"Miku! Stop. Please, for your sake and mine. Please…" tears had pooled at the eyes of the pinkette, making everything blurry. She struggled to see the teal haired girl that held a knife. In the bathroom lights, everything seemed more unrealistic. Luka watched Miku put down the knife greatfuly. She gave a sob of relief and hugged her petite body.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Miku whispered in her ear softly.
"You'll be alright." Luka assured Miku and took the younger girl into the bedroom, laying her on the bed. Luka wiped her eyes and found the first aid kit. Willing herself to go on, she bandaged Miku's bloody thighs and arms. She noticed that her thighs were merely opened scars while the ones that adorned her arms were new, and much deeper. She quickly bled through the gaze. Luka knew she would need help.
So that's exactly what she did.
"This is 911. What is your emergency?"
"I need an ambulance at 532 West Corner street. I have a girl bleeding out here." Luka told the operater in a calm voice, only breaking on the word 'girl'.
"We'll be there right away. Thank you."
With that, Luka hung up and allowed herself to cry holding the hurt body of her beloved. She thanked her lucky starts that this time, she was here to call. Last time, she had been slightly less lucky.
"I'm sorry, Luka. I'm sorry that it has to be this way, but it's okay. I'm going to solve the problem." Luka heard Miku's voice on the other end of the phone. Her eye brows furrowed in confusion, what had miku ever done?
"Miku, what are you sorry for? What are you solving?"
"I'm sorry for being me. For being a worthless, pathetic, weakling. For being a problem. I'm fixing the problem of me. I simply just won't be. It's a perfect solution don't you think? I won't be a good for nothing, two faced, bitch any more. I will be nothing." Miku's voice was almost completely void of any emotion. The only thing that seemed to be there was slight hysteria.
Luka felt scared, terrified for her friend. She was none of those things. Surely Miku knew that. Someone pushed her to this. That someone will receive an ass whopping like no other. "And how do you propose to do that?" Luka had to fight to keep the emotion out of her voice.
"6 more pills. 12 would kill me. Already took 6. So just 6 more. I thought about bleeding but then I thought about Mikuo. He's only 7. He doesn't need to see that. Better him think me sleeping. I wrote everyone's goodbyes but yours."
"What pills?"
"Painkillers."
"Who pushed you to do this?" anger flared in her voice.
"No one but myself. Someone had told my mom about my depression. So she said she'd talk to me about it. She told my dad. She was at work. Dad yelled at me for two hours. You know, I'd prepared what I'd told mom? I didn't want to die. No. Not this afternoon. I thought I still had a purpose. A reason to live. I couldn't be farther from the truth. He opened my eyes to what a problem I am. So here we are now. I've solved the problem, Luka ." her voice had gained pure madness and hysteria. She giggled insanly and the sound disturbed Luka.
"Miku, you are not a problem. You are the solution to many instead. I love you! Oliver Loves you. Do you know how much pain you're going to cause us?"
"Yes. I thought about this. It will hurt for a while, but then, it will be better for them in the end."
"How?"
"They won't have to deal with me."
"Dealing with you is something that brings the rest of us joy, you know? Really. And what would Mikuo do without his big sister to take care of him?"
"I….I...don't know." Miku's voice broke into a sob and Luka heard a bottle drop. She assumed it was the bottle of pills.
"Please stay with us. We need you more than you know." Luka's voice became soft and begging.
"But I've always needed you guys more than you needed me."
"Oh?"
"Oliver, I needed for emotional stability and I burdened him with it. He only needed me a few times. And in those times he needed me, I wasn't there. I've needed him more. Rin's practically given me everything I had. My clothes, food to last me the day, and so much more. She hasn't needed me at all lately. You, I've depended on for a lot, and I'm sorry I troubled you."
"Oliver needs you to practically breathe. You keep Rin stable and give her the biggest joy. I depend on you to help me find the best fanfiction and youtube videos. Remember when we found Dan and Phill? We still love them, remember?" The tears that were spilling threatened to leak into her speech.
"I….need to go. I love you. Good bye, Luka. Thank you." That ended the conversation. Luka tried again and again to call Miku back, each time failing. She became sick of the voice that cheerfully told her that miku did not have a voice mail box.
She spent that night worried about her dear friend. Luka did not sleep, in the morning she did not eat and kept the phone by her, waiting for any text that may come from Miku. Or heaven forbid, Miku's family.
The next morning, Luka got a call. She answered and didn't bother to look at the caller ID. "Hello?" her voice came out a strangled plea.
"Luka? It's me, Lilly. Are you okay? You sound terrible."
Luka cleared her throat, but winced at the pain. "I'm alright, but I'm not so sure about Miku. She called me last night and it put me on edge."
"What happened?"
"She...she tried to...to...k..kill herself." Luka sighed. She felt guilty that she had told someone else. But relief that someone other than her knew.
