((Trigger warning: self-harm, mentions of suicide.))
"MAKE IT STOP…"
Sobs drowned out all noise. He rocked back and forth slightly. His hands were curled tightly; his jaw was clenched. The room was dark and empty. The clock at the edge of the dresser read 07:27PM. It was happening more. He couldn't stop it. Outside the door, there was laughter. Voices traveled in.
"Where is Cas?"
"He went to bed. Headache."
"Oh. I hope he feels better soon."
"Liars… You are all lying... You DON'T care." His nails dug into his palm. The bed beneath him felt rock hard. His muscles shook, and his back screamed from the ball he had tucked himself into. "You have never cared. You will never care. You will never know..."
-time skip-
5:48AM. No one was awake yet. Slipping out of his room, Cas hurried to the bathroom. After closing the door, his hand found the light switch with ease. His face became illuminated in the mirror. The eyes that looked back at him seemed different. He turned away. Steam began to fill the room as he started the shower. He cleansed the night before from his skin. He didn't shake. His body felt strong, and it felt good. The hot water washed away the insecurities and the doubt that had flooded his mind the hours before. He was renewed for the moment.
-time skip-
"Hey, looking good, Cas!"
A smile played on his lips as he passed person after person in the hall.
"Mr. Novak. I would like to speak with you."
Cas turned to see Mr. W. walk up to him. He stopped. He knew that he couldn't out run him. No matter what, he always seemed to catch him. A sigh escaped his lips as he shifted his backpack to the other shoulder. "Yeah?"
The teacher nodded to his classroom door. This produced another sigh from Cas, but he went along. The door was shut behind them. The shades were half drawn. Mr. W. always seemed to like the room half dark. None of the students minded. They could fall asleep better in that class, and those who didn't sleep got to watch him slip through the aisles, cracking jokes but also teaching. Those who were awake actually seemed to be learning.
Cas took a seat on the edge of a desk, keeping his backpack on a shoulder. He eyed the teacher as he moved to rest against the desk in front of him. There were a few moments of silence as they stared at each other.
Cas broke the silence. "So, Dean. Going to tell me why you dragged me in here?"
Dean sighed. "Castiel, I have told you not to call me by my first name. It is either Mr. Winchester or Mr. W." He shook his head at him. His arms crossed in front of him.
An eye roll followed. "Oh come on. You have called me in here at least once a week for the past month. And each time you send me out without saying what you really want to ask. So get it over with. 'What's the news that's spreading around the school?' 'What does the team's schedule look like?' 'Where in God's name do you get your clothes?'" The last one caused a chuckle to come out.
"Castiel. I don't call you in here for a joke." Dean straightened. Cas tensed slightly, almost undetectable. "I am trying to help you."
Cas smirked. "Help me? With what? If you can't tell, I am pretty happy. You know, I am in the top five, on the football team, and all the girls want me." He drew his shoulders back and grinned. "I don't see how I could need your help."
"You aren't going to be serious with me, are you?" He looked to the half open window. The sun dripped in, shining the desk closest to it. Dean's eyes flicked back to Cas. "I know more than most, and you aren't fooling me. I have seen things, and I know exactly what I am seeing in front of me. And you need to stop hiding it."
Cas shifted slightly as if to pull his thoughts away from Dean's digging gaze. "I have no idea what you are talking about. Are we done here?" He met the eyes that wanted to peel away his defenses. He kept a straight face, not wanting him in.
Dean uncrossed his arms and rested them on either side of him on top of the desk. "If that's all you are going to tell me, then yes." He let his eyes follow the boy as he strode out of the room. The door closed a bit harsher than usual. His head dropped and he looked at his shoes. "One day, you'll ask for help. You will see that it isn't right to keep it in." His eyes went back to Cas's seat.
The halls were empty as Cas stood at his locker. Staring into it, he was lost to the world. The books didn't offer any comfort. A hand curled into a shaking fist. The other hand lifted to close the locker. He put his bag on his back and took off down the hall. His kept his eyes forward. His body slightly trembled in an effort to keep his mind happy. His thoughts kept getting worse, turning into a panicking mess. His mouth opened slightly, trying to increase the air in his lungs. His breath came in short pants. He burst through the school doors and took off to the field. He began to jog, hoping it would clear his mind. He increased his speed, sprinting down the sidewalk. His feet slapped against the pavement.
The world began to turn to a blur around him. His head felt like it was being compressed. He collapsed on the grass field, his bag tossed aside. Cas lay face up, eyes shutting out the sun that slowly began to set. He raised an arm and draped it over his eyes. His heart beat loud in his ears.
