Ash stares at the white tux jacket hanging on one of the lamps. He takes a small breath and tucks in his shirt, turning towards the large window taking in view of the street below. The small room on the second floor of the New York Public Library only showed a fraction of the city below. A small glimpse into the people and their hectic lives. A world that seemed so distant right now… unimportant.
His right-hand dips inside his pocket for a moment, allowing his fingers to twirl the small piece of jewelry inside. Ash pulls a black tie from the hanger, pops his collar, and loops the tie around his neck. He tries to twist it correctly, but the knot doesn't work. With a sigh he starts over again from the beginning. Everything looks right, until the final pull. He grinds his teeth at the third try. He knows how to do this. He's done it hundreds of times with the many suits he's worn. So many high-end parties. Why can't he tie a damn tie? If only Shorter were here to help him...
Ash stills as his best friends name pops up in his thoughts. "You'd have no idea how to do this, right Shorter?" Ash asks softly. "But you would try. I'm sure at least your hands wouldn't be shaking like mine..." He loops both ends again around each other, entirely lost on what to do next.
There's a soft knock on the door a moment before it opens and Max peeks his head in. "You almost ready?"
Ash glances at the older man over his shoulder. "Yeah…" he sighs, half-heartedly still trying to figure out the tie.
"Don't you sound ecstatic," Max jokes, as he steps in the room and shuts the door behind him. Ash glances at Max, fingers still holding the undone tie. "Why didn't you ask for help sooner?" Max says, stepping forward.
Ash doesn't move as Max carefully arranges the tie. His eyes turn back towards the street.
Max blinks a quick confused nod. "You seem distracted. Are you having cold feet?"
Ash glares, lips purse, his voice wistful and far away. "Not cold feet. No… But…"
Max swears when he fails to tie the tie and pulls it off. "Doesn't your rental come with an optional bowtie?"
"Eiji is wearing a bowtie. I'm supposed to wear a tie," Ash says, but Max ignores him as he searches the hanging tux's pockets and finds a black bowtie. "Score!" Max attaches his find around Ash's neck with an easy click. "There. Perfect." He moves a few steps back, grinning while Ash mutters a soft thanks.
Max watches him with a hint of hesitation. Ash wonders what kind of look his own eyes hold right this moment. What can Max sees as the grin disappears from the older man's features. A muffled honk filters through the windows, Ash turns to watch the street again, his attention caught.
"Why do you keep looking out the window? Are you waiting for something or someone?" Max asks. "You're paying more attention to the people outside than what's happening here." Ash doesn't respond. "If it's not cold feet, then what is it? Because if you cancel Jessica will kill you. She's been looking forward to this for months." Ash gives him a sour look. Max's eyes instantly lose their remaining mirth. "This is serious… Did something happen? Did someone call you?"
Ash takes a deep breath, fingers in his pocket again finding the metal. His attention unmoving from the window and the world outside once more. He doesn't speak immediately, just watches. "Nothing happened…" He says after half a minute. "Just… Am I really here? Is this really happening?" His voice falls like a gasp. "This whole thing feels like a weird dream." His words distant.
"I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe I simply fell asleep downstairs reading a book—"
Max suddenly pinches Ash's cheek.
"Fuck!" Ash furiously slaps the veteran's hand away. "What is wrong with you?!"
"See." Max teases with a grin. "Not a dream. This is really happening."
Ash takes a long deep breath and slowly lets it go. "Am I risking Eiji's life to follow my selfish dream?"
The room grows quiet. Max doesn't answer right away, Ash just hears the soft taps of Max's shoes as he moves closer.
"Ah," Max stops next to Ash, both hands tucked deep in his pockets. "Is that why you keep watching the street? Worried someone will come crashing in?"
"Habit," Ash offers. "Always have to be careful."
"Eiji has always been the only thing that throws you off. He was the one you risked everything for. Do I have to remind you you're no longer part of that world?"
"Even if I left that life behind..." Ash says. "There will always be people after me. My name and his are forever ingrained into the history of the underground world. How many people want revenge for the ones I killed? How many people want to claim fame for having killed Ash Lynx?"
The thoughts become darker in Ash's head. The danger more real.
