From this Kink Meme prompt: Craaaack. Sherlock and John have accidental sex. Literally.
"Oh dear, John, it appears you've fallen on my penis."
"Why yes Sherlock, it certainly does. Whatever will we do about this situation?"
"Oops, now I have an erection."
"Jolly good, me too!"
"Sherlock, are you alright? When I was getting out of the shower I heard a large thump from your room. I'm just seeing if you're ok?"
"I've slipped off my bed, not to worry"
"You're not hurt are you? I'm coming in"
At this the blond burst through the door that connects Sherlock's room to the bathroom. As he didn't take the time to dry himself off he slipped and toppled forward in an awkward tangle of limbs. It took a few breathless moments for the two of them to realise what had happened.
"Oh dear, John, it appears you've fallen on my penis" the detective noted with his usual tone of discovery.
"Why yes, Sherlock, it certainly does. Whatever will we do about this situation?" John queried, wondering what they could do at this unexpected turn of events.
Suddenly a slight movement added to the complexity of the situation. "Oops, now I have an erection"
"Jolly good, me too!" the doctor added with glee. "I can't believe I landed at the exact angle that was required for me to swallow your man-sword in one clean movement! It's lucky I've been keeping myself constantly stretched and lubed after that nasty business with the Robinson case"
"I thought we weren't going to mention that again. I'll never see icecream scoops, hairspray and garden hoses the same way again"
John looked down, appearing distracted. "I owe a lot of people that have come into the ER apologies. Apparently you can slip and fall on things like this!"
"Indeed. John, would you be partial to me thrusting now? Only I don't think I can hold myself off much longer"
"That sounds good. For some reason this has caused me no pain and I find myself adequately prepared for intercourse"
"Well then, there is nothing else for it". At this he began to thrust with earnest, not needing to take any time for his partner to adjust.
"Oh, Sherlock! Your manhood is stabbing into my prostate and the direct, firm and unyielding pressure feels amazing!"
Sherlock turned them over so he is now able to plow into his flatmate. "Would you care for some penile stimulation?"
"I think I can come just from you sliding your love-wand in and out of me repetitively!"
"Strange for your first anal experience" Sherlock noted, with a furrowing of his brow.
"Yes…first…" John replied with shifty eyes. "Oh, Sherlock…I'm going to blow like a gale force wind on a high alert day!"
"As I am, John. Oh..Oh Ohh!".
Suddenly they were coming together like alcohol and bad choices.
As they lay panting on each other John had a sudden realisation. "You planned this whole thing, didn't you?"
"I admit, I did. I knew that after hearing a strange sound your doctor instincts would kick in and you'd have to investigate. Going by the angle of the doorway, the amount of soap you use during the average shower and how many days were in the month you were born, I knew exactly where to lie for the resulting connection to happen"
"Amazing! Although, I should be angry with you. But this is far better than you drugging my coffee"
"I thought so". There was a shift and he looked down to see that they were both inexplicably rock hard again after only 3 minutes. "Round two?"
"I thought you'd never ask".
This is my first attempt at crack so hopefully it came across ok!
Up next is Greg visiting Mycroft in his office. Then John, Sherlock, Mycroft and Greg in an unfortunate incident at the Homes manor involving Mr and Mrs Holmes.