Cas lay there for what seemed like an hour, silent and unmoving. Finally, he sat up. He looked around him. The goal posts stood tall. The bleachers seemed to gleam in the setting sun. He took a deep breath. "This sucks," was all he could say. He pushed himself up off the ground. He swung his bag back on his shoulders and went home, putting the experience where he put the rest of them: in the back of his mind where no one would find them.
-character change-
Dean sighed, staring out the window of his classroom. His own fist was curled. "Yeah, I know. I'll be home soon." He ended the call, placing his phone on the desk. He put his head in his hands. It wasn't anything good. Nothing was good at the moment. Carrying for a younger brother, teaching five classes a day, trying to make sure his students were alright. It was taking a toll on him. He stood, shaking it off. He would do anything for them. That's just who he was. Putting others before himself. He grabbed his messenger bag and slung it over his shoulder. He grabbed his phone and keys and headed out.
-character change-
Cas opened the door, strolling inside. His ears picked up laughter in the kitchen. "I'm home," he called out, locking the door behind him. The voices hushed. He frowned slightly and made his way over. His mother, father, and sister stood in there, all gathered around the island. He smiled at them. "Hey, guys." They nodded to him. "What are you guys all doing in here?"
His sister Anna shrugged at him. "Just talking. How was school?"
Cas shifted his bag to the other shoulder. "Same old thing. Nothing out of the ordinary." He shrugged as well. "When's dinner?"
"Twenty minutes."
Cas nodded. "I'll be in my room." He turned on his heel and left the room, climbing the stairs. He yawned, rolling his shoulders. He shut his room door behind him and tossed his bag into the corner.
His room was not the best, yet certainly not the worst. A couple pieces of clothing lay on the floor, four dark green walls were covered with a handful of posters, and a full sized bed was on the far left wall. It was partly hidden due to the little inlet his door was in. The wall just left to the inlet held his closet, full of clothes that were freshly washed and some that hadn't been worn in a year. He sat on the edge of his bed and face his closet doors that were mirrors. He looked at his slightly dirty clothes. Maybe he shouldn't have laid on the grass. Cas laid back and stared at the ceiling. He kicked off his shoes and shifted to lay completely on the bed.
The bed soothed his back that had been aching since he got up from the ground. The sheets were soft and seemed to draw him into them. It was an invitation to drift off to a place where the feelings couldn't haunt him. Cas rolled onto his stomach and nuzzled his pillow. His eyes shut, and he drifted.
Cas stood against the wall; his eyes searched the room. He bit his lip, unhappy. "Where are you?" he mumbled to himself. People passed him, not saying a word. Everything was quiet. He could feel the people's stares. His body tensed as he locked eyes with one woman passing by. She shook her head at him. The word freak reached his ears. She stopped and faced him. He didn't say a word. She advanced towards him and stopped a foot away. Cas tried to step back but was met with the wall.
"Freak."
Cas furrowed his brows. "What? Why are you calling me that?"
"You are a freak. You don't belong here. Don't you know that?" The woman smiled. "This world doesn't need you. No one cares about you. Believe me, you would be doing us all a favor." She raised her hand to show Cas her wrists. "See? I'm strong than you. I ended it. I didn't let my family suffer while I lived. They are better off now that I am dead. You should give your family that gift."
He froze. His jaw tightened, and he shook his head. "No. I don't want to do that. That's not the answer."
"Yes. It is. It is the only answer. You must do it."
"I don't want to. I don't want to die."
"You will be doing us all a favor." The lady's voice changed. Her features changes, and she grew. She was replaced with Dean. "Just do it, Castiel."
Cas tensed. "Why you? Why are you telling me to do this?"
"Because I DON'T CARE." A smirk played on Dean's lips.
-end of dream-
"Cas. Cas! Dude, wake up!"
Cas shot up, his heart racing. "I'm up! I'm up. What's going on?"
Anna giggled. "Dinner is ready. What is wrong with you? You were mumbling things in your sleep." She raised an eyebrow at him.
"Probably just a nightmare. I'll be down in a couple minutes." Anna left, and he flopped back down. "Great..." Cas groaned and tried to shake the dream. "Why him?" He frowned and shook his head. There was no reason for him to be on his mind. Cas stood and made his way out. He couldn't dwell on it. He pushed it back with the rest of the bad thoughts. He would assess it some other day. He went down to dinner.