It's like suddenly every person walking on the street is a possible enemy. There were so many people. Way too many. Ash couldn't possibly fight them all. Couldn't stop them all. Sooner or later they will get Eiji. He can't protect him… not forever.
Max's hand falls on Ash's shoulders, claiming the young man's attention "You can't think like that, son."
Ash blinks.
Max scratches the back of his neck. "I mean… you know what I mean…" He sighs. "You can't live a life worrying about maybes. If you're truly concerned that someone may hurt you or Eiji, then get as far away from this place as possible. Take him with you. Make a life where no one knows who you are."
Ash feels the uneasiness tight in his gut. "What if there's no place to go? What if in the end being without me is the safest place for him?"
"Would stopping this day make a difference? Would walking away right now and leaving Eiji waiting for you fix it? Would it make you feel better?"
Max words dig deep inside Ash's thoughts. He imagines Eiji waiting alone surrounded by flowers. He knows Eiji would wait all night… wait until the sun rose or he had no choice but to leave. The visual becomes a sobering ache. "I would break his heart… again. I never want to do that again."
"Then you have your answer." Max grabs the white jacket still resting on the hanger. "Come here," Ash gives Max his back and Max helps the younger man put it on.
"Besides," Max smooths the lines of the jacket and straightens the bowtie around his neck. "It's Eiji's dream as well, no?"
Ash's eyes brim. That's true. He's not here alone. After today he won't be alone ever again. Calmness settles inside his heart. The fright vanishing, already forgotten. He adjusts the jacket, completing the ensemble. Smiling, his hand finds its way inside his right pocket once more. "Yes. It's our dream."
There is no doubt in his answer.
Max nods, "Then hurry in, everyone's waiting." He goes back inside the Rotunda and closes the door. Ash closes his eyes for a second. He just needs another second. Another moment to collect his thoughts. His whispered words forever unheard. "Thanks, Dad."
The McGraw Rotunda is breathtaking. High grand ceilings covered with incredible murals. Ash glances up at its ornate molding, his eyes falling towards the center of the Rotunda. A small setup of five chairs on each side of a velvet aisle runner that led to a simple arch. Carnations and roses, both red and white. It was perfect. All of it. Simple yet perfect.
It all cost a small fortune, but Ash wouldn't have had it any other way.
Heads turn towards him as he walks forward. Jessica whispers something to Max while Michael fidgets in front of them. Alex, Kong, and Bones are all sitting on the left side, looking completely out of place in their suits. Ibe is the closest to him, snapping pictures.
Ash's eyes search around the entire space, not finding what he is searching for. Where was Eiji?
He approaches the small party. Annoyed at the wide-eyed looks on their faces. It's like they have never seen a person wearing a white tux before.
"I thought you said everyone was ready—"
Jessica's gasp catches his attention. Ash hears soft footsteps from the other side of the Rotunda.
He turns.
His heart skips a beat.
Eiji stands at the far end, wearing a sleek white tux that perfectly matches Ash's. His eyes wide and his mouth a small 'o' as he takes in the vast space.
When Eiji finally looks forward, his eyes find Ash's. His expression of wonderment becoming one of pure joy. The corners of his mouth turning upwards into a warm smile, peaceful and simply happy. At that moment there's no one else in the world but them.
Ash resists the urge to go to Eiji, waiting for him instead to join the rest of the group. Eiji scratches his cheek sheepishly as he approaches. For an instance Ash recalls that day in the bar. Turning around at the sound of his name. His eyes caught Eiji immediately that day, even if Ibe was the one speaking. He looked so out of place, he screamed 'I don't belong here.' Ash forced himself to ignore it, pretend the world hadn't shifted. But he couldn't do it anymore when that sheepish look and nervous scratch asked him something no one else would have dared.
The moment is broken when Bones yipes as his cell phone rings. "I'm sorry, Boss! I swear I turned it off!"
Ash glares. Eiji's soft laugh fills the room as he reaches the group. He puts his hand behind Ash's back like it's the most natural thing in the world.
"Make sure all phones are off." Ash gruffs out, feeling the warmth from Eiji's hand, a presence that centers him.
