Mutual Agreement
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Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Rating: T
Note: The third part of the Jimmy-series-thing! Takes place an undetermined amount of time after Let's Just Be Adults Here. I actually wrote this… months ago. But then I didn't have an ending for it, and procrastinated, and well… But it's finished now (finally). Yes, I did refer to Jimmy as Henry James Olsen in this one.
Dedication: For Angie.
Also: I know it's a little late, but I made this a bit Easter themed. I could just picture Jimmy dressed as a giant rabbit.
Prologue
It was his best friend's wedding (to which he was the best man) in three hours.
And Jimmy?
Was two hundred miles away, soaking wet, and had lost his wallet.
Damn.
Part One
The Giant Rabbit
Monday
Jimmy honestly didn't know how he got himself into these things.
The walls of the room he was currently standing in where pink. There were ten wide-eyed preschoolers sitting cross-legged in front of him. Lois was snickering at the back of the room.
And Jimmy? Was dressed as a giant bunny.
On the outside of the hideous fake fur costume was a yellow apron. Lois's idea. Come to think of it, why wasn't SHE dressed as a giant rabbit?
The answer was obvious: there was no way Lois was putting on a rabbit costume and entertaining little kids. And there was no way Chloe was doing it either. Clark was too big. Oliver had mysteriously headed out of town for some business-related reason.
Which sort of left Jimmy.
This brought him back to his main problem. There was a group of five year olds waiting for him to be entertaining.
What was he supposed to do? Dance? Sing?
Well, he was going to have to do something soon.
Lois was now hiding her mouth behind her hand to conceal her giggles.
"So… umm… children… Want some chocolate?" he asked, thrusting a handful of chocolates he had retrieved from the apron at them.
A little girl eyed him suspiciously.
"Mama said not to take candy from strangers," she declared, eyes narrowed.
Jimmy tried to smile.
"I'm not a stranger, I'm the Easter Bunny!" he exclaimed.
Lois now had her head in her hands to conceal her laughter.
One of the small boys piped up then.
"You're not the Easter Bunny. You're creepy."
Jimmy closed his eyes and breathed deep.
"No, really. Have some chocolate," Jimmy insisted, thrusting his hand forward again.
A few kids scooted backward.
Jimmy sighed. Lois slumped onto the ground, clutching her stomach and laughing.
Jimmy squatted on the ground.
"Look, kids –" he began, but was interrupted as a bright flash burned his eyes.
He blinked. Clark emerged from the classroom door, holding a digital camera and grinning.
"Nice outfit, Jimmy," he said, reaching down to help a still giggling Lois up.
Jimmy glared at him.
"This is so not amusing, C.K."
One of the children threw a crayon at Jimmy.
This got Lois laughing again, and she clutched Clark's arm to steady herself. Clark wound an arm around her waist.
"Can I go now?" Jimmy pleaded.
Lois nodded.
"Yeah, I don't think the kids like you much anyway," she answered, grinning.
Jimmy shot her a dirty look.
Lois smiled innocently back.
Clark pressed his hand to the small of her back.
"Let's get you home," he said. "Jimmy probably needs to apologize to some of these kids' parents for mentally scarring their children."
Lois allowed herself to be led out of the small preschool by her fiancé, leaving Jimmy on his own. The kids gave him one last scathing look.
Jimmy sighed.
Part Two
Early Awakening
Saturday
Having been woken up by his over-excited wife at five in the morning ("Because, oh my God Jimmy, Lois is getting married! Can you believe it? I can't."), Jimmy was rather tired. Nonetheless, he was a good sport, and had stumbled downstairs for coffee. He'd poured himself a bowl of cereal, watched the early morning news, and by the time six o'clock rolled around, was wide awake.
Chloe hurried downstairs, bag in hand, dress slung over her shoulder.
Jimmy blinked and looked up in surprise, as she stuck her key in the front door.
"Where on EARTH are you going?" he demanded.
"Over to Lois's to prepare for the wedding!" she exclaimed, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Jimmy blinked again.
"It's. Six. In. The. Morning."
Chloe rolled her eyes.
"Yes, it is, Sweetheart," she explained patiently, as if talking to a kindergartener.
Jimmy blinked. Again.
"I see that, Honey. Why are you going to Lois's at six in the morning?!" he demanded.
Chloe sighed.
"Because if I head over there now, I can be there in fifteen minutes. I can pick up Lois, and then be at the church by quarter to seven. That gives me two hours to make sure everything's in order and set up. By that point it'll be nine, so I have an hour to do my hair and makeup, and help Lois with hers. Then I can go check on Clark and make sure he's not getting cold feet or anything stupid. You know how he can be a moron sometimes, Honey. Then at eleven I can make sure Lois has everything she needs, and that she's ready to go. After that, I have time to make sure all the bridesmaids, and everyone else has eaten and that Lois has had something to drink other than coffee. Then I can get dressed myself, deal with the newly arriving guests, and make sure the minister is ready to go. After which I can make sure you're in your tux and ready, then go over some last minute details. Then at quarter to three, I can give Lois a pep-talk, hand her her bouquet, and then the wedding will be ready to begin!"
