Author Notes: My first oneshot! And completely pointless!
The Gryffindor common room was silent, broken only by the mouse-like squeak from James Potter as he cringingly noted his crush covered in thick strawberry goo. Sirius Black on the other hand had no problem seeing the humour in the situation as he smiled widely, unmindful of the reprochful digs he was getting from Remus Lupin. Peter Pettigrew just stood near them, awkwardly clutching a half-empty Firewhiskey Bottle that he had just recently managed to wrangle from Frank Longbottom who had been too drunk to protest.
"Lily, I'm sure we can get that out very soon." said Alice Prewett, trying to comfort her shaking friend, "Calm yourself right? Calm-"
Her words had the opposite effect as the red-haired witch shaking with fury erupted then and there, "Get it out? Get this slimy stuff out? Oh, that can be done alright. Do you know how it feels, it's disgusting! Potter, somehow, even though I have no proof, I know you are behind this! You will so pay! McGonagall is going to hear about this, all the Firewhiskey bottles and I know you sneaked in that tubby cat in her office as well, so you just wait!"
"NO!" the whole room shouted as Lily Evans moved to exit, "Lily, think straight, telling McGonagall about the bottles is going to get all of us punished, not just James!" reasoned Marlene McKinnon, pulling Lily away from the potrait hole.
" Hey! So you have actually decided that I did it?" shouted James from the corner of the room.
"Lily, lets get the err, slime out first, alright?" said Remus, giving Sirius one painful dig in his ribs to stop the dog animagus further irritating Lily with his unwavering smile.
"And you can forget about the cat," butt in Sirius, slyly drifting away from the werewolf, "You should know that dear Minnie had great fun with Tabby as a playmate."
"Don't worry Lily, that...stuff is going to vanish away in a few hours, maximum." said James giving her an apologetic look.
"Are you daft Potter? You honestly think I'm going to stand around here covered in this slime for hours?" demanded Lily, unsticking her strawberry-streaked red locks while Alice and Marlene beside her gave James death glares, their eyes accusingly staring at him.
It was time to salvage the situation, at least make his position clear, James rounded on Sirius, "That wasn't very nice, mate, not on Lily."
His best mate for five years gave him a betrayed look, but recovered quickly enough, "But I didn't do it, mate" he answered cooly.
"No? Well then who did it? It wasn't me or Sirius, Remus can't have possible done that, infact none of us would target Lily, so that rules us out."
"Peter?"
Peter Pettigrew who had been about to discreetly take a sip from the bottle, stopped in his tracks, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.
"Frank, I know your just saying that because he took your Firewhiskey."
...x...x
"Potter wasn't it?"
"How did you find out Sev?"
"Its always him along with his mutts and that rat!" snarled Severus Snape viciously
Lily looked at him startled, "Sev! Thats horrible, why would you bring Remus into it? And Peter, really he looks nothing like a rat!"
"He certainly behaves that way, following them around like a rat scurrying about, seeking safety, and look closely, Pettigrew even resembles a rat, Lily."
"I think you're just really upset about the incident, you're blaming all of them instead of Potter and Black!"
"Oh, I blame Black alright! I hate him, I could find ways to use every single body part of his for potion ingredients!"
"Sev! Honestly!
"As for the incident that happened on the FULL MOON, well LUPIN is to blame as well, he was in on the prank, but Dumbledore always favours those louts!"
"I- Sev, listen I found Lupin injured in the Hospital Wing, he couldn't have been in on it."
Snape gave a long-suffering look in Lily's direction, "Lupin was a very integral part of their prank, wait it can't even be called a prank, I was close to getting killed."
Lily sighed, "And you still won't tell me what they actually did, Sev, still?"
...x...x
"Hello Lily, alright now?"
Lily glanced up at Remus, who was looking unusually nervous. Potter, Black and Pettigrew were nowhere in sight.
"Yeah, 24 hours up and all, I wonder what spell you guys used."
"It wasn't-" began Lupin
Lily cut in, "Remus, come on don't lie to me, I didn't report you all, even though I could have, so spill."
"Well, it wasn't really us-" said Remus slowly, looking outside the window behind her, "The Prewett Twins, you know Gideon and Fabian, they gave it to us to try. See, James and Sirius met them while sneaking err-"
"I'm not telling, Remus, lips sealed in this matter. I just want to know the details of the cursed spell that had me spend 2 hours in the Library and 7 hours in the washroom trying to get rid of the slime."
"They got caught sneaking into Knockturn Alley by the twins, its not exactly a big deal as Mrs. Potter is a regular visitor to it and the Blacks practically thrive in that place, but the twins thought it wasn't a place for them; lead to a huge lecture which later turned into finding out who were the better pranksters-"
"The spell, Remus?"
"Right, the spell, it was actually this product the Twins gave them, I suppose so they could see how brilliant the Twins were, err-thats why James didn't just immediately reverse it's effects since he didn't know how. Really Lily, James would have instantly-"
"Yeah, Remus, this product, what was it like?"
"Lily, its...I'm sorry, but the next class, Potions is soon coming up as you realize and I have something to ask you, I'd rather ask you now then in front of the entire class, See-"
"Remus wait-" said Lily, an alarmed look crossing her face, hoping he wasn't about to propose her. She had sincerely never seen that coming, but it certainly looked like it.
"No, please, I answered all the questions, just let me say it." Remus finished, looking at her imploringly.
Lily sighed, "I hope my response doesn't change anything between us, Remus." she said hoping to give him a hint and stop him from asking.
Remus looked confused for a moment, but recovered quickly, "Well here I go-" he said unusually loud, though his face looked pained.
"Was that any way to propose?" Lily couldn't help thinking, though she felt sorry for Remus.
"Lily, please please please, hahh three times done, go out with James?"
"What?"
"Because he is such a charming, earnest, and not to forget good-looking bloke...I mean prat, err, wizard, a young wizard."
"That sounds rehearsed." replied Lily smiling
Remus exhaled in relief, "It's a marauder thing, I mean a gang...a group thing.'
"Dares and what not right?" said Lily, slowly turning around and sighting Potter and a bored-looking Black who were both unsuccessfully trying to hide behind a pillar.
"Well you can tell this charming bloke, bloke wasn't it-"
"Not bloke-"
"Bloke, not interested, and he can stop hiding behind the pillar, its not wide enough to cover his inflated ego much less Black's."
Lily smiled as Remus walked back to the two to inform them of her reply, Remus wasn't bad, he was the sweetest person she had met in Hogwarts and maybe her life, so what if he happened to turn into a vicious animal once a month. He was still Remus.
Lily wondered if she should put Severus out of his misery by just telling him she knew. She would be doing herself a favor as well, Severus had been insinuating about Remus Lupin's condition in his every sentence, hoping Lily would realize. Poor Severus!
Lily looked behind again, eyeing a distraught-looking Potter and a thoroughly-bored out of his mind Black who was slouching on the pillar. Potter was heatedly discussing something with Remus, well it wasn't much of a discussion as Potter was doing most of the talking. Poor Remus!
Author Notes: I am not going anywhere with this, like the title says, it is completely pointless.