Someone once asked me when I realized that I loved Raven. Not just that "puppy dog crush" type of love but real actual love. I had to be honest and tell them that it wasn't something that just happened over night. It was something that I struggled with over many years. Lets go back uh, 8 years.
I just had come to a new city, a cocky immature snot, thinking the world was my oyster. Although I'd never admit it then I was scared shitless. I never been out on my own and I honestly didn't have a clue what I was doing. When I met Robin I was positive we wouldn't get along. He was so head strong just like me cocky and so sure of himself. He made it clear that he wasn't looking for a team. I was stubborn though. I wasn't just going to leave. Luckily for us Cyborg help make sure we didn't rip each others heads off. We met that day when Starfire came to earth and happened to be Jump City. Star was crazy causing havoc in the city. Honestly it was crazy that all of us were even there all at the same time. Cyborg was the only actual resident of Jump City at the time. Some would call it fate. I don't know if I'd call it that, I'd always like to think that someone from up above was looking out for me. Maybe my parents? I don't know. Whatever or whoever it was, it happened and I'm so grateful that it did.
First impressions are everything. My first impression of Raven was that she was strange. Unlike me she was quiet and mysterious. she and her magic scared the hell out of me. It wasn't until we were fighting alien space geckos that I realized she wasn't what she appeared. Using my powers I was kicking butt until I got thrown into a wall. Shaking off the pain I looked up to see one the aliens coming right towards me. Panic surge through me then out of no where she was there. Protecting me. She didn't leave my side. Proving that she was stronger than really any of us. The first thing she said to me was a question, are you okay? She didn't even know me and yet there she was helping me, caring for me. She was a perfect definition of a friend.
We defeated the aliens, feeling like we were on top of the world. We all stood on the island overlooking the city. The view was amazing and that's when Cy got the idea for titans tower. I made a silly comment to Raven about it being the perfect place for a house if you like the sun and beach. Not really thinking much of it I wasn't actually trying to make a joke I was just agreeing. Then it happened. She made the cutest noise I'd ever heard it made my stomach drop in excitement. She laughed and told me that I was pretty funny. I just stood there paralyzed in wonderment. No one ever told me I was funny, let alone a girl.
"You think I'm funny?" I asked her. I remember thinking I've got to make this girl laugh again. Prove that I'm funny too her. It almost became a life mission right then and there. I wanted to make her laugh. I often wonder if I knew then what I know now if I would have given up that day and just come accept the fact that, Raven doesn't laugh.
After finding out that most of us were homeless, this included Star, Raven, and myself, Cyborg suggested we stay at his place. Robin had place somewhere else but he made it clear that he wasn't really looking for roommates. Now Cy's place was like this old run down apartment you know like the ones you see in the movies? Creepy, dark, and rundown. We walked in and were shocked to see that it was pretty much a one room apartment. Seriously like one room, the kitchen was to the right, left was a door that lead to a bathroom, and in the center was his room.
"It's not much but it's home for now." Cy commented looking at the bare walls. I walked in looking around I was use to small rooms so this was perfect for me. Noticing that there was no bed just a giant metal table, a big computer, and a couch on the back wall.
"Dude? Where is your bed? Do you sleep on the couch?" I asked looking around at the walls maybe it was a fold in bed.
"Right there." Cy replied pointing to the metal table. "I sleep standing up, I have to plug in at night." He pointed to his chest plate. I nodded. Turning I noticed the girls were standing in the doorway still looking around their eyes big.
"Come in guys make yourselves at home." Cyborg remarked pulling the girls in. "I think it's time to start making up my plans for something bigger." Cy noted. "I'm thinking if we decide to room together maybe we could build a bigger place for us."
"That would be most wonderous." Star stated clapping her hands. I looked at Raven who hadn't said a word since back at the island. I couldn't believe how quiet she was.
"It may take a few weeks, I've got big plans." Cy stated walking over to his computer. "And now I've got the perfect place for it."
"So? I guess I'll sleep on the floor?" I asked. Thinking back to what I was taught in the doom patrol being a gentleman was always priority.