Jimmy just stared at her. For a really long time.
"You're like a machine," he finally said, shaking his head.
Chloe smiled.
"Oh, and all you need to do is pick up the minister over at Pine Grove – there's a map on the kitchen counter – at noon, alright? You need to be at the church by one, two at the absolute latest, okay?"
Jimmy sighed.
"Minister at Pine Grove at noon, church by one. Yeah, yeah, Chlo. Got it," he responded tiredly.
"Good. See you! DON'T BE LATE!" his wife said, before hurrying out of the apartment.
Jimmy shook his head. Pine Grove was a good seventy miles away, which meant he'd probably have to be ready to leave at eleven. He wondered why he had to go pick up the minister, but he wasn't about to complain. He was sort of excited for the wedding.
But first, maybe a little nap was required. He had plenty of time.
Right?
Part Three
Late
Saturday
Jimmy stirred slightly, and awoke.
He blinked, rubbed his eyes, and glanced around. Oh, right. He'd decided to have a little nap before he left.
Wondering what time it was, he stumbled into the kitchen and looked at the time on the microwave.
11:10 A.M.
Oh no. Oh no. Ohnoohnoohnoohno. He was late. Chloe was going to murder him.
He took a deep breath. If he brushed his hair and grabbed his tux, he could be ready to go in five minutes. That gave him forty-five minutes. It was cutting it close, but he figured he could probably make it if he hurried.
Jimmy hurried upstairs, grabbed his tuxedo off the bed, and ran a comb through his hair a few times. He had neglected to put his suit in a plastic cover, but he figured it wouldn't get wrinkled on the drive. Running downstairs, he realized suddenly that he was insanely thirsty. He tossed his tuxedo onto the kitchen counter, swung the fridge door open, and grabbed the bottle of grape juice. He hurried to the counter, and threw open the cupboard. No glasses. They were all dirty, and in the sink to be washed.
What Chloe didn't know wouldn't hurt her, so Jimmy unscrewed the cap off the bottle, and drank from it. Unfortunately, his hand slipped on the bottle, causing the liquid to slosh out…
And onto his tuxedo.
Oh God no.
Jimmy spared a fleeting glance at the time.
11:16 A.M.
Why him?
Why? Why? Why?
Okay, he needed to be rational here. He had to go pick up the minister. He could drop him off at the church, then head to Lois's and use her washing machine. Maybe if he used some of that Stain-Off stuff she had, the stain would come out and he could make it back to the church on time.
Maybe.
Oh dear.
So, plan in mind, he grabbed his newly purple stained tuxedo, and ran towards the front door.
Completely neglecting the map to Pine Grove.
Part Four
When Things Go Very, Very Wrong
Saturday, 11:31 A.M.
Jimmy, seated in the front seat of his car, stomped on the gas. He was doing seventy in a sixty zone, sure, but he weighed his options.
Option A:
Be late to pick up the minister, risk the chance of him already having left to deliver a sermon or something, be tortured and slowly killed by Chloe.
Option B:
Speed a bit, get there on time, and live.
Evidently, Option B won out. Unfortunately for Jimmy, he arrived right at a red light. Cursing quietly to himself, he slowed to a stop, and stepped on the brakes.
He glanced around the car, wondering if he was supposed to take a left at this light or not.
And it was then that he realized something.
He'd forgotten the map.
Oh no.
Jimmy rolled down his window, and gestured to the man in the car next to him. The guy must've been three hundred pounds easily, and was roughly six foot five. Jimmy swallowed.
"Excuse me, Sir, but I was wondering – how do you get to Pine Grove?"
The big guy grunted, and gestured left.
Sort of.
At least, Jimmy took it to mean left.
So, when the light turned green, Jimmy turned left, and headed down the road.
It only took him a few blocks, and several turns to discover that he was hopelessly lost.
He glanced at the car radio again.
11:42 A.M.
Damndamndamndamndamn.
Jimmy turned the car around and began speeding around the block, before finally finding a side road back onto the highway. Speeding at around seventy-five miles an hour now, he zoomed down the road.
Unfortunately for Jimmy Olsen, a cop cruiser began tailing him.
Jimmy glanced in the mirror, and sure enough, saw the flashing lights on top of the cop car. He had two choices: stop, and waste precious minutes getting lectured and fined by a cop, or try to lose the guy.
A rational person would've stopped the car (well, a rational person wouldn't have decided to have a nap anyway, but that was beside that point).
