A/N: When you're bored you come up with the most random ideas.
Spoiler: 2x03 Grilled Cheesus
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine.
"Alright losers! Bottoms up!" Puck said with a grin as he filled up the last shot glass and handed it to Santana. The whole Glee club was at the Puckerman household hanging out after Glee. They all figured they needed some relaxing time after the emotional filled week with Kurt's dad in the hospital and the fight with religion in school. So of course Puck's solution, like to everything else, was 'Let's get drunk!'
"I'm not too sure about this" Rachel said biting her bottom lip as she stared at the shot glass in front of her, filled practically to the rim.
"Oh come on Man-hands! Its not like you're going to be taking that many shots anyway Ms Goodie two shoes!" Santana snapped rolling her eyes.
"Rachel's not wearing any shoes." Brittany said frowning.
"Come on Rach. Its totally cool. Even if you do get drunk its not like we're going to let anything happen to you." Finn said shrugging. Rachel looked at him then stared across the table where Quinn, Santana and Puck were. Two of them were wearing devilish smirks and Rachel gulped.
"Look Berry. I promise that Puck won't violate you and Santana won't put some crazy video of you on youtube doing a headstand in your underwear okay? Just drink." Quinn said sighing and looking between her best friend and ex-boyfriend. They both nodded, smirks still in place.
"I just can't wait to see Rachel drunk. This should be fun." Mercedes said smiling.
"Hopefully she's a quiet drunk." Kurt said earning a glare from Rachel. He simply shrugged as Puck cleared his throat.
"Okay I'll start. I'm ready to get wasted. I've never..." Puck trailed off in thought.
"You've done practically everything." Santana said rolling her eyes.
"So have I." Brittany said staring off into space.
"I know. Okay I've never watched gay guy porn." Puck said smiling. Kurt, Santana and Brittany all downed their shots. Puck quickly grabbed the bottle to refill their drinks and turned to Santana.
"Okay. I've never got caught having sex." Santana said with a smirk. Brittany, Puck and Mike downed their shots.
"With who?" Tina asked frowning at her boyfriend. He shrugged and pointed across the table. Brittany waved.
"His sister caught us. It was totally cool though she didn't tell anyone. She did ask for my number before I left though." Brittany said in thought.
"Okay. I've never been skinny dipping." Artie said smiling. Puck, Santana, Brittany, Tina and Mike all downed their shots.
"You three are going to be so drunk after this game." Quinn said smirking at her friends. Santana flipped her the finger as Puck shrugged and Brittany smiled.
"Who's next?" Puck asked making sure everyone's glasses were filled again.
"Me. I've never kissed a girl." Mercedes said shrugging. Puck, Artie, Brittany, Santana, Finn, Mike and Rachel all took a drink.
"This is disgusting!" Rachel complained making a face as she set her empty shot glass on the table. Puck laughed.
"Don't worry you get used- whoa wait! Berry you've kissed a girl?" he asked with wide eyes. Realization passed over the group and everyone stared at the brunette. Rachel blushed and looked down.
"Why is that so hard to believe?" she asked, her eyes still trained on the floor.
"Hello! You are Rachel Berry, the angel of Glee club?" Kurt said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Fuck yeah Berry! That's hot as hell. Who was it?" Puck asked with a grin. Santana and Quinn rolled their eyes in unison.
"You wouldn't know her. She doesn't live around here."
"Are you sure? Puck knows every girl within the 50 mile radius." Santana said cutting her eyes at him. Puck shrugged and nodded.
"Yes I'm sure. Besides she was a lesbian so I'm pretty sure he hasn't participated in any sexual endevors with her." Rachel said as Puck filled her shot glass again.
"So... does that make you like a lesbian?" Finn asked with furrowed eyebrows.
"No Finn! She's in a relationship with you why would she be a lesbian?" Mercedes asked shaking her head.
"Unless Finn is her big gay beard." Kurt said with a smirk.