"I guess that explains the message I got from her. Is she okay?"
"I don't know."
"Oh. I guess you don't want to come over anymore?"
"No. But thank you."
"Alright. Hey, I'm sure she's going to be alright. Get some sleep and water. You sound like you need it."
"Thank you. I will. Bye." Luka smiled at the request.
"Bye!" Lilly hung up and Luka's smile faded. She felt like a terrible friend. She should have seen the signs long before this. Luka looked back to see all the things she'd missed. Miku always had said she was fine. Her smiles weren't so bright. The two had been slowly growing apart for the past few months. "Gods, I'm such an idiot." Luka decided she'd go over to Miku's house and see her.
Time skip.
Luka pulled up to see that no one was home. But she knew better, sometimes Miku and her siblings would be left at home. Knowing such, she knocked on Miku's door. No one answered. Not even the dog barked. So, she left and went home to catch up on sleep. Even though she knew that scientifically you can't catch up on lost sleep, she still enjoyed the phrase.
Luka woke up around three hours later and did her homework, Miku still in the back of her mind. She would go to school tomorrow and then she would see Miku, alive and well. Luka assured herself of this over and over. Trying desperately to block out the other possibility. After homework, she ate some tuna sushi and went back to bed.
The next morning Luka woke up to her Eridan Alarm. Quickly, she dressed and went to school. She sat through first period, anxiety running through her. The pinkette barely paid attention to her teacher much less the lesson.
Second period came and immediately Luka ran to the choir room. This was her only chance to talk to Miku. Luckily, they had most of the class time free.
"Hey Luka." Miku waved at her friend. Luka hugged her tight and did not let go. At first Miku was startled, but soon found herself melting into the embrace.
Miku's pov.
I was prepared for Luka's scolding, but not for this. Her hug was filled with warmth and care. She held me as if I was the most important thing in the world to her. I flushed with guilt, how could I have thought that this wouldn't affect her? Why did I let them control me?
By them, I mean those thoughts. The thoughts that say "you're nothing", "Why do you try", "they don't care". They almost always come this time of year. Last year I wasn't conscience enough to think them, I had flu. This year I've done pretty well in fighting them. Only relapsed and cut twice before this. Since about sixth grade I've gotten those thoughts. And since then one suicide attempt. This one.
"Miku don't you ever do this again! At least call, damn it!" Luka removed herself ftom the hug and left her to explain her notes to the other two she wrote to. Len and AI. Len, however, had no idea he'd even gotten one. In the message she'd sent Rin, she told her to tell Len that she loved him and good bye for her.
I pulled AI to the side and explained it all to her. Guilt practically ozed out of me. She too hugged me and told me I would be alright. I walked her back to Luka and then all but dragged Len to the corner.
"Len, I'm sorry. I was in a really bad place emotionally. I tried to kill myself using pills. I'm not sure exactly what happened in what order after I took the pills. I only took half the dosage needed to be lethal. I sent everyone messages and called luka. At least I think that's what happened. I passed out after talk to my mom. I'm sorry. I know you tried and you tried your hardest. You did help. I didn't want to die, but then I felt like such a problem. I'm sorry. But I do want you to know that I meant what I said in that message for you." I tried to be strong and I didn't cry but I know my voice had given me away.
Len eyed me for a second. His blue eyes grew soft and he pulled me into a hug. "Just please promise me you won't do it again?"
"I promise. I'll be stronger next time." I hugged him back, and all my guilt slowly dripped away as he hugged me. He's so precious. The silence between us wasn't a bad one, in fact it was very understanding and gentle. Reluctantly, I let go and gave him the best smile I could handle that would be genuine. He smiled back and we went back to the group.
Luka looked at me, "Solved?"
"Solved." With that I just sat by and listened to everyone else talking. Occasionally adding in my own comments. I was content with that. Too soon 2nd period ended and I stalled slightly leaving. Kaito came in and smiled at me. I smiled back and he took my hand. We've been dating for the past two months now. While it is nice, he's sweet, loyal to a fault, and adoring, I don't believe that it's a good idea any more. Love in itself isn't worth it is it?
Not when you're in love with someone else. Or rather trying to get over someone else. I don't deserve all the love that they give me. I end up hurting them. Sometimes beyond repair for the longest time. It hurts to hurt them. But it simply must be done. What's the point when two people in a relationship aren't happy together? I suppose if they are worth the effort, that talking and fixing it works. But if they are not, then there is no point. That is how I feel about Kaito. I'm not worth the fix.
I want to go back to when love is just something that is within books. Books that I'll stick to and go back to the library every morning. After a little bit of small talk, kaito and I reach our third block.
Hey guys! This might not get continued, but I am thinking about it. It all depends on how many reviews and stuffs I get. Please don't forget to review! Criticism is needed. Have a good night/day! (=*^.^*=)