Disclaimer: I do not own nor claim to own this franchise or any of its characters.
Addictions,
Fifty Ways to Say I Love You, I Hate You
Start: I can safely say that I have never had an addiction. I can not say the same for my leader though has had more addictions than hot meals in the dead of winter. He smokes more a day more than I smoke a day and he has had more partners than I have had accidents. The silver-haired man has told me something sad and a little scary, he told me that he has an addiction to pain and I am afraid.
Bleed: He bleeds a lot like his blood doesn't dry or clot. A paper cut could have him die from exsanguination. Funny thing though even though the silver-haired man bleeds so much the effects never catch up to him, he could lie bleeding for eternity.
Disgust: Sometimes I disgust myself. Unable to ignore a body so divine, I sought to make it mine. He told me himself he'd only give his body and soul to a man that could feed his sick addiction to all things sick and twisted and painful. And I did feed it. Scratching down his back while I made him mine with every word, every kiss. I couldn't, can't, keep him though because I couldn't do what he really wanted me to do, I couldn't offer him sex and pain without love. I couldn't, wouldn't, keep him somewhere dark and cold making him scream like he 'deserves', I found, find, I loved, love, him too much.
Appreciate: "If you can not appreciate this addiction of mine then I have no use for you." The silver-haired man said.
"I appreciate it and you." I replied.
"And that my dear, is the problem."
Moon: I stare out at the moon and watch as it turns red and purple alternately. Sometimes it is embraced in crimson with the form of a dragon etched in it and other times a deep purple with a spider and a condor. I realize something, we are the only ones that can see it, aren't we? The silver-haired man and the glue that holds us all together stand and watch with me, silently. And the glue has fear in his shockingly magnetic eyes and the silver-haired hero doesn't even blink, doesn't even flinch. The moon is finally taken over by the crimson dragon and all the spiders and birds die in agony on the bathroom floor.
Tongue: His tongue flits around the entire surface of my mouth elegantly. He smirks and leans into me,
"Ready are we?" He asks.
"Y-Yes." I stutter and scream.
"Mmn, good." He whispers.
I enjoy the elegance of his tongue as it flits around the surface of my…
Heart: Out hearts used to beat in unison but now mine doesn't beat at all. I stand here in the burning cold trying to start a fire to warm my frostbitten hands and nose. As the blowtorch runs I drow in the sound of the ticking clock. That clock is slow, low like my heart. I pretend for just a second that, that slow clock is my heart and then I remember he isn't here and then even my artificial heart stops. The fire goes out.
Circle: I'm dying. I'm dying again. I'm dying for him. I'm dying for him again. This is the cycle, the circle we follow. You make me feel loved and I feed your obsessions and addictions to pain and other nasty things and thoughts. And I can't hate you and won't love me, not really, and I can't keep you anywhere dark or cold and hurt you without ever loving you and you leave me and I hate you for it and that brings you back and I fall in love with you all over again. I'm dying.
Beauty: He looks nice, silver hair and yellow eye and a white fur coat and nothing else. I kiss him and he smirks and kisses me back with too much force. I would complain if it was anyone else.
"Is this time, The Time?" He asks.
"No, I don't think so." I sigh.
"Sad, perhaps next time?"
"Perhaps."
Show: I stroke the object between my thighs. One skinny finger stroking up the shaft slowly. And then I upgrade to two, three, and then my palm. All in the name of entertainment. I moan and finish and hear a slow clap.
"Good show." The silver-haired man with his head tilted by his hand and a smirk violating his lips says.
Skin: I'm falling apart. I was always falling apart. He hates the sight of my collapsed body doesn't he? Why won't her come and save me from the chill? I miss him, I'm sorry. I would hate you just so I could feel better about my skin, but I can't because you're all I have.
Ill: Love me, hate me, burn me, break me. All these requests I can't fulfill, but there are some things that I can do for him.
"I don't feel well can you make me some soup?" He asks.
