Set post-series, established relationship. Slight sequel to Old Friends and New Lovers.
Shinra's out for the afternoon, and Shizuo's on the couch next to Celty, half-watching a documentary about aliens. The term "documentary" is somewhat questionable, as there aren't many facts involved, but Celty's so into it that Shizuo doesn't really want to object.
As the documentary begins its enactment of a hypothetical alien invasion, Celty taps Shizuo on the shoulder.
[This is extremely important, Shizuo.] Celty leans in, eagerly. [Do you think you could punch an alien ship back into orbit?]
It's the kind of thing a nosey hack trying to investigate rumours of Ikebukuro's strongest man might ask, but Shizuo can't bring himself to shut Celty down – the way she's leaning in, it's like she's hanging on his every word.
Judging from the documentary, alien ships seem pretty damn big. Shizuo doesn't consider the limits of his strength too often – sure, he can handle heavy machinery, but he's not certain he could punch a plane back into the sky. But then a spaceship is shaped kind of differently from a plane, so throwing it like a frisbee might actually work if he spun around a few – wait, question. Answer the question.
"Nah, I don't think that'd work."
Celty seems slightly crestfallen, like a kid who's just realised superheroes aren't real.
"…but if I hit it hard enough, it'd probably break apart," Shizuo adds hurriedly, and he can't believe he's trying to reassure Celty by essentially telling her 'hey, even if I can't punch things into space, I'm still a destructive asshole who's too strong for his own good'.
[...Really?] A plume of smoke exits Celty's neck, and she presses her hand to her chest in relief.
"Yeah, pretty sure," Shizuo says, when a familiar jingle starts up – it's that really annoying commercial for some new video game. He reaches for his phone to distract him from punching Shinra's television, but his fingers meet air.
"Hey Celty, have you seen my phone?"
[Hold on, I'll check –]
Celty starts to get up, and something crunches beneath her foot.
Both of them look at the floor. Celty gently, gingerly lifts her fluffy pink house slipper to reveal Shizuo's phone, which has become a mess of ribbon cables and electronic parts.
[Sh-Shizuo! I'm so sorry! I'll – I'll get you a new phone! Right away! Oh no, your contacts – I think we can still transfer them if I buy a card reader, I'll get the cable too and we can –]
"It's okay," Shizuo says. "It was an old phone anyway." It's technically true. Even though he'd just replaced his phone, that model was already half a decade out of date.
Despite Shizuo's reassurances, a storm cloud is forming above Celty's head, and she's so out of it that she no longer seems interested in the documentary's practical tips for recognising Zeta Reticulans. It's so obvious that Celty's feeling guilty that Shizuo decides to excuse himself early and head home, even though he'd been really looking forward to spending the day watching Tameshite Gatten reruns with her.
Later that night, just as Shizuo's finishing his styrofoam cup of instant noodles, there's a knock on his door. Celty's standing there, clutching a touchscreen phone.
[It's Shinra's old phone, and I got a pay-as-you-go card for it. It's got enough value for a few months! Consider it an apology.]
It's against Shizuo's principles to accept charity from people. Besides, the phone looks like it'll break into smithereens the moment he presses the screen too hard. He doesn't even need apps or video calls or anything beyond email, since the only people he messages are Tom (for work sometimes), Celty (for hanging out), and Shinra (to tell him to stop calling).
Celty tilts her head expectantly. Even if Shizuo's shit at reading Celty compared to Shinra, it's blindingly obvious that taking the gift would make her feel a whole lot better.
"Thanks," Shizuo says, plucking it from her hand. "So, how do you turn it on?"
Smoke gusts out of Celty's neck in obvious relief. She begins a very comprehensive tutorial on the phone's basic functions, how to use apps, and how to register for some chat thing that she uses. She's dual-wielding his new phone and her own, alternating between fingertips and strands of static-charged shadow, and as she switches to using his phone with both hands, her shadow effortlessly taps away on her phone's touchscreen. Just observing her competence sends a thrill through his body, like the times he glimpses her and her bike carving through the night. Is this how Shinra feels all the time? Has he been maligning Shinra's spontaneous outbursts of love all along? No, composing odes about Celty cooking dinner is still pretty weird regardless –
[– and if you tap here, this menu opens and you can create a new chat group, but you'll need to add some contacts first...oh no, is that the time? Shizuo, I'm so sorry, I have a delivery to make, I have to go! Anyway, we'll be at home the next few nights, so if you want to stay over...]
