~"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering."~ Paulo Coelho
She waited for the red and orange sea of flames to consume it. Waiting for the scorching fire to consume her home and all her belongings, the things that carried a lot of memories; wonderful and unpleasant ones.
It was causing her pain, watching, waiting for the flames to consume her haven, the place where she could breakdown without anyone judging her since she lived alone. Yes, living alone made her feel lonely at times, but there were days that being alone gave her relief. For instance, she was relieved to be alone the day that Naru, or rather, Oliver Davis rejected her.
The memory still hurt her like it was yesterday. It had been over a year since he had rejected her and left for England, but it still her hurt her very much.
The firemen attempted to get the petite brunette to talk to them, to make her answer them if she was injured, but she did not say a word, her gaze set on her burning home.
Watching her home burn made her want to forget everything and everyone at the current moment, but she realized that if she wanted to forget, it would mean that she had to accept reality.
Face the reality that she had lost her parents. Face the fact that the man she loved, rejected her and left for England, never indicating whether he would be back or not. Face the fact that the members of SPR, the ones she considered family, had their own lives to live and she didn't have to be included in their lives. They could leave her behind for all they cared. She also had to face the fact that she now was homeless.
Yes, attempting to forget just made reality much more bitter, yet, waiting was just as painful.
She knew she couldn't wait around for her parents to magically appear alive before her. Her parents were dead and there was no way to bring her parents back from the dead. She could wait around for Oliver to come back but that wasn't really an option. Yes she loved him, but she didn't want him to continue to define her life. She had already waited a year for him to come back and it became too painful for her, when she realized that he was probably never coming back.
When SPR dispersed, she waited around for everyone to contact her and it only hurt her because no one did with the exception of Yasu. Only after she actively contacted everyone, did her fear of losing any resemblance of a family lessen.
Waiting or forgetting, no matter which one, it entailed suffering and so Mai decided to end her suffering once and for all. She did not want to wait around anymore and she did not want to forget because both caused her misery.
~No idea if this is going anywhere…I just have to much coffee in my system and I'm not really feeling in the mood in typing something happy I guess…
~Don't own Ghost Hunt or any of the characters