A soft melody starts playing, drawing everyone's attention to the arch. The officiant stands in front of it. Signaling that it was time to start.
Everyone quickly takes their place. Ibe stays on his feet, eyes firmly behind the lens.
Ash finds Eiji's hand without even trying and together they walk towards the arch.
"When you said you wanted to get married at the New York Public Library, I thought you meant some spot between two bookshelves with everyone sitting at one of the reading tables." Eiji whispers and Ash chuckles.
"I never imagined you'd rent a whole giant room. It's beautiful." The dark-haired boy's eyes travel once more around the space. "I love it. I wish I had my camera with me"
Ash tightens his hand around Eiji's. "Maybe you can steal the camera from Ibe later," he whispers.
They reach the front of the arch. The bloom of the red and white around them.
"Friends and family," the officiant begins.
Ash feels the world become amazingly small. He gets lost in Eiji's eyes. In the touch of their hands. Right now he doesn't care for tradition or rules. He's never letting Eiji go.
"Do either of you wish to share words? Before we make this official?"
"Yes." Both say in unison. Follow by joyous chuckles.
"Me first." Eiji twirls Ash's fingers between his own. He smiles, a soft blush spreading over his cheeks. He takes a deep breath. It's impossible for Ash to look away.
"A long time ago I told you my soul would always be with you. When I wrote those words, I worried that I would never see you again. I was so sad for so long... So long that I realized I loved you with all my heart. I realized a life without you would be empty. That I would wander forever with a broken soul. Sometimes, it was very hard when everything felt to be against us... but we found each other again. We are here now. And my soul, my body, my heart, and everything I am, and will be, will always be with you. From now on until death separates us."
Ash blinks. A couple of tears slide down his cheeks.
The thought that this is a dream comes back, but it's fleeting, a moment taken away when Eiji rubs his fingertips against his knuckles.
"Your turn?" Eiji whispers just between them.
Ash bring Eiji's right hand to his mouth. His lips pressing against Eiji's open palm.
"Eiji... I knew from the moment I saw you — the very second our eyes met — I knew you were going to change my life. It was instant. Watching you so out of place within my world. I knew I had to stay away, but I couldn't help talking to you. So I tried to scare you. To warn you. But you were not afraid. You never once looked away. You stayed with me, even when I tried to push you away, even when I tried to make you hate me." Ash closes his eyes for a second, hands squeezing Eiji's tighter. "Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for giving me you. Your heart got into mine. Your body took away all the pain and fear. Your warmth took away the dark. Your soul has been with me from the moment we met, and I give you mine forever, for the rest of our days."
Eiji takes a moment to brush his fingers under his eyes. Ash resists the urge to wrap his arms around him. He wants to kiss him and for the world to already know this man is his forever. He wanted the world to know how selfish he truly is.
"Do you have the rings?"
Ash digs the shining silver band he's been twirling with from his pocket at the same time as Eiji pulls one from his breast pocket.
"Repeat after me. With this ring, I give you my heart." The officiant says.
Ash takes Eiji's hand and raises it up. "With this ring, I give you my heart. My soul. My love forever." The silver ring eases into Eiji's ring finger like it was destined to be there.
Eiji repeats the motion as he takes Ash's hand. "With this ring, I give you my heart. My soul. My love forever."
Ash holds his breath as the ring is gently pushed on his finger. It's warm from being in Eiji's pocket. It feels right, like it was always meant to be there. Always.
"These rings symbolize the vow you both have made. The love you both deeply share." The officiant smiles warmly. "And thus it is my honor to announce for the state of New York — and the world — that you are both joined for life as husbands. You may kiss."
Ash hears the words like a spell. Without wasting another second, he places his left hand on the small of Eiji's back and pulls his husband close. Claiming Eiji's lips without hesitation. He knows Eiji's eyes are wide, just like their first kiss, just like that crazy moment he put all his trust in a boy he barely knew. But there is no ulterior motive now, no secrets, or favors. Eiji's skin warm under his touch, shivers as Ash presses his right hand on the back of Eiji's neck and deepens the kiss.
Ash feels a chuckle against his lips right before Eiji's hand grabs a handful of his hair and pulls him closer into the kiss.
