Disclaimer: Joss owns, I covet.
Spoilers: None unless you haven't seen season six, in which case where have you been?
Note: I found this lurking in a corner of my computer and decided to just put it out there.
She stared down at the plate of food in front of her. Listlessly she pushed the congealing eggs to the side and scraped her fork on the plate. It didn't matter: she couldn't taste anything anymore. It was all ashes. Her head remained down.
What did I have for breakfast this morning? Do you remember?
Hmm?
I wanna say bagel, but I think that was yesterday. You had two eggs sunny-side-up. I remember 'cause they were wiggling at me like little boobs.
Sassy eggs.
How long ago was that? I can't remember, I said I would remember everything and I can't even remember if you wrinkled your nose when you laughed. Willow swallowed back a large sob, no more crying! She had cried forever. The tears kept coming.
Give it time they all say. Time and more time. She had so much time, but time was nothing when everything was grey, tasteless, dull. Giles kept watching her, waiting for my next moment of insanity no doubt, he lurked in the shadows, and now she could feel him just behind her.
"Giles. I'm fine," she said, her voice sounding harsh, unused, to her ear. "Good little Willow is staying nice and still. See? Breakfast."
"Gonna eat it?"
Willow spun around at the familiar voice. "Spike?" she said incredulously. He looks like hell. She stood up slowly, her eyes raking over the vamp. He looked tired, weary and...
"Have you been crying?" she asked softly.
He looked down at the floor, his mouth pulling wryly to the side. Slowly he looked at her. Oh his eyes! So old, so old. Willow could only stare at him.
"Yes"
Nothing more? Willow nodded her head sharply. "Seems to be a lot of that going around at the moment. Something in the air," she said brusquely. "Why are you here Spike? Last I heard you had gone off to wherever."
"Haven't been to the mother country in a while, thought I'd drop by. And well, Bath's a nice place. They have those... baths," he said, looking at a loss for words. He started scuffing his shoe along the floor, his head down.
"So you just decided to say hi? How did you get in here? Where's Giles and how did you know I was here?" Willow could feel her face pull tight, as sudden anger filled her. No! No anger. She exhaled sharply.
He looked up, cocking his head to one side, "Giles let me in, and he told me you were here. Don't worry Red, you weren't on the list of people to see."
That hurt. She could feel her bottom lip start to tremble. The tears, never far away, started to shimmer in her eyes.
"Willow, no!"
Suddenly he was there, arms wrapping around her. The smell of leather, smoke and a thousand nights enveloped her. She struggled to breathe normally, her breath coming sharp and painful. Jagged.
"I'm so sorry..." he paused, uncertainty in his voice, "I'm so sorry about Tara."
Tara.
The tears came again, hot, fast and furious. She could taste the salt on her tongue, like everything it burnt and it hurt. Her hands clenched on Spike's jacket, her face buried in his chest. Spike just stood, his arms gently wrapped around her as once again everything came crashing down.
***
"Feeling better?"
"A bit," she swirled the water around in the glass he had just handed her. "It's weird you know. I'm like Bottomless Pit Willow. More and more tears. They don't stop you know. I might not cry but they're there. Always just there." She bit down on her lip and raised her head, looking at him. He was sitting slumped on the other side of the table from her.
"Yeah well, drink up. Water's good for you."
"Spike?"
"Yeah?"
"What happened? Really."
His gaze snapped to hers, the blue eyes boring relentlessly in to hers. Old, old, they cried. So tired, so so tired, his face wept.
"Will... Red..." he struggled to speak. She remained staring at him. He suddenly gave a short bark of laughter. "You know, we really must have pissed someone off you and I!" he shook his head, before pushing his hands through his hair and leaning back in his chair. She remained motionless.
He turned his head, staring at the sink, "I got a soul." He shook his head, slightly bemused, "A genuine, gonna make you hurt, wish you'd never been made, soul. And it hurts."
He turned back to look at her, as Willow slowly leaned back in her chair. Her eyes did not waver from his face.
"A soul Spike? A little melodramatic wouldn't you say? Trying to be Angel?"
He growled. She'd regretted the words as she had said them, but nice didn't seem to be something she was good at anymore.
"I didn't ask for a soul! Bloody hell! I was only trying to be what I was! And look where it bloody well got me!"
"So how did you get it? Something has to have done it to you." For the first time in months, Willow could feel a glimmer of interest in something.
"A demon. I did a couple of trials, passed, asked for my reward and bang!" he slammed his hands together. "Souled."
"Why?"
"To give Buffy what she deserves"
"And you think she wants another vampire with a soul?" Willow said incredulously, "what were you thinking?"
"I wasn't asking for a soul Willow," he said staring intently at her, his eyes trying to say everything he seemed unable to convey. "I wanted to hurt her. Really hurt her, stop the pain she kept making me feel."
"Did it work?"
"No," he muttered, "now all I feel is pain."
***
Willow stared out in to the night. Tara. She wouldn't be happy with how things were going, had gone. I'm sorry baby, I let you down. I screwed up bad.
She could hear Spike moving around in the background, probably trying to find another light. Spike and cigarettes, she shook her head slightly. He'd used all the matches. Spike. Spike with a soul. Well didn't life just get weirder by the day. At least she wasn't alone now. Now there was someone else who really knew what she felt. Lost. Everything was lost. Lost.
"Red? Feel like going out?"
She turned away from the window, and looked at the vamp. I probably look as bad as him. At least we both look it.
