"And time heals, but these scars keep tearing us apart and sometimes ending is the only place to start."
Lifehouse – If this is goodbye
The door at the Miura's smashed close as the tall blond boy stormed inside and ran upstairs to his room. Heavily breathing he sat on the floor and rested his head against the wall.
Kent's POV
Idiot! Just when I thought I've got this under control! Well, if this was the way of saving my relationship with Ayane-chan, then I'm quite shocked she didn't kick me out right away. And why do I ask questions I don't want an answer for? Or rather…we both know what the answer is…
There was a pile of notes and books on his bed and table, but there was no point of studying in this mood. He grabbed one of the notebooks and attempted to continue where he ended last night, but the text was blurry and his mind was working overtime. What to do?
Suddenly an idea flashed in his mind, but he forgot it right away, because everyone was trying so hard to prepare for the exams. Kent pulled his cellphone from his bag. Maybe he should give it a shot. He pressed "call." After a few seconds he could hear a familiar voice.
"Yes, hello?"
"Kazehaya! What are you doing?" Kent said trying to hide the depression in his voice.
"Well, studying, obviously, the exams are nearing…anyway, what is it?" Kazehaya grunted. He hasn't slept for 2 days straight and was doing his best not to fall asleep at that very moment.
"Yes, I get it. Do you have some time for a cup of tea? I need your advice."
"I don't know. I have 100 pages left and besides, I feel like I'm about to doze off any second."
"You see? Just take a break. See you in 15 minutes?"
"Okay, then," Kazehaya resigned. He wasn't able to study anyway. Maybe it was the entire lack of sleep or a haunting thought of Sawako leaving for D-University of Education in Sapporo, or his endless fights with his dad, but his memory was like a black hole. At the moment he read a sentence the memory of it vanished.
Kent changed his school uniform and quickly walked out of the house.
"Kazehaya! Over here!" The black-haired boy turned around. "Whoah, you really could use a break. You look ready to drop!"
"That's what I told you," he yawned and took a seat. His hair was even messier than usual and with bags under his eyes and creasy dark grey hoodie he looked as if he was only awake thanks to the auto-pilot mode which was basically truth. "Well, no offence, you don't look any better. So, what seems to be the crisis?"
"I've made a huge mistake, I don't know what I thought...I just…lost my mind and now Ayane-chan hates me. I'm positive about that." Kent said running his palm over his mouth.
"What the heck did you do to her?" Kazehaya asked.
"I practically begged her not to go to Tokyo and stay with me and then I lost control. Argh, she must be so scared! Back then at the Christmas party I told her I wouldn't mind if she didn't fall in love with me right away and I thought I could cope with the fact that maybe she never will, but now I don't think I can let her go. "
"Well…that…as I already said, I understand your situation, but it's a bit different in your case, because Yano knows what she wants and if she decides to go to Tokyo, then, I hate to break it to you, but your opinion will be irrelevant."
"But I'm her boyfriend; shouldn't she at least consider my opinion? ...although…I'm not really sure about that anymore."
"Not sure about what?"
"I don't know whether we're still going steady, because I asked her what my role in her life is, if there's any and I never got an answer."
Kazehaya sighed. Even though he found Kent annoying and he still didn't forgive him for almost ruining his relationship with Sawako at the very beginning he had to admit he felt sorry for him. In fact he started to realize they might be a bit similar, although their girlfriends were completely different. He might be was just a schoolmate of Ayane Yano, but he could sense that Kent's perception of her and the actual person might be two different people.
"I'm not the right person to answer this question, I say talk to her and you'll see what happens."
"I just hope she'll be willing to talk to me at all."
"Ah, that? Don't worry, if she wants to break up with you, she'll definitely let you know."
"Don't even joke about that!" Kent exclaimed with a worried expression.
"I think you guys need to talk properly without you doing whatever you were doing. That's my opinion."
"Thanks, I'll try to talk to her. And how about you and Sadako-chan? Is it just me or have you really come closer since the Christmas party?"
"Eh, yes, we have," Kazehaya run his hand over his hair and blushed.
"I'm glad. I was quite angry about you back then, because she looked really miserable at the party and I didn't know what to say to her," Kent said.
"Yes, I screwed up big time, but we talked it out and now we're okay."
"Do you think you could handle a long-distance relationship?"
"As I said, of course I'd miss her a lot, but it's different than your case, because if I told her "Don't go!" she would have stayed at home with me and I don't want to be the one to ruin her future."
"What's her career choice?"
"She said she wanted to be a teacher."
"Oh, I didn't see that one coming, but on the other hand, I remember the lessons she used to give us after school and she was great at it," Kent smiled.
"And when do you guys meet? I mean, both of you are studying really hard, so it's not easy to find some time, is it?"
"Don't get me started about that, last time it was a total fiasco," Kazehaya couldn't help himself but laugh at the memory of their last date.
"What happened?"
"I was waiting for her in the classroom at about 7:30 a.m. and I completely dozed off and, you know Kuronuma, she's like the nicest person ever and she didn't want to wake me up. When I finally did wake up I spent like 5 minutes apologizing and then Ryu came and our date was over."
"You should sleep at home, not during your dates," Kent chuckled earning an annoyed look from Kazehaya. Suddenly his phone started beeping. Kuronuma Sawako read the display.