Then again, no one ever called Jimmy rational.
So he stomped on the gas, and sped as fast as he could. A few minutes later (and a few detours that took him hopelessly out of the way) he discovered he had in fact lost the cop. Jimmy got out of his car, and decided to ask someone for directions.
A woman and her son stood on the corner of the street, so Jimmy approached them.
The woman looked at him warily.
"Excuse me, Miss," he started, "but I'm really lost, and I was wondering where I am."
The young woman (still surveying him suspiciously) said,
"You're three blocks north of West Willow."
Oh dear.
Part Five
When Things Get Even Worse
Saturday, 12:04 P.M.
Jimmy was doomed.
It was his best friend's wedding (to which he was the best man) in three hours.
And Jimmy?
Was two hundred miles away, soaking wet, and had lost his wallet.
Damn.
He actually had no idea where his wallet had disappeared to, but he figured it might be at home still. As for the whole soaking wet part, well… it had happened like this:
Jimmy had been driving hopelessly around in circles still trying to figure out how he was going to pick up the minister, when the same cop who had been following him earlier spotted him and given chase.
This had resulted in Jimmy abandoning his vehicle, and jumping in a lake. Which might have been a little overdramatic, but whatever. Then, he'd remembered he'd left his stained tuxedo in the car, slunk back, grabbed the tux, and run for his life.
Which brought him to his current dilemma. He was soaking wet, lost, and without a vehicle of money.
This was not good. Also, he still hadn't located the minister.
This was very, very bad.
And it got even worse.
Jimmy was wandering down the highway, trying to dry out his clothes, when the same evil cop car pulled up alongside him.
Why? Why him?
A rather overweight, tired cop hung his head out the window.
"Well, well, well, look who it is," the cop said.
Jimmy swallowed.
"Wanna tell my why you were speeding? More than fifteen miles an hour over the speed limit? For over half an hour?" the cop demanded.
Jimmy tried his best to look innocent.
Then he bolted.
He didn't get far.
Fred (because, according to the tag on his shirt, this was his name) got out of his car, and led Jimmy back over to the cop car.
Oh boy.
Jimmy Olsen, he thought to himself, you are so screwed.
Part Six
Jail and Bail
Saturday, 12:28 P.M.
Jimmy was sitting despondently on a bench when his hurricane of a wife came storming in.
"HENRY JAMES OLSEN! WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU? ARE YOU DETERMINED TO DRIVE ME INSANE? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I'VE HAD TO SPEND HUNTING YOU DOWN AND GETTING HERE? ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE, IF YOU THOUGHT JAIL WAS BAD, JUST IMAGINE HOW FUN IT'S GOING TO BE WHEN I GET THE CHANCE TO DEAL WITH YOU MYSELF! MARK MY WORDS –"
Chloe's furious rant was interrupted as Fred appeared around the corner.
Chloe closed her mouth, and smiled sweetly.
"Good afternoon, officer. I'm so terribly sorry that my husband has caused you trouble. I'll just pay the ticket, or the bail, and we'll get out of your way."
Fred scowled.
"Follow me please, Miss," he said, gesturing to the counter so that they could work out how much Chloe owed him.
As she walked to the counter, Chloe turned her head and mouthed to Jimmy:
"I'm going to kill you."
Jimmy cringed.
Part Seven
Shotgun
Saturday, 12:57 P.M.
Chloe was driving (they were taking her car, as Jimmy's had been impounded, and they simply didn't have the time to deal with that just then), and Jimmy was riding shotgun.
Suffice to say, Chloe did not look particularly please with him.
Suffice to say, Jimmy was sort of scared.
"Honestly Jimmy," she said finally. "Do you listen to a word I say? And how in the name of all that is sane did you get lost? For that matter, how did you end up in jail?"
Jimmy mumbled something incomprehensible, and shifted lower in his seat.
Chloe sent him a death glare.
Jimmy cringed again.
Fortunately, the minister was, miraculously, still waiting for them.
"Oh my goodness, we're so sorry we're late. My inconsiderate husband forgot to pick you up!" Chloe exclaimed, helping the minister into the car.
"Sorry," Jimmy muttered.
The minister nodded gravely, and took a seat in the car.
Chloe glared at Jimmy.
Jimmy cringed.
Part Eight
The Church
Saturday, 2:00 P.M.
They arrived at the church at two o'clock. The wedding was set to start at three, so Chloe busied herself with setting up the minister, and making sure everyone (especially the bride and groom) were ready.
Jimmy had been sent on the simple task of changing his clothes. Chloe had given him a look that said it all.
Jimmy closed the dressing room door behind him, and unfolded his tux.
And that was when it hit him.
The stain.
He had meant to wash it out at Lois's, but there was no time for that now.
