taste of heaven forever.
Another round of "Hip, hips" begins, and the sound of palm trees and the scent of an ocean breeze gives Clare the courage to take a chance. Still twirling around in graceful circles, still swaying her hips in the perfect motion, she dances forwards until her fingers are tied together at the nape of Eli's neck.
When you're on a golden sea
You don't need no memory
Just a place to call your own
As we drift into the zone
At first Eli doesn't make any movement, and Clare feels a sickening in her stomach at the idea of her final solution failing. But a few summery chords later, his arms wrap protectively around her waste and the pain in his eyes melts away.
On an island in the sun
We'll be playing and having fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can't control my brain
"How do you know every word to this song?" Eli whispers, his fingertips tracing designs along the fabric of her shirt.
"Shh," Clare puts a finger on his mouth, "This is my favorite part."
The guitars grow louder and are followed by the beating of drums.
We'll run away together
We'll spend some time forever
We'll never feel bad anymore
Clare throws her head back and belts out the lyrics with all the power in her lungs, feeling the intoxicating sense of freedom this song always gives off overwhelming her entire body. By the time the final syllable is out of her mouth she's gasping for hair and pressing her cheek against Eli's shoulder.
Soft lips caress her forehead. "So…I'm guessing you enjoy this song?"
Eli feels her smile against his shirt. "My all time favorite."
Hip hip
Hip hip
Hip hip
"Do you want to know what I love about this song?"
Tilting his head to get a good look at her face, Eli is hit with an intense surge of adoration for the girl inside his arms. He pulls her tighter against him- if that's even possible- and starts swaying to the music more freely than he was moments ago.
"The lyrics? The guitar? The totally hot singer?"
Clare chuckles softly and pulls back to meet his eyes. "Everything."
"Everything?" He isn't expecting that.
"Yep. Everything. It's like, when I hear this song, I have no right to feel anything but happiness. All I want to do is dance around in circles and close my eyes and listen to it forever. I forget about everything bad and the only things I can think about are happy and joyful and remind me of summer. I feel free."
On an island in the sun
We'll be playing and having fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can't control my brain
As they continue to sway to the music and listen to the mellow strums of guitars, Eli realizes that the song is having a similar effect on him, too. He can't recall a single moment he was in his room and not obsessing about the mountains of junk surrounding him, but now the worries are fading away into the back of his mind. Yet he can't help but wonder if it's the song that's making him feel this way, or the person listening to it with him.
We'll run away together
We'll spend some time forever
We'll never feel bad anymore
Both of them allow their eyes to fall shut. Clare's head rests against Eli's shoulder and his face is buried inside the curls of her hair. Neither of them wants to escape this moment of perfection: this moment where the world has stopped spinning and nothing bad can ever happen.
Hip hip
"Hey, Clare?" Eli lifts his head up and now they're face to face, her crystal blue eyes boring into his every word. His heart flutters to the sky- how can someone so wonderful cares so much about what he has to say?
"Yeah?"
"Do you know what I love you about?"
Clare mocks an intense thinking face. "Hmm…let me think. My brains, my body, my awesome knack for having the best comebacks at all time."
Eli can't help but laugh at her innocence. And even though he would kill to take that purity ring off her finger, part of him doesn't want to. Her innocence and virtue plays such a huge role in the reason he fell in love with her in the first place. He can't help but adore the idea that everything between them will be her first. He loves knowing that no other guy has ever touched her like he has or kissed her neck or danced with her in the middle of a bedroom. It may sound possessive, but having her all to himself is absolute heaven.
"Close," he brushes his thumb across the soft skin of her cheek, "But no."
"So what then?"
"What I love about you," Eli leans in real close, so he's whispering right in her ear. His breath tickles her skin. "Is everything."
A rosy blush paints Clare's face red, and she can feel her skin heating up like fire. But it feels nice. "Everything, huh?"
"Yep. Even the things I hate about you, I love."
We'll never feel bad anymore
No no
We'll never feel bad anymore
No no
No no
No no
The song has been over for at least three minutes, but Clare and Eli both reside in the positions they were in while it was playing. Because it just feels so good to feel safe, to feel loved and adored, to feel like nothing will ever hurt you again. And even though the outside world is knocking with arms full of tsunamis of problems left unsolved, questions left unanswered, neither of them will answer the door. For once, they want to enjoy a moment of sanctuary and silence, a moment that is filled with nothing but love and peace, because they both know it won't last for long.
So they enjoy it while they can.
IMPORTANT NOTE!- In a few days, I will be changing my pen-name. I hate my current one. I will be A Million Miles Away (if that is taken, I will be A Million Miles Away612) I just put the spaces between the pen-name here because sometimes fanfic won't post it unless you do. Don't ask me why.
Other Important Note!- If anyone actually likes my one-shots and has any suggestions, please put it in your review or PM me. I won't guarantee it will be used, but if I do write one I will give credit to the person who gave me the idea. Although I can't guarantee I won't add a few quircks of my own.
-Exhausted Jenna