So I am having a bit of writer's block about Wanted. I am hoping to finish it soon but hopefully this will help me keep writing. I am not sure how long it will go but I hope you all enjoy it! This is my take on what maybe went down before Rachel headed to Lima. I hope you enjoy it! Please Review!
She knew she shouldn't let it bother her. In fact it was actually much better this way but she just couldn't get his comment out of her head. I am not going to that Podunk town to hang out with all your friends who you don't even speak to. Rach come on. You belong here in New York not going back to Lima to relive your past. Besides you aren't really closing that door if you go running back to it. Did he really think that she couldn't go back without running right into her past?
Yes, Finn would be there but that didn't mean that she was automatically going to run back into his open arms. They definitely wouldn't be opened to her at this point because she was positive he had seen the change in her relationship status. She hardly ever got on Facebook anymore because it seemed like she was always being reminded of how drastically she had changed. Kurt had instigated the make-over but after Finn had walked out of her life, black seemed like the most appropriate color to wear because it was how she was feeling. Brody didn't fill the hole in her heart. In fact he added to the longing she felt for Finn because he was definitely not her Finn.
Sometimes when she was alone in the loft apartment, she would wash all the make-up off and dig deep into her top drawer where she kept all her hidden treasures from Brody. She would pull out the gold star necklace he had given her for Valentines day and the necklace with his name on it. She would carefully place them around her neck before staring at her reflection in the mirror. The last item she would pull out was the ring he had given her. He had been in a bad place but they had really been in love. She sometimes wondered if he still thought about her and longed to be with her like she longed to be with him. He was pretty faithful to keep the no contact rule.
She had never gone all the way with Brody. He tried on quite a few occasions, but she kept telling him she just wasn't ready to take that next step in their relationship. After a few days of living with Santana, Brody decided he couldn't handle living there so he had gone back to the dorms, promising to visit as long as Santana wasn't around. She surprisingly wasn't hurt. She wasn't quite sure the emotion she felt, relief almost that she didn't have to continue to pretend. She didn't know why she was still dating Brody to be honest. He was so cocky and sure of himself. At first she had been completely flattered by his bluntness about how she looked but now she was just beginning to feel objectified. Sure, he thought she was sexy and hot but what about beautiful? He never complimented her when he saw her without her make-up on. Finn had thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world when she didn't have make-up on.
Stop comparing Brody to Finn, she thought to herself. He is never going to compare, no one will ever compare to him. Rachel sighed as she continued to pack her suitcase for the trip. If she started making comparisons now, she would never be able to stop. It wasn't Brody's fault she had found her true love when she was just a sophomore in high school. It wasn't his fault that Finn had treated her like his queen. He had been there to hold her during the worst time in her life and had even been willing to set her free so he wouldn't get in the way of her dreams. That was true love as much as it hurt her. Brody hadn't even comforted her when she lost the diva off against Kurt, if Finn had been there he would have congratulated Kurt but then been at her side holding her while she wallowed in her sorrow of losing. "Stop it Rachel! Why exactly do you keep comparing the two of them! A week ago there wasn't even a thought of Finn."
"Are you sure about that?" Rachel jumped at the sound of another voice in her room. Kurt was leaning against the wall with his arms folded. She hadn't heard him come in the room or even in the loft for that matter.
"How long have you been here!" She was breathing hard and could feel her heart beating super hard.
"I've been here long enough to know that something happened either between you and Brody or you and Finn. My guess is you and Brody since I just got off the phone with Finn to finalize our flight plans and he said nothing about having talked to you. So, Rachel, do you want to talk about what is going on before Santana gets home or do you want her to tell you her opinion again?"
Rachel sighed and motioned for the empty chair in her room. Kurt crossed the room and sat down. He leaned back and made himself comfortable, knowing that this could potentially take a while. She hesitated and took a deep breath.
"Brody and I got in a fight about me going to Limas. It shouldn't be a big deal but he told me not to go because he said that I would just be running right back to my past and I was far too good for that. I don't know why that upset me so bad. Then he started in on how my past was following me to New York in making a reference to Santana and I cracked. I started yelling at him and told him if he couldn't accept my past, they he could never accept me. He just laughed and walked away, he said he had class or something. Kurt, do you think I really am going to run right back to my past? I mean I haven't seen Finn since the whole no contact rule and I broke that one to talk to him to tell him all about my big win. It just didn't feel real without him knowing about it. I actually almost called him to tell him about the loss the other night but then I realized that it was probably your place to tell him since it was your big win.
"I don't know what is wrong with me. I have hardly thought about Finn the past few weeks and now he is all I can think about. Every part of New York reminds me that he isn't here to share it with me. I don't know if it is because of how Brody has been acting or the fact that Santana is now here to tell me all about how dumb I am being."
Kurt cleared his throat, thinking of the best way to phrase what he was about to tell his best friend. "Rach, umm, you have actually been comparing Finn and Brody for a very long time. Any time I would mention something Brody would do, you would automatically yell at me and tell me that he wasn't Finn. I so badly wanted to yell back that yes I knew he wasn't my brother because my brother would never walk around with absolutely no clothes on. My brother would not do that to prove to you that your decision was a smart one. My brother would have supported you, but only because he knew you were being so stubborn. Did you know that instead of calling Santana and Quinn, I almost called Finn to come talk some sense into you? But then I rethought that decision when he told me about the huge fundraiser they were doing at McKinley to go to Regionals. I didn't want to take him away from that because I knew he would leave immediately if I told him what you were about to do. So I called Santana instead and made her promise me she wouldn't tell Finn what you were doing.
"You may think that you don't ever think about him, but there have been many nights when you are crying in your sleep. You've said his name quite a few times while you are sleeping. The happiness that I saw all last year is gone. Your eyes are empty but whenever you hear his ringtone play on my phone, that light comes back almost immediately and then leaves once you realize he isn't calling you. Rachel, you are still madly in love with him. I am telling you this because I don't want you to be shocked when you see him and all those feelings come flooding back in. He knows about Brody moving in here, but he doesn't know that he left by his own choice once Santana came. He was very heart broken, trust me. He still loves you but he is still trying to find himself because he still feels like a loser. Running Glee makes him so happy but he is still lost. I think part of that is because the only constant thing in his life is now living with another man who she really doesn't love."
Rachel stared at Kurt almost in disbelief. Since coming to New York, Kurt had always been blunt but she didn't remember him being this blunt. She felt her mouth come open but then closed it immediately. What he said was true, she couldn't argue with him. Rather than saying anything, she just broke down. She knew that she needed to cry because she had hardly cried over everything. Instead she had put all the pain aside and pushed through. She was positive that was why she was acting so much like a diva the past few weeks. She sat with her head buried in her hands, crying out the months of pain she had been holding inside her.