"Woah dude... I'm not gay!" Finn snapped a little too loudly. Kurt raised an eyebrow as Santana rolled her eyes.
"You're not the one that would be gay dude! She would. You would just be a cover." Puck said laughing.
"Remember? I mentioned it to you when you first joined Glee Club and everyone thought you were gay?" Quinn asked raising an eyebrow. Finn frowned and stared at the wall in thought.
"Yeah whatever. Can we get back to the game already? I'm not drunk yet." Santana asked. Everyone nodded and turned to look at Kurt.
"I've never kissed a guy." he said shrugging. Santana, Brittany, Quinn, Tina, Mercedes and Rachel all took their shots.
"You said I would get used to it right?" Rachel asked frowning at the shot glass. Puck laughed and nodded as he filled everyone's glasses again.
"Wow Rach took two in a row. Go ahead hot mama!" Mercedes said grinning. Rachel smiled shyly and looked at the ground.
"I just got an awesome idea!" Puck said with a grin. Groans floated around the room as he frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Your ideas suck." Quinn said obviously. Puck waved her off and turned to everyone else.
"Lets see how much dirt Rachel has actually done."
"What does it matter? When she's drunk she'll probably spill everything anyway." Tina said shrugging.
"I resent that comment." Rachel frowned.
"Yeah Puck just wait. Okay my turn!" Mike said smiling. "I've never had sex with an older woman."
Mike watched in amusement as Puck and Brittany took their shots.
"Noah I have a feeling you were lying." Rachel said, causing everyone to turn to her as she set the empty shot glass on the table. "I don't think I'll ever get used to that taste."
"Holy hell! Berry had sex with a woman!" Puck said grinning.
"And an older woman at that. I haven't even done that shit Stubbles" Santana said with wide eyes.
"I thought you said you were a virgin? You even told me you and Jesse didn't do anything." Finn frowned, taking his hand from around his girlfriend's shoulder. Rachel watched Puck refill her glass as she sighed.
"Technically I am. I was the only one that performed the pleasurable activities during that occurrence."
"So you're saying that you have eaten a chick out before? Berry will you marry me?" Puck asked smiling, earning a slap in the head from Quinn and a glare from Finn.
"So is this the same girl you kissed? And how much older was she exactly?" Mercedes asked smiling. Kurt nodded but he was still staring at the brunette in shock. Rachel shrugged.
"No this was a different woman and she was in her mid-twenties."
"Damn Berry! Get some!" Puck said holding up his hand for her to high-five. Rachel covered her face and looked away as Puck frowned. "I don't get no love?"
"No you don't now sit down." Quinn demanded, pulling him back on the couch. Puck frowned.
"Okay who's next? My brain is still processing that one." Kurt asked turning to look at Tina.
"I've never had sex while drunk" she said shrugging. All eyes turned to Rachel who smiled shyly and shook her head. Quinn winced as she downed her shot followed by Santana, Brittany, Mike and Puck.
"Are you still upset?" Rachel asked looking over at Finn who hadn't yet put his arm back around her. Finn's jaw clenched as he sighed.
"What do you think Rachel? We're in a relationship with each other. I thought we weren't going to lie to each other."
"Finn I'm sorry but I didn't lie. If you would have asked me any of these questions I would have gladly answered truthfully."
"How am I supposed to ask that? 'Rachel have you ever had sex with another woman?'"
"Well yes! What's so difficult about that? You have expressed multiple times that you are not gay but I have never once led you to believe that I am perfectly straight Finn."
"Woah! Woah! Woah! Hold the hell up. Berry you're bisexual?" Santana slurred, obviously more than a little tipsy. Rachel turned her attention to the latina and shrugged.
"Well yes. I'm equally attracted to girls as I am to guys."
"Damn! We should play games like this more often." Mercedes said shaking her head with a smile.
"I can't even... I can't even begin to process the new information right now. Rachel I'm certain I will never look at you the same." Kurt said shaking her head.
