The Woman of His Dreams

by wolfpawn

Loki keeps dreaming of a woman but has never met her before. How can that be possible?

'Loki?'

'Hmm?'

'You need to wake up.'

'I need to do nothing, I am Loki of Asgard and I do as I like.' He stated stubbornly.

'You need to get up and be the great and glorious prince that you are and stop your idiot brother from doing something stupid today.'

'As true as that is, I am not in the mood for such today. I want to stay here, as I am in the mood for other things.' He grinned as he rolled over and onto her. 'I am only in the mood for ravishing you.'

'You insatiable creature you.' She grinned as she leant up and kissed him. 'My prince.'

'Yours?'

'Yes, Mine.' She smiled playfully, turning around and rubbing her ass against him, causing him to moan.

'I will show you who belongs to who.' He sneered back as he tore at the hem of her nightdress to ravish her.

Loki woke with a start and looked around confused. The room was empty of all other life other than himself. He sighed and lay back on his pillow.

These dreams were getting tiresome. He was sick of dreaming of this woman, this beautiful and loving woman who never ceased to find ways to show him how greatly she adored him every time he fell asleep only to wake in the mornings to nothing but his own company. He felt his anger rise once more. The woman did not exist, and he cursed himself for the fact.

He dreamt of her at first with sparse occurrence, once every so often, but with time, the more he focused on the dreams where she appeared, the more he dreamt of her. She was all he thought of lately. Day and night. He searched for her as he passed crowds of people when he performed royal duties, he watched for her in the palace, he looked everywhere for her, but to no avail.

Thor had realised not long into his search that something ailed his brother, and as only a sibling could, he badgered and prodded at Loki until he revealed what was bothering him so greatly. Now he knew most of Loki's dreams, there were some that Loki kept to himself, the most intimate, but the others, Thor knew of.

There were many explicit and fun dreams, those left Loki feeling very frustrated, his body reacting as that of any healthy being's would, yet there was no release for what he was experiencing in his mind, those ones Thor guessed with ease, they did not take much guessing to figure out, Loki's demeanour gave away the nights of those dreams when he was, as Thor stated "Worse than a Bilgesnipe that lost a mating fight".

Then there were the dreams of different events and other such things that were the staple of his life as a royal. She stood by his side at these events, loving and supportive, with a grace and air that his mother had always had, as though she could control a room if required, yet she stood saying and doing little, lest she be required to do so. She was, on those occasions, at her most intriguing, as her mind seemed to scan those that surrounded her. She seemed to analyse every handshake, every gesture, and silently decide her course of action with those who were involved in such things. She reported her thoughts to Loki and genuinely listened to what he would say. If she suspected someone to be untoward and Loki stated he knew them to be loyal, she would listen and not let her opinion alter Loki's, but she remained vigilant also, in case there was reason to be concerned, but Loki was as good a judge of character as her. That did not mean that Loki dismissed her opinions, if his beloved said there was something amiss, he would not ignore it, she would only say something if she felt there was reason to, so he remained cautious, on two occasions, those he thought to be trustworthy, she planted the seeds of doubt in his mind, only for him to realise she was entirely right. They were an incredible pairing.

Then there were the dreams he found most intimate. The ones in private, where she made him feel the best. Talking to him regarding matters he adored. Speaking at length of dreams and aspirations. Never rubbishing them or dismissing them, instead doing everything in her power to assist in facilitating and realising them. They were more intimate than any form of passion and lust filled moments, they were the ones that he cherished most. They were the ones that made him feel worthy and were not ones he shared with his brother.

She was adored by his family, that was something that startled and delighted him. Thor thought her funny and a pleasure to speak with and she had more patience for his idiot brother than he did. She had time for Thor but as a brotherly being, he knew there was no concern for her seeing him as anything else. Frigga adored her, seeing her as a daughter she had never had and taking her under her wing and teaching her royal etiquette so that she could be by Loki's side without issue. They also spent time together, enjoying one another's company. Then there was Odin who seemed to see this woman as the shining light of redemption for his wayward son. He always saw Loki as something of a loose cannon, yet she focused Loki and turned him into one of the finest and greatest soldiers and assets in Asgard's arsenal by giving him the adoration and justification he needed to feel adequate.