"Sure."
Spoilers: None unless you haven't seen season six, in which case where have you been?
Note: I found this lurking in a corner of my computer and decided to just put it out there.
She stared down at the plate of food in front of her. Listlessly she pushed the congealing eggs to the side and scraped her fork on the plate. It didn't matter: she couldn't taste anything anymore. It was all ashes. Her head remained down.
What did I have for breakfast this morning? Do you remember?
Hmm?
I wanna say bagel, but I think that was yesterday. You had two eggs sunny-side-up. I remember 'cause they were wiggling at me like little boobs.
Sassy eggs.
How long ago was that? I can't remember, I said I would remember everything and I can't even remember if you wrinkled your nose when you laughed. Willow swallowed back a large sob, no more crying! She had cried forever. The tears kept coming.
Give it time they all say. Time and more time. She had so much time, but time was nothing when everything was grey, tasteless, dull. Giles kept watching her, waiting for my next moment of insanity no doubt, he lurked in the shadows, and now she could feel him just behind her.
"Giles. I'm fine," she said, her voice sounding harsh, unused, to her ear. "Good little Willow is staying nice and still. See? Breakfast."
"Gonna eat it?"
Willow spun around at the familiar voice. "Spike?" she said incredulously. He looks like hell. She stood up slowly, her eyes raking over the vamp. He looked tired, weary and...
"Have you been crying?" she asked softly.
He looked down at the floor, his mouth pulling wryly to the side. Slowly he looked at her. Oh his eyes! So old, so old. Willow could only stare at him.
"Yes"
Nothing more? Willow nodded her head sharply. "Seems to be a lot of that going around at the moment. Something in the air," she said brusquely. "Why are you here Spike? Last I heard you had gone off to wherever."
"Haven't been to the mother country in a while, thought I'd drop by. And well, Bath's a nice place. They have those... baths," he said, looking at a loss for words. He started scuffing his shoe along the floor, his head down.
"So you just decided to say hi? How did you get in here? Where's Giles and how did you know I was here?" Willow could feel her face pull tight, as sudden anger filled her. No! No anger. She exhaled sharply.
He looked up, cocking his head to one side, "Giles let me in, and he told me you were here. Don't worry Red, you weren't on the list of people to see."
That hurt. She could feel her bottom lip start to tremble. The tears, never far away, started to shimmer in her eyes.
"Willow, no!"
Suddenly he was there, arms wrapping around her. The smell of leather, smoke and a thousand nights enveloped her. She struggled to breathe normally, her breath coming sharp and painful. Jagged.
"I'm so sorry..." he paused, uncertainty in his voice, "I'm so sorry about Tara."
Tara.
The tears came again, hot, fast and furious. She could taste the salt on her tongue, like everything it burnt and it hurt. Her hands clenched on Spike's jacket, her face buried in his chest. Spike just stood, his arms gently wrapped around her as once again everything came crashing down.
***
"Feeling better?"
"A bit," she swirled the water around in the glass he had just handed her. "It's weird you know. I'm like Bottomless Pit Willow. More and more tears. They don't stop you know. I might not cry but they're there. Always just there." She bit down on her lip and raised her head, looking at him. He was sitting slumped on the other side of the table from her.
"Yeah well, drink up. Water's good for you."
"Spike?"
"Yeah?"
"What happened? Really."
His gaze snapped to hers, the blue eyes boring relentlessly in to hers. Old, old, they cried. So tired, so so tired, his face wept.
"Will... Red..." he struggled to speak. She remained staring at him. He suddenly gave a short bark of laughter. "You know, we really must have pissed someone off you and I!" he shook his head, before pushing his hands through his hair and leaning back in his chair. She remained motionless.
He turned his head, staring at the sink, "I got a soul." He shook his head, slightly bemused, "A genuine, gonna make you hurt, wish you'd never been made, soul. And it hurts."
He turned back to look at her, as Willow slowly leaned back in her chair. Her eyes did not waver from his face.
"A soul Spike? A little melodramatic wouldn't you say? Trying to be Angel?"
He growled. She'd regretted the words as she had said them, but nice didn't seem to be something she was good at anymore.
"I didn't ask for a soul! Bloody hell! I was only trying to be what I was! And look where it bloody well got me!"
"So how did you get it? Something has to have done it to you." For the first time in months, Willow could feel a glimmer of interest in something.
"A demon. I did a couple of trials, passed, asked for my reward and bang!" he slammed his hands together. "Souled."
"Why?"
"To give Buffy what she deserves"
"And you think she wants another vampire with a soul?" Willow said incredulously, "what were you thinking?"
"I wasn't asking for a soul Willow," he said staring intently at her, his eyes trying to say everything he seemed unable to convey. "I wanted to hurt her. Really hurt her, stop the pain she kept making me feel."
"Did it work?"
"No," he muttered, "now all I feel is pain."
***
Willow stared out in to the night. Tara. She wouldn't be happy with how things were going, had gone. I'm sorry baby, I let you down. I screwed up bad.
She could hear Spike moving around in the background, probably trying to find another light. Spike and cigarettes, she shook her head slightly. He'd used all the matches. Spike. Spike with a soul. Well didn't life just get weirder by the day. At least she wasn't alone now. Now there was someone else who really knew what she felt. Lost. Everything was lost. Lost.
"Red? Feel like going out?"
She turned away from the window, and looked at the vamp. I probably look as bad as him. At least we both look it.
"Sure."