"This is rather shocking." Artie said nodding.
"See what I mean? You let all these secrets go in front of all our friends and make me look like an idiot." Finn complained looking around.
"Oh please. Like you need help looking like an idiot." Santana said waving him off. Rachel sighed and stared up at Finn apologetically.
"Finn I'm sorry if I'm making you feel uncomfortable but I never intended to lie to you. I just didn't think any of it was important to express."
"Finn dude what the fuck is wrong with you? Your girlfriend just admitted to being bisexual. Why are you complaining?" Puck asked frowning.
"Yeah dude." Mike said nodding in agreement. He winced when Tina socked him in the shoulder.
"Rachel you look really hot when you're all blurry and stuff." Brittany commented, squinting her eyes at the brunette.
"While Finn gets over himself lets finish the game." Quinn said sighing. Nods continued around the circle as Finn pouted.
"Finn you're up." Tina said leaning forward to pick up her shot.
"I've never done a strip tease." Finn said shrugging. He turned his head to stare at Rachel. She winced before swallowing her drink followed by Puck, Brittany, Santana and Tina.
"You have?" Mike asked frowning at his girlfriend.
"Yeah but it didn't lead to anything." Tina said exchanging a look with Artie who shrugged with a smile. Mike glared but didn't say anything.
"I can't believe you!" Finn yelled as Puck refilled Rachel's glass.
"I can." Puck said wiggling his eyebrows. Rachel sighed and looked down at her lap.
"Rachel could have at least lied." Mercedes said shrugging. Rachel shook her head as Finn glared at her.
"I'm not ashamed of anything I have done."
"You could have told me these things Rachel. I have to hear them through a game. This is bullshit!" Finn yelled, grabbing everyone's attention. Suddenly there was a scoff followed by a laugh.
"Oh for god sakes Finn climb off your fucking high horse! You act as if you've never lied to Rachel." Santana said rolling her eyes. Rachel frowned and turned to look at Finn.
"What is she talking about Finn?" Rachel asked softly. Finn stared at Santana with wide eyes who just smirked at him.
"Santana..."
"No! No... I'm tired of hearing your mouth!" Santana slurred and leaned back on the couch before turning to Rachel. "Go ahead Rachel. Its your turn. What's the one thing you can still claim to be even after all of the other gross shit you've done?"
"Like you haven't done it too." Quinn mumbled earning a glare from the latina.
"A Virgin?" Rachel asked. Santana nodded and picked up her shot.
"Put it in 'I never' form or whatever the hell it is."
"I've never lost my virginity." Rachel said. She watched as Santana, Brittany, Puck, Quinn and Mike all took their shots then turned to Finn who was staring down at his drink as if he was torn.
"Finn what are you-"
"Go ahead Finn! Drink the fucking shot! You want to talk about lies and shit." Santana snarled. Finn glared at her but didn't make a move to pick up the shot.
"Dude there's no lying in this game. " Puck said frowning. Everyone stared at Finn as they waited to see what he was going to do. Finn kept his eyes trained on Santana as he picked up the drink and downed it. Santana smirked as everyone else gasped, excluding Brittany.
"You-you're not a virgin?" Rachel asked softly, staring at her boyfriend. Finn frowned and set the glass back on the table as he looked at Rachel.
"Remember what I told you about Santana?" Finn asked.
"You said... you said you didn't go through with it though." Rachel stuttered, still in shock as everyone else stared on in silence.
"I know I did but-" before Finn could finish his statement he was holding his stinging cheek as Rachel glared at him.
"You liar!"
"How can you even get mad after all the stuff you confessed here tonight?" Another smack was heard as Finn hissed in pain.
"You directly lied to my fucking face Finn! I never told you that stuff because you never had the second thought to even ask about my life! I asked you what happened with Santana and you said nothing!"
"You lied about Jesse!"