"Yeah, what do you want?" I ask back.
"Whatever you make the best."
"Right, chicken soup it is."
Alone: I thought I was alone before the silver-haired man came to save me again. I was left by my, everything. Now I realize I am still alone, he is me and I am him. So only one person lives in this house really.
Names: I don't think I even know his last name. I hardly say his first one, it's always love or lover or rarely bitch, when I'm trying to test my strength. He says he knows mine but he won't use it only, Master.
Scent: I think he smells like white with a hint of blue flavored addiction. He says I smell like sadness and incomplete things. We agree to disagree.
Confused: I'm not sure which one of us is supposed to be in control. I do as he asks and yet he says that I am the Master. If I become his Master then aren't I still the slave after all?
Hair: His hair is his most prominent feature. Who else has silver hair? However it takes far too long to comb out for him and wash for him. But damn he looks nice when I'm finished. I wonder what shampoo he uses that makes it smell the way it does.
Insomnia: I wonder how either of us get up so early. The nights are usually spent, preparing for the WRGP II or seducing each other in complicated games that take months. Yet as always every one of us is up at five in the morning to eat.
Food: Speaking of eating, breakfast is supposed to be fast isn't it? So why does he have Sebastian make us sausages, bacon, pancakes, French toast, eggs, hash browns, oatmeal, oranges, toast, muffins, milk, coffee, grapefruit, grits and an assortment of teas every morning? How does he stay so thin?
Travel: I went to Neo-Domino to see someone that I thought I was over and they kissed me. I didn't tell him, don't tell him. Do tell him and my best friend that I'm not coming back for a while.
Book: I hate his books. The prose is purple or beige or any colour but clear and everyone tastes and smells like SOMETHING. Our love is better, he tastes and smells like everything nice and painful at once and we don't need words.
Dressed: The silver-haired man dressed up for us. He's wearing a pair of heels and a short white dress. He smirks.
"Do I look like a lady yet?" He ask us.
"Yes." We say without hesitation.
He closes the door with a click and turns to us throwing his skirt up a little. Tell my neo-lover that I'll be late.
Love: I have always loved him I realize when I look through books of us. I was always all over him as was my partner. We he fought Yuusei and lost I was the one to comfort him. How did I never notice? Love was always such an elusive thing for me. Back home people would ask if I'd ever get a wife and then girlfriend and then female friend that didn't look like a guy. But no one could, can ever compare to him and his magnificence.
Sin: They always said, say that the silver-haired man is very religious. They don't know the fact that all seven sins are what make him, him. Gluttony when he swallows everything in sight and then asks for more. Greed when he goes on shopping sprees for new clothes. Pride when he uses those clothes to turn my head from my neo-lover to him. Envy when he tries to repossess the love we once had. Wrath when he learnt of my neo-lover and tried to call a hit on him. Lust when he asks if it's Time yet.
Cry: When he cries the whole world cries. They do that because seeing the face of beauty cry is like dying inside. You only think you want to watch it once at first but once ou see it you have to see it again. I'm a bad person.
Traitor: I betrayed him. I made love to my neo-lover and I cried their name. I thought of only their hips moving and them muttering, murmuring, moaning.
"M-Master!" They cried out.
"Yes slave?" I asked.
Goodbye: "Go to them if you love them."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I will find another replacement, one without love. It was nice knowing you and I wouldn't give up a minute of the time we spent together."
"You deserve love."
"I do not want your opinions."
"Goodbye."
"Good, no."
He slams his face against mine in a sloppy kiss. I kiss him back.
"Now goodbye."
Friend: It's been a while since my best friend left. I see him and he's gone steady with his neo-lover. They have a kid of their own and I tell him how I left. He can only nod.
Fantasy: I sit here with my neo-lover and we talk about our exes and I don't tell them about him because he didn't seem real. The silver-haired seems like a crazy drug trip gone horribly right. If someone were to tell me that he wasn't real but rather the result of a drug-induced coma I would believe them readily as the tears that are falling when I realize that he wasn't a fantasy, this was.