"I'll message you and let you know," Shizuo says, hoping that he can actually figure out how to send a message without her help.
[See you then!] Celty waves enthusiastically as she puts her helmet on and dashes out the door.
Shizuo presses the unlock button on his new phone, and is greeted by a mosaic of colourful icons. It takes him a while to figure things out, but eventually he manages to get to the Add Contact screen and type Celty's number in. He's added it with every new phone he's bought, and it's muscle memory by now.
After some thought, he types Shinra's number in too, just so he can cancel Shinra's nuisance calls when they happen.
Shizuo has created the group Default Group
Celty has been added to Default Group
Shizuo: Hey
Celty: Shizuo! You figured it out! If you press the title on the top you can change the group name too!
Default Group is now Overnight Stay
Shinra has been added to Overnight Stay
Shizuo: Hey, can I come over tonight?
Shinra: Of course you can! Stay as long as you like! Stay forever! Borrow my lab coats if you need a change of clothes!
Overnight Stay is now Forever Stay
Forever Stay is now Overnight Stay
Shinra: I'm so excited! I'll finally get to see your expertise with my phone!
Shinra: I've been thinking about your fingers touching the screen which I once caressed so intimately
Shinra: It stirs up feelings in me which I believe can only be described by this ode I've just composed:
Shinra has been removed from Overnight Stay
Celty: We'd love to have you here. Oh, that's right — I taped the latest episode of Tameshite Gatten, if you want to watch it with us!
Shizuo: Yeah, sure
Shizuo: I'll head over after dinner
Celty: I'll restrain Shinra if he mentions poetry
Shizuo: Thanks.
Celty: No problem! See you soon ❤
Shizuo shifts his duffel bag on his shoulder and rings the doorbell.
He stays over pretty often, so it makes sense to dump some of his stuff at Shinra's place. Celty's told him at least five times that they're okay with him keeping his clothes there, and Shinra's been practically composing sagas about the joy of having two lovers in his house. He takes his phone out, scrolls up past Shinra's weird-ass sonnets about berserkers and fairies and underground doctors, and checks Celty's last few messages just to make sure – yeah, he's still invited.
The door flies open. Someone lunges at him, and Shizuo's automatic reaction is to counter with a punch. He checks himself moments before contact, pulling the punch and flicking a finger slightly out of his clenched fist.
Shinra skids back around ten feet, loses his balance, and falls flat on his back. His bunny-patterned house slippers leave scuff marks on the polished floor.
[Hi, Shizuo.] Celty steps over Shinra and eases the bag off Shizuo's shoulder. [Hold on, I'll show you where to put these...]
Shinra's grinning up at the ceiling and murmuring something about the ultimate bliss of a lover's touch, which Shizuo ignores for the sake of his sanity. Celty leads the way to the bedroom. She opens the wardrobe and is on the verge of explaining its layout before she realises that her show is about to start and dashes back to the television. It seems like Today's Menu for Beginners is doing a special on cream stew – Celty's been seeking new cooking mentors ever since her tutor (the one with the face) left for America or Europe or somewhere or other. For a moment, Shizuo wishes he had Celty's methodical patience in following step-by-step instructions, but then he shakes his head. There's no point wishing for things you can't have.
Most of the wardrobe's contents consist of white lab coats wrapped in clear plastic. Shizuo shoves them aside and begins hanging up his bartender outfits. Shirts and vests on the same hanger to save space, pants next to them, all carefully draped on Shinra's fancy-ass wooden hangers. The lab coats crinkle annoyingly in their wrappers - even when Shinra's not around, he still manages to piss Shizuo off. Shizuo places his black boxer briefs next to Shinra's white underwear, and despite actually having had sex with the guy, putting their underwear in the same drawer just feels weird.
