MUSINGS OF A POTIONS PRINCE
By: LiliacSnow
Disclaimer: I do not own Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Black, or any of the characters you see used in this story.
Chapter Ono: Secrets Hidden Deep.
It was only yesterday that I realized the most important thing in my entire miserable life.
I, Severus Tobias Snape, Half-blood Prince and Potions King, am in love.
And not just 'in love' mind you; I'm obsessed, enamored, smitten. I'm bloody head over heels- I'm entranced, enamored, enchanted…and I still can't stop watching. But I have to, don't I. Or everyone will notice and everything will be ruined.
I stayed up all through the night, thinking…just thinking. Was it that white blonde hair, so light and pale and silky, hanging down to cover those gorgeous gray-blue eyes until that cocky head moves every so slightly with such elegance, such grace, and one of those enchanting eyes winks daringly at me? Is it purely physical? Is it only lust? Do I merely want a quick shag and be done with it all?
The answer is No. I want more. I want to touch, to feel. I want to make love. I want that smirk to be mine, that quirk of those pink lips- mine. I want those lithe, long-fingered hands to roam over my body and give me my release. I want to return the favor. I want for you to be mine, only mine. I love how those hands wave through the air when trying to secretly perform wandless magick and send some fancy spell soaring through the air, turning some ugly old thing into something marvelous, something purely, blatantly intriguing. Could you do that to me? Change me into something beautiful too?
And yet I know we'll never be. You're in love with someone you should be in love with. Some uppity, gray-blue eyed, curly haired blonde…the Princess of our Slytherin House and could be your sister; you look so alike. Narcissa Black. How I envy her.
Yet it was you who welcomed me here when I was just a shy, young frightened thing. You even taught me to dance so I could take Bellatrix- Narcissa's little sister who's in my year- to the ball last year, and wouldn't have to be partnerless. So that I wouldn't be an outcast. They shunned me, yet you took me in, uncaring of the cost. You held my hands and taught me the steps- my heart raced forwards; gods, I thought I'd die of joy. I can still feel your hands in mine- so soft, so warm, so wonderful.
When we study together, you could study with anyone else- any of the others, boys or girls, from this school- Merlin knows everyone looks up to you enough to not tease you about having a study partner. Honestly, anyone would be honored to study with you 4 times a week; to be taught the more advanced spells and potions you are so apt at. I could name some off the top of my head- Regulus Black, Claudius Zabini, Evan Rosier- yet you chose me: Brilliant but horrid old Severus, the half-blood.
I remember the first words you ever told me: "We wont bite, you know," you said as I nervously sat next to you the first day after my sorting, unknowing that other first years who had tried that days, weeks, even months before and after were hexed within an inch of their life for doing so. You were so kind and stunning- I'd never seen someone so beautiful. You showed me the ropes, taught me not only how to swing on them, but how to soar without them. You taught me everything I needed to know and more, and I did my best to impress you with my quick learning. In no time I was doing spells like the older students, had accumulated an amount of hexes and curses that rivaled most of the seventh years, and could make potions better than even you. But besides that, I could never be better than you; you're amazing…you're perfect.
I've seen you with Claudius Zabini those dark nights in the dungeons. I'd love to tear him apart, let everyone know what a sick bastard he is, screwing Lucius Malfoy. If it got in the papers, he'd be Avada'd without a second thought by your father, by your family. I may sway both ways, but I'm not stupid. I know how bad it would be for you- your name, your image, everything- to be found out. And I won't say anything, though most Slytherins would never show you or anyone the same courtesy. Yet I will, because I love you. And next year, when you're both gone and you forget all about me…I don't like to think about that. But unlike you, I'll always remember.
That's right; I love you, Lucius Malfoy. And I'll remember.