The Fear You Won't Fall

Note: This takes place a week after the Hospital Crisis

Chapter One:

What the hell were you thinking? Maxie Jones asked herself for the millionth time after she almost had sex with Johnny Zacharra. They agreed to just forget it ever happened, but it was virtually impossible. Every time she ran into Lulu in their apartment, or when she saw her at work, Maxie was reminded of her reckless behavior that night in the blizzard. And she was pretty sure Johnny was struggling with keeping yet another secret from Lulu. All this happened because she was afraid to tell Spinelli she only thought of him as a friend, her best friend. She knew she led him on, but it was the only way, in her mind, to keep him around. It was better for him see just how destructive she really was, so he could leave on his own, than to tell him she could never love him the way he loves her. Looking back it seems idiotic, but in the moment it all made perfect sense.

Maxie walked into the small coffee shop that was near the Crimson office. Sitting in the corner was Dr. Matt Hunter, his head was resting on both of his hands, and by the looks of it he hadn't shaved in several days. He appeared disoriented, she actually felt bad for the usually egocentric doctor. Robin had told her that he was having a hard time putting what happened at the hospital past him. She walked up to the counter to place her order.

"What can I get for you?" the barista asked her.

"I need a Grande Peppermint Latte with no whip, a Grande Cafe Latte, and a Grande Black Tea Latte," she replied.

"Your total comes to $13.21."

Maxie handed him her Crimson credit card. While she waited for her drinks she found herself watching Dr. Hunter. He was in a blank stare, like the world around him didn't exist. She could tell he wasn't himself, a week ago he was harassing her about turning him down, and now it looked as if life had drained out of him. Maxie grabbed the drink carrier holding the piping hot beverages and walked out the door.

When the elevator doors opened she could see that Johnny and Lulu were arguing.

"It wasn't like that, I was afraid that you would get hurt if I stayed with you. I changed my mind, I'm here now aren't I?" Johnny was reassuring her.

Oh shit, was the only thing she could think before Lulu walked up to Maxie with a finger in her face.

"You!" Lulu scream, "I should have known I could never trust you."

"Lulu, I know you're upset, but if you just…" she was cut off by Lulu's tirade.

"Do you try to make a point of sleeping with all of my boyfriends?" Lulu shouted.

Great, Maxie had tried to forget that little bet she made with Logan two summers ago. "Lulu, just calm down. It didn't mean anything." Maxie retorted as Lulu's eyes widened, "If you'd just listen…"

Lulu did not have her listening ears on today, because she interrupted Maxie again.

"Oh, I feel so much better now that you were going to have meaningless sex with my boyfriend," sarcasm poured out of her mouth.

Maxie had just about all she could take, here she was trying to put out the flames and Johnny was just standing on the sidelines. She wanted to say, You had it coming bitch! If you didn't look at everything through rose-colored glasses you'd see that you have put everyone up to impossibly high standards that they feel that they will never be able to live up to them. Luckily the filter between her brain and mouth was working today and she refrained. Maxie went to say something but Lulu put her hand up.

"I've had enough. I can't stand even looking at you two right now," she said as she stomped to the elevator and got in once the doors opened.

Johnny slumped into the chair by Lulu's desk, "It's better this way," he muttered.

Maxie whipped around facing him, "Like hell it is!" she cried, "There is no way I am being blamed for the downfall of another one of Lulu's relationships. You need to follow her and beg for her forgiveness, grovel if you must."

"You don't think I tried that?" he asked sounding defeated.

"Then you are going to have to try harder," she walked behind his swivel chair and began pushing him to the elevator, her red high heels clicking against the hardwood floor. When the elevator doors opened she pushed him in, "And I don't want to see you again until you and Lulu have worked things out and it's safe to go back to my apartment."

The doors closed and Maxie took a deep breath. Still trying to process what actually just went down.

************

After a day like today she deserved a drink. Not only did Lulu blow up on her, but to make things worse Kate wasn't in a good mood, and decided to take all her pent up frustration on Maxie. She took off her coat and draped it on the back of her chair.

From behind the bar Coleman asked, "So what will it be, Ms. Jones?"

"I'll take the strongest drink you have," she responded.

"Bad day?"

"You really have no idea," she responded.

"What, did someone commit a heinous fashion crime?" someone scoffed next to her. She slowly turned to the person on her right.

Dr. Matt Hunter, she should have known, the one person who could ruin her pity party. "Do you ever mind your own business?" she asked as she downed the shot of whatever it was that Coleman gave her and slammed the small glass on the bar. Coleman began to fill it up again but she waved him off, she had a feeling she might need to be sober for this one.

"No one really cares what kind of crappy day you've had today," Matt said slurring most of his words. Clearly he's been there for a while.

She narrowed her eyes, "Well excuse me, at least I don't mope around all day blaming myself for something I had no control over," she blurted out.

She struck a nerve, that last comment had silenced him. His head lowered and he stared down his beer. The events of that night were playing in his mind like a horror film.

Now she found herself trying to comfort him, "Matt, it was not your fault, you have to realize that."

"I should have waited for the x-ray," he muttered.

Maxie sighed, "You couldn't have predicted the guy had swallowed poisonous balls, I mean it's kind of ridiculous even saying it." At least focusing on his problem was distracting her from her own problems.

"You don't understand, good people are dead because of a mistake I made."

"Well if it makes you feel any better, I trashed the friendship I had with my roommate, because I almost slept with her boyfriend. I thought I could show Spinelli how I was a terrible person, and if he was smart then he would just leave," she said hoping to get his mind off of what happened last week. Maxie looked over and saw that he had passed out with his head lying on the bar.

Great, she thought. Maxie flipped open her phone and dialed Robin's number.

"Hello?" a groggy voice answered.

" Robin, it's Maxie. Is Patrick there?"

"Maxie, it's eleven o'clock at night."

"I know, but your brother-in-law is passed out at Jakes and I was wondering if Patrick could come and pick him up."

"Matt's there?" Robin asked, sounding like she was still in the state between sleep and being awake. Maxie could hear Patrick saying something to Robin, but she couldn't make out what he said, "Are you okay to drive?"

"Yes, I only had one drink a couple hours ago, so I'll be able to drive home."

"That's good, so then could you drive him over to our house, and then we'll take care of him."

"I don't want him throwing up on my leather seats!" Maxie exclaimed, "Can't Patrick just come over here and pick him up? Matt is his brother after all."

"Maxie, it would mean a lot if you did this, Patrick would most likely fall asleep at the wheel, he had a long shift at the hospital today."

"Fine, but you're paying for cleaning my car if he pukes."

Robin chuckled, "Of course Maxie, I'll see you in a little bit. Bye."

"Bye," Maxie flipped her phone shut and looked up at Coleman, "I'm going to need your help."