Jewelry: I hold the silver and topaz pendant in my hands and snarl. Is this some kind of sick joke? I stroke it with an absent feeling before debating whether to pitch it out the window or wear it until the sun just dies.
Empty: I come to visit the silver-haired man and see him with his new lover. I dub him the raven after his dark hair. The raven embraces the long lost treasured tortured thing and kisses him on the lips causing him to tumble backwards ever so slightly and then regaining his balance. I told him to find love didn't I? Then why do I feel so empty?
Jealous: I walk in and the silver-haired man welcomes me with a hug and a smile, not a smirk, a smile.
"This is one of my old teammates, you should know him." He says.
Friend? Is he ignoring every drop of love we shared? Why? I am better than this raven, he deserves someone better, someone that will appreciate his addiction to pain rather than cover it up.
Miss: The raven isn't around as much as I thought he'd be. The silver-haired man doesn't seem to do much of anything anymore. I wonder if he misses me. I miss him, his scent, his touch, his kiss, his everything makes me want him like I did before. I'm a fickle thing aren't I? I didn't understand how good it was until I gave it up. I don't even think he thinks about me. I wonder if I ought to miss him or if it's not fair.
Together: I am not alone anymore much to my chagrin. Even though I have my neo-lover who should connect to me like a polymerization to a fusion monster we still are not bonded. I can't tell what they're thinking or if I should be worried. I think I may have made a grave mistake. I love him still.
Nightmares: A familiar feeling happens in the middle of the night. I dream of the human addiction fantasy letting his body and mind meld into mine like a fusion monster. I dream of him making me his slave. Being my seme, and making me beg for it. All the while I'm screaming and he laughs like my screams aren't anything.
"This is for leaving me." He whispers, sending erotic shivers down my spine.
And then we kiss and it's full of lust and love and pain and I moan.
"Yessss." I hiss in pleasure and then I scream.
"Are you okay? You were screaming." Asks and says my neo=lover.
"It was just a nightmare, nightmares can't hurt me." I reply rolling over.
No, they can't hurt me, but they can remind me.
Proposals: The silver-haired man calls me to tell me something. Just when I thought I got over him at last.
"I'm getting married, I'd like you to come." He says over the phone.
"And what if I don't?" I ask.
"I know you will, but if you don't then I will be sad."
I want to tell him that I want him back and that I was a fool but all I do is silently chat with the man for hours before the raven comes and the silver-haired man shuts the phone off. I pretend that he never touched my heart.
Repeat: I love him, hate him, like him, despise him, want him, need him, breathe him, taste him, smell him, feel him, miss him, rejected him, refused him, left him, fucked him, love him even after this repeating pattern of love and pain entwined by red coated chains.
Quit: It's hard to quit smoking, it's hard to quit any addiction. So how did he quit his addiction to pain? He showed no signs of stopping, pausing, slowing down and here he is as straight edge as he was before the accident in that alleyway. Of course there's always the possibility that he didn't.
Loose: I loose so many things, duels, car keys, text books, matches, change, credit cards, kisses, days, thoughts and there was one thing I never thought I'd ever lose and that was him. The silver-haired man promised love of all of eternity and where is it? All that remains is the growing void of lose.
False: I can't even look at my neo-lover anymore.
"Why are you ignoring me?" They ask.
"I'm not." I lie.
"Liar." They say in one word and leave me in my laments and monochromed memories of this addiction to pain that I never thought I had, or maybe it's an addiction to him.
Mirror: I look at myself in the mirror. I am getting handsome again; the heat has done wonders for health. It was too cold at the silver-haired man's house and I didn't notice because when he was around it felt warm. The man in the mirror with a healthy body mouths at me,
"Nobody wants you anymore. Not your neo-lover and not your addiction."
