A/N … I have no excuse for this. The sequel is up.
Loki grinned at Tony, the look one that suggested pure torture was about to commence. Tony glared back.
Loki opened his mouth and spoke "This was a triumph" he declared in a sing-song.
Tony considered the words. Where had he heard them before?
"I'm making a note here, huge success" the words were undoubtable familiar.
"It's hard to overstate my satisfaction" Loki gave another insane grin as it clicked.
No, that wasn't fair, he was a Norse god, and he didn't get to sing portal songs.
"Annoying mortals, I'll do what I want, because I can" Loki was singing to the actual tune now but Tony was just annoyed.
"That's not how it goes" Tony yelled at him, struggling slightly against his bindings. Loki wasn't allowed to butcher portal songs, especially not with Tony in the room.
"For the good of everyone" Loki paused, considering, as though he didn't know the next line.
"Except the ones who are dead" When Tony got free, he was going to kill Loki, in every way imaginable, and some that weren't.
You didn't butcher Still Alive with Tony in the room, you just didn't.
"But there's no sense crying over all your mistakes" Loki wandered over to the corner of the room and flicked a switch on a machine that seemed to exist only for that button. A set of speakers descended from the ceiling.
Tony glared, the pure stupidity of the situation momentarily shutting him up.
"Cause you'll just keep on trying till it no longer takes" the speakers promptly started blasting the instrumental.
"That doesn't even make any sense" Tony had to shout to be heard over the speakers.
"And the science gets done and you make a neat gun" Loki continued, jumping between actual lyrics and his own version, apparently at random.
"For the people who are still alive" Once again Loki sung the line with an insane smile.
"I'm not even angry" he went on, tapping his foot slightly to the beat.
"I'm being so sincere right now" to Tony's complete and utter horror, Loki began to dance.
"Even though he broke my bones and smashed me"
"Yeah, well that one you brought upon yourself, and it was hilarious" Tony responded, trying to ignore the fact that Loki, god of mischief and lying, was dancing around the room and singing still alive
"And tore things to pieces, and ripped everything else apart, as well"
"If you're going to be all passive aggressive at least be specific"
"As they burned it hurt because you had completely raised hell"
"Umm, no, fairly certain that was you"
"Now these points of data make a beautiful line" Tony sighed, Loki was showing no signs of letting up and his team had yet to make an appearance. It probably wouldn't bother him as much if Loki would stick to the original, but no, he had to add in his own bits and change half the lines.
"And we're out of beta we're releasing on time. So I'm glad they got burned, think of all the things we've learned. For the people who are still alive" Loki paused his dancing momentarily to see Tony still glaring at him.
"Go ahead and leave me" Tony frowned, was Loki taunting him with song. Well he supposed the name silver tongue was well deserved, but did he have to make his point using Portal, of all things.
"I think I'd prefer to stay inside" Loki grinned again. He was taunting him.
"I think I'd prefer if you shut up"
"Maybe you'll find someone, now to help you" Loki flicked the switch on another machine (when had he had time to make them all?) and a section of the floor opened, a pedestal rose from its center.
"Maybe your teammates, that was a joke. Ha ha, fat chance" on the top of the pedestal sat a meticulously decorated black forest cake, Tony knew what was coming next.
Wait, what was that about teammates?
"Anyway this cake is great; it's so delicious and moist" Tony decided in that moment, that he had never hated someone so much as he did Loki, right then.
"Look at me still talking when there's people to enslave" Loki had begun wandering over to third machine. Each step he took slow and deliberate, he was enjoying this.
"Cause when I look out there it makes me glad I'm not you"
"Well I'm glad I'm not you as well, at least we can agree on something"
"I've experiments to run"
"I highly doubt that"
"There is research to be done" Loki flipped the switch on the third machine, entirely ignoring Tony.
"You're not smart, you're not a scientist, you're not even a full time employee. See I can quote Portal too" Tony felt something lurch and the sound of grinding gears filled the air.
"On the people who are still alive" with that statement, the metal panel Tony was strapped too began moving. Looking up revealed several large gears that would undoubtedly crush him.
"Shit"
"And believe me I am still alive" the metal panel was moving along at a very easy, relaxed pace.
Tony was frantically searching for a way to escape.
"I'm doing science and I'm still alive" Loki was still giving his insane grin, singing leisurely to himself, his eyes closed.
"I feel fantastic and I'm still alive" The metal panel was a couple of feet away from the gears now and Tony was quickly running out of options.
"While you are dying I'll be still alive" Tony noticed something flying towards him in the corner of his vision.
"When you're dead I will be still alive" It hit the gears with a very loud clang. The machine ground to a halt. Tony looked up surprised and Loki opened his eyes.
Imbedded in the gears was a metal shield.
Steve's shield.
Tony grinned; it had certainly taken them long enough.
Almost as soon as the thought had entered his head, Hulk burst through the wall and smashed straight into Loki. He went flying in an imitation of what would happen if a sack of potatoes were hit by a train, a very large, green, angry train.
The instrumental continued in the background whilst Natasha freed Tony.
The group had surround Loki, who was once more trying to catch his breath after a Hulk attack.
Wheezing and hacking Loki gave Tony a look of pure challenge "Still alive"
Tony kicked him in the head.
A/N yeah… I wrote that. I don't even know what caused it, but hey, it was fun.
In any case I'm thinking of doing a sequel, which will be fun.
Though if this upset you, or you just hated it, or whatever, please feel free to let me know.
That will probably not stop me from writing a sequel.