"Yeah. The girls can use the couch switching nightly of course." Cyborg answered
"I'd prefer the floor, Starfire can have the couch." came Raven's low monotone voice. It honestly surprised me to hear her talk you could almost forget she even in the room. Star smiled at Raven and thanked her.
"Now, where to find sleeping bags?" Cy asked himself.
-
Cy had know a few of his neighbors and after knocking on dozen or so doors. He was able to barrow two sleeping bags. Starfire began to insist that since I was on the floor that I should have a sleeping bag. I told her flat out that I didn't want one. What kind of person would I be if I took a girl's sleeping bag? I just couldn't do it. I told her that she better use it because there was no reason for someone not to use it.
It wasn't until everyone was getting ready to go to sleep that I started feeling a little bit uneasy. Starfire was all cute and tucked in her sleeping bag, Cyborg was getting ready to plug himself in and there was Raven. She had removed her cloak folding it nicely to use as a pillow. She then got into the sleeping bag after she did thorough search to make sure there wasn't anything living in her sleeping bag. I stood in the center of the room my heart pounding loudly in my ears.
I should have some credit here okay, me being a young teenage boy, I had never been near a girl on Doom Patrol. Rita doesn't count either she was like a mom to me. Anyways I was super awkward around girls my own age. So there I was in a small room with one girl on a couch and the other just feet from me. I felt nervous. I don't remember sleeping much at all that night I just stare at the ceiling listening to Cy's computer run. My heart pounded as tried to focus on their heartbeats and not the fact that they had different parts than me.
After hours of laying in the dark I finally had an idea. I morphed into a cat and stretched out on the floor. Getting comfortable I finally was able to get some sleep.
Sunlight pored into the window warming my fur. I began to rustle taking my time to wake up. It wasn't until my noise got a whiff of something that I'd never smelled before that I opened my eyes. I could see Raven's face inches from my cat face her hair brushing against my nose. The sweet smell was her hair. In the middle of the night I must have curled up to Raven seeking heat. I now was pushed right against her shoulder and her head.
I froze instantly filling my body trying to react to the fact that I was so close to her. She also began to stir and she slowly raised her hand and brushed up next to my soft fur. Her eyes were still closed and I didn't move as I slowly watched her place her hand on my head and pet me. My body reacted by letting out a small purr. I slowly arched as she moved her hand down my body.
"Good Cat." She murmured she pet me one more time before she rolled over. I breathed a sigh of relief I didn't know Raven very well but I figured she wouldn't be to thrilled to have me laying so close to her whether I was a cat or not.
I quickly walked away from her and switched back to my human form. I muscles tensed up in pain. I never had been in a different form for so long. I winced in pain realizing I should not do that again for so long. I laid on my back thinking about how things were changing and they were changing for the good.
-
We got to know each other very well those first couple of months. I wasn't long before I pretty much had Cyborg and Star all figured out. Cy was just like any normal teenage guy. We became instant friends. He like video games, girls, and food. Loads of food. He admitted to me that he actually could afford a way nicer place but he chose this one so he could splurge on food. He had a real addiction to meat. Which normally I wouldn't mind. I cant force everyone to be like me, vegan all the way, but being in that small apartment nearly killed me. I woke up so many mornings to smell of bacon, ham, steak... it was truly nauseating. I would excuse myself and go take a walk. I usually go down to the center market buying a donuts or muffins. Cy was pretty laid back dude. He was pretty good at everything but I'm sure it was just because he could program anything into his system and then he was just good at it.
Starfire, she was very naive. I thought I was naive but she like took it to the next level which I didn't blame her. Poor girl was so far away from home, planets away. She was pretty any guy could see that. Starfire was so easy to get a long with. She was happy and bubbly. She was easy please. She told us some of her traditions on Tamaran and it was clear she missed her home planet and its culture. Food was interesting for Star, she'd eat all the weirdest combinations. Her favorite being pepperoni pizza with strawberries, green olives and mustard. She actually loves mustard. Weird for us but for an alien maybe not so much.
I will never forget the day I accidentally walked in on Starfire in the shower. Now you think what you want but it truly was an accident. I had just come back from finding and an amazing Asian shop that sold soy and tofu items. The bathroom door at the apartment was really difficult and if not checked it wouldn't lock all the way. I sat down my stuff on the floor and walked right to the bathroom. I opened the door and realized my mistake immediately. Star was just getting out of the shower and when she saw me instead of doing the normal, "Oh my god! get out!" thing. She just continued to climbed out of the shower. I froze my eyes darted down towards the floor.