I smash it and let the shards of glass hurt me just to make the thoughts stop. I look into the fractured thing and all reflections of me mouth the words. I think I'm going crazy.
Music: I sing along to the music on the radio. The one that catches my ear is the tale of unrequited love. The song has a soft piano tune with a small drum pounding like a heartbeat and my voice singing,
"This addiction has thrown me off what love really means. I think I'm going to drown; in you if I can't save you then let that be my fate. I am going to collapse as a pile of lust and sorrow unless we can stop this before it reaches the pinnacle of pain. Save me!"
"Did you hear that?" I ask a new friend.
"The song, yeah. Kinda sounds like J-Pop." My male friend replies.
"No the song with my voice and the piano and the drum beat that reminds me of a heartbeat."
"Uh no. Are you okay?"
"No, not really."
Kiss: I kiss my neo-lover and let my tongue linger I close my eyes and I regrettably think of someone else's mouth. I pretend that I'm kissing the silver-haired man. That deepens the kiss and I almost convince myself that I am kissing him. Then my neo-lover pulls away and gets on with what they were supposed to be doing.
Shop: I bring my male friend in and he uses his excellent fashion taste to pick out a nice suit for me. It is black with a green tie and fairly expensive. I don't even try it on I just head over to the checkout.
"Aren't you going to try it on?" My friend asks.
"No, mirrors have been causing problems for me recently." I reply.
All he can do is nod and smile half-heartedly.
Ring: The silver-haired man shows everyone the silver ring and he acts like we were never a thing. I hold his hand and kiss in between his fingers before beginning to lick and then I lick the ring for the tragedy and fun in it. He jerks away from me and I apologize the raven walks in and everyone is silent, nobody bothers to tell him.
Stain: I wash the dishes after drinking some wine and cut my hand from my index finger to my wrist. I stare at it as it hits the white carpet and out of silent spite I just let it bleed. I pass out from blood loss with my arm still hanging on the carpeted area.
Marriage: He walked down the aisle like he was the God of everything. I walked him down because his father didn't care enough. And the raven cawed his vows and he laughed and they both kissed and then everyone cheered except for me and my teammate. I bet the silver-haired man didn't even think about me for a second, did he?
Birth: And they spend hours talking about whether or not they should adopt or use the latest homosexual reproduction program. And the silver-haired man acts like he never even had an addiction and that his accident didn't even happen. And I realize that a third of my soul is finally happy.
Time: It doesn't stop me though. I remove the blindfold from the silver-haired man and my teammate kisses him as soon as it comes off. I run a finger up the side of his cheek. The silver haired man stares at me before his eyes go wide. I force his mouth into a kiss with me while my teammate runs a hand through his hair. We smile and I lean into him and whisper,
"It's Time."
He only opens his mouth uncomfortably and full of fear and shock. And then he closes it and I swear he's smiling as I lift his bound body and carry him towards his room. I adjust the chains that bind him to the bed and smile. I run my finger across his lips getting bitten. My teammate bites him back drawing blood that I proceed to lick up. The silver-haired man moans and tries his best to embrace me.
"T-thank y-you." He stutters.
I wonder if anyody even knows we're gone.
Author Note: I'm not sure why I wrote this, it's weird and I don't know whose narrating or who most of the characters are. I know that the narrator is either Brave or Dragan and that the raven is either Yuusei or Jean but the rest is a mystery. I assume that both Brave and Dragan are telling the tale but the other things are a mystery to me, wow that means that both of them are with whoever their neo-lovers are. Oh and it's in chronological order. I think that Harald did this to Dragan first and then Brave and then they team up at the end. I also think that Harald left Dragan and he laments in the past tense until he gets back together with him in Alone. Also Harald does love them both and everything went exactly as planned, maybe. It's a weird love but there is absolutely no hate in their relationship. I hope you enjoy this fifty words and goodnight. P.S I am working on the ship of the week right after this.