Won't Let You Down
A/N: This is the exact same as the previous version except a more emotional ending which starts after the song is over.
"Just fall." He told himself. "Just let go"
"Why is this so hard? Why can't I just…let go?" He asked himself. Standing there, on the roof of Titans Tower, he sucked in a deep breath and wiped away a few stray tears. He walked over to the ledge and looked out onto the bay. He shoved his hands in his pockets and sighed. Everything was fading as he closed his eyes and let out a breath. He was drifting away, just like he wanted.
"Beast Boy, what are you doing out here?" That voice. That raspy, monotone voice. The voice he loved, the voice he hated, the voice he desired, and right now, the voice that made him cringe.
Raven.
"Nothing. You should go back inside before you catch a cold." He brushed her off. He didn't turn around in hopes that she'd just leave.
"You'll get a cold too. Don't lie to me Beast Boy. Why are you out here?" She pushed further. She stepped a little closer, but not much closer.
"I'm just…clearing my head. I'm fine." He lied. He wasn't fine. He wasn't clearing his head. He was trying to build up enough courage to do something he had wanted to do for a while.
Jump.
One simple word; one simple action, yet so hard to do. There's no turning back; no second chances. Once you do it, you get lost in the wind and the adrenaline rush and you don't want to be found. You want to drift away and fall. But once you collide with your tragic fate and you realize what you've done, you wish someone had cared enough to come find you anyway. Sometimes.
"Clearing your head, on the edge of a roof? I know you can fly and all but, what if you don't save yourself in time?"
"What if I don't want to save myself?" He asked rhetorically while basically implying the real reason he was out there. Raven's mouth fell slightly ajar and she moved a few steps closer.
"You're not talking about what I think you are, are you?" She asked knowing her own answer. She knew he was going to jump from the beginning, but she had a small sliver of hope that maybe there was another reason he was out there. She didn't want to believe that Beast Boy was going to end his life and leave her.
Beast Boy only nodded not bothering to turn his head around to look at her. "You're gonna jump." She said aloud more to herself than him. She didn't know what to think, but apparently, she knew what to say. "Beast Boy, you can't."
"Oh can't I?" He retorted. "My life is falling to pieces. I lost my parents when I was like what? Eight? I've had people hired to kill me twice, I got kicked off of Doom Patrol because my adoptive father thinks I'm a failure, and now, I'm just depressed. Cutting doesn't work anymore. Neither does screaming, writing, music, praying, nothing." He could feel more tears coming on and he just wanted her to leave so he could do what he needed to do. He wouldn't dare jump off of that roof with her standing right there. That's just plain wrong.
"Well, my life isn't perfect either. My father killed my mother while destroying my home then I had to kill him after using me as a portal. I can't even show any emotions because I don't want to blow up the city. At least you can love." She said. She was shaking from nervousness. She didn't know if Beast Boy was serious, but deep in her heart, she knew that if she were to walk back inside, he'd do it.
"Yeah, we all know. But, I'm different. My problems are different."
"How? How are they so different that you have to kill yourself just to deal with it?" She asked him angrily. How could he be so selfish and foolish? They all had problems, killing yourself isn't the answer.
"You wouldn't understand. I hide myself as this comedy relief guy who doesn't care what anyone thinks, but I do. I care about the way that people look down on me. I care about how when I mess up, everyone gets so disappointed in me. I care about how when I try to lighten the mood, I get shunned and yelled at for not caring. I care a lot."
Beast Boy, you can't do this." Raven said again. She honestly didn't know what else to say.
"Stop telling me that! It's not like any of you would care. Robin doesn't even talk to me. Starfire and Cyborg just love everyone and you...you wouldn't care if I shot myself in the head." He said trying to hold back the tears emerging.
"Don't you dare say that! You know that is not the truth. We would all care and you know I would care." He didn't answer so Raven went ahead. "Beast Boy, I treat you like garbage because I don't know how else to treat you. You're so good to me and you're always there to try and help me, I don't know what to think sometimes. I wonder why you even do the things you do for me. Of all of the people I've met in my life, you've paid the most attention to me. You were really the first person to show me some sort of affection and I don't know what to think, so I don't." She finished and he still didn't turn around.