Chloe. Was. Going. To. Kill. Him.
Jimmy looked down at the giant purple stain down the front of the tuxedo.
Chloe's voice suddenly called to him:
"Jimmy! Hurry up!"
Jimmy swallowed, and pulled on the tuxedo. He glanced around the bathroom desperately. He spotted a bar of soap sitting on the edge of the sink.
Jimmy scrubbed up and down on the stain with the bar of soap, then splashed some water onto the front of it. He then grabbed the hand towel, and dried off the tuxedo as best he could.
The stain was still mostly there, and now his tuxedo was damp as well.
How did he get himself into these things?!
Jimmy sighed. Oh boy was he in trouble.
"Jim-my! Hurry up!"
Ohnoohnoohnoohnoohno.
Something. Anything. He needed a plan, a distraction, something.
And then a thought occurred to him.
Ha HA! No stain could defeat HIM! He was Jimmy Olsen and damned if he was going to mess this up!
Right?
RIGHT?!
Right.
He pulled off his tuxedo, and turned it inside out. Perfect! He could barely make out the stain. There was, however, the problem of… well, the fact that his tuxedo was… inside out. But that could be hidden. He pulled the suit-jacket overtop of his tux, and fixed his bowtie in place.
There!
You could barely tell!
Right?
Right?!
Part Nine
Here Comes The Bride
Saturday, 2:58 P.M.
"Go on, go on, go on already Jimmy! Up the aisle, stand in your spot near Clark. Jeeze, you figured it out at our wedding!"
Jimmy was given one final push, and stumbled into the aisle. Righting himself, he grinned sheepishly and made his way to the front of the church to stand beside the groom.
Clark looked nervous, but he was grinning like a fool nonetheless.
"I'm getting married," he whispered to Jimmy.
Jimmy nodded.
"Yeah, I know. So… you might wanna focus on that."
Clark gave him a funny look, then hissed:
"Why's your tuxedo on inside out?"
Great. It was THAT obvious?
Jimmy just gave him a "what-are-you-talking-about" look.
Clark looked like he might further argue the case, but at that moment, the church organ began to play.
Dum, dum, dum dum, Jimmy thought, mentally humming along with the song. Dum, dum, dum dum…
The flower girl, bridesmaids, and other fancy-dressed people made their way down the aisle. Jimmy would've paid more attention, had it not been for the quizzical look his wife was giving him.
He was scared. And willing to bet that Chloe could tell from a mile a way.
Jimmy averted his gaze, and glanced around the church instead. His eyes fell on a giant glass chandelier hanging from the ceiling. He squinted at it.
Did it look… loose? Or was it just him?
Nah.
It was probably fine.
His thoughts strayed, however, as Lois made her way down the aisle. She looked pretty, in Jimmy's opinion. She arrived at the front of the church, and Clark took her hands in his.
The minister went on and on, and Jimmy's gaze once again strayed to the chandelier hanging just over their heads. It was pretty big. And now that he looked closer, he was pretty sure it WAS loose.
The chandelier began to wobble.
Oh dear.
The minister continued on, blissfully unaware of the deathtrap hanging over their heads.
Oh no.
It wobbled.
Dear God.
It wobbled again.
Did no one else notice it?
It wobbled more.
One of the bolts loosened, and ultimately fell out.
"You may now kiss the bride."
Part Ten
Saving The Day (Sort Of)
Saturday, 3:12 P.M.
A bunch of things happened at the same time.
Clark leaned in to kiss Lois.
The chandelier gave one last wobble, and fell from the ceiling.
Jimmy dove forward, knocking Lois to the ground, and out of the way.
And the chandelier fell to the ground, shattering on the spot where Lois had been standing only a nanosecond before.
No one moved.
The minister clutched at his chest, and collapsed on the ground.
And then everyone moved.
Chloe rushed forward, bending over the minister. Someone dialed 911. Clark looked extremely baffled.
And, ultimately, all Hell broke loose.
"OH MY GOD IS HE DEAD?"
"SOME CALL THE PARAMEDICS!"
"CAREFUL OF THE GLASS!"
"I THINK I STEPPED ON SOME!"
"IS HE BREATHING?"
"DID YOU SEE THAT? SHE COULD'VE BEEN KILLED!"
And then, quietly,
"Jimmy, you're killing me here."
Jimmy scrambled off the bride, standing up and helping her to her feet.
Lois sighed.
"At least a giant monster didn't crash through the ceiling, maim my husband, and take off with me to God knows where. I was actually expecting more bloodshed," she said calmly, brushing off her wedding dress and glancing around.
"Are you alright?" Jimmy inquired.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for saving me, and all that," Lois responded, giving him a crooked smile.
Jimmy nodded, and bowed clumsily.
"By the way," Lois continued. "why's your tux on inside out?"
End.