"And I came clean to you after we were in a relationship! I told you nothing happened and I even asked you again about Santana and you still denied it!" Rachel yelled. Everyone else stared in shock. This was the first time any of them had ever saw Rachel this angry.
"Rachel I-"
"No! Fuck you! I don't want to play anymore. I'm leaving!" Rachel yelled standing up. Teetering a little on her feet she snatched her bag and keys from the table and stormed towards the door, grabbing onto the doorframe to keep herself steady as she opened the door and walked out. Everyone sat in silence for a few minutes, staring at the door.
"SHIT!" Quinn yelled jumping up and hopping over the table.
"What's wrong?" Mercedes asked, still in shock.
"Rachel's drunk off her ass. There's no way she can drive." Quinn yelled as she dashed out the door and into the night. Quinn hopped the stairs and ran towards the silver Volkswagen just as Rachel opened the door. She quickly grabbed the brunette around the waist to pull her away.
"Let me go! I'm leaving!" Rachel yelled trying to fight Quinn off.
"Rachel calm down! There's no way I'm letting you leave!" Quinn hissed as Rachel's elbow made contact with her rib. Rachel growled and turned around in Quinn's arms, doing her best to shove the other girl away.
"Why do you care? You should be happy I was just embarrassed off my ass!" Rachel screamed in the blonde's face. Quinn winced as the smell of vodka infiltrated her nostrils. Rachel was so drunk it would be hilarious if she wasn't trying to save the brunette's life right now.
"God Rachel you're such a lightweight. Will you stop squirming?"
"I will when you take your hands off me so I can leave!" Rachel shouted, using all of her strength to pull out of Quinn's grip. Instead she stumbled backwards and fell to the ground with Quinn on top of her. The blonde immediately grabbed her hands and pinned them on either side of her head as she stared down at Rachel with fire in her eyes.
"Listen to me and listen to me very carefully." Quinn said sternly.
"Get off me!"
"Look Treasure Trail! I may not like you and we may not be friends but we're still team mates! There's no fucking way I'm letting you get in that car and drive away drunk so you can wrap yourself around a tree understand me? You don't have to like me but you will do as I say or I will kick your ass."
"You're not the boss of me! You're not either one of my fathers and you're definitely not my mother, not like it would matter! You don't get to tell me what to do! You didn't just get lied to by your boyfriend and embarrassed in front of the only people that are close enough to you to call you a friend even if they hate you." Rachel spat back, venom in her voice. Quinn stared at her in amazement but didn't let up on her grip as Rachel squirmed beneath her.
"Dude. You guys okay?" Puck asked walking up to them with Finn beside him. Rachel looked up and saw Finn and growled.
"Get him the hell away from me or I swear to god I'll castrate him when I get off this ground!" she yelled. Puck's eyes widened as Finn winced.
"Rachel I-"
"Finn! I suggest you disappear before I let her go just to see how much damage she can really do." Quinn snarled. Finn nodded and turned around to hurry back into the house.
"You need some help with her?" Puck asked looking down at the brunette who was no longer struggling, just glaring up at Quinn.
"No I've got this. We'll be back in a minute." Quinn said. Puck nodded and headed back toward the house as Quinn turned back to look at Rachel.
"Will you let me go now?"
"Berry I'm not letting you get into that car and drive away."
"Fine whatever! I won't drive my car just get off me!" Rachel snapped. Quinn stared at her for a long minute before standing up. Rachel huffed and stood up as well as Quinn grabbed the bag and keys from the ground. She handed the bag to Rachel and pocketed the keys as she shut the door of the car.
"Now get your ass back in house Stubbles!" Quinn sneered. Instead of recoiling like she usually did Rachel matched her glare before turning around. She was just about to stomp back into the house when she felt the ground disappear from under her feet and everything get dark.