"Beast Boy, I don't know what else I can say to you right now. I-I'm shaking. I'm scared. I don't want you to leave me, Beast Boy. You're not even listening to me and I don't know what else to say and I can't hold myself together. Why would you leave me? Why would you want to leave me, Beast Boy? Why?" She started to cry, then sob.
"I am listening to you, Rae. I just don't believe you." He said emotionlessly. Raven somewhat surprised. She was pouring her heart and soul out to him and he didn't even believe her.
"Why don't you believe me? Why would I be over here crying and about to beg you to not do this if it wasn't the truth?"
"Because it's your job!" Beast Boy finally turned around to look at her. "For five years, I've been trying to get to laugh with me and smile and open up to me. But now as soon as my life depends on it, you're telling me. Why would I believe you?" He asked raising his voice. Raven didn't say anything; she just stared. She was literally at a loss of words. "Whatever. If you want to watch me kill myself, then stay out here. Just don't tell me lies before I'm about to die, alright?" He snapped. He turned back around and shut his eyes preparing himself for the moment of a lifetime and his welcoming to death.
'I'm letting go, finally letting go.' He thought. He stretched his arms out wide and sighed.
'Made a wrong turn, once or twice.
Dug my way out
Blood and fire.
Bad decisions, that's all right.
Welcome to my silly life.'
Those words. Those soft soothing words, made him stop. He turned around and saw Raven, standing there, singing. The most beautifully angelic voice that he had ever heard. He stared into her eyes and saw everything. The hurt, the sadness, the anger, the love. She wasn't going to let him go without a fight.
'Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'Now way, it's all good' it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second-guessing
Underestimated, look, I'm still around'
Her voice flowed through him and touched his soul. He had never thought that Raven would ever sing, especially not to him. But here they were, standing there on top of Titans Tower, staring into each other's eyes, touching each other's souls.
'Pretty, pretty, please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than
Fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty, please, if you ever, ever feel, like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect
To me.'
Beast Boy didn't know what to think. He wanted to believe that this was all a lie just to get him to not commit suicide, but her voice, it had so much emotion; so much feeling. There was no way that this wasn't from her heart.
'You're so mean when you talk
About yourself, you were wrong.
Change those voices in your head.
Make them like you instead.
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it.
Filled with so much hatred.
Such a tired game.
It's enough; I've done all I can think of.
Chased down all my demons.
I've seen you do the same
(Oh ohhhhhh)'
He wanted her to stop, but her voice was so relaxing, so beautiful. It spoke to him in way that no one else could; in a way he never thought he'd be spoken to. His heart was breaking to see her standing, five yards away from him, singing and about to break down any moment.
'Pretty, pretty, please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than
Fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty, please, if you ever, ever feel, like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect
To me.
The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear.
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice, cold beer.
So cool in line and we try, try, try, but we try to hard
It's a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cuz they're everywhere.
They don't like my jeans they don't get my hair.
We change ourselves and we do it all the time.
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
Why do I do that?
(Yeah!)
I'm pretty, pretty, pretty'
Why did her voice have to be so perfect? So flawless that it hurt for him to listen, but he couldn't help but get lost in the graceful melody that was flowing towards him.
'Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than
Fuckin' perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing,
You're fucking perfect to me
(You're perfect, you're perfect)
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than
Fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you are perfect to me.'
The voice stopped its song. The top of Titans Tower fell silent as the two teammates just stared into each other's eyes. They didn't need any words, they didn't have any to say.
Suddenly, Raven sank to the ground. She hugged her arms tight and tried to control her tears. She was on her knees cuddling herself not understanding these new and extreme emotions. Beast Boy didn't have a word to say, he just walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face into his chest and sobbed and sobbed. He was crying to, but he had to be strong for Raven.