But she did not exist. His life was nothing like that of the one he dreamed of, this woman was not part of his life, the happiness and joy he felt in sleep was not there in his waking hours and it killed him a little. Every day, when the realisation came to him once more that it was all just a dream, he felt himself sink more and more into despair. He just wanted the love she gave. This nameless woman loved him for him, his imperfections and his feelings of inadequacy were obliterated with her. The way she looked at him, the adoring look in her eyes, the way she smiled, the way she yearned to be around him, actively seeking his touch and the way she pleaded silently for him to be with her in the most intimate way and the love mixed with lust during their intimacy, it made him wish for her more and more by the day.

'Loki?' He turned slightly to see his mother looking at him. 'Are you alright, Darling?'

'Fine.' He replied in a dead tone.

'Mother.' Frigga looked to Thor who shook his head slightly. Thor walked over to Loki, 'I think you and I should step out for a moment.' He placed his hand on Loki's shoulder and guided him out of the room. 'Loki, this is eating you from the inside out brother, you need to let go.'

'I cannot.'

'You must, Loki. if you do not, I fear you could lose yourself to this.'

'How can you ever think me able to forget this? The life…'

'Is not the life you are living now, Loki. Live this life, the one you actually have, not a dream.'

'It is not the now, it is the future, I have to find her.'

'There is no future without a now, Loki. If you do not maintain present in the now, there will be no future. Do you not see, if you do not stick to reality, you will fade and then the future you so desperately seek will fade also, you need to remain here, in the present.'

'It is you that does not see. You cannot comprehend how much joy and happiness she brings me.' Loki snapped.

'She does not exist.' Thor pointed out. 'Look around, where is she?'

'She does, she has to.'

'No, Loki. There is as much chance she is a figment of your imagination, a manifestation of your dreams and thoughts as there is of her being real.' Thor stated firmly. 'Brother, see sense. How many women have we seen in our lives? How many realms have we visited and have visited here? The reality is, Loki, the chances of her being real, much less here, on Asgard, is improbable. I am sorry, brother.'

'No, you are wrong.' Loki shook his head violently, side to side, before rushing off.

'Loki.' Thor called out, but it was futile, Loki would not listen.

'Thor?' He turned to see his mother standing nearby. 'What is afoot, son?'

'How much did you hear?'

'Most, if not all.' Frigga confessed. 'Who is this girl Loki grasps to so tightly?'

'Not even he knows.' Thor admitted. 'She is a figment of a dream, not a real being.'

'So he does not know her?'

'No, nor can I find any sign of such a woman.' Thor sighed. 'I fear she does not exist and he is wallowing in this darkness for someone who will never come.'

'When did this start?'

'Do you recall the meeting with the dwarves?' Frigga nodded. 'Two weeks prior is when he told me, or I forced him to tell me would be more accurate. It was happening before that.'

'That long?'

'Yes, he is beginning to obsess and I worry for him. He is so fixated on her, he is not living, and by doing so, is risking ever being happy.'

'I see.' Frigga frowned. 'What has he told you of her?'

'In what way?'

'Her appearance.'

'Tall, brown eyes, average build, curly dark hair.' Thor listed, trying to recall what else Loki had told him of the woman. 'Very standard for Aesir.'

'Or possibly Vanir.' Frigga agreed.

'I thought Vanir were inclined to have lighter coloured hair?' Thor indicated to his and his mother's hair, a trait she had brought from her native Vanaheim and had given him as her son.

'We are, but that is not to say some do not have darker features. It is not an easy situation. I will see what I can find out.' Frigga stated before leaving her older son and walking off. Thor simply nodded and went about his business once more.

'Loki?' He turned to see her looking at him, as loving as ever, but a slight hint of fear on her face. 'I need to speak with you.'

'Is something wrong, did…' His voice was tight as different scenarios played in his mind. 'Did something happen while I was away?' He had been gone for a time, as a result of a mission for his father, in that time, Thor had promised to look after her, he would slaughter his brother if something had happened her in his absence.

'In your absence, I made a discovery.'

'What sort of discovery?' She bit her lips together. 'Speak to me, please.' When tears came to her eyes, he became all the more worried. 'Tell me.'

'I am frightened.'