The claps from their friends get louder, until someone hollers.
"Get a room!"
Ash and Eiji break apart.
Ash glares at their guests. Alex, Kong, and Bones are wide-eyed with closed tight mouths. They wouldn't dare say such a thing.
Ibe is hiding half his face with one hand in second-hand embarrassment.
Jessica is slapping Max.
"What?" Max complains. "That was like the perfect joke."
Ash doesn't find it funny at all until Eiji starts giggling beside him. He allows himself to get lost in his husband's gentle laugh. Letting it take every inch of worry and doubt.
This is the best day of his life.
As they leave the arch, the newlyweds get assaulted by colourful rose petals. Eiji's hands grip Ash's like an anchor when they greet their family and friends as they share handshakes, kisses, and slaps on the back.
Ash never lets go of Eiji's hand.
They tour the library with Ibe, taking as many pictures as they can in the short time they were allotted.
Holding hands while looking at one of the many pictures of the Rotunda.
Staring at each other at the foot of the stairs in Astor Hall.
Kissing in the middle of the Rose Main Reading Room.
Sitting together at a table going over a book.
At one point Ash forgets Ibe is even there with the camera. It's just him and Eiji exploring a place he loved.
The last pictures are taken outside with everyone. Ibe sets up his tripod to make sure the entire party is included. It doesn't take long to draw a curious crowd, but none of them care.
Eiji takes a few shots of Ash when he's not looking. Some with Ibe's camera, others with their personal phones. The night is documented by endless clicks, smiles, laughs, and kisses.
And when the moon is almost at its highest, and the crowds in the streets have faded, everyone crowds around a hot dog stand for a midnight snack. Eiji reprimands Ash for pouring what seems like half the bottle of mustard into his dog while reminding him not to spill any on his tux.
The group eats their late dinner sitting together on the library steps. Michael sits between his parents taking big bites. Jessica and Max warn him to slow down. Bones eats two hot dogs at the same time while Kong and Alex watch him with stunned faces.
Eiji leans away from Ash to say something to Ibe. Ash watches Eiji's back for a second, his attention shifting to the brightly lit entrance from afar. Guarded by its lions, empty in the night, void of life, and for a moment the fright returns. Like a phantom, like the world isn't real, the ring in his hand disappears, he feels a pain on his side, and he can't breathe.
"You were right." Eiji suddenly nudges next to him, wrapping his hand around Ash's arm, pulling Ash out of that void. "This was the perfect place." He rests his head on Ash's shoulder, eyes glancing up.
Ash holds his breath for a moment, he can't help but run his fingers through Eiji's locks, admire every soft line on his face, and those beautiful dark eyes that are waiting for him to say something. "For a perfect day?" he asks as he rubs his thumb over smooth lips.
"We got married," Eiji says and kisses Ash's thumb.
"We got married," Ash repeats, leaning down for a kiss.
"I told you I'd be by your side forever," Eiji whispers into his ear when they break apart. Ash feels the urge to kiss him again as Eiji gives him a toothy grin. "Now you can't get rid of me."
Ash lets Eiji pull him down for another kiss. It's soft and full of promises. "I never once wanted to get rid of you. Not even when I tried my best. I only wanted—"
"To protect me. I know." Eiji doesn't stop running his fingers through Ash's hair. "But now your dangers are mine. There is no more your world or my world. Just our world. Our life."
"Are you trying to make me fall in love with you all over again?" Ash asks.
"I wasn't even trying the first time." Eiji beams.
Ash laughs deeply, with his entire heart, as he pulls Eiji to his side and whistles for a cab.
Eiji pulls him down for another kiss, a slow and deep open-mouthed one that leaves them both breathless. Someone whistles far away. A yellow cab stops in front of them. "Now let's go home before someone calls the cops on us for public indecency," Eiji whispers against Ash's lips.
Ash opens the cab door, letting Eiji in before jumping in himself and giving the driver the address. He spares one last glance towards the lit building, to the lions standing guard, as the cab rolls forward. And as the phantom disappears from his view, Eiji snuggles close to him, and together they leave the library far behind.