Shizuo decides to take a break before he starts thinking too deeply about leaving his clothes in Shinra's closet - it's not like he's moving in, even if he stays over most weekends, and he has his own toothbrush and metal cup in the bathroom, and even if Shinra and Celty keep asking him to stay longer every time he comes over, and...screw it, he'll just get something to eat and take a break.
Shinra's labelled all of the pudding cups in the fridge with Shizuo's name, which is pretty pointless as Shizuo's the only person in the house who actually eats pudding. Shizuo grabs a cup of Hokkaido milk pudding, peels the cover back, and flops down on the couch. Celty's so into the cooking show that she's half-miming the chopping motions of the host. Her long graceful fingers weave through the air, accompanied by slight wisps of shadow. Shizuo cares more about eating cream stew than making it, and the chef looks like he just stepped out of a host club, but watching Celty is weirdly relaxing.
By the time Shizuo's spoon hits the bottom of the cup, he's mustered enough motivation to return to his original task. He enters the bedroom and finds Shinra removing all of his clothes from the wardrobe. They're lined up methodically on the bed, shirts above, pants below, like someone's run a bunch of bartenders over with a steamroller.
Shizuo clenches his teeth. Fuck, I knew it, and Shizuo's spent months preparing for this, what he should do when they finally realise what a mistake they've made, but still. He takes a deep breath, trying to compress the hurt and rage to a pinpoint so it doesn't surge through his body –
"You should match your clothes to each other," Shinra says. "These aren't correctly arranged at all. What would you do if you didn't have me to help you?"
"What...?"
Shinra gestures to the sets of clothing. "This vest has charcoal overtones – you should pair it with these pants, instead of the onyx ones. And don't get me started on the massive mismatch between jet-black and ink-black here..."
Shizuo squints at the rearranged clothes, rage forgotten. He can sort of manage to see the gradations between the shades, if he looks very very closely. Shizuo's been wearing these clothes for ages. They're a treasured gift from his brother. He should be the one familiar with their every nuance, but as much as he hates to admit it, Shinra's right.
"How did you –"
"Years of experience," and Shinra taps the side of his glasses in what's probably supposed to be a roguishly charming gesture. Instead, he just succeeds in skewing them on his face. "If I couldn't discern the slightest difference between shades of black, how would I be able to read the moods of Celty my honey?"
Shinra continues talking to himself about Celty's beautiful shadows while he sorts Shizuo's clothes. Shizuo's used to Shinra's lovey-dovey prattle, so he tunes it out since Shinra's not covering any new ground – he knows Celty's a great person (and, okay, smoking hot too), there's no point in wasting air by stating facts.
"...bartender outfit, and of course it's my first time loving someone with a head attached to their neck, but nonetheless..."
Wait. What?
"You...have a lot of lab coats," Shizuo says, hoping to switch the topic back to Shinra's love for Celty instead of this terrifying uncharted territory.
"All the better to match Celty's black rider suit! White and black, light and shadow. And of course, now there's someone wearing both colours to balance the whole thing out, like the dots in the yin-yang symbol or the swirl of the taijitu! I'm not saying I started loving you because of that, I was interested even when we were wearing the same school uniform, but that certainly was a point in your favour...now if only I could convince Celty to cover your vests and pants in her shadow, or perhaps I could bleach your shirts so they're as pure-white as my lab coats –"
"How about no."
"And just imagine our wedding! Celty in a pure black suit and tie, with the barest sliver of her pale neck peeking out from above the collar; you in your best bartender uniform, standing between us; and me in a billowing white lab coat with a tulle petticoat – ah, to be in China in the days of Liaozhai, where a simple scholar could marry two legendary beings at the same time!"
Shizuo considers flicking Shinra on the forehead again, but decides two flicks in one day is probably dangerous for Shinra's precarious mental health. It's clearly teetering on the edge if he's talking about marrying Shizuo. Instead he reaches out and straightens Shinra's skewed glasses, pushing them up on Shinra's nose to their proper position, careful not to shatter the plastic frames. Shinra falls silent.
They work in silence for a while, emptying Shizuo's duffel bag out.
"You know, you should bring the rest of your things over too."
