Cursed to Fall

A Destiel FanFic by The Broken Castiel and FlyHighDandelion

Chapter one: "It all begins with a choice"

Suggested Playlist for this chapter:

I gave you all by Mumford & Sons

Youth by Daughter

- Dust in the Wind by Kansas

Take me Home by Germany Germany

It had finally come to this. The Angel and the Vessel, the friends, the allies... now face to face, but each pulling towards a different direction.

Castiel looked at Dean, his sad blue eyes filled with doubt, and for a fraction of a moment an idea crossed his mind: He had never known doubt before meeting The Winchesters, and he had been alive for a very long time before that. Now things were less clear, more complicated. He had done things he never thought he would, some of them didn't make him very proud.

"Dean you have to understand, if I don't open Purgatory then I will lose the war with Raphael and he will start the apocalypse again. Is that what you want?" – he asked, still looking at his friend.

Dean looked as worried as Castiel did, the understanding of the crossroads they were at written all over his face.

"Cass... listen to me. There's gotta be another way. Just don't, ok?" – He said as he tried to walk slowly over to where the angel was, his hands in front of him as a sign of caution, showing he meant not harm, his eyes wide open full of dread.

Castiel frowned, looking confused. His head moving to the sides, as if he wanted to say no.

"What other way is there? He's an archangel Dean, and he's way more powerful than I am. Even with all the weapons we've gathered."

He couldn't understand why Dean wouldn't just trust him. He had trusted Dean countless times since they had first met, and now that he needed Dean's trust and support in return he was getting none of it instead, and the unfairness of the situation hurt him.

Dean tried to smile reassuringly, but couldn't. Castiel was a brother to him, and he felt like he was about to witness him make a very big mistake.

"It wouldn't be the first time we're in way over our heads... we'll find a way, we always do. It's what we DO! ... I can't let you do this Cass..." – He said as he continued approaching Castiel, their eyes locked on each other.

Castiel was set on the idea that what he was doing was the only viable option, the one that would make them victorious... save the day. This didn't come from a place of elitism... he didn't know best just because he was an Angel, or because he was old beyond human comprehension, or because he was powerful. He simply believed to know best because he urged to do the right thing. He wanted to save humanity, despite the fact he didn't understand half the things they did. He had no idea what opening Purgatory would do to him, but he definitely knew what not defeating Raphael would mean. While his actions came from a place of compassion and sacrifice, in a deeper level he wanted to save humanity from the Apocalypse especially because Dean Winchester was a part of that humanity. He was not ready to let go of this relationship, which had defined him as an individual, separated from the numbness of the cluster.

"All I want is your trust Dean, I know what I'm doing" – He said as he looked away from Dean. Looking into those green eyes filled him with guilt, though he didn't understand why.

Now feeling increasingly upset, and still approaching the angel, Dean started to feel his blood boil. He had been in this place before, a place of loss, of despair. His whole life as a hunter had been filled with it. When he tried to speak, his voice sounded enraged, even though he was actually scared.

"You KNOW I trust you... we're family... but you don't know what this will do to you, and neither do I. I won't let you do this to yourself".

Even though a part of himself had come to terms with the fact this might be the only way, he wouldn't be himself if he simply accepted adversity. He never had, he never would. He was a Winchester, and Winchesters were fighters, not sheep. He looked at the blood, the source of this conundrum, then turned to Castiel's eyes one more time before preparing to leap forward.

Castiel looked slightly confused for a moment. He was looking at Dean as he approached him, trying to figure out what he'd do next. In the last second he saw it... Dean was trying to take the blood away from him, to stop him. As soon as he realized his friend was going after the blood he tried to stop him. This was his only chance to open Purgatory and take the souls so he could beat Raphael. He yelled "Dean no!", But the angel's defense was automatic and powerful.

As soon as Dean's fingertips touched the blood he flew back against the wall, as if invisible hands had grabbed his shoulders and violently pulled back. He landed painfully on the floor with a thud. For a moment he couldn't move or breathe, the pain was so sharp he thought his back was broken. Gathering his strength to look up, still unable to speak from the pain, Dean lifted his head and looked straight into the angel's eyes, his own eyes a silent plea.

Castiel faltered for a brief moment to look at Dean. He was being so persistent and determined to stop him from opening Purgatory. He still didn't understand why, but there was a lot of things he didn't understand. Doubt. That obscure concept so new to him. One thing he did know, though, was that even though they were just humans, their lives but an eyelash flicker in the life of the universe, the Winchesters always did what they thought was best and if what he was doing was right, then why did it feel so wrong? Why had he just hurt Dean over it? After a few moments of staring at his hurt friend, he finally put the blood down and walked over to him, touching his forehead to heal him.

Still down but deeply relieved, Dean looked at him and let out a heavy sigh while reclining the back of his head on the cold damp floor, perfectly aware he had just dodged a bullet.

"Good, now what do we do?"

"I'm not sure, without the souls we're doomed to Raphael killing us all." Castiel said, hoping he made the right choice with trusting Dean once more.

Dean reclined against the wall, sitting up, then wiped some sweat off his forehead with a dirty hand. *Here we go again*, he thought, as the inevitable words came out of his mouth.

"Then let me do it" he said, looking past Castiel, into the nothing. Self sacrifice was not new to him, and he would take that over losing one of the very few close people in his life any day.

"Let you do what?" – said Castiel looking confused. Something like this would destroy Dean's body, no doubt.

After a moment of shared confusion, Dean realized why his suggestion was impossible. It had to be an angel as his own body wouldn't resist it. It was one of those things for which being a mere human wasn't enough. This realization upset him, and his facial expression showed this. He wanted to help his friend, and he hates feeling useless.

"Dean no, we're not doing that. I'm sure there will be other ways."

It never managed not to surprise the angel how willing the Winchesters were about throwing their lives away for the sake of others. Truly selfless people, those Winchesters. Was it because they felt the need to save people? Or because underneath all their strength they thought they were less worthy of life than other more *normal* humans? He knew the life of a hunter was usually short, regardless of their expertise. The job was dangerous, and humans withered... they got so old and slow so quickly.

"Maybe if we find more weapons." – The angel suggested

"Then we'd better go find those weapons... fast" he looked at the blood for a moment, "And we need to keep that safe".

"After the eclipse the blood will be useless." He assured Dean and picked up the blood.

Sadly enough, Castiel was still debating... If he did it now, then he would win the war... at whatever cost, he didn't care. if not, he might lose the war, but at least he would still have his friends. Until the Raphael's Apocalypse wiped them out anyway.

"Well I can't lose anymore people, Cass!" he said, slightly raising the tone of his voice, looking at his friend with fury and pain in his eyes
"So if you do this, you'd better not die on me... and if you don't... then we need to hurry, or everyone will be dead and this won't even matter".

"Fine." Castiel agreed, then in a moment's choice let the jar of blood drop and shatter on the ground. He had made his decision. "Let's get going."

*Oh not this* Dean thought, and closed his eyes getting ready for the awkward feeling of being zapped to a different location in the blink of an eye.