"I need to take this. Hello? Hey, I'll talk to you in 2 minutes, okay? Bye!"
"Let me guess, Sadako-chan?"
"Yes, I'm sorry, I have to go now. Would you please pay for the tea when the waitress comes?" He asked and put the money on the table.
"Sure, just go. And don't doze off!"
He paid for the tea and walked out of the tea house with his head in the clouds, though this debate has actually helped him to make a decision.
Kent's POV
There's no point in waiting anymore. If Ayane-chan and I are to break up, then just face the truth and do it quick, just like ripping off a Band-Aid. Come on, it can't possibly be worse than it is right now!
He pulled his phone out of his pocket, searched for Ayane in contact list and pressed "call." Much to his surprise, the phone only rang one time.
"Kent? Can you come over? I need to talk to you," she said.
"Sure! I'll be there in, say, 10 minutes."
"Okay, see you."
"See you."
He came to Ayane's house practically running, took a few seconds to catch his breath and rang the doorbell expecting the worst.
"Hey, come in," she motioned. As they made it to her room she closed the door.
"Sit wherever you want."
The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop and the tension was increasing with every tick of the clocks on the wall.
"Listen, I…" they started in a great unison.
"Let me say something first," Kent said.
Ayane shrugged, but didn't protest. After acting (up) like this he better have a very good explanation.
"I'm sorry, I just…completely lost it and I'm aware of the fact that what I did was totally unacceptable…but, and don't get me wrong, I don't know what to think, it's like we're not even dating anymore, did I do something upset you? If that's so, you should've told me!"
"Well, I'm sorry if you feel that way, but I've had certain plans ever since I've started attending high school, and here you come like a tsunami and you're practically forcing me to adjust myself to your plan without even considering mine!"
A weird dark shadow appeared on Kent's face. She's never seen him in such a state. For a few seconds he was just starring at the floor, carefully choosing the proper words to say, but when he finally spoke he wasn't yelling, but you could feel the anger in his voice.
"I can't believe this is what you're blaming me of. I apologize for being an obstacle for your future, but I don't own a crystal ball, nor am I a medium, so if you didn't want to go to Sapporo with me, you should've told me, because up until our date a week ago I had no idea you're planning to go to Tokyo. I mean..geez!" He exclaimed out of the blue, making Ayane jump. "Why are you trying so hard to push me away from you? Are you trying to get rid of me?"
Ayane let out a deep sigh.
"Look, I….it's not like I want to push you away from me or get rid of you, I'm just not used to such a great amount of attention. You're right; I should've told you about my plans on going to Tokyo, but you looked so excited that in the end I've decided to keep it for myself."
"Wait, what do you mean by too much attention?"
"It's just that you always want us to do everything together. Everywhere I go, you just have to go as well, and it's freaking me out! I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't want us to spent time together, but this is my first time dating a schoolmate and I need to get used to that."
"And here we go again, I didn't know that either. You see, Ayane-chan, this is not the first time something like this happened." He moved from the floor to the bed and sat next to her. "When I first met you, I admit I thought you were beautiful and cute, and… "Awkward?" Ayane cut in. "Yes," Kent chuckled. "But I also noticed you were different from all the other girls at our school. They laugh, cry, yell, but you always walk through the halls with a poker face. I've always wondered how to break the shell, but you bottle up your feeling so carefully that I don't know what to do anymore."
"You don't remember anything I told you in Okinawa, do you? It's very hard for me to express my feelings…I don't know why, maybe I was just taught to do so."
"You know, actually, I listened very carefully and there's no wonder you have trust issues…first there was that jerk Motoki and what about that time that you come to school with a swollen cheek? What kind of insensitive idiot would do something like that?"
"Whoah, wait a minute, you weren't even there when it happened. How could you possibly know that?" Ayane flashed an angry look at him.
"Well, I…you know…"
"Who told you that?" She grunted.
"Kazehaya did."
"Well, Sawako just saved his life; if they weren't dating I'd murder him."
"Don't do that. He cares about you and so does Sadako-chan. Haven't you noticed?" Kent said. "When Kazehaya told me that, I decided I would make you happy no matter what, look, Ayane-chan, you're a great girl and you deserve to be treated with respect. I can do that!"
Suddenly Ayane grabbed his hands, but she didn't lift up her eyes. It wasn't a good sign.
"Listen, Kent, don't get me wrong, you're a nice guy and all, but I don't think this is going to work, I've been doing a lot of thinking to ensure my decision is right and I figured out I need a break from dating, because I have to concentrate on my studies," she said.
He released one of his hands and lifted her chin with his index finger.
"That's alright, Ayane-chan, I'll wait for you."
"No, you don't understand, I don't want you to have false expectations and ruin your life because of me. This is not that I'm taking a break from our relationship, Kent, I'm breaking up with you. I'm sorry."
"Okay," he exhaled, "it's not that I didn't see that coming, but if you want it to be that way, I'll have to respect your decision. I think I'll go now," he said grabbed his bag and stood up.
"I'm really sorry."
"Don't be. Maybe it was all too fast. Maybe I just thought I could actually make this work, although it's probably not a correct approach. Goodbye, Ayane-chan and good luck with your recommendation, you deserve it," Kent added and walked out of the door.
It sure was fast, almost like a Band-Aid, but even if you rip off a Band-Aid there's a red stain that will remain painful for a while. But no one can say it was easy.