"You're sure? I'll...I mean, uh..." Fuck, he hasn't been this unable to speak since Izaya managed to bruise his windpipe.
"Then I can sort the rest of your clothes," Shinra says. "If you thought your bowtie matched those pants, you clearly need my help."
"Shut the hell up, asshole."
Overnight Stay is now Forever Stay
[Private message with Shinra]
Shizuo: Hey
Shinra: Oh, this is rare! Is there something you want to say to me that you can't say to Celty?
Shinra: A private tryst within our trio? A clandestine moment which only men can share?
Shizuo: I've been changing the group title back every damn time you change it
Shizuo: Asshole
Shizuo: But whatever
Shizuo: I've got better things to do
Shizuo: Do what you like
Forever Stay is now The Kishitani Household
Celty: ! ! !
Shizuo: ...
Shinra: ❤ ❤ ❤
Shizuo fishes the house key out of his pocket and mentally goes through the steps he has to accomplish before taking a well-deserved break. Open door, shower, eat leftover cream stew, turn on television, collapse on couch. Simple.
Just as he's about to insert the key into the lock, the door flies open. Shizuo automatically shoves his hand back into his pocket so he doesn't punch Shinra in the face.
"Oh? I thought it was going to be Celty at the door. Are you another one of Shinra's live-in lovers?" A guy wearing a white gas mask is standing in the doorway - oh. It's Mr Kishitani.
Behind him, Shinra's mouthing something to Shizuo and making little walky fingers together with some shooing motions. But, fuck, it's kind of rude to just run out on your...boyfriend's...parent, isn't it?
"Hi, Mr Kishitani," Shizuo says through gritted teeth. "How are you?"
"Oh, not bad, not bad, I thought I'd drop in to see how Shinra was faring! I suppose that lonely children are liable to form unhealthy attachments when faced with absentee parents, but really...two people you knew from childhood becoming your lovers, Shinra, isn't that a bit much?"
"Please stick to poorly-done research instead of poorly-applied psychology," Shinra mutters, hauling his father away from the door so Shizuo can enter.
"Well, no matter! What's done is done! Shizuo, you can feel free to call me Father, Papa, Daddy, or just give your old man a big welcome-home hug! Once Celty returns, we can all gather around the dinner table and enjoy a wonderful family meal!"
Shizuo brushes past Shinra and his father, and goes to take a very long shower, hoping that Mr Kishitani will be gone by the time he's out.
Sadly, this does not prove to be the case. As Shizuo sits at the dinner table, waiting for the food to be served, he takes a moment to admire Mr Kishitani's mental fortitude. He's somehow managed to cook and serve an array of Shizuo's most hated dishes (bitter goya stir-fry, whole sweetfish with innards, and hot and sour soup) in half an hour, on top of wheedling everyone into sitting down for a family-style meal.
Shinra's wolfing down three portions at once. Shizuo can't actually tell if he's trying to get dinner over with as fast as possible, if he's trying to avoid talking to his father, or if he genuinely likes the taste. Knowing Shinra, it's probably all of the above.
Celty sits at the table in silence, fidgeting with her chopsticks.
Shizuo watches Celty fidget with her chopsticks and takes bites of plain rice, fantasising about eating the leftover cream stew in the fridge to avoid fantasising about punching Mr Kishitani - okay, fine, Shingen - straight in the gas mask.
"Shinra, you're really growing to be a chip off the old block," Shingen says.
Shinra gulps down a mouthful of sweetfish. "Hearing that from you makes me want to redo my life."
"Nonsense! You can try to deny it all you want, but you've acquired a young blond bombshell, just like I did –"
Shizuo's chopsticks shatter into pieces.
"– and your penchant for slicing dullahans' heads off with demon swords speaks for itself!"
A plume of thick smoke erupts from Celty's neck. [You...don't compare yourself to Shinra, you stupid old...]
Shingen pauses to pick a morsel of meat off the sweetfish skeleton, then lifts his gas mask up to pop it into his mouth. Celty's shadows aren't dissipating. They're forming a roiling thundercloud above the table, and it's only a matter of time before something happens.