"I can't stop shaking, Beast Boy. Why can't I stop? I can't feel my legs! Why can't I? Why do I feel so scared?" She got out through choked sobs. Beast Boy rested his chin her violet locks and stared out onto the bay once more. Beast Boy didn't say anything; instead, he just stroked her hair. She started coughing and her shoulders heaved forward with every sob. "Make it s-stop. I-I can't s-stop." She continued to cry into his chest.
"I don't know…" Beast Boy answered.
"Y-yes you do! You w-were going to leave me, leave us, and leave the world." She corrected him while looking into his eyes. "You're not leaving this world, Beast Boy. Not now, not ever." Beast Boy didn't say anything and just continued to look into her eyes. He forced himself to break away from her stare. He let go of her and stood up. Raven watched him walk back over to the ledge and sigh.
"I'm sorry Rae. I'm sorry I could never make you laugh. I'm sorry I was such a nuisance to your life. And I'm sorry about what I have to do now."
"Beast Boy, you can't." Raven beckoned while rising up.
"Stop telling me that. I'm tired of being told what I can and can't do. That's why I'm here now."
Raven ran over to him and gently grabbed his hand. He turned to look at her, his face emotionless yet his eyes were filled with every feeling of grief and sadness there was. "Let go of me." He said softly.
"I don't…want to." She told him. She started to softly caress his hand as she began to speak. "Remember that penny you gave me and told me "For luck"?" He nodded slightly. "Well, I held onto that penny until the very last moment. It was something for me to hold onto and believe in. Right now, I don't have a penny to give you; all I have is my heart and my words."
"What are you trying to say?" Beast Boy asked suspiciously.
"I'm saying, if you go, I'm going to be your lucky penny. The thing you hold onto until the very end. Except the difference now is, I won't let go of you, even after it's over."
"Raven, you can't."
"Oh can't I?" She retorted.
"I can't let you give up your life just to be with me."
"Then live your life to stay with me." Beast Boy looked down at the water once more trying to suppress the new tears forming in his eyes. "Suicide is permanent; problems aren't." She said in a last attempt to get him to realize his mistake before he made it. "Don't be selfish, Beast Boy. You're a hero. If you can save someone else you've never met, than why can't you save yourself…for someone who loves you?" Beast Boy was again at a loss of words. Raven was right; killing himself would be very selfish.
"I've spent all of this time over looking the problems in my life that I never thought about all the problems I've prevented. I never thought about how selfless I've been. I never thought about the good."
"So…what are you saying?" Raven asked with a hint of hope.
"I'm saying, that praying must have worked because apparently, I was sent a guardian angel." He said and smiled softly while looking Raven in the eyes. Raven had never felt so relieved; so happy; so…thankful.
"I'm glad you feel that way because the feeling's mutual." She said softly. They back off of the ledge to a safe distance. There, on top of Titans' Tower, stood two beautiful and inspired people. They had touched each other in ways that no one else could and ever would. "Beast Boy, can you promise me something?"Raven asked suddenly.
"What?"
"If I get depressed, or lose my mind, or break down, will you promise to carry me on your shoulder…and keep going?"
"No, I can't promise to carry you on my should if you get depressed, or lose your mind, or break down because I won't let that happen." He assured her. "If you had waited until I fell tonight to save me, it would have been too late. If I wait for you to break down…how could I ever get you back?" Raven gave him a ghost of a smile and snuggled back into his warm embrace.
Tonight, Jump City's heroes would go to bed unscathed.
Tonight, Titans' Tower wouldn't be silenced by grief, but by relief.
Tonight, Titans' Tower's rocky shore wouldn't be stained in blood.
Tonight, Jump City's angels finally guarded…each other.
-8-8-
A/N: WHY DID I EVEN WRITE THIS? GOODNESS, IT'S SO JUST…UGGH!
I hoped you enjoyed it. It's been bugging me to write it since Tuesday night, so I did. I'm gonna get Faith chapter 7 out soon, so chillax!
P.s. Not sure if any of you have noticed but, I always put two question marks or explanation points in my writings. Well, here's the reason: OCD! It's so annoying, but I can't help it. So if it annoys you, I'm sorry, but I have to.
Review and F&F please. (Tell me if you cried please)