A/N: I recently included Cary in a scene in my current fic and it hit me hard when I realized how him wanting to leave LG and start his own firm might affect Diane. They have always shared this special relationship in my opinion and I blame my McHart high for not thinking about this earlier. I rushed to finish this fic tonight and post it before the finale airs.
It's my first attempt at exploring this complicated realtionship, I can only hope I did it justice.
I don't own 'The Good Wife' or something like this actually happened on the show.
Please read and review!
Diane knocks before she enters the small office with a serious look on her face. It feels like yesterday when she showed the room to the associate, told him she wanted him to become a partner someday, maybe to take her seat at the table, when she would be gone. She meant what she said, she's always liked the eager young lawyer and never failed to express it to him or to everyone else. All the more hurt she feels now after finding out about something he's been hiding from her.
She takes a seat, thinking it through one last time what she's going to say to him, without revealing too much of her feelings, without letting out unnecessary anger on him. She's had enough time to calm down since she heard the news the previous night. It was a friend, someone she hasn't talked to for a while, but these friends always show up when you expect them the least. They give you a call just to be the first ones to share a rumor and audibly gloat while pretending to show sympathy.
"Is it true, Cary?" she asks, her eyes never leaving his face, she wants to catch every single reaction, "Is it true that you're planning to start your own firm?"
His eyes show at once that it is in fact true, she has no doubt anymore. She tried to hold on to the last shimmer of hope up until now, but it is already gone and finds herself wishing for one single thing alone, that he tells her the truth.
"Yes," he makes the right decision and it slightly comforts her that he respects her enough not to lie into her face, but it doesn't alter the fact that he's been going behind her back, betraying the firm's trust, her trust for who knows how long.
"Why?" is her next question, the only question she's really interested in. What has she done to deserve it from him? She knows she shouldn't take it personally, but she does. Cary's been her boy from the beginning. She gave him a chance when he started out fresh out of law school, and it had been hard on her when they had to let him go. She did everything to get him back, offered him all the perks she could and tried to make sure he was happy there, but apparently she failed.
"I know you always told me you value me here, but I just feel I could do so much more," his honest answer means more to her than anything and yes, she does want him to succeed, he has it in him, but starting a new firm is not that easy. She knows since she considered it once, even asked him to join her back then. She was glad when she didn't actually have to go through with it in the end, who knows where she would be now if she did.
"On your own? You seriously think going on your own is that easy?"
"No, I don't think it is easy, in fact I know it will be hard, it is already hard, but I want to give it a try."
"And what happens if you don't succeed? How are you going to cope with such a failure?" she finds herself worried about his future, she just can't help it. He's been under her wings for too long.
"I'd rather you wished me luck instead," he says silently.
"I just don't understand. You're making progress here, I'm sorry the partners decided to take back the offer from you, but it's only a matter of time. Patience pays off."
She really is sorry, she didn't like the idea of betraying the fourth years, taking back a given word, whatever was the reason they got offered partnership on the first place. And there's still nothing she can do but wait for the right chance to make that offer again, because Cary deserves it just as much as Alicia, maybe even more.
"I don't want to be patient anymore," he says with youthful enthusiasm visible in his eyes and that is when she finally understands him. He still thinks he can make things better, do something good, like she did back when she started out. She admires him for being so reckless, jumping off a ship without a lifeboat at hand. She is aware that he might take clients from them, maybe he'll be able to keep them, maybe they will find back to Lockhart/Gardner, they shall see. Right now all she can think about is dealing with the loss of someone she truly cares for.
"I'm sorry that we disappointed you, I've always thought of you as part of the team," and I'll be sad to see you go, she adds only to herself.
"I'm sorry that I disappointed you," Cary replies, grasping probably more than her voiced feelings. Her composed face breaks for a few seconds and a shy smile appears on it.
"Good luck following your dreams," she hesitates, and while she doesn't want to do it, since she already had to do it once and it's still a painful memory to her, she finally says the necessary words, "You need to clean out your desk today."
Cary nods slightly in understanding and Diane can't stop her eyes from showing some sorrow as she rises from the chair.
She walks out and heads back to her office, sits in her chair buried in conflicted thoughts. Part of her is angry with him for not telling her earlier, another part is worried that he'll pose a threat to the firm, poaching clients, knowing their tactics too well, but the third, maybe the smallest, but still a meaningful part of her is happy for him
o-o-o
He wasn't prepared for this, not today, not from Diane. He isn't sure how she got to know it on the first place. It was supposed to be a secret even though he's aware that something more than two people know already is not a secret anymore. He should have seen this coming, one of the partners finding out and firing him right away, it just pains too much that Diane had to be the one. He would rather have taken it from Will, they never understood each other, while Diane has been like a mentor to him.
If there is one person he never wanted to disappoint, it's her. He has forgiven her for firing him back then, he also doesn't blame her for the failed partnership offer. He's aware she doesn't make these decisions on her own, that she would have kept him if she could three years ago and would make him partner sooner or later. He's always believed her, he just got tired of waiting.
Part of him wishes Diane had started her own firm and taken him with her. They are a great team and he knows that she appreciates him, even though it doesn't always show. It will be hard going out on his own without her constant support, that's what he's going to miss the most, someone to turn to for advice, a chance he's blown by hiding everything from her.
Maybe he should have discussed it with her, maybe she would have understood, but it is too late now. He has to stick to his decision, has to walk out that door with his head high and never look back. He has to show this woman what he's made of, what he has become. He has to make her proud of him one day, because one thing is sure he will always be thankful for the part Diane Lockhart played in his life.