'Of what?'

'That you will reject me, not want me anymore.' She confessed.

Loki felt an uncomfortable jolt in his stomach at her words, terrified as to what occurred in his absence. 'Tell me, please. Whatever it is, we can work on it, if you tell me what it is.' He pleaded as he sat beside her, putting her hand in his. He only thought of her and her alone in his time away, he wanted nothing more than to return to her side but at that moment, he was fearful that the yearning to be together once more was not mutual.

'Please, do not hate me.'

'I never could.' He answered, his voice getting tight as he became more terrified as to what happened when he was gone. With a terrified look on her face, she took his hand that he had placed her hand in and gently brought to towards her stomach before looking at him again. For a moment, he had no idea what she had done that until he felt some odd sensations. Focusing on it, he realised there was another's seidr reacting with his own. 'I do not…' He shook his head, not understanding what was being implied then his eyes widened as he realised what she was saying. 'You are…?'

'Yes. I only realised a week ago.' There was silence in response. 'Please, say something.'

Loki's mind was still processing the situation. She had not been unfaithful as his mind had thought, she was pregnant, with his child. Inside her was a little creature they had created together, with lust and love. The numerous times they had shown their love for one another physically, had, in turn, had created a life. 'I...I cannot…'

'Do you hate me?'

Loki, who was busy staring at her stomach, using his seidr to sense the baby within, looked up at her face, startled to see her in terror. 'No.' He cupped her face in his hands, his voice calm and soothing. 'No, I could never hate you, not for something like this. You had me worried that there was something wrong, something that would hurt us.'

'But this….'

Loki looked at her to see her reaction. 'Do you not want it?'

'I...We never spoke about it.'

'We did mention children.'

'Not properly, we never sat and discussed it in detail, when we would start a family, how many, we just said we thought it a good idea and said no more.'

'Do you want this baby?' Loki repeated.

'I am so scared. I am younger than I thought I would be when this happened, we are not even married a century, I...what if I repeat my mother's….'

Loki swallowed and pulled her to him. 'I see you with children, I see how you care for others, you are not her, you are you and you will be an incredible mother. To say you are worrying about this means you know what she did was wrong, and that you know what to avoid, you can do this, Darling.' He placed his hand on her stomach. 'This is our child, we created this little being, one that's seidr is already communicating with my own, as though pleading with me to protect it.'

'Really?'

'I can sense it already. It will be so strong, and with you for a mother, the most handsome or beautiful child in the realms.' He smiled.

'So you are not angry?'

'Why would I be angry?'

'We never said what we do regarding this and I thought…'

'No, no I am not angry, I am excited, scared, but excited. A baby, we created a child, our love created another living being.'

'You being unable to keep yourself in your pants created it, you mean.' She smiled playfully wiping away tears.

Loki chuckled. 'Who could blame me, with you as my wife?' he kissed her. When he pulled away again, he pressed his forehead to hers. 'I just hope I am good enough.'

She shook her head slightly. 'Cease those foolish thoughts, you are a good being, I would not love you as I do otherwise. I would want no other to have fathered my child.'

Loki sighed contently at her words, he was about to speak again when he felt himself getting the sensation of falling. When he righted himself, he was not beside his beautiful love, but instead looking at the hairy and in no way attractive face of his older brother. 'What…?'

'You were asleep on this window seat and about to fall off.' Thor explained. Loki's face fell. 'Another dream?'

'Just leave me.'

'What was it this time?'

'Why would I tell you?'

'Because you feel better after you tell me.'

Loki was forced to admit it was true, he felt a sort of relief at telling Thor. 'She told me we were to have a child.'

'Norns, that is no dream but a nightmare.' Thor shuddered.

'Not when you want it.'

'Do you want to be a father, you are fourteen hundred years old?' Thor asked, shocked.

'Not now, but with her, in the future, it is all I wanted apparently.'

Thor sighed defeatedly. 'You are never going to meet her if you spend your life in here dreaming about her.'

'You cannot understand.'

'No, I cannot, and for that, I am sorry brother, but as someone outside looking in that cares for you, I can tell you, this is not healthy.'

Loki said nothing and stormed off, not wanting to acknowledge the truth in his brother's words, but also not wanting to acknowledge that once again, she was not there.