"Uh." I muttered my mouth forgetting all functions of speech. 'Where the hell was her towel?!' I felt my face flush and all I could do was stare at the tile on the floor.
"Friend Beast Boy! Did you need to use the shower as well?" She asked. She obliviously didn't realized that this wasn't something people of earth commonly do. I just continued to stare at the floor before my hand worked before my mouth did. I slammed the door and preceded walk to the door leading out of the apartment.
"Starfire is in there." Came her monotone voice. I turned to see Raven sitting in the middle of room her legs crossed and her arms out stretched in front of her. She was floating just above the ground and her eyes were shut. I looked back at the bathroom door and back to her. How did I not even see her when I came in?
"I noticed that." I finally answered turning around ready to leave totally embarrassed.
"If it makes you feel better Cyborg has done that twice." She continued noticing my discomfort. I stared at her wondering how she could tell that I was embarrassed with her eyes closed.
"What are you-" I started noticing her strange position.
"Mediating." She answered cutting me off.
"Oh..." was the only thing I could think to say. I opened the door and walked out wondering if I'd ever feel comfortable around the girls again.
-
I never quiet understood Raven then, not that I really understand her that much now. I just knew she like her space. She didn't like when I bothered her with jokes and small talk. The only I saw her eat was tea and fruit. I seriously started wondering if she was one of those people who never ate at all. When she wasn't meditating she was reading. I asked her many times what her book was about but she just told me I wouldn't understand it because it was in Latin. That was pretty much it. She didn't share personal stories with us, not that I went into great detail about my past. She just avoided all common questions. No matter how I tried I couldn't figure her out. What kept me interested in her friendship at all was our small moments we shared.
It had been a few weeks in and we were going to make a proposition to the city to let us start building 'The Tower' as Cy called it. I had began to noticed that Raven was smart, like brilliant kind of smart. When she talked she used words that I never had heard before. It wasn't just the way she talked though it was how she planned out things in her head. She was always ten steps ahead of anyone. Which is what made her a great fighter. I couldn't help but be amazed by this. She had come up with the idea of a proposition to the mayor. I of course had to asked what even proposition meant. Cyborg was thrill and told her she was amazing. She explained that with the permission of the mayor we could not only have the island we could also get funding for building materials. It really was a smart idea.
That night Star and Cy had got to bed and she put her book down and looked at me. I had found a very cheap hand held video game system at the store and I of course convinced Cy to buy it for us to share. I looked up from my game noticing her moving.
"I'm going to go shower." She announced "Please do not try to barge in on me." she added. I smiled at her.
"I wouldn't dare." I answered. She gave me a strange look and I wondered if I had misread her comment as joke when it was an actual threat.
-
She came out later cleaned and ready for bed she held her cloak in her hand and walked to her sleeping bag. The moment she walked by me my nose picked up a sweet scent. The one that I couldn't place. She must have felt me staring because she turned and looked at me.
"What?" she asked. I smiled embarrassed that I was caught.
"I was just wondering what scent is your shampoo?" I asked my voice squeaked. I hated when my voice did that. She narrowed her eyes at me trying to read into my question.
"It's Lavender... why?" She responded. I blushed at her knowing I was probably the biggest nerd in history.
I cleared my throat to keep the squeaking at bay. "I like it. It smells good." I answered honestly. Her eyes looked like she was confused for second but it didn't last. Her hand rose up to her violet locks and her fingers ran through her wet hair.
"Thank you." She said softly. Her mouth slightly upturned like she wanted to smile but her face wouldn't allowed it. She got into her sleeping bag and looked back at me. "Good night Beast Boy sleep well."
I'm pretty sure Raven hasn't ever really thought back to this night at all but I think about it a lot. It was the first time I learned something new about Raven. Even though it was small fact that didn't really matter to anybody, it matter to me because it was like she given me a just tiny piece of the big complicated puzzle of Raven. She like the smell of Lavender. I never knew then, but Lavender would eventually become my favorite smell.