New Branches

(Mommy Mystique Part Two)

1. How Lance Quit His Job


Lance hated his job. He really, really hated it. Working at the yogurt stand at the mall was not his idea of gainful employment. What was the point now, anyway? Mystique had made him get a job, and she wasn't even living with them anymore!

And his supervisor was a total creep.
But worst of all were the customers.

"I'll have the one with the nuts in it," the overly made-up woman said.
"Which one is that?" Lance asked.
"You know . . . the one with the nuts in it."
Lance sighed and turned to the flavor listing. "Praline Pecan?"
The woman looked confused. "Does that have nuts?"
Must not kill customers . . . "Yes, it does."
"Fine. I'll take that, then."
"Okay. What size?"
"They come in sizes?"

That did it.

"You see this?" he shouted, gesturing at the sample cups tacked to the price signs. "Small, medium, large! Those are sizes! Pick one!"

Unfortunately, his supervisor overheard . . .

"Alvers, can I have a word with you?"
Lance's temper was pushed to the breaking point. This was it. He wasn't going to be pushed around by this greasy little twerp any longer. "How about two words? One of them's 'off'. Can you guess the other one?"
"You are in serious danger of being fired, mister!"
"Then I'll save you the trouble. I quit!" Lance untied his apron, threw it on the ground, and stomped on it. He then shredded the ridiculous hair net that Evil Boss had made him wear. Then he turned his back and left, for good.
The customer was still standing there. "Um . . . can I have a small?"

Back at the Brotherhood house, Wanda was trying to make dinner.
She didn't know why she bothered; it wasn't as if anyone was ever home to eat it. She wanted to kill Pietro; he was always over at Mystique's house, playing with the twins. He did more babysitting than anyone she knew. And this was from someone who'd hated the babies before they were born.

And when he was home, he went right back out again. It was almost as if he was purposely trying to avoid her. But why would he do that?

Oh, yeah, that's right, she thought sarcastically. I have a lousy temper.

It hadn't really started until she'd moved in. All those guys just got on her nerves.
If only there was another female here, she thought, I wouldn't feel like they were ganging up on me. And talking about me behind my back. And--
"What'sfordinner?"

Wanda turned and saw Pietro. "Oh, so you're home."

SLAM!
"And the way that door just slammed, so is Lance."

"I thought he was working till 10."
"I guess they let him off early." Pietro called out, "Hey Lance, how was work?"
Lance shouted something unprintable and stomped up the stairs.

"I hope he's eating, at least," Wanda grumbled. "Now where's Fred?"

"Probably helping himself to the breakfast aisle at the Mega-Mart," Pietro quipped.

"It's not like him to miss a meal."

Up in his room, Lance didn't know whether to celebrate being free of his intolerable job or stress out because now he didn't have a job.
Boss Lady's not gonna like-- he thought, before he remembered that Mystique wasn't there any more.

Everything was different. Magneto was living there with them now.
Most of the time, anyway. Currently he was visiting Charles Xavier at Xavier's institute. They were sharing tea, and at one point Magneto asked Xavier, "What do you think about this whole situation?"

"It's taken a long time to adjust to it," Xavier conceded, "but on the whole it's worked out quite well so far . . ."

"Not for me. I can't control those kids. I don't know how you manage it."

He could still remember the knock-down drag-out fight Lance had had with Pietro the day of Mystique's first visit back to the Brotherhood house.

It had started, oddly enough, with some brownies.

********

"Get your hands off those!" Lance snapped at Fred.

"But I'm hungry!"
"I don't care! They're not for you!"

"Who says so?"

"I say so!"

Fred grabbed Lance by the collar . . .

"Heyheyhey! What'stheproblem?"

"Lance won't let me have any brownies!" Fred complained.

"Of course not! They're for the company!" Lance insisted.
"Mystique's not company!"
"She doesn't live here any more! That makes her a guest!"
"When's she coming?" Pietro asked.

"Around eight, yo," said Todd Tolensky, who was now holding Fred back--or at least trying to.

"Eight? But she won't be bringing the babies, then!"

"How do you know?"

"Cause they're babies! They go to bed early! It won't be any fun if they're asleep!" Pietro pouted.
Lance looked at him strangely. "You mean the 'trollop' babies?"
"Huh?"
"That's what you used to call them. Now all of a sudden it's like you're their new big brother or something. What's going on?"

Pietro wasn't sure how to answer that.

And then Lance dropped the bombshell that started the fistfight. He said, "The way you act, you'd think they were your babies. You haven't been seeing Mystique on the side, have you?"

The last word had barely left his mouth before Pietro lunged at him in a rage . . .

Both got in several good licks before Wanda pulled them apart.
"What are you doing?" she demanded.
"Didyouhearwhathesaid?"
"What? Slow down! You know I can't understand you when you rush like that!"
"Did--you--hear--what--he--said?"
"No, I didn't." She was tempted to hex-bolt them both right where it hurt, just to teach them a lesson.

"He said I was having an affair with Mystique!" Pietro spluttered.

Wanda couldn't help herself. She burst out laughing.
"It'snotfunny!"
"I'm sorry, but . . . after all your 'trollop' comments, he thinks you were--" It was just too funny to hold back. Pietro, of all people, having a fling with Mystique.

"Canwejustdropitalready?"

Lance, having narrowly escaped violent death, was inclined to agree.

"Fine," Wanda said. "Go get cleaned up, they'll be here any minute."

The twins arrived fifteen minutes later . . . and, much to Pietro's delight, Rogue came along too.

"Hey, Rogue," he said.

"Hey."

The twins looked happy, and gave Lance a big smile when he waved at them.

"Who wants to hold a baby?" said Wanda.

Pietro snatched Jared out of her arms before anyone could stop him. "C'mon, Jared, say 'Uncle Pietro rules'."

Jared just yawned.

"Hey, don't do that . . . you're supposed to say 'Uncle Pietro rules'," Pietro protested.

"He can't talk yet! He's a baby!" Rogue scolded him.

"Besides," Wanda snickered, "he really wants to say 'Uncle Pietro's a jerk'."
"I am not!"

"Yes you are."

"Be nahce in front of the kids," Rogue cautioned them.

"I'm trying," Wanda sighed, "but he doesn't want to help."
"Be nice to Uncle Pietro," Lance said, "and maybe he and Mommy will make you a new brother or sister."
Lance was flat on his back before he knew what had happened.

And sporting a black eye.

It took the combined force of Wanda, Rogue, Magneto, and Mystique to keep an all-out war from brewing . . .

"Let me at him!"

The babies started crying . . . and everyone forgot what they were fighting about and rushed to take care of them.

"What's 'a matter, guys?" Toad said.

"Do they need to be changed?" asked Fred.

Sniff, sniff. "No, that's not it. Are they hungry?"

Lance looked at their bottles. "Empty. You bring any formula?"
"Ah think so." She rooted around in the bag for the can.

Jared looked at John. And smiled.
Mission accomplished.