"Wow, it's pretty near...Shooter's grooming time. Let's get going or he'll get upset." Shizuo prays that Kasuka's talent for acting actually runs in the family as he grabs Celty's hand. He tosses her helmet to her and heads for the door.
Shingen looks like he's about to say something, or maybe follow them outside. Shinra points towards himself, then Shingen, and sort of twiddles his index finger in the air – oh, okay.
Shizuo smiles gently, the very image of an understanding boyfriend, while trying not to dent the doorknob with his fingers. "Shinra, why don't you stay for dinner with your father? I'm sure both of you could use some family bonding time."
"My pleasure," Shinra says, yanking Shingen's lab coat and forcing his father to stay at the table. "Don't take too long, though!"
Once Shizuo and Celty are safely on the other side of the door, they decide to head to the underground carpark just so Shizuo feels better about his blatant lies. Shooter notices Shizuo coming and shifts into its bicycle form, happily ringing its bell to greet him.
"Hey," Shizuo says, patting Shooter on the handlebars. "Hope your day's been better than ours." Shooter whickers, and Celty joins in the patting, stroking Shooter's saddle. The smoke around her has thinned out.
[Ugh, that man...but that was some good acting there, Shizuo!]
"Heh. Y'know, I was going to say 'go on ahead and leave the rest to me', but..."
[...you didn't want to have to stay there with him, right? Believe me, I know.]
"...yeah. It would have been a cool line, though."
[The coolest.] Celty gives him a thumbs-up.
"He's leaving at, what, eleven tonight? Hope Shinra's doing fine."
Celty checks their chat group, which Shinra seems to be flooding with sad-faced cat stickers. [Looks like we have a few hours. Want to walk around and kill some time?]
Shizuo sweeps a hand down his body at his post-shower outfit. It consists of a terribly ugly Raijin Academy T-shirt, ratty shorts, and house slippers.
[I could cover that up...I mean, if you don't object.]
"Sure," Shizuo says. Celty presses her hands to the centre of his chest. She splays out her fingers, and shadows stream out of her body, enveloping his limbs. Celty steps back, and Shizuo looks down at himself. He's wearing a shadow-black hoodie, and areas of his T-shirt have been selectively covered with shadow to form a houndstooth pattern. His shorts have become superblack chinos, and Celty's even fixed up his slippers so they're now a base for vantablack high-top sneakers. It looks...kind of like what a magazine model would wear, actually. Celty's clearly put a lot of thought into this. He almost feels like taking a photo and sending it to Shinra, like 'hey, check out my outfit, isn't Celty awesome'.
"Ever considered making a suit? Like, with a tie and shirt and pants and everything."
[Oh, for you?]
"Nah...I get the feeling you'll look good in one."
[Really? Well, maybe I'll try it.]
Shinra: He's finally gone! It's time for both of you to fly straight back to our nest of love!
Celty: We're heading back now!
Celty: Hold on, Shizuo asked me to send these first
Celty: [ tap to download photo ]
Celty: Here's both of us
Celty: Oh, almost forgot
Celty: Here's a closeup of my shirt collar - it's a bit blurry
Celty: [ tap to download photo ]
Shinra: gygffhfrhvcffh
Shinra: COMEB ACK RIGT NOW
Shinra: DONT CHAGNEV YOUR CJLOTHES
Celty has changed the group icon for The Kishitani Household
Celty: We'll see you at home!
"Is that a new phone?" Tom asks.
"It's a new case," Shizuo says. Technically he's been using the new case for a week, but he doesn't pull his phone out when he's on the job. It's important to do your best at work, even if the chances of a promotion are close to nonexistent. "It's a gift from...friends. Why?"
"Nothing, just wondering." Tom adjusts his sunglasses. "Those must be pretty close friends – didn't they give you that phone too? That's nice of them."
"Yeah," Shizuo says, and the admission makes him feel mildly annoyed for some reason he can't place.
The vague sense of irritation only gets worse throughout the humid day, and when Shizuo finally gets back to the apartment he turns on the air conditioning, flopping straight down onto the bed without even bothering to remove his bowtie. He'll just take a short nap before dinner, and hopefully he'll feel better afterwards.