"Woah!" Quinn exclaimed, jumping forward to catch Rachel before she hit the ground. Quinn stared at the brunette for a few seconds in panic and checked her pulse. She sighed when she felt it and took the bag from the girl's hand. Throwing it on her shoulder she bent down and easily lifted the girl into her arms as she walked back towards the house. Rachel was so lucky Quinn was just a slightly bit buzzed. Then again she had only taken 3 shots and after being with Puck she was no longer a light-weight by any means. Quinn walked into the house as everyone turned to look at her and an unconscious Rachel in her arms.
"Is she okay!" Tina exclaimed with wide eyes. Quinn nodded with a sigh.
"Yeah she just blacked out or something. I'm gonna take her upstairs. Is there anyone who will be willing to sit with her until she comes to?" Quinn asked looking around. She still didn't want to be around the brunette any longer than necessary but she wanted to make sure she was okay. Finn quickly stood up and Quinn glared at him.
"What? She's my girlfriend."
"You really think you two are together after what she did and said to you tonight?" Puck asked smirking.
"Finn there is no way I'm going to let you stay with her so she can wake up and freak out all over again." Quinn said sighing. Finn frowned and sat down as Quinn looked around the room.
"Dude I'm so drunk..." Puck mumbled with a shake of the head. Quinn's eyes went to Kurt and Mercedes who both shook their heads. Artie and Mike avoided her eyes and she knew asking Brittany or Santana would be a lost cause.
"You guys are un-fucking-believable! She's supposed to be our friend. She's obviously drunk off her ass and none of you want to help her? Wow." Quinn said shaking her head as she headed for the stairs.
"Like you have any room to talk. You don't like her either." Kurt said frowning.
"Yeah but who's the one that stopped her from killing herself by driving drunk? Who's the one carrying her up the stairs and who's the one who is going to sit with her since none of you assholes want to?" Quinn snapped and disappeared from sight as she reached the top of the stairs. She quickly walked towards the spare room and pushed the door open. The room was just the way she had left it before she moved in with Mercedes. She walked over to the bed and gently set down the brunette before walking back into the hall to the bathroom. After soaking a washcloth in cold water she folded it and walked back into the bedroom.
"How do I get myself into these situations?" she asked herself as she sat on the bed and pressed the cold washcloth to Rachel's head. She gently cupped the side of Rachel's face and let her thumb caress soft circles on the girl's cheek.
"Rachel? Rach.. wake up." Quinn whispered softly. after a few seconds Rachel moaned and shifted before her eyes fluttered open. Quinn immediately retracted her hand as she stared at the brown eyes.
"Quinn?"
"Yeah. You kinda passed out." Quinn said shrugging. Rachel frowned and moved to sit up, holding the cloth on her head.
"Where's Finn?" Rachel demanded. Quinn smirked and shook her head.
"Why do you plan on committing homicide tonight?" she teased.
"Yes. If I can think of a way not to get caught." she said in all seriousness which made Quinn laugh and shake her head. "I can't believe he lied to me like that, while he was upset with me for lying." Rachel whispered, laying back down on the bed. Quinn nodded then stood up, not really wanting to get in the middle of anything.
"I just came up to make sure you were okay." Quinn said shrugging.
"Thank you. Wait... how did I get up here? I was outside right?" Rachel mumbled. Quinn's mouth twitched at the slur still apparent in the brunette's voice.
"Yeah then you fainted. I carried you up here."
"Oh... "
"Yeah. So you're cool right? If so I'm going to head back downstairs." Quinn said walking over to the door and opening it. Rachel nodded with a sigh.
"Yes I think... I think I'll be..." Rachel trailed off as her face paled and she got a strange look on her face. Quinn recognized it immediately.
"Oh god. Right across the hall!" she yelled running over to pull Rachel up by the arm. She pretty much shoved Rachel out the room and into the bathroom. Rachel dropped to her kneels in front of the toilet just as she spilled her guts. Quinn winced as she moved behind the brunette and gathered up her hair. Rachel wretched as Quinn pulled the hair tie from her hair and pulled Rachel's into a ponytail before rubbing the smaller girls back.