Loki walked through the market stalls boredly, not paying any heed to anything around him. The dreams had worsened, Thor's comments that the one regarding a pregnancy being like a nightmare more than anything came to be almost true, but not as Thor had meant it. The dreams only worsened from there. Her stomach grew, his interactions with the baby within with it via his seidr, a birth, a child, so much like them both, he woke every day and mourned the life that was he dream existence. He became utterly disinterested in the world and his studies, to an extent that even Odin realised something was very amiss and was incredibly concerned. Thor made it his duty to force Loki from the palace for periods of time, if only to get him to get some air. It was that that had the second prince out of the palace and that alone. Thor stood by him, ensuring he did nothing foolish in his lack of caring.

'Loki, come, we will get something to eat.'

'I am not hungry.'

'You have not eaten since breakfast.'

'I am fine.'

'I am not asking.' Thor put his hand on his brother's shoulder.

'Thor, I am not….' Loki looked to Thor to argue but paused as his glance went over his brother's shoulder. 'I…'

Thor turned to see a woman not too far away, looking at different items in a stall. 'Fionnuala?'

''Who?'

'Fionnuala, Heimdall's daughter?'

'Heim...she is Heimdall's daughter?'

'Yes, she is visiting from Vanaheim, she….well, her mother is not the kindest of beings. She took Heimdall's coming here as a slight against Vanaheim, stating if Vanaheim was not good enough, then he made his choice and would not let her daughter around Heimdall while not exactly kind to her. Apparently, according to Sif, her mother berates her for her skin tone, as though she can help such a thing. I mean, she knew what Heimdall looks like, I am still trying to fathom why she would lay with someone who she has such issues with and then be shocked her daughter shares attributes with him.' Thor rambled.

Loki had ceased listening and instead watched the woman walk through the stalls. Her attire was elegant, the words Thor had said regarding her mother stuck with him, in his dreams, he so often recalled her fear of being as bad a parent as her mother. She was far more beautiful than he could ever have given his dreams credit for, her name was as beautiful as she was. She looked around curiously as though sensing someone watching her, but dismissed it after a moment. He watched as she walked into an inn that boasted it had the finest food in the market. 'Come on.'

'What?' Thor looked at his brother in confusion, noting how animated he was now compared to only moments ago.

'You wanted food, let us go get some.'

'But you said…'

'Now Thor!' He pulled his older brother forward and dragged him to the inn.

Thor, who had not realised that Fionnuala had entered it only moments before, was dragged into the inn with as much grace as a newborn deer trying to get to its feet.

Loki looked around for her but could not see where she had gone. Every nook had groups in them and everyone seemed to be there more than the mere seconds she had been before they entered. He rushed through, his eyes only wanting to see the woman that had, for so long, occupied his dreams. He felt as though he was going mad and was turning to leave when someone exited the women's restroom and crashed into his chest. 'Sorry.'

'No, I should have…' When her rich brown eyes looked into his, they widened. 'You?'

'I...You know who I am?' Loki was startled by her words.

'Yes.' She whispered. 'How do you….? I am Fionnuala.'

'Loki.'

'Prince Loki?'

'Yes.'

'I never realised…how did I not know? Why did I not see?'

'See?'

'In my dreams, how did I not see the palace?'

Loki's eyes widened. 'Dreams? You had them too?'

She nodded, his confession to having had similar experiences shocked her. 'How?'

'Perhaps we need to sit and discuss this,' he offered. 'May I suggest something to eat?'

'Why did you come here?'

'I saw you outside and followed you, why are you here?'

'It is the only place here to serve steak pie, in my dreams, you love them, so I knew if I could find you anywhere, it would be here.'

Loki swallowed at her words. He knew the name of the inn as it was stated more than once that the pies he insisted on eating were brought into the palace from there. 'So we both….' He swallowed again. 'I have been going crazy waiting to meet you.'

'I thought I had gone mad.' She confessed. 'Have I?'

'If I have, I do not want to know.' Loki stated. He looked at her hair before gently placing some behind her ear, smiling. 'You are more beautiful than I ever imagined.'

'I disagree.'

'You are, you just do not see it.' He leant forward slightly, his nose against hers. 'Now I get to show you.'