Shizuo wakes up to Shinra wrapped around him, murmuring something about dissections and muscles in his sleep. Celty's lying right next to Shizuo, somehow managing to take up most of Shizuo's pillow despite not having a head.
Shizuo extricates himself from Shinra's octopus-like embrace and checks his phone. It's four in the morning. His after-work nap has clearly turned into an after-work sleep. The lock screen of his phone is bristling with notifications – a cryptic message from Kasuka, one of Vorona's long and roundabout emails, something from Tom about meeting their boss next week. Even the promotional message from Milky Way Cafe about a discount on parfaits seems like a demand beyond his ability to handle. The air is saturated with black mist from Celty's neck, Shinra's doing that really annoying whistle-snore thing that happens when he hasn't been getting enough sleep, and if Shizuo stays in this house for a minute longer, something's going to break.
"I'm going out," Shizuo mutters to an audience of nobody. Ikebukuro's fairly quiet this time of night, and maybe walking to the park will clear his head a little, get rid of the itch under his skin.
Halfway through his walk, Shizuo gets the feeling that something's following him. He turns around – oh.
Shooter is trundling along on the road in its bicycle form, following behind him like a bicycle-shaped dog. It doesn't look like it's going to head back any time soon, and even if Shizuo's on the verge of getting pissed, he can't bring himself to yell at an animal...wait, do headless horse-bicycles even count as animals? Shizuo contemplates that for a while before deciding that regardless of Shooter's animal status, having a riderless horse-bike on the road probably isn't a great idea.
"If you're going to come along, at least get on the sidewalk. I'll pretend to push you."
Shooter tinkles its bell forlornly and mounts the curb, turning its handlebars towards Shizuo. He takes hold of them and continues walking, trying to imagine what things would be like if he could just be normal. Alternate-universe Heiwajima Shizuo would probably be a bartender, a real one who could pour fancy layered drinks and knew how to charm all the customers, instead of someone who got fired from an apprenticeship before even learning how to use the shaker. He'd be good-natured, a real stand-up guy on great terms with everyone, without the monstrous strength and hair-trigger temper. Maybe that Shizuo would even be able to live his life without waiting for people to get sick of him, to realise the limits of their charity –
Shooter's bell rings gently, and it nuzzles its handlebars into Shizuo's palms. They've reached the park. He sits on a bench and tries to coax Shooter over, but Shooter refuses to put its stand down. It's probably delighted to have the opportunity to wheel itself around, so Shizuo leans back and watches Shooter try its best to balance on one wheel.
The thing about life now is it's difficult to run. It was a lot easier when Shinra was just an obsessive childhood acquaintance, when Celty was just a friend he met sometimes, when he could move from apartment to apartment with all his stuff in two cardboard boxes and switched his phone every month. He didn't have to worry about commitments or being tied down to things since there wasn't anything to be tied down to.
He absently unlocks his phone to take a photo of Shooter's valiant wheelie attempts, adjusting camera settings so his shot is slightly less grainy. After getting a fairly decent photo, he flicks through the camera gallery, scrolling through thumbnails – the twins' attempt at a selfie with him, the parfait Tom treated him to once, Shinra's disastrous attempt to groom Shooter in horse form, Vorona's shot of her new bike, a picture of whatshername and Celty hard at work pasting decals on a helmet, and, fuck, there are so many people now, all linked to him by bonds he can't define or even explain. And even if that's a heavy weight to carry, he'll just have to try his best not to let them down.
He's the strongest man in Ikebukuro, after all.
Shizuo tilts his head up further, looking at the sky. It's purple verging on pure black, and the stars are pinpricks of light, almost pure white.
"Come on, Shooter," Shizuo says, putting his phone into his pocket. "Let's head back."
After leaving Shooter in the parking lot, Shizuo takes a quick shower and heads to the bedroom. He opens the door gently. Celty's still cuddling Shizuo's pillow, and he eases it out of her arms, puts it back in its normal position, and settles into his usual spot on the bed between Celty and Shinra.
"Welcome back," Shinra mumbles.
"Yeah," Shizuo says. "I'm home."