"I'm never touching alcohol again." Rachel mumbled into the bowl as Quinn laughed.
"You're such a lightweight."
"That's not making me feel any better." Rachel mumbled before she wretched again. Quinn made a face at the grossness of the situation as she continued rubbing the brunette's back softly.
"It'll pass. You'll probably have one hell of a hangover tomorrow though." Quinn said sighing. Rachel groaned as she flushed the toliet and Quinn helped her to her feet. Rachel walked over to the sink to rinse her mouth out as Quinn pulled open the cabinet.
"Here." she said handed a bottle of mouthwash to Rachel. The brunette took it gratefully as she unscrewed the top.
"You're not going to tell anyone about this are you? I mean I know you hate me and this is great material to spread around the school to torture me but... I don't want to chance anyone from Julliard or a future producer on Broadway finding out about this incident and it hurting my chances at-"
"Chill Rachel. I'm not going to tell anyone. You forgot I was in this same situation a year ago? Only mine had more severe consequences. At least you didn't have sex with your boyfriend's best friend... which would surprisingly be Puck... again" Quinn said as she watched Rachel gurgle the mouth wash. Rachel nodded and Quinn turned around to open the door as Rachel finished washing out her mouth before following the blonde back into the spare room.
"So what now?" Rachel asked a little more sober now as she collapsed back on the bed.
"Well I still have your keys but you're not driving so you have 2 choices. Either you call one of your dads to pick you up or you spend the night here. Its not like anyone else can take you home seeing as we were all drinking."
"How do you think everyone else is getting home?" Rachel mumbled, her eyes closed.
"Well Mike will probably walk Tina home since she doesn't live that far. Artie, Kurt and Mercedes all got rides here. Santana will probably spend the night with Puck and me and B will probably crash in here or in the living room. I don't know about Finn." Quinn said shrugging. Rachel groaned.
"There is no way I'm going to call my dads. They'll kill me if they see how intoxicated I am. Do you think Puck will mind if I stay the night?"
"Probably not. He'll be too busy with Santana to really care anyway." Quinn said shrugging. Rachel nodded and grabbed her cellphone, flipping it open. Quinn supressed a giggle as she watched Rachel squint at the phone as she texted her dad. Finally she dropped the phone and closed her eyes again.
"Hopefully he's still awake." Rachel mumbled. Quinn looked around before sighing.
"Well since you're okay I guess I'll head back downstairs." Quinn said turning to walk out the door.
"Quinn?" Rachel called. Quinn stopped and turned to face her. "Do you mind staying up here with me for a while. I'm a little embarrassed and I don't think I can-"
"Its fine Rachel. I think I've reached my drinking limit anyway. I refuse to be completely drunk around Puck ever again." Quinn said walking over to the bed. Rachel scooted over and Quinn laid down next to her with a yawn. A piercing sound of RENT's 'Take Me Or Leave Me' floated through the air. Rachel groaned as Quinn laughed and picked up the pink glowing phone, flipping it open.
"Its from your Dad." Quinn informed her as she turned off the ringer.
"What does it say?" Rachel asked, her hands still holding her head. Quinn opened the message before flipping it closed, making sure to turn the ringer down first.
"He said he'll see you in the morning. Rachel nodded as she finally let her head go. Quinn yawned again as she finally closed her eyes.
"Quinn?"
"Hmm?" Quinn asked turning to look at Rachel.
"I know this doesn't change anything between us. And I know we're still not friends or anything but Thank You. For making sure I was okay tonight. I greatly appreciate it because I'm sure no one would have done it." Rachel said softly. Quinn bit her lip, deciding not to mention the incident earlier with the rest of the Glee kids.
"No problem Rachel." Quinn said with a smile before closing her eyes again. Okay so maybe Rachel wasn't so bad when she wasn't insulting people's singing ability or bossing people around but Quinn still didn't consider them friends or anything. She was just doing what any good person would do. Right?