WE OWN NOTHING. J.K. ROWLING ISN'T TWO PEOPLE!

"Jones, Accalia"

A girl separated herself from the group of first years waiting to be sorted.

"The name is Cali. As in California. Don't call me Accalia. My mother already made me move HERE. Don't torture me further."

Professor McGonagall looked affronted and shocked. "Umm...Jones, Cali?"

Cali walked over, picked up the sorting hat, looked inside and gingerly put it on.

I see great things in this mind. The sorting hat said.

Do you have head lice? Cali asked suspiciously

Excuse me?

Little buggy things. Duh.

Ummm...no.

DO THE SORTY THING ALREADY!

Excuse me?

Is that your catchphrase or something?

Excuse me?

Why do have such a stupid catchphrase?

What?

What happened to doing the sorty thing?

UMM...RAVENCLAW!

Are you sure you don't have head lice?

Goodbye?

Excuse me?

That's my catchphrase!

Whatever. See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!

"Joness, Aerilyn"

Another girl walked up to the stage.

"Actually, it's JO-NESS, not JONES," she remarked softly.
"I don't care. Put on the gosh-darn fudging hat!"

Hagrid came up from behind the professor, "Do you really feel the need to bring up the old minister?"

"Shut up, Hagrid!" she cried as she shoved the hat on the girl's head.

Ummm, hi?

Are you friends with the girl who just left?

Yeah, she's my best friend.

Are you anything like her?

No. I'm the shy one. She's the rude one.

You can say that again.

I would prefer not to.

So what do you want to be in?

Isn't that your job?

Ummm, true. Why is there a Broadway song stuck in your head?

I'm excited for flying, so I have 'Defying Gravity' stuck in my head.

Whatever. RAVENCLAW!!!!!

Thanks, Mr. Sorting Hat.

I would recommend finding better friends.

Ummm, ok then, see you later.

James Potter II stared at the Ravenclaw table.

"What are you doing?" asked his little brother, Albus.

"I'm trying to see those two hot disruptive Ravenclaw chicks. Move! I can't see them!"

There was a tap on his shoulder. James spun around to see the hot disruptive Ravenclaw chicks.

"Do I look like a chicken to you?" the one who hated her name said curiously.

"Ummm...no?"

She turned to her best friend and said, "You know, Hogwarts students are supposed to be some of the smartest students in the world. I disagree. Ummms are not smart. And I've heard too many of them today." And then she slapped James Sirius Potter across the face.

"What was that for?"

"For being an idiot. I am a woman hear me roar. You know, like your dinky little mascot?"

"You did not just diss the Gryffindor lion."

"I think I just did Mr. I-can't-say-a-single-sentence-without-sounding-stupid-and-male-chauvinistic. AKA Gryffindork."

"Excuse me?"

"MAYBE IT'S THE HOGWARTS CATCHPHRASE! I'M DOOMED!"

Her best friend slapped James, and put her hand around Cali's-that was her name!-shoulder.

"Salem people say it too."

"Not nearly as much Aerie."

"What kind of name is Aerie?" James interjected.

"As in Arizona? As in the place where Stephenie Meyer lives? As in I need my Jacob Black right now?"

"Black? As in me?" a boy beside James said.

Cali replied, "Is your first name Jacob?"

"No."

"Then you're not the one she's looking for. And I know you're not Embry – you're not nearly hot enough," She continued

"What are you guys even talking about?"

"Are you incredibly buff?"

"No."

"Are you at least seven feet tall?"

"I'm six- nine"

"Do you turn into a sexy werewolf?"

"Excuse me?"

"HOGWARTS!!!!!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. "Is your body temperature 108.9?"

"Wouldn't you be dead?"

"You are so not Embry."

"You couldn't have just said 'You're not Embry?'" Aerie glared.

"That's not how I roll. And FURTHERMORE I don't get why the heck it is called Ravenclaw. Ravens don't have claws. That is why we are RavenTalons. "

"All right, let's go with that."